ARGUMENT4 最后10天，限时成功

BiteOrangeUID: 2508589

TOPIC: ARGUMENT4 - The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."
WORDS: 443
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/2/21 23:26:34

The arguer concludes that Adams Realty (AR) is better than Fitch Realty (FR) of the two leading real estate firms in his town. To support his conclusion, he claims that AR has more agents and higher revenue last year. He also claims home sales by AR is quick and on a good prices. However, many of the indicators used by the arguer is not convincing at all.

To begin with, the arguer fails to demonstrate convincing evidence that AR is better than FR. He uses three indicators, which are (1) the number of agents, (2) the revenue last year and (3) the average sales price. However, none of them are persuasive. Firstly, the number of agents could only indicate that the scale of the firm is large, it does not necessarily mean good service. Perhaps this might even serve as negative evidence, since the company hires so many agents that the company functions at great expense at staff's salaries, which directly lead to a relatively high price for their clients. Secondly, the high revenue might be a result of more homes sold last year. And it is reasonable to infer that the number of agents contribute to the high revenue rather than great sales performance. Besides, revenue can not reflect a company's performance. Without knowing the cost, AR might not profit at all last year. Thirdly, the average price of homes largely depend on the quality of the home, such like the location, the ornaments, the living space and so forth, these are none business of the estate firm. In conclusion, these three factors can not contribute to showing RA sells home at good price.

Moreover, the arguer tells us his own experience when selling two homes to show AR sells home faster than FR regardless other important factors which will affect the estate selling as well, such as the quality of house, conditions of estate market and economic situations. Perhaps the home the arguer sold ten years ago is old and in a remote area, it is reasonable to take longer time to sell. Or perhaps ten years ago, there are fewer residents in the town. But nowadays, the need for home has been greater than ever before due to the influx of population. Then selling out a house in one month is not fast at all, considering the need for house is stronger than it was ten years ago. Without ruling out these scenarios, the author's claim is unwarranted.

In conclusion, this argument is unpersuasive. To strengthen it, the author should tell us the information about houses sold by two of the firms at year. He also should raise comparable house sale cases of the firms, within same time and relatively same conditions of the house for a better evaluation of the conclusion.

好不容易限时成功了，字数也大抵满意
希望各位可以随便看看，不需要特别认真的改了
能提出大概的建议就可以了~
实在感谢！
也祝各位AW考出理想成绩

ryo61UID: 2670468

看完第一段就发现有好几个前后单复数不一致的情况，这种语法错误很硬伤啊

另外 正文第二段里一下写了那么多东西，把你所说的三个indicators一个一个反驳 这样一段下来太长了
可以适当分割一下 拆成两段 这样反驳时的分析可以更深入一些

BiteOrangeUID: 2508589

2# ryo61
我发现了，确实非常多的语法错误. 拿进word里就把错别字改了，这个都没有注意~

112358UID: 2577487

你的开头 and on a good prices  用at么？