Phoenix小组组员10号 2.18习作

zachary19891018UID: 2765757

51. "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

The speaker asserts that only when education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, it would be truly effective. It has merit from a normative standpoint, and I agree insofar as education designed to cater to students' needs and interests could be effective .However, the assertion is indefensible , the education should be designed to match the needs of the society and the needs and interests of students at the same time, otherwise, the education system might defeat its own purposes in the long term.

Admittedly,the speaker's assertion that needs and interests of student could lead to the effectiveness of education is quite compelling.Needs and interests are the best teachers to encourage students to study with their best efforts.Indisputably,students,with different needs and interests ,would be happy and willing to make great effort to the study of the disciplines in which they are interested, devoting more time and energy to them ,learning more from them and then gaining high scores in these couses.The more interested in the course  they are, the more effort and time they will devote.The more time and effort they devote , the higher scores thet will get.The higher scores thet get, the more interested in the course they are.It is a cycling from which we can seethe importance of needs and interests.therefore,needs and interests are the vital parts , as expected in the studing process, as ink is to a pen or wheels are to a car.

Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the  statement because it seems to recommend that in order to educate effectively, education should be only specifially designed to meet the individual needs and interests other than to meet the needs of the society.As the speaker said, in order to meet each student's needs and interests, more teachers are needed, a large amount of equipment are desired , a variety of teaching materials are demanded.How could colleges and universities meet all the demands? How could education be effective in this way? Obviously , only specifically designed education could not be truly effective.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the government and schools should organically design education to cater to the needs of society with required courses and the needs and interests of individuals with optional courses. In required courses, students can establish a value system of the society, master basic skills, and learn how to study; in optional courses, students can develop their interests, make efforts to show their intelligence in them and finally great achievement might be attained. Can you imagine a school without optional courses, full of students lacking enthusiasm? Can you imagine a school without required courses, full of students lacking normal value system or basic knowledge? Or, do you want to see a brighter future of all-side developed students? As far as I am concerned, education which could organically match the needs of the society and the needs and interests of students is the best way to educate effectively.

In sum, I concede that education should be designed to meet the needs and interests of student. Nonetheless, to some extent, the speaker's claim overstates the importance of needs and interests of each student. In the final analysis, the optimal approach, in my view, is a balanced one that the education should be designed with required courses with basic knowledge and optional courses which could take advantage of the needs and interests of students.

ningbo1990UID: 2641538

51. "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

The speaker asserts that only when education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, it would be truly effective. It has merit from a normative standpoint, and I agree insofar as education designed to cater(貌似是个贬义词) to students' needs and interests could be effective However, the assertion is indefensible, the education should be designed to match the needs of the society and the needs and interests of students at the same time, otherwise, the education system might defeat its own purposes in the long term.

Admittedly, the speaker's assertion that needs and interests of student could lead to the effectiveness of education is quite compelling. Needs and interests are the best teachers to encourage students to study with their best efforts. Indisputably, students, with different needs and interests, would be happy and willing to make great effort to the study of the disciplines in which they are interested, devoting more time and energy to them, learning more from them and then gaining high scores in these courses. The more interested in the course they are, the more effort and time they will devote. The more time and effort they devote, the higher scores thet(they) will get. The higher scores thet get, the more interested in the course they are. (你太强了，the more the more用的很爽啊，但是你有没有想过逻辑上有很大问题：成绩越高，兴趣就越高？未必把。努力越多成绩就越好？未必把。即使你觉得我是在用argument逻辑分析issue，那你也至少要给出个例子证明这个事实，而不是说理啊，这换做谁都不能相信这个事实。) It is a cycling from which we can see the importance of needs and interests. Therefore, needs and interests are the vital parts, as expected in the studing process, as ink is to a pen or wheels are to a car. (说理太多，我建议给点例子丰富下，否则太空洞，说理的越多，需要证明的逻辑越多，所以就越说不清楚。)

Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the statement because it seems to recommend that in order to educate effectively, education should be only specifially designed to meet the individual needs and interests other than to meet the needs of the society.(看了好半天把这段看懂，问题就出在这一句，这句不仅仅是废话还是影响逻辑的话，1.题目中没有说other than meet the needs of the society，所以这样说明显可以找到作者逻辑的欠缺点；2.如果你加了这一句，那么这应该是个承上启下的句子，下面应该写needs of the society，然而后面你没有提及，所以删掉比较好。) As the speaker said, in order to meet each student's needs and interests, more teachers are needed, a large amount of equipment are desired, a variety of teaching materials are demanded.(这些点作者都没有说明原因或者举出例子，GRE作文不可以这样随心所欲的得出结论的。) How could colleges and universities meet all the demands? How could education be effective in this way? Obviously, only specifically designed education could not be truly effective.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly(你说了可能是最重要的，下面就要证明可能是最重要的这个观点，你没有证明就不要写这句话，而且这里你与上面两段很不协调，现开始说同意，后面说不同意，这里应该升华主题把？如果这样你这段开头明显没有开好。你应该说，最优的一个方案是什么什么), the government and schools should organically design education to cater（前面用过了换过一个词） to the needs of society with required courses and the needs and interests of individuals with optional courses. In required courses, students can establish a value system of the society, master basic skills, and learn how to study; in optional courses, students can develop their interests, make efforts to show their intelligence in them and finally great achievement might be attained. Can you imagine a school without optional courses, full of students lacking enthusiasm? Can you imagine a school without required courses, full of students lacking normal value system or basic knowledge? Or, do you want to see a brighter future of all-side developed students? As far as I am concerned, education which could organically match the needs of the society and the needs and interests of students is the best way to educate effectively. (你的主题真辛苦，弄完了一段才出来，具体分析我到最后说。)

In sum, I concede that education should be designed to meet the needs and interests of student. Nonetheless, to some extent, the speaker's claim overstates the importance of needs and interests of each student. In the final analysis, the optimal approach, in my view, is a balanced one that the education should be designed with required courses with basic knowledge and optional courses which could take advantage of the needs and interests of students.

分析：
1.作者短句要断好，放在文章里面全是红的绿的。英文要求标点符号后面空一格。
2.作者这篇文章没有展开思路，写死还是在说individual and interests，你扩展下提出个其他的方面比如合作精神什么的不就思路出来了，比如：诚然个性和兴趣是很重要的，没有他不行不行；但是过度的个性和兴趣会导致自私自利什么什么的；一个好的教育还要合作精神；同时毅力也是重要的。这样是不是感觉比你这样一直绕着兴趣转好很多啊。
3.正确的作文段落结构是主题1+解释+例子1+主题2+解释+例子2。。。。。。。。你这篇文章是过度说理性文章，没有一个例子解释论点。竟然倒数第二段主题放在最好，这个错误一定不能犯！这个不是中文作文。
4.段落间逻辑混乱，一下同意，一下不同意，你到底同意还是不同意。
5.用词太草率，不是说词本身用的不恰当，而是说话要有根据，不能随心所欲说重要不重要，重要程度相等等等的话。
几点意见，建议重写。有不对的地方，欢迎之处批评。谢谢。
批改by小组三号。