[big fish]-2月26日-Issue48-by dgxy08

dgxy08UID: 2599486

Issue No.048

"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

对历史的研究把太多的重点放在对某些个人上。而历史上一些重大的事件和发展趋势不是由个别名人决定的，而是由那些已经被人们淡忘的社会群体所创造的。
When it comes to the topic that what are the emphasis of history study, I believe that both of the groups of people and individuls who lead significant events on history are important for the reason that groups of people create the history however, famous men promote the development of history.

First of all, we should make it clear, what does history mean? In my view, history is all events in the past which record the life of all people. Admittedly, there are significant events and trends in history that stand for the development of human civilization, such as industrial revolution, information revolution.

As to the development of history, I believe that no can stop it for the reason that it is created by groups of people not by the individuals. The material well-being deriving from works of the groups of people is the basis of human civilization. Moreover, spiritual wealth including science, arts, literature comes from the practice of the groups of people. Take the literature example, all novels reflect the life in real world while are not the real stories taking place in reality. There is no denying the fact that the novels written by shakespeare reveal the features of the society in England due to the careful observation carried by shakespea.

What is more, we should not ignore the important role played by the famous men in the development of society. As we all know, different famous men in different areas contribute to the society in various way. For instance, American democracy was promoted by the civil war which was supported by Lincoln, who won freedom for the black people. Besides, the victory brought about the improvement of American industry because of adequate labour force resulting from freedom. In this case, we can see that it is advisable to research individuals who lead significant events on history.

In sum, maybe there still some people disagree with me, nevertheless, what I have declared above should make them realize the complexity of the issue. The point that emphasis on both famous and groups of people I claim would be accept by more and more people.

jenius4869UID: 2659821

1# dgxy08
When it comes to the topic that what are the emphasis of history study, I believe that both of the groups of people and individuls who lead significant events on history are important for the reason that groups of people create the history however, famous men promote the development of history（观点不错）.

First of all, we should make it clear, what does history mean? In my view, history is all events in the past which record the life of all people. Admittedly, there are significant events and trends in history that stand for the development of human civilization, such as industrial revolution, information revolution.

As to the development of history, I believe that no can （one）stop it for the reason that it is created by groups of people not by the individuals. The material well-being deriving from works of the groups of people is the basis of human civilization. Moreover, spiritual wealth including science, arts, literature comes from the practice of the groups of people. Take the literature （as an）example, all novels reflect the life in real world while （they）are not the real stories taking（taken） place in reality. There is no denying the fact that the novels written by shakespeare（大写） reveal the features of the society in England due to the careful observation carried by shakespea. （论点是没人能阻止历史的前进，因为他是由很多人创造的，但是这个例子跟topic sentence 有什么关系呢）

What is more, we should not ignore the important role played by the famous men in the development of society.（这个topic sentence跟上段是反的吧，或者用on the other hand, however,而不是用递进要好些吧） As we all know, different famous men in different areas contribute to the society in various way（加s）. For instance, American democracy was promoted by the civil war which was supported（conducted） by Lincoln, who won freedom for the black people. Besides, the victory brought about the improvement of American industry because of adequate labour force resulting（resulted） from freedom. In this case, we can see that it is advisable to research（research没有看过后面接人的啊） individuals who lead significant events on history.

In sum, maybe there still some people disagree with me, nevertheless, what I have declared above should make them realize the complexity of the issue. The point that emphasis on both famous and groups of people I claim would be accept（accepted） by more and more people.

总的来说，我觉得你的观点不错，历史离了这两种因素的作用都不行，并且能在一定程度上说到他们各自的作用（第一段里）但是你的body部分应该更应该朝这个方向进行深入的论述才好，body段的逻辑衔接更强一点，讲完了可以再做个总结一句话，既强调观点又增加了字数~
还有一些小问题就是后置定语一般是用-ed来修饰吧，字数也要多一点喔~