2.13大作文 请修改

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

2.13 Governments should focus more on preservation of environment rather than economic development.

As United Nation claims for several years :we only have one earth, I agree with the statement that government should focus more on preservation of environment rather than economic development.

To begin with, it is indisputable that human activities, especially economic development, have made a lot of detriment to environment, thus causing unretrivable adverse consequence.As we know,with the advanting of high-technical products, the process of manufacturing will bring sorts of environment issue.Nevertheless,in order to make increasing profit, some governments don't cultivate a strong awareness of preserving our environment.Take the declination of forest areas for instance.In the last century,to make disposal cups or paper handicaps, manufactures cut down a large number of trees without government's restriction, thus causing global warming issue in the present. Nowadays,this issue has been allaied with government related regulation.Hence,it is wiser for our government take a action to protect environment, rather than focus more on economic development,

What's more, it is undoubted that most of environmental resources are unsustainsable.From a recent predition report from scientists, some natural resource couldn't be utilized in the hundred year.So, our next generation will face a problem of resource sacrity.So, it is urgent for government put more concerntration on the environment issue,instead of speeding up economic development.

  However, I admit that in some developing countries, their governments still put econimical development in the first place in their blue printing of developing.However,most of those governments realize the haphazard causing by environmental destorying.So, they're trying to balance the relationship of preservation of environment and developing of economy. Also, they belive that if they insist to do so, they would gain more benefit from this decision.

  Judging from what I mentioned above, it is obviously urgent to protecting environment rather than to earn profit from economic development.Therefore, I completely support government concerntrate more on the former than the latter.

结构没写好 错单词也很多(没word修改) 改的同学见谅

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

今天事有点多 可能稍晚点帮你改哦 新年快乐

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

As United Nation claims(claimed) for(去掉) several years（before） :we only have one earth, I agree with the statement that government should focus more on preservation of environment rather than economic development.似乎没什么因果的联系啊，I agree这句前面还需要点铺垫吧。6 ~) L  Y3 Z: P% p' {7 E

begin with, it is indisputable that human activities, especially economic developments, have made a lot of detriment to environment, thus causing unretrivable(?) adverse consequence. As we know, with the advanting of (advanced)high-technical products, the process of manufacturing will(最好用完成时) bring sorts of environment issue. Nevertheless, in order to make increasing profit, some governments don't（这里也最好用完成时吧？你觉得呢？） cultivate a strong awareness of preserving our environment. Take the declination of forest areas for instance. In the last century, to make disposal cups or paper handicaps（？）, manufactures cut down a large number of trees without government's restriction, thus causing global warming issue in the present. Nowadays,this issue has been allaied（allayed） with government related regulation.Hence,it is wiser for our government take a(不要a) action to protect environment, rather than focus more on economic development,. 最后一句点题，很好
\8 ?
What's more, it is undoubted that most of environmental resources are unsustainsable（unsustainable）.From(改成According to 避免重复) a recent predition report from scientists, some natural resource couldn't be utilized in the（the表过去的时间，不要，加a） hundred years. So, our next generation will face a problem of resource sacrity(? shortage).So(换therefore避免重复), it is urgent for government （to）put more concerntration(concerns) on the environment issue, instead of(我觉得这里用but not to speed) speeding up economic development.资源短缺这个角度很好，我都没想到。# Q- J8 X' W5 P( Y/ E- 资
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  However, I admit（感觉这里用admit不太好，用I am sorry to see ） that in some developing countries, their governments still put economical(economical) development in the first place in their blue printing of developing(这是什么意思？新词？麻烦告诉我下，我没见过).However,most of those governments realize the haphazard causing by environmental destorying.So, they're trying to balance the relationship of preservation of environment and developing of economy.（感觉这连着的三句时态有问题，still put, realize, are trying to如果把第一个改成过去时或者完成时，更能起到对比强调作用） Also, they belive（believe） that if they insist to do so, they would gain more benefits from this decision.

Judging from what I mentioned above, it is obviously urgent to protecting environment rather than to earn profit from economic development. Therefore, I completely support government concerntrate(ing) more on the former than the latter.9 M1 |3 R+ l0 I6 A6 m0 g

楼主，你记得标点完要空格哦！
连接词方面要多注意，很多重复使用了很多次的，如however, so,还有it is句型也用了好多次啊，感觉用词再丰富些就好了。
还有，时态方面，要注意。
我能改出的就这么多了，有什么改错了的请告诉我，共同进步。