ibt独立作文求拍

catirUID: 2438002

自己写的作文不知道什么水平，已经修改过一次，请猛拍。谢谢


Topic: The reason why people can live longer now than before.

Nowadays, people can live much longer than before. There are many things that contribute to this. According to what I have heard and seen, it is because of the development of economics, medical facilities, and people's awareness that have prolonged people's lives.

First of all, people are rich enough to afford the medical care. In the old days, because of the depression of the economics, people did not have enough money to go to the hospital. Therefore, some patients died because of the lack of medical care. My grandmother has told me that her older brother was died because they were too poor to go to the hospital. However, because the average incoming of people have been improved a lot, the majority of people can afford the ordinary medical care. Moreover, the national medical insurance has saved a lot of people's lives by giving help to the poor ones.

Second, as the development of science and technology, the medical facilities have been becoming more and more advanced. Compared with the old and shabby building and dirty medical tools in the old days, the hospitals are all under serious control of the national medical care center. The tools are cleaner than before and the buildings are more comfortable for the patients. Furthermore, a variety of advanced technologies have been applied in hospital, which have saved a lot of lives. Computer and internet have been used in the hospitals to help doctors searching for useful information of certain cases and sharing their experiences.

Third, people are more concerned about their health than before. Nowadays, there are more and more programs about healthy on TV and on the internet, which teach people to pay more attention to their eating and take care of themselves. And people take more exercise than before. Whenever I go to the park near my home, I will see a lot of people walking, dancing or jogging. It is quite different with the situation that almost everyone stayed at home after work when my father was young.

There are many other reasons that influence people's lives nowadays. According to my experience, I think the three most important reasons are the growth of economics, advanced medical facilities and people's awareness.

catirUID: 2438002

为虾米麽有人拍呢 自己顶一下

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Nowadays, people can live much longer than before. There are many things that contribute to this. According to what I have heard and seen, it is because of the development of the economy, medical facilities, and people's awareness that have prolonged people's lives.

First of all, people are (If you use 'are', you mean that people have always been rich enough to afford medical care, which is obviously not what you want to express. I guess you somehow missed a 'now'.) rich enough to afford the medical care. In the old days, because of the depression of the economy (Are you talking about depressions in general, or The Great Depression?), people did not have enough money to go to the hospitals (All people including the very rich? I find that hard to believe. No matter how expensive hospitals are throughout the history, there are always people who are rich enough to afford them.). Therefore, some patients died because of the lack of medical care. My grandmother has told me that her older brother was died because they were too poor to go to the hospital. However, because the average income of people have been improved (You can't 'improve' money, can you? You can 'increase' income though.) a lot, the majority of people can afford the ordinary medical care. Moreover, the national medical insurance has saved a lot of people's lives by giving help to the poor ones (What about the poorest ones who can't even afford insurance? Something for you to think about.).

Second, as the development of science and technology continues?, the medical facilities have been becoming more and more advanced. Compared with the old and shabby buildings and dirty medical tools in the old days, the hospitals are all under serious control of the national medical care center. The tools are cleaner than before (If you are talking about medical equipment, many of them are cleaner than clean. They are sterile.) and the buildings are more comfortable for the patients. Furthermore, a variety of advanced technologies have been applied in hospitals, which have saved a lot of lives. Computer and the internet have been used in the hospitals to help doctors searching for useful information of certain cases and share their experiences. (Ohh..so the Internet is your idea of 'advanced technologies'..I thought I would read something about CAT scan or MRI or laser surgery or at least chemotherapy..)

Third, people are more concerned about their health than before. Nowadays, there are more and more programs about healthy on TV and on the internet, which teach people to pay more attention to their eating habits and take care of themselves. And people take do more exercises than before. Whenever I go to the park near my home, I will see a lot of people walking, dancing or jogging. It is quite different with the situation that almost everyone stayed at home after work when my father was young.

There are many other reasons that influence people's lives nowadays. According to my experience, I think the three most important reasons are the growth of the economy, advanced medical facilities and people's awareness.

总结：

这个题目范围很大，也不是通常托福作文题会出现的判断式。。有些怀疑是不是真题，如果不是的话以后还是多用真题练习比较好。总体来说是一篇不错的文章，有些漏词的情况，就是差一个词表意就清楚了，另外有几个地方表意不是很清晰，尤其是第二段的开头部分，到后面一半语言才渐渐明晰起来，多注意一下表达的准确就好。

catirUID: 2438002

啊 终于等到 Romanus老大的修改了 嘎嘎，恩这个题目是，我最近在做120的时候上面的一个。以后一定会加紧练习表达，谢谢老大指点。 3# mpromanus

catirUID: 2438002

期待romanus大侠指点；

我自己觉得自己写的只关注importance了，没有关注receive equal financial suport. 不知道我写的这篇作文是不是有这个问题？

如果像我这样重点解释importance，然后financial support只在最后提一下算不算跑题呢？

Topic: At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.


Are sports and social activities just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges? According to many people who think that the function of high education is to provide more academic knowledge for students, classes and libraries should be emphasized more than any other things. However, the other people totally disagree with the idea and states that students should not only obtain basic knowledge from books but also obtain social abilities and keep healthy. In my opinion, I totally agree with the idea that sports and social activities have the same importance with the classes and libraries.

First, social ability is as important as academic knowledge. The goal of high education is to provide more well-educated students with high social abilities for the society. If students do not have the basic social ability, they will have problems cooperating with other workers in the same company. Therefore, the whole working efficiency in the company will be affected. For example, if your partner can not receive your idea and is not patient when you are discussing the problems, how can you work with him? In a word, the social ability is important of a person, therefore social activities should be encouraged in universities and colleges as classes and libraries.
     
Just as social abilities, health is also of importance to students. A healthy body is not only the necessity for the future life of a person but also the basement of a successful career. A person who often gets sick will not have enough time to learn and work. In fact, many successful people around us always pay much attention to their healthy. For example, my director, a professor with high fame, gets up early in the morning to have a jogging around our university. Moreover, he always encourages us to have proper exercise. He says, a healthy body is as important as the academic knowledge, since they are two compulsory parts of a person's life. Therefore, I think sports are also a necessity in universities and colleges as classes and libraries.

Furthermore, if there is no additional activity in universities and colleges, students will feel boring about the school life. Sports meetings, student union, and singing competitions make the universities and colleges a wonderful place. And, students make friends when they attend these activities. I have made many friends in the Opera group in our university. Some of them have been my best friends and helped me a lot in my study and daily life.

According to the analysis before, I can easily draw the conclusion that sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

catirUID: 2438002

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Is daily homework necessary for students? When it comes to the question, many people believe that students should be given enough time to do what they like, therefore, teachers should not assign homework everyday. On the contrary, other people thinks that daily homework is helpful to the students and should be assigned eveyday. I totally agree with the idea that daily homework is necessary for students.

First of all, students can strenghthen their study by doing daily homework. As the development of sience and technology continues, students are asked to take a vaiety of courses, from history to computer science, from art to biology. Therefore, if the students do not put enough time on their courses, they can not get the knowledge they want. The most important procedure of study is homework, which can strenghthen the whole day's knowledge the teacher has taught. For example, when I was sixteen years old, I was a naughty girl who do not like study very much and play games everyday. As a result, I could not pass the exams, especially mathmatic. After the mid-term exams, My teachers told my parents to supervise me when I was doing my homework. Although I do not like the homework still, I must spent a lot of time on them everyday. At the end of the term, I passed all of the exams and ranked in the top ten students. According to my experience, I strongly agree with the idea that students should do homework everyday, because they can benefit from the homework.

Moreover, doing homework is an important way to practice the communication skills and the ability of cooperation. Nowadays a lot of teachers would like to assign some homework that should be finished by more than one student. During the process of solving the problem, all of the students in the same group should learned how to work with the others, how to express themselves to the others and how to receive the others' opinions. All of these abilities are of vital important to the development of students.

Furthermore, if there is no daily homework, many students would be too lazy to study. If the students do not have something to do after school, a majority of them may choose to watch TV, play computer games. These things not only do harm to their study, but also to their health. Therefore, daily homework is necessary for the students.

Although too much homework is not good for the development of students, theachers should assign a proper amount of homework everyday, which can not only benefit the students' study, but also benefit their abilities, for example communication skills, cooperation skills, and a healthy body.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

5# catir

Are sports and social activities just as important as classes and libraries, and should they receive equal financial support at universities and colleges? (Keep in mind that this 'and' connects two complete sentences. They don't simpy convert to one single question sentence.) According to many people who think that the function of higher education is to provide more academic knowledge for students, classes and libraries should be emphasized more than any other things. However, the other people totally disagree with the idea and states that students should not only obtain basic knowledge from books (You seem to imply that they can only get 'basic' knowledge from books..) but also obtain social abilities (I know what you're trying to say but the proper phrase happens to be 'social competence'.) and keep stay healthy. In my opinion, I totally agree with the idea that sports and social activities have the same importance with the classes and libraries.

First, social ability is as important as academic knowledge. The goal of higher education is to provide more well-educated students with high social abilities for the society. If students do not have the basic social ability, they will have problems cooperating with other workers in the same company. Therefore, the whole working efficiency in the company will be affected. For example, if your partner cannot receive (If you cannot 'receive' an idea at work, that means your handphone or computer is probably broken. I guess you're actually trying to say 'take in'.) your idea and is not patient when you are discussing the problems, how can you work with him? In a word, the social ability is important of for a person, therefore social activities should be encouraged in universities and colleges as classes and libraries.

Just as social abilities, health is also of importance to students. A healthy body is not only the necessity for the future life of a person, but also the basement ('basement' has a sepcial meaning and isn't generally used as a metaphor. You can stay with the more normal 'basis'.) of a successful career. A person who often gets sick will not have enough time to learn and work. In fact, many successful people around us always pay much attention to their healthy. For example, my director (Of what?), a professor with high fame (Why not just say 'a highly acclaimed professor'?), gets up early in the morning to have a jogging around our (Who are 'we' here?) university. Moreover, he always encourages us to have proper exercises. He says, that a healthy body is as important as the academic knowledge, since they are two compulsory? (This has a sense of being 'forced'. I would imagine the proper word to be something like 'necessary'.) parts of a person's life. Therefore, I think sports are is also a necessity in universities and colleges as classes and libraries.

Furthermore, if there is no additional activity (You seem to imply that sports and social activities are 'additional', and only they are the 'additional activities'.) in universities and colleges, students will feel bored about the school life. Sports meetings, student union, and singing competitions make the universities and colleges a wonderful places. And, students make friends when they attend these activities. I have made many friends in the Opera group in our (Again, who are this 'our' referring to? You and your examiner?) university. Some of them have been my best friends and helped me a lot in my study and daily life.

According to the analysis before above, I can easily draw the conclusion that sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. (No, this won't do. You need to address the question fully and completely without completely leaving out any particular part.)

总结：

语法上问题不大，主要的问题还是表达方面，如果你不很确定的话，就多用几个字把话说清楚，尽量不要用没把握的词或者造词组。另外就是你自己也知道的，题目有两部分，你只写了一部分，这样子是不可以的。这个题目本身的特殊点就在后面的receive equal financial support上面，前面说是不是有同等importance什么都好，有很多个题目可以有类似风格的问题，但这个题目给你特别指出equal importance的表现就必须是equal financial support，其实是把题目的范围圈小了，你的论述也要注意这个限制。

catirUID: 2438002

7# mpromanus



感谢大侠指点嘎，吼吼

如是_ivyUID: 2704554

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

! f
Is daily homework necessary for students? When it comes to the question, many people believe that students should be given enough time to do what they like, therefore, teachers should not assign homework everyday. On the contrary, other people thinks that daily homework is helpful to the students and should be assigned eveyday. I totally agree with the idea that daily homework is necessary for students.很标准的模板段开头。O(∩_∩)O~. j, r7 V& n0 p8 b

First of all, students can strenghthen their study by doing daily homework. As the development of sience拼写错了 and technology continues, students are asked to take a vaiety拼写 of courses, from history to computer science, from art to biology. Therefore, if the students do not put enough time on their courses, they can not get the knowledge they want. The most important procedure of study is homework, which can strenghthen the whole day's knowledge the teacher has taught. For example, when I was sixteen years old, I was a naughty girl who do时态 not like study very much and play games everyday. As a result, I could not pass the exams, especially mathmatic. After the mid-term exams, My大小写 teachers told my parents to supervise me when I was doing my homework. Although I do not like the homework still, I must建议换成have to好一点 spent a lot of time on them（是it。homework不可数） everyday. At the end of the term, I passed all of the exams and ranked in the top ten students. According to my experience, I strongly agree with the idea that students should do homework everyday, because they can benefit from the homework.例子挺好，但是感觉字数超多，特别是例子前面的那几句话很罗嗦，建议精炼一下。时态和拼写要细心一点啊

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Moreover, doing homework is an important way to practice the communication skills and the ability of cooperation. Nowadays a lot of teachers would like to assign some homework that should be finished by more than one student. During the process of solving the problem, all of the students in the same group should learned（是can learn吧） how to work with the others, how to express themselves to the others（觉得这个罗嗦了，可以删了去） and how to receive the others' opinions. All of these abilities are of vital important（of +抽象名词相当于形容词，这个表达错了吧） to the development of（for好一点吧）students.觉得很多表达有点刻意就看起来挺别扭，内容不错

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Furthermore, if there is no daily homework, many students would be too lazy to study. If the students do not have something to do after school, a majority of them may choose to watch TV, play computer games中间加个连词或者后面加个等等吧. These things not only do harm to their study, but also to their health觉得这一句绝对了. Therefore, daily homework is necessary for the students.这一段写的很鸡肋，并没有充分论证，不如不写，不如把第二点加个具体例子论证一下。

Although too much homework is not good for the development of students, theachers should assign a proper amount of homework everyday, which can not only benefit the students' study, but also benefit their abilities, for example communication skills, cooperation skills, and a healthy body.

sorry上周之前自己发生了点事米有改你和筱筱的口语。至于作文，觉得内容结构都ok了，语言要再加强下。关于拼写和时态，建议每次拿写字板写完之后，用word的自动差错的功能放进去先检查一下

michael_beyondUID: 2704216

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.2 \5 }5 u; ^8 P
1 I. @; ~' t% V8 }1 |& W1 k& _
Is daily homework necessary for students? When it comes to the question, many people believe that students should be given enough time to do what they like, therefore, teachers should not assign homework everyday. On the contrary, other people thinks that daily homework is helpful to the students and should be assigned eveyday. I totally agree with the idea that daily homework is necessary for students.开头值得向你学习，呵呵。
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+ ~; S9 ?6 |9 A' `5 _First of all, students can strenghthen their study by doing daily homework. As the development of science and technology continues, students are asked to take a variety of courses, from history to computer science, from art to biology. Therefore, if the students do not put enough time on their courses, they can not get the knowledge they want. The most important procedure of study is homework, which can strenghthen the whole day's knowledge the teacher has taught. For example, when I was sixteen years old, I was a naughty girl who do 时态not like study very much and play games everyday. As a result, I could not pass the exams, especially mathmatic. After the mid-term exams, My teachers told my parents to supervise me when I was doing my homework. Although I do not like the homework still, I must spent a lot of time on them （it）everyday. At the end of the term, I passed all of the exams and ranked in the top ten students. According to my experience, I strongly agree with the idea that students should do homework everyday, because they can benefit from the homework.
$ R2 T0 T6 M; O/ K例子举得比我好多了，很详细。
1 M& v4 t) e. a0 A7 ~  @Moreover, doing homework is an important way to practice the communication skills and the ability of cooperation. Nowadays a lot of teachers would like to assign some homework that should be finished by more than one student. During the process of solving the problem, all of the students in the same group should learned (could learn)how to work with the others, how to express themselves to the others and how to receive the others' opinions. All of these abilities are of vital important(of importance就行了) to the development of students.5 |0 g  ~$ W# a

' U3 l" @& n* ?, ~& rFurthermore, if there is no daily homework, many students would be too lazy to study. If the students do not have something to do after school, a majority of them may choose to watch TV or  play computer games. These things not only do harm to their study, but also to their health.这一句有点绝对了。 Therefore, daily homework is necessary for the students.
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Although too much homework is not good for the development of students, theachers should assign a proper amount of homework everyday, which can not only benefit the students' study, but also benefit their abilities, for example communication skills, cooperation skills, and a healthy body.
总体写的还不错，语言组织的很好，加油。

catirUID: 2438002

谢谢如是的评语，很认真啊。受益良多。

9# 如是_ivy

catirUID: 2438002

thanks  a  lot! O(∩_∩)O

10# michael_beyond