琳子独立写作

xuln0709UID: 2761332

2.17独立作文
Although a considerable people, holding this idea that when we are faced with problems, there is no need to look back on the things that happened in the past, claim that these past events have already been out-fashioned, in my opinion, understanding the past is indispensible for the courage we gain, for the experience we learn, and for the culture we cherish.


The first reason for my point of view is that from life experience of outstanding persons in the past, we can gain lots of courage. Learing about the courage of history's great leaders, explores, and other achievers can inspires us to similar accomplishments, or at least to face our own difficulities as we travel through life. For example, from the personal experience of Edison, who invented the electricity lamp successfully after almost 2000 times of failures, we could gain the courage to face failures, and the spirit of never giving up.


The valuable experience of the past also provide an adequate justification for my opinion. Learning about the mistakes of the past can help us avoid repeating them. Our society abounds with these kind of examples. In the field of pairs figure skating, the atheletes can accomplish a serious programs only by summerizing the disadvantages of the programs in the past, and by correcting the movements in the past. Without these past experience, they would not make any progress.


Finally an equally essential factor that deserves people's attention is that from the past we can learn many knowledges of culture that we should cherish. When multinational companies make their marketing strategy, they should consider these factors. We may mention a single example of Mcdonald's, which is one of the most famous fast-food companies in America. During 1980s to 1990s, Mcdonald's wanted to explore their potential market in China. And the first step that had been proposed by its CEO is to examine the past history of Chinese people carefully and have a profound understanding of the eating culture in China. By doing this, they understood that in some part of China, people were fond of hot food, while in other parts people were not. Then this company designed an specific strategy according to this culture and eventually made a huge sucess.

In a word, taking into account all these factors provided above, we can conclude that the past is important when we make our decision at present or in the future.
403words   憋蛮久憋出这么多字，望狠拍！
谢谢修改的童鞋。。。

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

Although a considerable people, holding this idea that when we are faced with problems, there is no need to look back on the things that happened in the past, claim that these past events have already been out-fashioned, in my opinion, understanding the past is indispensible for the courage we gain, for the experience we learn, and for the culture we cherish.

The first reason for my point of view is that from life experience of outstanding persons in the past, we can gain lots of courage. Learning about the courage of history's great leaders, explores, and other achievers can inspires us to similar accomplishments, or at least to face our own difficulties as we travel through life. For example, from the personal experience of Edison, who invented the electricity lamp successfully after almost 2000 times of failures, we could gain the courage to face failures, and the spirit of never giving up.

The valuable experience of the past also provide(s) an adequate justification for my opinion. Learning about the mistakes of the past can help us avoid repeating them. Our society abounds with this kind of examples. In the field of pairs figure skating, the athletes can accomplish a serious programs only by summarizing the disadvantages of the programs in the past, and by correcting the movements in the past. Without these(this) past experience, they would not make any progress.


Finally an equally essential factor that deserves people's attention is that from the past we can learn many knowledge of culture that we should cherish. When multinational companies make their marketing strategy, they should consider these factors. We may mention a single example of McDonald’s, which is one of the most famous fast-food companies in America. During 1980s to 1990s, McDonald’s wanted to explore their potential market in China. And the first step that had been proposed by its CEO is to examine the past history of Chinese people carefully and have a profound understanding of the eating culture in China. By doing this, they understood that in some part of China, people were fond of hot food, while in other parts people were not. Then this company designed an specific strategy according to this culture and eventually made a huge sucess.8 r' a9 |+ G8 l( @# l
In a word, taking into account all these factors provided above, we can conclude that the past is important when we make our decision at present or in the future.

文章结构清晰，细节也很到位。语言达到这种程度相当可以了。（我语法不行，不敢瞎改。）惟一不足的地方就是没有没有强调to solve problems。这里很容易论述成the benefits of understanding the past. 这个显然有跑题之嫌。每个分论点加上扣题的句子。或者在举例时,刻意做一些引导，用一些字眼，比如， When Edison faced the problem…让论证的例子扣题。

我听一个牛人说，T的作文关键是例子紧绕分论点，分论点紧绕主题。而且题目的每一个修饰成分都要想清楚。比如此题，to solve the problem很关键。Understand也很关键，而不能仅仅论述成the benefits of the past.

我们大都从结果来论述他的necessary. 我觉得这一题还有一个角度，就是从过程来说，理解分析过去这个过程，对于提升我们分析把握事物的能力有帮助，从而帮助我们解决现在的和未来的问题。貌似任何事情都可以从过程和结果两方面论述，呵呵~~~

稍微罗嗦了一点，如果说的不对，希望多多讨论~~~~

xuln0709UID: 2761332

2.18独立作文
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.

Although a considerable people, holding this idea that the government authorities should pay more attention to health care issues, such as the erection of more high-quality hospitals and health insurers around the nation, claim that only by doing that, can we live a high-quality life, in my opinion, the environment issues, rather than the health care issues, should be the priority on authorities’ agenda for the following reasons.

The first reason for my point of view is that as the development of our society, the environmental problems are becoming more and more serious. Have you remembered the ozon holes discovered above the Antarctic area and the United States, which caused sever problems to humans living there? This disasterous change was caused by the environmental pollution. And here is another example we should talk about---the global warming, which is due to CO2 emitted by human activities. And the result of this problem is the rising sea level, decreased snow cover in the polar regions and the higher average temperature around the world, which can threaten to end human’s lives on our planet. So the government should pay much more attention to solving these environmental problems.

Another reason that can support my opinion is that the environment issues is the fundamental factor to improve the quality of life. Admittedly, more attention paid on the health care issues can absolutely contribute directly to people’s health. But the environment issues are more fundamental ones. We may mention a example of my uncle, who has been died from lung cancer last year. Ten years ago, a big factory moved to the little town where my uncle lived, and it always got off waste into the air. Although the health care institutions there has been improved a lot, my uncle got cancer mainly due to the air pollution at last unfortunately. So from this case, we can see that it is the environment issues that really relates to people’s lives, while the health issues are just the secondary factors.

Finally an equal essential factor that deserves people’s attention is that the improvement of environment issues can bring about many potential positive effects. One of the most admirable presidents in our country once said (I paraphrase):“ We should spare no effort to solve our environmental problems and stick to our sustainable development policy forever.” Moreover, according to a recent research conducted by the Economics School in my university, any nation who have paid much attention to environmental protection can enjoy a rapid growth in GDP. This fact indicates that a good environment can contribute to our development economy and thus improve the quality of people’s lives.

In a word, take into account all these factors above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that our government should put more energy to the environment issues than the health care issues.
474words

写得有点多了，还是觉得说得有点牵强了，希望同组童鞋狠拍，谢谢了。。。

clisalongUID: 2715802

Although a considerable people, holding this idea that the government authorities should pay more attention to health care issues, such as the erection of more high-quality hospitals and health insurers around the nation, claim that only by doing that, can we live a high-quality life, in my opinion, the environment issues, rather than the health care issues, should be the priority on authorities’ agenda for the following reasons(万能开头，可是平时练习还是多试试别的开头吧。不过写的挺好的，学了。)., m. x9 ^8 R)()0 ]1 X( ], j3 q9 ]
The first reason for my point of view （用viewpoint更好。） is that as the development of our society, the environmental problems are becoming more and more serious. Have you remembered the ozon（ozone layer's） holes discovered above the Antarctic area and the United States (the USA, 或者 United States， United States前面好像没有The), which(用what，which是有选择的，可是你下面没有列举可以选择的例子。) caused sever problems to humans living there? This disasterous change was caused by the environmental pollution. And here is another （前面没有已经举两个例子，为什么这里用another呢？）example we should talk about---the global warming, which is due to CO2 （这是化学的表达，写作改下：carbon dioxide）emitted by human activities. And（and 太多了，感觉会很口语。） the result of this problem is the rising sea level, decreased snow cover in the polar regions and the higher average temperature around the world, which can threaten to end human’s lives on our planet. So the government should pay much more attention to solving these environmental problems.2 E* j* B' D  D




Another reason that can support my opinion is that the environment issues is the fundamental factor to improve the quality of life. Admittedly, more attention paid on the health care issues can absolutely contribute directly to people’s health. But the environment issues are more fundamental ones. （这句重复啰嗦，换个说法，会更好吧）We may mention a（an） example of my uncle, who has been died（die只有主动死，前面没有be，如果你想表达uncle有被害死，换be killed好点） from lung cancer last year. Ten years ago, a big factory moved to the little（small， little water ，small town） town where my uncle lived, and it always got off waste into the air. Although the health care institutions there has been improved a lot, my uncle got cancer mainly due to the air pollution at last unfortunately. So from this case（这句省去）, we can see that it is the environment issues that really relates to people’s lives, while the health issues are just the secondary factors.



Finally an equal essential factor that deserves people’s attention is that the improvement of environment issues can bring about(有这样的搭配的吗？？怪怪的) many potential positive effects. One of the most admirable presidents in our country once said (I paraphrase):“ We should spare no effort to solve our environmental problems and stick to our sustainable development policy forever.” Moreover, according to a recent research conducted by the Economics School in my university, any nation who have paid much attention to environmental protection can enjoy a rapid growth in GDP. This fact indicates that a good environment can contribute to our development economy and thus improve the quality of people’s lives.

In a word, take into account all these factors above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that our government should put more energy to the environment issues than the health care issues.

总结：其实，文章的长度够了，也挺好的，感觉上有些词用的不是十分准确。不过举的例子挺好。不好意思，我可能改得太严格了。而且可能有些改得不是十分准确，你参考参考就行啦。

xuln0709UID: 2761332

2.19by linzi
Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.
Although a considerable people, holding this idea that it is better for young people to decide what they are going to do before they enter the work force, claim that only by doing like that, can the yong have a higher possibility of promotion, in my opinion, yong people should have various tries before they acctually decide what is their lifetime career for the following reasons.

The first reason for my point of view is that by trying different jobs, yong people can gain much more work experience and skills. According to a recent investigation conducted by the Students Employment Service Center in my university, almost 87 percent of graduates with bachelor or master degrees would like to work for a couple of companies before they settle down. One of the graduates said：“I am majored in finance. In our field, working experience is very important. You should know how the financial market actually goes, and this kind of knowledge can not be absorbed from our textbooks. Moreover I can also learn many interpersonal skills by working for several companies at first.” So we can see that having various tries before settling down is a pretty good choice.

The high possibility to find a more suitable job can also provides an adequate justification for my opinion. We may mention an example of my uncle, who works for IBM company now. After he graduated from the famous university in our country, he did not decide which company he would work for. Instead, he tried many positions, such as salesman, manager, and even common worker in the office. He was trying to find a job that suited his particular interests and major and finally he found it.

Finally an equally essential factor that deserves people’s attention is that by tring different jobs one can be more adaptable to various environment. If one have rich working background, he or she can adapt to any environment more quickly. For example, if the company asks someone to complete a task in other country, one who had ever worked abroad can adapt to the specific culture and political environment there and thus can accomplish it more perfectly.

In a word, take into account the reasons presented above, we can safely arrive at this conclusion that before decide their lifetime career, the young should try other opportunities.
390words

dairymanUID: 2683905

2.19by linzi
390真够多的……羡慕啊，是30min打出来的，楼主是gre的？
Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.! N  E, U: a3 t* y; F! R4 R( k3 m; Z
Although a这个a应该可以省吧 considerable people, holding this idea that it is better for young people to decide what they are going to do before they enter the work force, claim that only by doing like that, can the young have a higher possibility of promotion, in my opinion, yong people should have various tries before they acctually decide what is their lifetime career for the following reasons.好大一个长难句啊，不过没语病，功夫深 + G" x3 b7 s! S  V. I

The first reason for my point of view is that by trying different jobs, yong people can gain much more work experience and skills. According to a recent investigation conducted by the Students Employment Service Center in my university, almost 87 percent of graduates with bachelor or master degrees would like to work for a couple of companies before they settle down. One of the graduates said：“I am majored in finance. In our field, working experience is very important. You should know how the financial market actually goes, and this kind of knowledge can not be absorbed from our textbooks. Moreover I can also learn many interpersonal skills by working for several companies at first.” So we can see that having various tries before settling down is a pretty good choice看到这里我突然想开始反驳了，多好的argument材料啊。。。。.8 L, e* y% z. v* \3 e. X( v
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The high possibility to find a more suitable job can also provide an adequate justification for my opinion. 你这第一句不如说：trying different jobs help people find out which career fits them most，你这段大抵是讲的这个意思。We may mention an example of my uncle, who works for IBM company now. After he graduated from the famous university in our country, he did not decide which company he would work for. Instead, he tried many positions, such as salesman, manager, and even common worker in the office. He was trying to find a job that suited his particular interests and major and finally he found it.
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Finally， an equally essential factor that deserves people’s attention is that by tring different jobs one can be more adaptable to various environment. If one have rich working background, he or she can adapt to any environment more quickly. For example, if the company asks someone to complete a task in other country, one who had ever worked abroad can adapt to the specific culture and political environment there and thus can accomplish it more perfectly.5 u; K* ~% b, U. K9 A
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In a word, take into account the reasons presented above, we can safely arrive at this conclusion that before decide their lifetime career, the young should try other opportunities.
390words相当不错，很有issue的感觉，条理清晰，思路明确，基本是可以当模板看了
来，树琳抱抱

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

Although a considerable people, holding this idea that it is better for young people to decide what they are going to do before they enter the work force, claim that only by doing like that, can the yong have a higher possibility of promotion, in my opinion,（这里我觉得加上一个however会更好，however在这作连词，和although不冲突） yong people should have various tries before they acctually decide what is their lifetime career for the following reasons.（第一段一句话写完很赞，不过要是硬要扒逻辑的话其实前半句和后半句的选择对立不明显it is better for young people to decide 和yong people should have various tries before they acctually decide 没有明显对比是不是，我可以先尝试再选择不矛盾。。不过貌似托福不看重逻辑就当我乱说了）   U& s& t. R1 s- F, i& R7 H

The first reason for my point of view is that by trying different jobs, yong people can gain much more work experience and skills.（这个句子老实说我觉得不出彩，你可以尝试下用强调句型，或者动名词作主语写，人作主语的写法太俗。。不过大家都说我乱用长难句我就不细说了） According to a recent investigation conducted by the Students Employment Service Center in my university, almost 87 percent of graduates with bachelor or master degrees would like to work for a couple of companies before they settle down. One of the graduates said：“I am majored in finance. In our field, working experience is very important. You should know how the financial market actually goes, and this kind of knowledge can not be absorbed from our textbooks. Moreover I can also learn many interpersonal skills by working for several companies at first.”（要是硬说的话其实different companies不等于different jobs） So we can see that having various tries before settling down is a pretty good choice., e' X! |


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The high possibility to find a more suitable job can also provides an adequate justification for my opinion. We may mention an example of my uncle, who works for IBM company now. After he graduated from the famous university in our country, he did not decide which company he would work for. Instead, he tried many positions, such as salesman, manager, and even common worker in the office. He was trying（过去式就行了） to find a job that suited his particular interests and major and finally he found it. （so？这个例子没有说完，为什么IBM的工作就suitable？）9 A% k7 b( j* v  t
这一段其实说理说的很无力，在TS出来后就是例子，我觉得你可以适当总结下。From this point of view, we can easily figure out that trying different jobs does broaden individual's view, which enable him/her to find the suitable job我觉得这样更好

Finally an equally essential factor that deserves people’s attention is that by tring different jobs one can be more adaptable to various environment. （上下2句没有过渡词，有点生硬）If one have rich working background, （rich background？没听过）he or she can adapt to any environment more quickly. （这里其实还能再深抓一步逻辑，为什么好的背景能更好的适应环境？我觉得是见识了各种各样的事和人，了解了不同问题在不同文化下不同解决方法）For example, if the company asks someone to complete a task in other country, one who had ever worked abroad can adapt to the specific culture and political environment there and thus can accomplish it more perfectly.3 F: c! v; k$ H2 d

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In a word, take into account the reasons presented above, we can safely arrive at this conclusion that before decide their lifetime career, the young should try other opportunities.

body3的例子很fit学习了
我不大清楚托福作文要不要写的那么细致不过如果要讲逻辑的话可以修改的地方有很多
欢迎讨论

xuln0709UID: 2761332

6# dairyman
回奶男：
额，我只是听说要写到400+才可能得高分，所以每次都往那个上面靠，每次都是想都没怎么想就开始打，害怕达不到400.。。。

dairymanUID: 2683905

不会吧，我觉得托福不是看你写的多还是少，回群里我们讨论讨论

hulinlin24UID: 2731389

Although a considerable people, holding this idea that the government authorities should pay more attention to health care issues, such as the erection of more high-quality hospitals and health insurers around the nation, claim that only by doing that, can we live a high-quality life, in my opinion, the environment issues, rather than the health care issues, should be the priority on authorities’ agenda for the following reasons.  u5 C% W) H# d# C) H
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这个开头还是不要用了，虽然没什么问题，但我用这种万能开头被S大人狠狠的批了一顿
The first reason for my point of view(viewpoint) is that as the development of our society, the environmental problems are becoming more and more serious. Have you remembered the ozon holes discovered above the Antarctic area and the United States, which caused sever problems to humans living there? This disasterous change was caused by the environmental pollution. And here is another example we should talk about---the global warming, which is due to CO2（最好写carbon dioxide)emitted by human activities. And(thus) the result of this problem is the rising sea level, decreased snow cover in the polar regions and the higher average temperature around the world, which can threaten to end human’s lives on our planet. So the government should pay much more attention to solving(solve) these environmental problems.

Another reason that can support my opinion is that the environment issues is the fundamental factor to improve the quality of life. Admittedly, more attention paid on the health care issues can absolutely contribute directly to people’s health. But the environment issues are more fundamental ones.(与第一句有重复）We may mention a example of my uncle, who has been died(dead) from lung cancer last year. Ten years ago, a big factory moved to the little(small)town where my uncle lived, and it(去掉） always got off waste into the air. Although the health care institutions there has been improved a lot, my uncle got cancer mainly due to the air pollution at last unfortunately（去掉）. So（去掉） from this case, we can see that it is the environment issues that really relates to people’s lives, while the health issues are just the secondary factors.9 P6 p+ K4 L) _+ j* x/ ~+ G# g. V


Finally an equal essential factor that deserves people’s attention is that the improvement of environment issues can bring about many potential positive effects. One of the most admirable presidents in our country once said (I paraphrase):“ We should spare no effort to solve our environmental problems and stick to our sustainable development policy forever.” 赞Moreover, according to a recent research conducted by the Economics School in my university, any nation who have paid much attention to environmental protection can enjoy a rapid growth in GDP. This fact indicates that a good environment can contribute to our development economy and thus improve the quality of people’s lives.! Q2 F6 _6 Z) u, A

In a word, take into account all these factors above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that our government should put more energy to the environment issues than the health care issues. * z0 f! R4 \# K1 S) t7 q( j
例子很好，就是词语和句子还要再琢磨琢磨，加油