Phoenix 11号 issue 2.20

xusichuangUID: 2653998

Technologies not only influence but also determine social customs and ethics.


The issue represented is popular nowadays. However, the author overstated the effect that technologies can make. It is true that technologies can influence social customs and ethics, but can not determine it.
We have witnessed the change that knowledge brings us. Even in a prehistoric cave, when a man begins to use fire, their life style changed. Instead of eating meat immediately, they cook it. The most significant changes that knowledge has made occur in the first and second industrial revolution. The scientific discoveries make modern mechanical tools to appear, which later freed human beings from those burdensome jobs, such as plantation and weaving. This has made people’s life convenient to a large extent. The occurrence of vehicle launched a revolutionary life style transform which make people easier and faster to move from one place to another.
Technologies not only change our social customs, but also our ethic. There was a time when it is unacceptable for women to work outside their family, because women are believed to raise children and take care of the elder. However, along with the technology development, women’s social status got changed, some may say increased. It becomes more and more common for a wife to work in the market while their traditional jobs are done by babysitters that is more professional. Another example concerns about the causing of the civil war. The reason why north states desire to abolish slavery is that their technologies is more advanced and working efficiency is high while in the south, situations are the opposite. Therefore, people in the north do not need slaveries but in the south slaveries are urgent. From the above analysis, we can see that technologies can affect our society in a deeper level.
However, we should not make the hasty generalization that technologies are the determinant of social customs and ethic. Cultural surroundings play a more vital role. Take china as an example. For the recent 100 years, Chinese people have been working hard and made a lot progress in technologies, but their moral judgment are almost the same with that of thousands of years ago.
Although technologies can not determine where social customs and ethic goes, some cutting edge technologies such as colon and unclear have pushed our traditional ethic in to debate. As the saying goes, everything is a two edged weapon, which can be equally used for good or for evil. Technologies are neutral, we should not let it determine social customs and ethic, and otherwise we ourselves will suffer.
To sum up, technologies has influenced our social customs and even ethic but can not determine them.

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占座，有点晚了，明天起来帮你改

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The issue represented is popular nowadays. However, the author overstated the effect that technologies can make. It is true that technologies can influence social customs and ethics, but can not determine it. 先让步，再转折，再提出对题目的看法，这个套路有点太ARGUMENT。
We have witnessed the change that knowledge和技术不是同一个概念，在TS的地方不能偏 brings us. Even in a prehistoric cave, when a man begins to use fire, their life style changed. 火能算是技术？Instead of eating meat immediately, they cook it. The most significant changes that knowledge has made occur in the first and second industrial revolution. The scientific discoveries make modern mechanical tools to appear, which later freed human beings from those burdensome jobs, such as plantation and weaving. This has made people’s life convenient to a large extent. The occurrence of vehicle launched a revolutionary life style transform which make people easier and faster to move from one place to another.
Technologies not only change our social customs, but also our ethic. There was a time when it is unacceptable for women to work outside their family, because women are believed to raise children and take care of the elder. However, along with the technology development, women’s social status got changed关键是这句，技术到底是如何影响妇女的地位？不是一个along with就能说得清楚的, some may say increased. It becomes more and more common for a wife to work in the market while their traditional jobs are done by babysitters that is more professional. Another example concerns about the causing of the civil war. The reason why north states desire to abolish slavery is that their technologies is more advanced and working efficiency is high while in the south, situations are the opposite. Therefore, people in the north do not need slaveries but in the south slaveries are urgent.这个例子貌似有问题，为什么技术进步了北方就不需要奴隶？技术进步还是要使用工人的，如果工人被奴隶代替岂不是生产成本更低？那北方为什么不用奴隶呢？技术与废奴的关系要论证地细致些 From the above analysis, we can see that technologies can affect our society in a deeper level.
However, we should not make the hasty generalization that technologies are the determinant of social customs and ethic. Cultural surroundings既然引入新概念，就要解释下是什么、为什么 play a more vital role. Take china as an example. For the recent 100 years, Chinese people have been working hard and made a lot progress in technologies, but their moral judgment are almost the same with that of thousands of years ago. 这个例子太空泛，没说服力，甚至和前面发生矛盾，就算不决定，至少技术还会影响道德，怎么还almost the same呢？
Although technologies can not determine where social customs and ethic goes, some cutting edge technologies such as colon and unclear？ have pushed our traditional ethic in to debate. As the saying goes, everything is a two edged weapon, which can be equally used for good or for evil. Technologies are neutral怎么刚说完任何事有好坏两方面的影响，立马转到说技术是中立的？句与句之间的逻辑关系比较乱, we should not let it determine social customs and ethic, and otherwise we ourselves will suffer为什么会suffer?怎么suffer？都没有讲，你是如何从前面的克隆等问题还有技术中立推出技术决定道德习俗会让我们suffer？不讲清楚的话这段话就乱了.
To sum up, technologies has influenced our social customs and even ethic but can not determine them.

总体语言不错，大错误没有。问题集中在例子的选择和论证上，可能你还需要花更多的时间去找个例子，像火、中国，这些例子都很牵强，算不上well-choosen；例子的论证太空泛，不具体，不深入，其实写深入些字数也多。
大致就这样，加油~！