[phoenix] issue88 第7次作业 by 3号 球拍

ningbo1990UID: 2641538

Issue88
"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

提纲：
1.诚然，看上去是科技决定了人们的习惯和道德，一百年前人们的道德和习俗和现在不同；
2.然而，真正影响的不是技术本身而是技术背后带来全球化的影响决定了现在人们的习惯和道德；
3.技术的发展受到了道德的制约，违反道德技术不能发展。

时间：49:27.40
字数：452 words (433 words before revising)

When it refers to the topic that technologies determine our social customs and ethics, it seems the writer do not analysis thoroughly.

At the first glance, the technologies play a vital role on changing our social customs and ethics. Paragons, such as human in western world used to celebrate their Christmas with their neighbors in the past, they held parties in their yards, singing and dancing and making joke with each other. But now, some people changed their behavior, they are willing to celebrate in their houses by playing advance technologies such as watching TV and playing computer games. Here is another example, before two hundred years ago, at the time of writing era, people communicate with a traditional way, that is writing letters, to touch with their far away friends or families; in nowadays society, letters almost be replaced by E-mails because it supports a faster and more convenient way of meeting people. E-mails change human ethics.

When consider deeply, however, the real impetus to change social ethics and customs is developing globalization which supported by advancing technologies. For instance, when the generations of oriental countries had not realized the existing of occidental world, all countries celebrate their own festivals, such as Chinese celebrate their spring festival. After the development of planes and ships technologies, western countries` ethics began to impact eastern countries; some young people changed their customs and favored to celebrate Christmas Day. The technologies developing also support chances for eastern people travel or live in the western world, and this brought their own ethics to western country makes western country blend other ethics. Another example is that customs are changed between western country and eastern country. Take Chinese and America, one is a represent of eastern country, the other delegates of western country, as an example. At first, Chinese people are conservative and American are individual, while technologies create a communicate way between them, Chinese become more individual than before while American become little conservative.

Furthermore, social customs and ethics often restrict the development of technologies. The technologies when bring some aberrant customs or ethics will be abandoned. There is an example when the scientists were addicting to the research of clone technology, it was confined because people are afraid there will be ethics crisis when this technology extend to practice on human beings. From this point of view, it seems technologies do not determine social customs and ethics, on contrary, it is the customs and ethics supervise the development of technologies.

In conclusion, technologies makes environment for globalization, which changes today`s social customs and ethics, grows. Technologies` development is restricted by customs and ethics, any technologies do not correspond with normal customs or ethics will be forbidden.

茶叶沫沫UID: 2734664

When it refers to the topic that technologies determine our social customs and ethics, it seems the writer do（does） not analysis thoroughly.

At the first glance, the technologies play a vital role on changing our social customs and ethics. Paragons, such as human in western world used to celebrate their Christmas with their neighbors in the past和used to重复, they held parties in their yards, singing and可以改成个“，” dancing and making joke with each other. But now, some people changed their behavior, they are willing to celebrate in their houses by playing (个人感觉using比较好)advanced technologies such as watching TV and playing computer games. Here is another example, before two hundred years ago, at the time of writing era, people communicate with(in) a traditional way, that is writing letters, to touch with(communicate吧,touch好奇怪啊或者have a touch) their far away friends or families; in nowadays society, letters almost be replaced by E-mails because it supports a faster and more convenient way of meeting people. E-mails change human ethics(custom好一些).

When consider deeply, however, the real impetus to change social ethics and customs is developing globalization which supported by advancing technologies. For instance, when the generations of oriental countries had not realize（d） the existing of occidental world, all countries celebrate their own festivals, such as Chinese celebrate their spring festival. After the development of planes and ships technologies, western countries` ethics began to impact eastern countries; some young people changed their customs and favored to celebrate Christmas （Day）. The technologies developing developed also support chances for eastern people travel or live in the western world, and this brought their own ethics to western country makes western country blend other ethics. 最后 加一句更加相互的促进习俗和道德观念的改变Another example is that customs are changed between western country and eastern country. Take Chinese and America, one is a represent of eastern country, the other delegates of western country, as an example. At first, Chinese people are conservative and American are individual, while technologies create a communicate way between them, Chinese become more individual than before while American become little conservative.

Furthermore, social customs and ethics often restrict the development of technologies. The technologies when bring some aberrant customs or ethics will be abandoned. There is an example when the scientists were addicting addicted to the research of clone technology, it was confined because people are afraid there will be ethics crisis when this technology extend to practice on human beings. From this point of view, it seems technologies do not determine social customs and ethics, on contrary, it is the customs and ethics supervise the development of technologies.

In conclusion, technologies makes environment for globalization, which changes today`s social customs and ethics, grows. Technologies` development is restricted by customs and ethics, any technologies do not correspond with normal customs or ethics will be forbidden.

茶叶沫沫UID: 2734664

为什么我红笔改的，一贴上去就没有了,sorry

ningbo1990UID: 2641538

根据二楼建议，自己改了下
Revised by team No. 7
When it refers to the topic that technologies determine our social customs and ethics, it seems the writer does not analysis thoroughly.

At the first glance, the technologies play a vital role on changing our social customs and ethics. Paragons, such as human in western world used to celebrate their Christmas with their neighbors, they held parties in their yards, singing,
dancing and making joke with each other. But now, some people changed their behavior, they are willing to celebrate in their houses by using advanced
technologies such as watching TV and playing computer games. Here is another example, before two hundred years ago, at the time of writing era, people communicate in a traditional way, that is writing letters, to communicate with their far away friends or families; in nowadays society, letters almost be replaced by E-mails because it supports a faster and more convenient way of meeting people. E-mails change human custom.

When consider deeply, however, the real impetus to change social ethics and customs is developing globalization which supported by advancing technologies. For instance, when the generations of oriental countries had not realized the existing of occidental world, all countries celebrate their own festivals, such as Chinese celebrate their spring festival. After the development of planes and ships technologies, western countries` ethics began to impact eastern countries; some young people changed their customs and favored to celebrate Christmas Day. The technologies developing developed also support chances for eastern people travel or live in the western world, and this brought their own ethics to western country makes western country blend other ethics, and finally their custom changed. Another example is that customs are changed between western country and eastern country. Take Chinese and America, one is a represent of eastern country, the other delegates of western country, as an example. At first, Chinese people are conservative and American are individual, while technologies create a communicate way between them, Chinese become more individual than before while American become little conservative.

Furthermore, social customs and ethics often restrict the development of technologies. The technologies when bring some aberrant customs or ethics will be abandoned. There is an example when the scientists were addicted to the research of clone technology; it was confined because people are afraid there will be ethics crisis when this technology extends to practice on human beings. From this point of view, it seems technologies do not determine social customs and ethics, on contrary, it is the customs and ethics supervise the development of technologies.

In conclusion, technologies makes environment for globalization, which changes today`s social customs and ethics, grows. Technologies` development is restricted by customs and ethics, any technologies do not correspond with normal customs or ethics will be forbidden.

换色UID: 2658709

同主题的。收回去了，给你慢慢看看。
那个meet的问题，我自我谴责......

ningbo1990UID: 2641538

同主题的。收回去了，给你慢慢看看。
那个meet的问题，我自我谴责......
换色 发表于 2010-2-22 12:13

辛苦啦

换色UID: 2658709

Revised by team No. 7
When it refers to the topic that technologies determine our social customs and ethics, it seems the writer does not analysis thoroughly.

我的建议是，还是在第一段表明观点比较好吧。反正我的反应就是只好再看看每段第一句，总要先知道文章重点。

At the first glance, the technologies play a vital role on changing our social customs and ethics. Paragons, such as（我没有见过这样用的，去掉逗号感觉也许好一点，paragons使用上应该和examples是一样的，如果只是我没见过而已，请你告诉我，我也算学习了。） human in western world used to celebrate their Christmas with their neighbors, they held parties in their yards, singing, dancing and making joke with each other. But now, some people changed their behavior, they are willing to celebrate in their houses by using advanced technologies such as watching TV and playing computer games.（这个例子准确性有所怀疑，西方人确实不过圣诞节了吗，就像我们确实不过春节了吗？虽然有些人确实如此，但那是少数人的情况，不能代表一个时代的普遍特征。） Here is another example, before two hundred years ago, at the time of writing era,（写作的年代？） people communicate in a traditional way, that is writing letters,（直接communicate by writing letters不行么） to communicate（去掉那个插入语，你的句子就是people communicate in traditional way to communicate with people…..） with their far away friends or families（应该是friends far away，不要中式英语）; in nowadays society, letters almost be replaced by E-mails because it supports a faster and more convenient way of meeting（这回我很谨慎…meet是遇见吧，灵魂的相遇吗？） people. E-mails change human custom.

When consider deeply, however, the real impetus to change social ethics and customs is developing globalization which supported by advancing technologies（这段和上一段之间的关系需要把握，改变我们生活的是由技术导致的全球化，那么我们不过春节到底是因为想玩游戏还是因为春节的文化意义在全球化的风潮下消失了？第一段既然是讲技术，这段应该是前一段的深入，你也提到了deeply，不过缺少的也正是这一点。）. For instance, when the generations of oriental countries had not realized the existing of occidental world, all countries celebrate their own festivals, such as Chinese celebrate their spring festival. After the development of planes and ships technologies, western countries` ethics（这个词是伦理学，用在对节日的喜欢上不太合适。） began to impact eastern countries; some young people changed their customs and favored to celebrate Christmas Day.（其实没有人真的放弃春节而过圣诞节，咱们都是圣诞节凑热闹而已。上升到伦理学标准突然让我觉得我们很忘本似的。另外两段话都举的节日的例子，不是不可以，但是感觉太窄了。Customs and ethics是很大的命题，年龄之间的代沟，传统与现代之间的选择，新技术的挑战。）The technologies developing developed（什么意思？？） also support chances for eastern people travel or live in the western world, and this brought their own ethics to western country makes western country blend other ethics, and finally their custom changed. Another example is that customs are changed between western country and eastern country（….那个，这句话好像一点用都没有啊）. Take Chinese and America, one is a represent of eastern country, the other delegates of western country, as an example. At first, Chinese people are conservative and American are individual, while technologies create a communicate way between them, Chinese become more individual than before while American become little conservative.（这不像个例子，仍然是个观点，你得拿真的例子来支持。）

Furthermore, social customs and ethics often restrict the development of technologies. The technologies when bring some aberrant customs or ethics will be abandoned. There is an example when the scientists were addicted（devote好一点吧…上瘾有点可怕） to the research of clone technology; It was confined because people are afraid there will be ethics crisis when this technology extends to practice on human beings（应该是说技术和现有的伦理产生矛盾，伦理反过来规范技术，缺乏展开，即使是恶俗例子，我们也要展开了说！）. From this point of view, it seems technologies do not determine social customs and ethics, on contrary, it is the customs and ethics supervise the development of technologies.

嘛，这三段之间的逻辑太薄弱了，就像提出三个不同论点一样。

In conclusion, technologies makes environment for globalization, which changes today’s social customs and ethics, grows. Technologies` development is restricted by customs and ethics, any technologies do not correspond with normal customs or ethics will be forbidden.

我倒是理解了你的观点例子例子结构，还是很清楚的。
全文也要有相应逻辑的结构啊。

ningbo1990UID: 2641538

7# 换色
辛苦了，非常感谢

ningbo1990UID: 2641538

我全面修改：
"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

提纲：
1.技术没有决定社会道德
2.科技只是影响了人们一部分的习惯和道德；
3.上面一些例子是技术的直接影响，还有一些习惯与道德是由于技术的间接影响造成的，比如一些改变由于全球化影响的，而全球化的形成来自与技术的进步，从而技术技术间接影响了习惯和道德。

When it refers to the topic that technologies determine our social customs and ethics, it seems the author does not analysis thoroughly. In my opinion, technology does really influence some social customs and ethics but do not determine them.

Why I say the technology do not determine social customs and ethics? Because some important customs and ethics do not change no matter how technology develops. For instance, the Christmas Day never changed or disappeared after it created while the technology changed a lot. People still eat turkeys, hold parties as same as hundreds years ago, although TV and computer technologies appears. The same condition happens to our daily communications, no matter technology changes the way we communicate from writing to using internet, the custom that people touch each other do not changes such as when we meet each other, we say “hello” to him or her, while when touch friends through MSN, we still say “hello” at the beginning. The customs of meeting people do not change, and people always remain the traditional part in social lives.
Though the technology does not determine our social customs and ethics, it really influences some of them. Paragons, such as
a
change happens in holding marriages.
Modern marriages plus the recording part by using video cinema while a part was not exist before video cinema invented. Marriage customs are changed under the technology influences. Here is another example, before two hundred years ago, at the time of writing era,
writing letters were the main tool to communicate friends or families far away; in nowadays society, letters almost be replaced by E-mails because it supports a faster and more convenient way of communicating people. From this we can see e-mails change human custom.

The examples given last paragraph are the direct influence on customs and ethics caused by technology, while technology also can influence customs and ethics indirectly. An example is that development of technology promotes globalization and then indirect influences our customs and ethics. In the one side, the advance of planes, ships and internet technology have shortened the distance with each country and support the development of globalization. On the other side, the globalization promotes each culture to permeate. For instance, nowadays some Chinese people celebrate Christmas which is brought into China from western world and some America begin to learn Chinese after Chinese culture impact American. Both of Chinese celebrate Christmas and American learn Chinese are symbols of communicate with each other, otherwise, it means influenced by globalization. From this example, we can see how the technology influences social customs and ethics indirectly.

In conclusion, technology cannot determine social customs and ethics, but it can influence them both on direct and indirect ways.

nieyongUID: 2742661

When it refers to the topic that technologies determine our social customs and ethics, it seems the author does not analysis thoroughly. In my opinion, technology does really influence some social customs and ethics but do not determine them.

Why I say the technology do not determine social customs and ethics? （中间的论证段中不要出现”I”,这样才能显得你的论证时公正客观的） Because some important customs and ethics do not change no matter how technology develops. For instance, the Christmas Day never changed or disappeared after it created while the technology changed a lot. People still eat turkeys, hold parties as same as (第一次见到这个用法，改为just like吧) hundreds years ago, although TV and computer technologies appears（应为appear，另外although引导的句子应该放在前面更好）. The same condition happens to our daily communications, no matter technology changes the way we communicate from writing to using internet, the custom that people touch each other do not changes such as when we meet each other, we say “hello” to him or her, while when touch friends through MSN, we still say “hello” at the beginning. The customs of meeting people do not change, and people always remain the traditional part in social lives.

Though the technology does not determine our social customs and ethics, it really influences some of them. Paragons, such as a change happens in holding marriages.（such as用于列举多个事物， 此处应该为 Paragons, changes happen in holding marriages for instance.）Modern marriages plus the recording part by using video cinema while a part was not exist before video cinema invented. Marriage customs are changed under the technology influences. Here is another example, before two hundred years ago, at the time of writing era,
writing letters were the main tool to communicate friends or families far away; in nowadays society, letters almost be replaced by E-mails because it supports a faster and more convenient way of communicating people. From this we can see e-mails change human custom.

The examples given last paragraph（这样的语言是不是太生硬了） are the direct influence on customs and ethics caused by technology, while technology also can influence customs and ethics indirectly. An example is that development of technology promotes globalization and then indirect influences our customs and ethics. In（改为on） the one side, the advance of planes, ships and internet technology have shortened the distance with each country and support the development of globalization. On the other side, the globalization promotes each culture to permeate. For instance, nowadays some Chinese people celebrate Christmas which is brought into China from western world and some America begin to learn Chinese after Chinese culture impact American. Both of Chinese celebrate Christmas and American learn Chinese are symbols of communicate with each other, otherwise, it means （语法错误，中间差了一个being）influenced by globalization. From this example, we can see how the technology influences social customs and ethics indirectly.

In conclusion, technology cannot determine social customs and ethics, but it can influence them both on direct and indirect ways.（结尾是不是太简短了一点，应该更丰富一下，把论证中说的观点总结一下）

由于修改过了，论证方面没有什么问题。 不过语言方面还欠缺一定的火候， 语法错误应该多检查一下~~加油哈~

nannan6474UID: 2612196

我全面修改：
"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

提纲：
1.技术没有决定社会道德
2.科技只是影响了人们一部分的习惯和道德；
3.上面一些例子是技术的直接影响，还有一些习惯与道德是由于技术的间接影响造成的，比如一些改变由于全球化影响的，而全球化的形成来自与技术的进步，从而技术技术间接影响了习惯和道德。

When it refers to the topic that technologies determine our social customs and ethics, it seems the author does not analysis thoroughly. In my opinion, technology does really influence some social customs and ethics but do not determine them.

Why I say the technology do not determine social customs and ethics? Because some important customs and ethics do not change no matter how technology develops. For instance, the Christmas Day never changed or disappeared after it created while the technology changed a lot. People still eat turkeys, hold parties as same as hundreds years ago, although TV and computer technologies appears. The same condition happens to our daily communications, no matter technology changes the way we communicate from writing to using internet, the custom that people touch each other do not changes such as when we meet each other, we say “hello” to him or her, while when touch friends through MSN, we still say “hello” at the beginning. The customs of meeting people do not change, and people always remain the traditional part in social lives.
这段总的来说没什么问题，但是就是觉得深度不太够，论述多一点，例子可以简单点，可以说技术是为人类服务的，而社会传统和道德是人性的体现，所以技术要受到社会道德的制约，例如克隆
Though the technology does not determine our social customs and ethics, it really influences some of them. Paragons, such as a change happens in holding marriages.(这句话什么意思啊？) Modern marriages plus the recording part by using video cinema while a part was not exist before video cinema invented.（这句话也没看懂） Marriage customs are changed under the technology influences. Here is another example（可以替换成another typical example is that）, before two hundred years ago, at the time of writing era, writing letters were the main tool to communicate friends or families far away; in nowadays society, letters almost be replaced by E-mails because it supports a faster and more convenient way of communicating people. From this we can see e-mails change human custom.
第二段写了交流，这个例子跟交流有比较大的联系，还是换个另外一个吧，其实可以说一下例如工业革命改变女性地位啊的例子
The examples given last paragraph are the direct influence on customs and ethics caused by technology, while technology also can influence customs and ethics indirectly. An example（an even more remarkable example is） is that development of technology promotes globalization and then indirect influences our customs and ethics. In the one side, the advance of planes, ships and internet technology have shortened the distance with each country and support the development of globalization. On the other side, the globalization promotes each culture to permeate. (这两个不是对比的关系，就不要用on the one side, on the other side 了)For instance, nowadays some Chinese people celebrate Christmas which is brought into China from western world and some America begin to learn Chinese after Chinese culture impact American. Both of Chinese celebrate Christmas and American learn Chinese are symbols of communicate with each other, otherwise, it means influenced by globalization. From this example, we can see how the technology influences social customs and ethics indirectly.

In conclusion, technology cannot determine social customs and ethics, but it can influence them both on direct and indirect ways.

预言比较简单，要注意预言的积累，文章的论点比较简单，所以也比较难讲得深入，当然，这是我的个人浅见，讲得不好多多原谅，还有谢谢你拍我的文章