独立写作 作业

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3月5号
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves.

When I was still a little girl, my father always told me that it is important for us to make decision on our own instead of following others’ ideas, because we are the persons who know ourselves most. What’s more, we are also the persons who know our targets and purposes clearest. It is no doubt that some people prefer having others make decision for them in order to escape from their own responsibilities or some other duties. As far as I concerned it is really fool to do this, in addition, some of the decisions that made from others may account for some mistakes.

Take myself for example. When I was graduated from university, I had two choices for my future, the first one was to accept a position in my hometown, which was stable and leisurely, while the other choice was to work far away from my parents and this job offered me challenges and chances of promotion. At that time, most of my families preferred to the former one, in the end, however, I took the later one. That was my own decision, because from my point of view, as a young man, it is necessary for us to know more about the world and more about the whole society, and it is also essential to learn to be independent. Two years later, my decision created a beautiful future for me, which lead me to the US.

In addition, most of my friends would like to do the same thing as I did. They all want to make decision on their own rather than having others make choices for them, and there are hundreds of examples showed that this was the right choice. When my friends Lily graduated from UK, her boyfriend wanted to stay in that country, while Lily insist that coming back to China is a better choice. Finally they broke up. Now Lily has been a manager in a large company which provides her enough income as well as time that she spent with her families. She wins the career and family as well.

According to the above statements, we can safely draw a conclusion that most people prefer making decision by themselves rather than having others done this for them. And there are enough evidences and examples prove that making decisions by ourselves benefits not only for our experiences but also for our execution ability. In conclusion, it is better to make decision on our own, and most people prefer to do this.


PS. 写作时间大约用了27分钟，后来又修改了下，用掉了十分钟……总之超时了的说……
      然后，Q群里的ID是“德古拉之子”~~~~~
      最后的最后，第一次发作文，大家轻点砸……
      再PS,谁教俺下doc文件怎么上传？？？

eejchenUID: 2225156

When I was still a little girl, my father always told me that it is important for us to make decisions on our own instead of following others

’

ideas, because we are the persons person 在这里挺怪的，或许可以改为human-beings，下同 who know ourselves most. What

’

s more, we are also the persons who know our targets and purposes clearest. It is no doubt that some people prefer having others make decisions for them in order to escape from their own responsibilities or some other duties. As far as I am concerned it is really foolish to do this,. in addition, some of the decisions that made from by others may account for some mistakes.

这一段没有主题句，或许可以把上一段最后一句话挪下来Take myself for example. When I was graduated from university, I had two choices for my future, the first one was to accept a position in my hometown, which was stable and leisurely, while the other choice was to work far away from my parents and this job offered me challenges and chances of promotion. At that time, most of my families preferred to the former one,. in the end, however, I took the latter one. That was my own decision, because from my point of view, as a young man前面是girl哦, it is necessary for us to know more about the world and more about the whole society, and it is also essential to learn to be independent. Two years later, my decision created a beautiful future for me, which lead me to the US.

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In addition, most of my friends would like to do the same thing as I did. They all want to make decisions on their own rather than having others make choices for them, and there are hundreds of examples showed that this was the right choice indicate that they had made right choices. When my friends Lily graduated from UK, her boyfriend wanted to stay in that country, while Lily insisted that coming back to China is was a better choice. Finally they broke up. Now Lily has been a manager in a large company which provides her enough income as well as time that she spent spends with her families. She wins the career and family as well.

2 r4 G: z- d- [

According to the above statements, we can safely draw a conclusion that most people prefer making decisions by themselves rather than having others done this for them. And there are enough evidences and examples which prove that making decisions by ourselves benefits not only for our experiences but also for our execution ability. In conclusion, it is better to make decision on our own, and most people prefer to do this.    snoopy可以先去看看别人的作文结构，或者一些总结托福作文的惯用结构，总分分总之类的，虽然这篇文章大体上也有这个意思，但是像没有主题句，一段开头直接举例的情况还是比较少见的。其余还不错，注意时态和单复数。

改的是我个人浅见，如有不正确请及时指正，交流才能共同进步，加油！


by 米

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

谢谢小米哦~~~~MUA~~

dphenixyUID: 2657199

When I was still a little girl, my father always told me that it is important for us to make decision on our own instead of following others’ ideas, because we are the persons who know ourselves most. What’s more, we are also the persons who know our targets and purposes clearest（clear是形容词，改成best；直接说know sth best就行了）. It is no doubt that some people prefer having others make decision for them in order to escape from their own responsibilities or some other duties. As far as I concerned it is really fool to do this, in addition, some of the decisions that made from others may account for （感觉不太准确，这里用表示“导致”的词汇可能更好点，比如lead to ，give rise to等）some mistakes.
Take myself for example. When I was graduated from university, I had two choices for my future, the first one was to accept a position in my hometown, which was stable and leisurely, while the other choice was to work far away from my parents and this job offered me challenges and chances of promotion. At that time, most of my families preferred to the former one, in the end, however（however 是副词不能连接句子，可在in the end前另起一句：In the end, however,~~） I took the later one. That was my own decision, because from my point of view, as a young man, it is necessary for us (me) to know more about the world and more about the whole society, and it is also essential to learn to be independent. Two years later, my decision created a beautiful future for me, which lead me to the US.
In addition, most of my friends would like to do the same thing as I did. They all want to make decision on their own rather than having others make choices for them, and there are hundreds of examples showed that this was the right choice. When my friends Lily graduated from UK, her boyfriend wanted to stay in that country, while Lily insist that coming back to China is a better choice. Finally they broke up. Now Lily has been a manager in a large company which provides her enough income as well as time that she spent with her families. She wins the career and family as well.
According to the above statements, we can safely draw a conclusion that most people prefer making decision by themselves rather than having（have） others done（do） this for them. And there are enough evidences and examples that （作主语时候that不能省略，或者不用that，同时把there are去掉）prove that making decisions by ourselves benefits not only for our experiences but also for (for可以去掉的) our execution ability. In conclusion, it is better to make decision on our own, and most people prefer to do this.
P.S.小米提到的问题就不再提了
楼主审题比较准确，词汇用的也不错，语言比较流畅。
语法时态有一些小问题，另外同意小米的意见，楼主可以套一下常用的一些作文结构，这样更有层次感一些，最后感觉楼主举例的篇幅过长，论述不太够（其实我很羡慕楼主的思维，一下就能想到这么多恰当的例子，不像我~~）

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3月6号
The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

With the development of modern society and economic, travelling has already developed into a mature industry. Every year thousands of people go out for a trip for relax and to enjoy their lives. Some people prefer to travel in a group with a tour guide, while some others would like to enjoy the tour only by themselves without a guide. As for comparison these two choices with each other, it is hard to judge which one is better than the other, because both of them have advantages and disadvantages. As a result, before giving my viewpoint, it is essential to overview the details on both sides.

First and foremost, some people choose to travel with a group led by a guide, that’s because when we arrive at a new location, we are the visitors, that’s to say we barely know something about the new place. It is really difficult for visitors to enjoy the place without any help or guide. On the other hand, a guide can offer help, he may explain which place of interests are more interesting than another, or where is dangerous for a visitor. What’s more, he can also present the history or culture of the city, which helps us know more about the whole situation. And this is going to save our time and cost as well.

While considering for the other way, some people think that it is cheaper to travel along, and we can decide where to go without the permission of others. However, from my point of view, truth doesn’t seem so. Firstly, the cost saving from hiring a guide is far less than what you’ve spent on asking for help or some place that doesn’t worth to be visited. In addition, although travelling along provides you freedom to go wherever you want, it also means that when you are in trouble, it is difficult to ask for help from others, especially when you are out by yourself.

It is clearly there are still some others ways for travelling besides the above two situations, however, I sincerely think that to travel in a group led by a tour guide is our best choice, which saves cost, time and energy as well, so we can safely gain a conclusion that the advantages of travelling in a team with a guide are far outweigh the disadvantages.

那个，首先超时了大概6-7分钟，汗下……然后，这次能麻烦大家帮我看看思路嘛？我总觉得我的思路找不到点子上……还有，我的时态经常有幼稚的错误，要如何避免此种弱智的虚心问题捏？？

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3月7号
3月7号
Human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals.

Nowadays, a growing number of people start to agree that our environment is suffered from lots of damages day by day. And the growing temperature could parch continent, turning farmland into desert, half of all species could become extricated, untold millions of people would be displaced, whole nations drowned by the sea. How can we just ignored all these matters and only focused on promoting industry instead?

Endanger animals are one of the most important resources in this planet, they are sisters and brothers of   mankind, they have grown up with us together during the past millions of years. It is really unfair to develop our society at the expense of their lives. What’s more, they have lots of zoological and biological value, for example, we can analyze mammals to help us know more about ourselves; moreover, we can learn from wolves about team-work; and in the past, we learned from birds to invent plan. And the numbers of examples like these are countless.

For the second part, these endangered animals are important elements of our environment; each of them directly contributes significance to this planet. Without them, the whole ecology system could be destroyed. For instance, we all know that the biological chain is complex, and it is made up of so many different kinds of species, including the endangered animals, consequently, the loss of these endangered animals means the chain is going to be broken down, and the whole system cannot operate normally.

Finally, the extinction of these animals is a signal about situation of our environmental pollutions. As I mentioned above, the rise of temperature up to 3-4 C is going to cause half of all species to become extinct. These animals are very useful to no matter our world or us.

According to the above statements, I strongly convinced that saving land for endangered animals is more important than develop our farmland, housing, and industry.

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

另，谢谢dphenixy的点评，语法和时态的讲解很到位呢~~~~

hulinlin24UID: 2731389

The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.2 v1 ~2 W% d! B# q

With the development of modern society and economic(society的发展包括了经济), travelling has already developed into（become）a mature industry. Every year thousands of people go out for a trip for(to) relax and to enjoy their lives. Some people prefer to travel in a group with a tour guide, while some others would like to enjoy the tour only by themselves without a guide. As for comparison these two choices with each other, it is hard to judge which one is better than the other, because both of them have advantages and disadvantages. As a result, before giving my viewpoint, it is essential to overview the details on both sides.应该明确给出自己的观点

First and foremost, some people choose to travel with a group led by a guide, that’s because when we arrive at a new location, we are the visitors, that’s to say we barely know something about the new place.主题不明确，应该直接写因为他们缺乏经验或者不熟悉那个地方 It is really difficult for visitors to enjoy the place without any help or(of) guide.放在下一点比较合适 On the other hand, a guide can offer help, he may explain which place of interests are more interesting than another, or where is dangerous for a visitor. What’s more, he can also present the history or culture of the city, which helps us know more about the whole situation. And this is going to save our time and cost as well我觉得你的结构比较有问题，你似乎也不明确自己到底想表达什么，内容空洞，这段前面反复说需要帮助，但又没具体说帮助什么，缺乏例子和细节
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While considering for the other way, some people think that it is cheaper to travel along, and we can decide where to go without the permission of others. However, from my point of view, truth doesn’t seem so. 最好不要这样表达，最好直接表达有导游更省钱Firstly, the cost saving from hiring a guide is far less than what you’ve spent on asking for help or some place that doesn’t worth to be visited. In addition, although travelling along provides you freedom to go wherever you want, it also means that when you are in trouble, it is difficult to ask for help from others, especially when you are out by yourself.0 s) z! @! `8 y: S+ c

It is clearly there are still some others ways for travelling besides the above two situations, however, I sincerely think that to travel in a group led by a tour guide is our best choice, which saves cost, time and energy as well, so we can safely gain a conclusion that the advantages of travelling in a team with a guide are far outweigh the disadvantages.
整篇文章感觉很虚，开头没有表明立场，每段也没明确中心，内容很散，感觉很零散，例子和细节也没有。建议看下范文- D+ E$ O8 w" m! O1 d% a, o6 l$

dphenixyUID: 2657199

Nowadays, a growing number of people start to agree that our environment is suffered（is suffering，suffer可做及物和不及物动词，没有被动时态） from lots of damages day by day. And the growing temperature could parch continent, turning farmland into desert, （as a result）half of all species could become extricated, untold millions of people would be displaced, （and ）whole nations （would be） drowned by the sea（这几个句子的结构感觉比较混乱）. How can we just ignored all these matters and only focused
（为什么用过去式呢）on promoting industry instead? 6 y9 E$ ?+ @+ j* f
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Endanger（ed） animals are one of the most important resources in this planet, （as）
they are sisters and brothers of mankind, they（and） have grown up with us together during the past millions of years（独立的句子如果没有连词不能直接用逗号连接）. It is really unfair to develop our society at the expense of their lives. What’s more, they have lots of zoological and biological（生物包括动物了）
value,（。）
for
（For）example, we can analyze mammals to help us know more about ourselves;（。） moreover, we can learn from wolves about team-work;（，） and in the past, we learned from birds to invent plan. And the numbers of examples like these are countless（这里的标点问题比较多）.8 J6 g- ?9 M; w' n6 n! v4 ^
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For the second part, these endangered animals are important elements of our environment; each of them directly contributes significance to this planet. Without them, the whole ecology system could be destroyed. For instance, we all know that the biological chain is complex, and it is made up of so many different kinds of species, including the endangered animals, consequently, the loss of these endangered animals means the chain is going to be broken down, and the whole system cannot operate normally.

Finally, the extinction of these animals is a signal about situation of our environmental pollutions. As I mentioned above, the rise of temperature up to 3-4 C is going to cause half of all species to become extinct. These animals are very useful to no matter our world or us.

According to the above statements, I strongly convinced（convince） that saving land for endangered animals is more important than develop（ing） our farmland, housing, and industry.

内容感觉没什么问题，有几个用词还是很不错，但整体上词汇还过于简单和重复，另外这次的语法问题比较多，比较突出的问题就是楼主经常把几个独立的句子直接用逗号连接。建议楼主在语法方面再多下点功夫。我也刚开始写托福作文，改的不对的地方还请见谅~~

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

自我勉励下，继续向前爬~~~~

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3月8日
Universities should give every member of the team the same grade when the team finishes a project.

There is a famous Chinese idiom, which says “three heads are better than one”. And this doctrine tells us the importance of cooperation. Nowadays, with the development of modern society, cooperation has become more and more important. More often than not, in most fields, we have to work or study as a team member instead of a single person. And team work provides us more achievements and advantages than working by ourselves. Conversely, the achievements or grades also have to be awarded to the whole team. So, to sum up, I cannot agree with the above statement any more, universities should give every member of the team the same grade when the team finishes a project.

First and for most, it is common sense that nobody can achieve without other’s help. Take some normal sports games like basketball for example, even the most famous basketball player, like Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan can only be named as a “MVP” rather than the winner of a game. The winner of a game is always a team. Although different people have different contributions to the team, the prize only comes to when the team beats the other one, or all the team members’ work don’t make sense. The some also happened to the project in the university.

In addition, grading different members of the team different grades is going to cause cut-throat competition within this team. Everyone takes their own benefits outweigh the benefits of the whole. Under such situation, is there any possibility that the project can be completed perfectly? Worse still, it is impossible for any team member to get a great score. Here is an example, when I was a junior student in university our college had a competition with another college. The leader of the winners’ team was going to win a vast amount of scholarship. So at first, most people tend to be the leader of the team in order to get the scholarship. At that moment, the team members had serious conflicts, nobody really paid attention to the competition. Finally, they lost the game and the scholarship as well.

According to the above statements, I strongly hold my attitude that universities should give every member of the team the same grade when the team finishes a project, which benefit for not only the whole project but also the team members.

speedzshawUID: 2556376

3.7 修改 by speedzshaw

jacknonplusUID: 2703793

Universities should give every member of the team the same grade when the team finishes a project.# B2 x7 _3 U/ D7 [9 X/ b! k" b4 u
第一次改作文，只是自己的一些愚见
提点建议
1觉得整篇文章读下来句子不是很连贯，有些句子要看两遍才能明白是在讲什么
2作者没有强调自己的观点，所用的例子不能够很好的说明。。。。。
+ k# i2 e2 z8 O, u0 aThere is a famous Chinese idiom, which says “three heads are better than one”. And this doctrine tells us the importance of cooperation. Nowadays, with the development of modern society, cooperation has become more and more important. More often than not, in most fields, we have to work or study as a team member instead of a single person. And team work provides us more achievements and advantages than working by ourselves. Conversely, the achievements or grades also have to be awarded to the whole team. So, to sum up, I cannot agree with the above statement any more, universities should give every member of the team the same grade when the team finishes a project.: x, o& z4 ], Q! n/ h

* J8 M+ D8 V( c0 SFirst and for most, it is common sense that nobody can achieve without other’s help. Take some normal sports games两个词意思重叠 like basketball for example, even the most famous basketball player, like Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan can only be named as a honored as “MVP” rather than the winner of a game. The winner of a game is always a team. Although different people have different contributions to the team, the prize only comes to when the team beats the other one, or
如果要表达否则的意思的话，应该用otherwise all the team members’ work don’t make sense. The
some also happened to the project in the university.$ W" O# M! s3 D. u4 ~

3 b& P! Y; J+ F+ D) _In addition, grading different members of the team different grades is going to cause cut-throat competition within this team. Everyone takes their own benefits outweigh the benefits of the whole.别扭 Under such situation, is there any possibility that the project can be completed perfectly? Worse still, it is impossible for any team member to get a great score. Here is an example, when I was a junior student in university our college had a competition with another college. The leader of the winners’ team was going to would
win a vast amount of scholarship. So at first, most people tend to be the leader of the team in order to get the scholarship. At that moment, the team members had serious conflicts, nobody really paid attention to the competition.论据不充分，看完之后有莫名的感觉， Finally, they lost the game and the scholarship as well.在后面加上自己的观点`" {: G7 L: T/ \
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According to the above statements, I strongly hold my attitude that universities should give every member of the team the same grade when the team finishes a project, which benefit for去掉 not only the whole project but also the team members.

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3月9号
Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

It seems to be a tradition that we came home with homework every day since we were little children. Teachers always tell us that to finish our homework helps us to understand more about the knowledge we get from class. While, on the other hand, more and more researchers start to hold this point of view that daily homework is unnecessary. As for me, I am in favor the opinion that daily homework is helpful to students for the following reasons.

First and foremost, it is common sense that knowledge is diversity, which means in order to acquire knowledge, to do more practices is necessary, and daily homework is such kind of practice. Let me show you’re a vivid example, most of Chinese college students have learned English for more than 6 years. And there is no difficulty when these students confront some professional essay, because they used to have lot of reading homework every day when they were in high school. For the second part, for the majority of Chinese students, their oral English is poor. That’s because they seldom did speaking practice since middle school. And this accounts for the following problem that when we prepare for TOEFL IBT, it is essential for us to spend a large amount of time in speaking practice, however, our scores are still limited.

What’s more, daily homework is necessary also due to the following reason. No one can deny the fact that it is possible for you to forget what you learned two or three days ago without review. And homework is an excellent proceeding of review. Here is another example, when I was a senior student in college, in one of my experimental class that I took once a week, I came across a problem. While considering for most students were busying in looking for jobs, the teacher didn’t assign daily homework for us. And here comes the tragedy, when I came to the class for the second week, I forgot everything I learned last week. And most of my classmates had the same problem as I had. Finally we were back to the days with homework.

From what has been discussed above, I firmly believe that daily homework is necessary for students. It helps us not only to know more about what we’ve learned but also to review the whole system of knowledge.

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

还有，谢谢speedzshaw和jacknonplus，下次会努力避免上述的错误的~~~