作文求Romanus修改铺修改

kevinzoroUID：2709401

Which is better,doing work by machine or doing work by hand?   

    There is a trend that people tend to do work by machine rather than by hand. Although a proportion of people argue that handmade crafts are more sophisticated than work done by machine, I still strongly reckon that doing work by machine is superior to doing work by hand. It is for the reasons that doing work by machine results in efficiency, magnifying profits and minimum mistakes.  

    Using machine can improve efficiency for work. Machine has been designed for helping people to work faster and easier than before since the Industiral Revolution, which imposes significant influence on our daily life. The enhancement of efficiency machine gains can save time for people to do other favorable things, such as relaxation, or just to do other various task. Also, doing work by machine can save strength for labors. For instance, labors used to deliver bricks and tiles by carrying them with enormous efforts. On the contrary, drivers can easily operate trucks as one of the machines to deliver material for construction in modern times.

     Doing work by machine may magnifies profits for companies.For one thing, if the company takes fully advantage of machine, less workers will be needed. The number of staffs can be declined due to the increasing number of machine introduced in, which means the expense on the salary for staff can be largely diminished. For another, increasing efficiency can lead to mass production, which is essential to a company. Even though the cost of the machines would be taken into account, doing work by machine is likely to achieve high profits for companies.

    Using machine to work can decreases mistakes to the minimum. Although machine was invented by human beings, we can not deny that machine runs not only faster but also more accurate than human brains. That is to say, machine will undoubtedly make less mistakes in its work than people do. Nowadays a growing number of companies use machine, such as computer, to do calculation or statistics of tremendous importance, which is proved to be of great convenience.

    To sum up, people can benefit a lot from doing work by machine. It is admitted that doing work by hand has some more or less merits. Nevertheless, from what has been discussed above, I still hold the opinion that doing work by machine is a better option.

mpromanusUID：2565872

2.27网络有点儿问题所以没有及时给你修改。。望谅~鞠躬~

There is a trend that people tend to do work by machine rather than by hand. Although a proportion of people argue that handmade crafts (Something to think about here: 'crafts' is only a kind of 'work', so it might not be taken as a strong comparison. I think what you wrote is okay for an opening paragraph, but if you really want to be very well-rounded, you can emphasis that this is only a partial comparison as a lead-up for the discussion.) are more sophisticated than work done by machine, I still strongly reckon that doing work by machine is superior to doing work by hand. It is for the reasons that doing work by machine results in efficiency, magnifying profits and minimum mistakes.

(Again, for readability reasons, you may want to use some connectives like 'To start with' here, but it's not a requirement.) Using machine can improve efficiency for of work. Machines have been designed for helping people to work faster and easier than before since the Industiral Revolution, which imposes significant influence on our daily life. The enhancement of efficiency machine gains? (I'm not quite getting this. Do you mean 'gains in machine efficiency'?) can save time for people to do other favorable things, such as relaxation, or just to do other various tasks (This is too vague. Examples please.). Also, doing work by machine can save strength for laborers. For instance, laborers used to deliver bricks and tiles by carrying them with enormous efforts. On the contrary, drivers can easily operate trucks as one of the machines to deliver materials for construction in modern times. (It's until I read the last few words in this sentence that I realize the 'laborers' you keep talking about are construction delivery workers. Therefore I suggest you to be more specific from the start. Say something like 'delivery workers used to carry bricks and tiles used for constructions with enormous efforts..')

Doing work by machine may also magnify profits for companies. For one thing, if the company takes fully advantage of machines, less fewer workers will be needed. The number of staffs can be declined reduced ('Decline', in the sense of 'become less', is a vi., not a vt., which means you can only say 'something declines', but not 'someone declines something', and therefore not 'something is declined'. If you say 'someone declines something', then this 'decline' means to 'refuse to admit or receive'.) due to the increasing number of machines introduced in, which means the expenses on the salary for ('Expense' is already a larger word that includes salaries and other costs like medical benefits.) staff can be largely diminished. For another, increasing efficiency can lead to mass production, which is essential to a company (Need more elaborations on why it is 'essential'. Something like 'mass production means the company has more goods for sale and therefore more revenue'.). Even though the cost of the machines would be taken into account, doing work by machine is likely to achieve high profits for companies. (The question is phrase in terms of a comparison, so it'd be better if you also make a comparison here to the profits of working by hand..something like what you did in the last paragraph.)

Using machine to work can decreases mistakes to the a minimum. Although machines were invented by human beings, we cannot deny that machines runs not only faster but also more accurately than human brains (Hmm. Are you sure about that? XD That's not saying what you wrote is incorrect, though. It's just a personal comment. :) ). That is to say, machines will undoubtedly make less fewer mistakes in its their work than people do. Nowadays a growing number of companies use machines, such as computers, to do calculations or statistics of tremendous importance, which is proven to be of great convenience.

To sum up, people can benefit a lot from doing work by machine. It is admitted that doing work by hand has some more or less merits (You might want to name a few, just to show that you know what you're talking about XD ). Nevertheless, from what has been discussed above, I still hold the opinion that doing work by machine is a better option.

总结：

你的语感和遣词用句的流畅度都很好，总体来说基本功不错。问题的话就是需要注意一下语法，尤其是单复数泛指名词的用法 - 要么A machine如何如何，要么Machines如何如何，但是不可以说Machine如何如何。另外就是说表达方面有些时候比较虚，尽量要更加具体一些；段落和段落之间的联系，还有论述和题目之间的联系，最好也要再紧密一些。

kevinzoroUID：2709401

认真看了！改得很好~谢谢您！