Argument169 首次限时，倒数第12天。。by pluka

plukaUID: 2721764

TOPIC: ARGUMENT169 - The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University. 

"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."
WORDS: 428          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010-2-18 15:53:53

刚刚才下了AWP赶紧得练。之前没觉得，直到今天翻日历突然发现只有12天了啊啊啊啊啊~~~~！

此篇限时勉强，另一篇未成，泪目。
求指教，数语亦可，感激不尽~  
留链回拍！

Citing situations in Bronston College(BC), the author deduced that Pierce University(PU) can raise morale of employees and hire qualified faculty by offering jobs for spouses of faculty. This argument suffers from fallacious comparison and incomplete considerations, which render it unreliable.

To begin with, the stuies on which the author posits his following deduction remains specious. Being unaware of the sample size and selection procedure, I am not convinced of their representative and credibility. Possibly the study were conducted within small range of teachers whose spouse worked nearby and exhibit satisfaction to BU. 

Moreover, ignoring disparities between BC and PU, the author mistakenly assume that the study result in BC can be equally applicable in PU. Yet it is possible that BC and PU differ significantly in aspects such as salaries, laboratory equipment, reputation, working atmosphere, and so forth, which all result in different reactions of teachers even for the same strategy. Besides, though claimed that BC is located in small town just as PU does, it is possible that BC's location was more ameable in economic, weather or living conditions, leaving people prefer to work there rather than in place where PU is located. 

Besides, given little information on the makeup of current faculty in PU, the author unfairly concludes that such policy will enhance the morale of entire staff. Considering that the strategy concerns only new comers, old employees, highly possibly, will feel indifferent towards it, let alone inspired. Accordingly, if the faculty structure in PU consisted of mainly old teachers, the influence of such policy would be rare.

Even if, as claimed, the policy attracts new employees to some extent, evidence is insufficient to verify the assumption that capable professors will be more likely to accept PU's offers. For one thing, though provided offers by PU, perhaps most of spouses of new professors have already had satisficatory occupations and that they are so contented with current situation as to decline the offer. If so, the policy will show little attraction. For another, various factors, such as geographical position, traffic condition, research grants, reputation and personal inclinations, affect professors' decision on choosing PU. Without being informed of conditions of PU, I can hardly trust the effectiveness of the unstable influence of the policy.

In sum, based on unwarranted comparison and deduction, the author presumptously concludes that the policy leads to significant advantages. To better evaluate or amend the contention, he needs more specific and in-depth analysis on PU's conditions of various aspects, as well as clear understanding of the request of both exist faculty and new professors.

michealchenchenUID: 2577667

呵呵，用小号评你的作文~以前互改过的哦~
嗯，一点小建议，感觉你在驳论上不充分， 简单的问几个为什么整个论证似乎就有些摇摇欲坠了。
如：为什么salary等等的不同会导致你所要证明的结果呢？
嗯，不当之处还请指正

plukaUID: 2721764

2# michealchenchen
诶，近来流行披马甲咩~

是说它因的论证需要更详实一点，比如给出例子曰“BC的薪水高于PU于是愿意去BC”这样吗？那如果有好几个它因要列，打字来不及= =

wcnkUID: 2546550

先说说我看的感觉：表达功力很深，用词丰富，句式也多，很好，能否普传授一下怎样做到的呢？（尤其在看完你的issue 以后~~）
逻辑上，我也拿捏不好，不敢乱说，奉上我的A169，请狠拍

同主题~~

In this argument, the arguer make an advice that Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member PU has hired. In supporting the arguer's point of view, the arguer cites a survey investigated by Bronston College reflected that professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. It is pretty convincing at the first sight, however, this suggestion suffers from several sever problems.

The arguer mistakenly assumes that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area based on the survey. In effect, whether one professor incline to live in small towns or not is not decided only by whether one's spouse has a job in the same geographic area. There may be many convincing reasons which can support the fact that professors prefer living in small towns.
Many professors may be frugal that living in small towns means lower consumption; or maybe they choose to live in small towns because the environment in large cities cannot compare with environment in small towns. Small towns have many advantages in referring to living other than big cities. And the reason mentioned in the survey in utterly unconvincing. Thus the arguer's suggestion cannot be acceptable.

What's more, even if the assumption in the survey is a true reflection of these professors, the arguer fails to offer us the evidence that by doing so, it can surely attracts the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improves the morale of our entire staff. First, the arguer doesn't clarify the standard of "most gifted teachers and faculty". And the claim that it can improves the morale of our entire staff is unconvincing, for the obvious reason is that the suggestion only offer employment to the spouses of new faculty members we hire, but not to all spouses of all faculty members. Many old teachers whose spouse is in idleness may be in bad mood due to being irritated by the new strategy. Besides, many other factors are involved in effecting the morale of the entire staff such as welfare, whether a professor can fully exerts one’s potential can also determine one's morale.

To sum up, we can hardly draw the conclusion based on the claim. Many other facts and survey should be offered to support the arguer's proposal.

plukaUID: 2721764

In this argument, the arguer make an advice that Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member PU has hired. In supporting the arguer's point of view, the arguer cites a survey investigated by Bronston College reflected that professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. It is pretty convincing at the first sight, however, this suggestion suffers from several sever problems.

The arguer mistakenly assumes that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area based on the survey. In effect (是in fact吧) , whether one professor incline to live in small towns or not is not decided only by whether one's spouse has a job in the same geographic area. There may be many convincing reasons which can support the fact that professors prefer living in small towns.

Many professors may be frugal that living in small towns means lower consumption; or maybe they choose to live in small towns（重复出现live in small towns，给人冗赘的印象，其实完全可以删去“they choose to live in small towns because” 这部分） the environment in large cities cannot compare with environment in small towns. Small towns have many advantages in referring to living other than big cities. And the reason mentioned in the survey in utterly unconvincing. Thus the arguer's suggestion cannot be acceptable.

What's more, even if the assumption in the survey is a true reflection of these professors, the arguer fails to offer us the evidence that by doing so, it can surely attracts the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improves the morale of our entire staff. First, the arguer doesn't clarify the standard of "most gifted teachers and faculty". And the claim that it can improves the morale of our entire staff is unconvincing, for the obvious reason is that the suggestion only offer employment to the spouses of new faculty members we hire, but not to all spouses of all faculty members. Many old teachers whose spouse is in idleness may be in bad mood due to being irritated（这里，bad mood与being irrated重复了） by the new strategy. Besides, many other factors are involved in effecting the morale of the entire staff such as welfare, whether a professor can fully exerts one’s potential can also determine one's morale.这段内容其实可以分成两段。一个攻击gifted teachers，一个攻击morale问题。凑在一起写，前一个点就没有发展完全。此外，一篇阿狗也最好有三个点吧，只写两个主体段显得少了点。

To sum up, we can hardly draw the conclusion based on the claim. Many other facts and survey should be offered to support the arguer's proposal.
此篇限时否？如果是限时而来不及，那么建议开头不要写这么长，不要过多复述题目。攻击点找到了，但B2的发展不尽人意。另外，语言略显冗赘，建议活用代词，比如"the environment in large cities cannot compare with environment in small towns" 中后一个environment可以改成that, "the environment in large cities cannot compare with that in small towns" 代词啊代词~

plukaUID: 2721764

4# wcnk

至于我的表达啥的，承蒙谬赞。语言的提升需要一些时间的。如果你不着急，可以找找一些写作指导书比如版上的【Fundamental Course of Writtng】基础写作每日一讲系列和文体指要The Elements of Style（版上都有，可搜索），同时辅以精读和摘抄等。如果时间不够，就多看范文摘句子，背吧！这是最保险的方法。