【big fish】习作1.1 issue No.40---by rachelwang712

rachelwang712UID: 2757860

issue 规定题目：
No.40 : scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their works makes a contribution to the large society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interets , however unusual or idiosyncratic those intersts may seem

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1纳税人的钱给他们做研究因此要造福社会
2只关心自己interested的东西，可能会浪费宝贵的社会资源
3有了兴趣，才有创造力，才可能出现好的成果，但是成就感可以作为另一种激励

Each year, a large amount of academic researches are launched, some of which produce outstanding fruits while others end up nothing meaningful to the society. From my perspective, it is necessary for scholars and researchers to further studies that can make a contribution, no matter how trivial, to the society. In other words, they should not limit their projects to those appealing to them.

To begin with, usually academic researches are funded by government, which means it is taxpayers that provide financial support for the scholars. If that is the case, naturally people expect them to produce something worthy of what they receive. As a consequence, researchers have to consider what is most urgently needed for the society when they decide what study to put the money in.

Furthermore, even if scholars pay for their studies independently, they are meant to utilize resources, natural or social. Showing no concerns about social welfare, they may waste a significant quantity of valuable resources that otherwise can be used to develop a new kind of medicine, for example. Today's world is in an increasing demand for effective treatments againtst AIDS. Therefore, a reseacher will be more appriciated if he devotes himself in a study on this; complained if he experiments all day in an advanced lab simply to develop a cold medicine for mice, where however his interest lies.

Admittedly, countless stories tell how passion triggers creativity. Almost all the remarkable scientists, from Darwin to Benjamin Franklin, refer their success to their interest in what they study. Nonetheless, the high reputation they enjoy is largely due to the fact that what they did improves the social welfare in one way or the other. Had their researches generate a bunch of useless inventions, they would never be as well-known as they are now. Moreover, despite overwhelming aspiration interest may lead to, the sense of achievement, when scholars turn the world better place for human beings to live by their studies, can also serve perfectly as a motivation no weaker than individual interests.

To sum up, on choosing what to research, scholars are expected to take their social responsiblity to improve the welfare of mankind as a whoole into consideration. To restrict his academic exploration to what attracts him most causes a huge waste of resources as well as money of taxpayers.

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

Each year, a large amount of academic researches are launched(文章一开始就使用被动表达似乎不是很好，开头应该仔细琢磨一下), some of which produce outstanding fruits(这里使用被动比较好，表示客观事实，turn out to be…) while others end up (with?) nothing meaningful to the society(语气是不是过于绝对了? seem to…). From my perspective(感觉表达不很地道 Personally speaking 个人意见哈哈), it is necessary for scholars and researchers to further studies that can make a contribution, no matter how trivial(考虑改成倒装，在这做插入感觉有点不妥), to the society. In other words, they should not limit(表达不好 focus on…) their projects to those appealing to them.(这个结论是不是有点牵强？，立论不充分)

To begin with, usually academic(加一些修饰比如高精尖花费巨大的，一般企业承受不起之类的…) researches are funded (provided)by government, which means it is(it is删 the) taxpayers that provide financial support for the scholars. If that is the case,(前面已经说了是纳税人的钱后面就别If that is the case了，感觉有点自己驳自己) naturally people expect them to produce something worthy of what they receive(感觉有点绕啊是要表达人们期望拿着纳税人钱的研究者做出更多有价值的事吗？如果是这个意思我感觉表达有些问题). As a consequence(这个是不是多指不好的结果？), researchers have to consider what is most urgently needed for the society when they decide what study to put (改为使用spend的表达好)the money in.

Furthermore, even if scholars pay for their studies independently, they are meant to utilize resources, natural or social(没看明白，感觉这句表达有问题，是想说就算研究者独立承担科研支出但还是要使用自然或社会资源这个意思吗？). Showing no concerns about social welfare, they may waste a significant quantity of valuable resources that otherwise can be used to develop a new kind of medicine(前面挺好的啊，怎么used to后面得到这个结论了？有些突兀)., for example. (For example,) today's world is in an increasing demand for effective treatments againtst AIDS. Therefore, a reseacher will be more appriciated if he devotes himself in a study on this(把指代写全了不然会乱);, while complained if he experiments all day in an advanced lab simply to develop a cold medicine for mice, where however his interest lies(不要用太多从句修饰，会晕的，呵呵). (感觉反义并列用的有些问题) (这一段从used to 后面转到说药感觉很突然，好好琢磨怎么过度吧)

Admittedly, countless stories tell how passion triggers(感觉用词不太好inspire) creativity. Almost all the remarkable scientists, from Darwin to Benjamin Franklin(such as 就好), refer their success to their interest in what they study. Nonetheless, the high reputation they enjoy is largely due to the fact that(删) what they did to improve the social welfare in one way or the other. Had their researches generate a bunch of useless inventions(我忘记了had怎么倒装了但看着有点别扭呵呵), they would never be as well-known (不好的事也会well-known哦这个比较中性，换一个褒义的表达吧)as they are now. Moreover, despite overwhelming aspiration interest may lead to, the sense of achievement, when scholars turn the world better place for human beings to live by their studies, can also serve perfectly as a motivation no weaker than individual interests. (GRE写作可不是要想阅读那样写很长的句子，看得人会很晕的，最多一两个从句修饰就好了)

To sum up, on choosing what to research (how to choose research topic), scholars are expected to take their social responsiblity to improve the welfare of mankind as a whoole(whole) into consideration. To restrict his academic exploration to what attracts him most causes a huge waste of resources as well as money of taxpayers.(这句感觉逻辑有些问题啊，如果研究很有意义就是浪费了一些资源可能也是值得的)


总体感觉还可以，但要需要进一步提高。

建议：

1、语言：感觉还需进一步积累比较地道的词汇和表达，一句话不需写的很长最多一两从句修饰，如不可避免多用分词来修饰，注意句式变化，长短结合。
2、逻辑：感觉逻辑上还需要加强，如果语言不好把握的话就需要多在逻辑上弥补，Issue不论赞成或反对都行，只要自圆其说就可以，第三段转到说药感觉很突然，倒数第二段感觉逻辑有点混乱，最好和第一段融在一起说，也就是说前面都是正面说研究者研究自己感兴趣的内容会如何如何，后面都是反对的了。
3、内容：作为Issue字数有点少了，这样理论会不充分，例子和说理结合起来。

个人意见仅供参考，加油~