独立写作 作业

lawrencelanUID: 2173940

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.

In the past several decades, television and movies stand for a new era of relaxation and amusement of our human being (I am not sure the expression "our human being". I think "human being" is just OK). With the development of this industry, our lives have greatly developed, which (which? the greatly developed lives? I think we are talking about movies and televisions )brought out both positive and negative effects; whereas both the merits and demerits affected us a lot not only for our lives but also for our minds (The opposite of minds is physic bodies, I think. Or do you mean both merits and demerits affected not only our daily lives but also cultures? ). So before giving my point of view, I’d prefer to overview the effects on both sides. (I think "both sides" is not a good expression here. We are talking about the positive and negative effects of movies and television, not two sides they affect. Do you think "overview both the positive and negative effects" is better?)3 E. i, {. S+ }% B% l1 r* W' @" N
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To begin with, for the advantageous part, television and movies create a totally new manner for us to get aware of the world where we live. Here is an example, when my mother was still a little, the only way for her to know outside her village was radio, once she heard from the radio that panda was a (kind of?)mammal with two colors on its skin—black and white. She cannot image how an animal can be looked cute and lovely with such colors, and this puzzle was not solved until the TV came out. What’s more, both television(s) and movie(s) provide a way for us to relax. When we come home after more than eight hours hard working, watching television, especially some interesting entertainment programs, helps us to get rid of business affairs. In addition, on the weekend (on weekends. I think it is not proper to use the article "the" here because you did not mean any specific weekend), to go to cinema with our families is a moment to reunite the whole family together and to enjoy the family happiness.2 C7 @" Q2 _0 e1 ?. I7 U# A2 g) ?

On the other hand, the demerits come with the merits. As is known to all that a widely discussion has been hold in the past one or two decades that television limits our lives into a small living room or even within a tiny place in front of the televisions. Most of us were glued to (a good phrase:))the televisions for most of our free time to watch TV or see movies. Moreover, when we give up fresh air, green grasses and colorful flowers from the outside, diseases come to us. According to a report published by Chinese Social and Science Institution, the number of people who stuffed from diabetes, heart disease and hypertension has greatly increased in the past two decades, due to lack of exercises. What’s more, lots of violent pictures and negative attitudes shown by televisions or movies contribute terrible effects to children (contribute effect to? I am not sure about this phrase), which cause social problems.
Finally, however, from my point of views, most of these ugly effects (ugly effects? I am not sure about this phrase either) can be ignored by suitable guide. For example, television also offers some sport programmers (programmers??), which makes sense. While with the help of parents, children can also avoid from learning from the televisions about some violent actions.- _" R  l9 q7 [! a" O
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As the reasons listed above, it is clearly that the statement on the top omits some merits of these two matters, whereas we can safely draw a conclusion that the advantages of television and movies far outweigh the disadvantages after being comprehensively consideration.

总结：1. 我对托福作文的要求了解不深，一般我都是在第一段提出自己的观点，这样最保险。呵呵
        2. 在论证中有点偏题，没有紧紧扣住young people。

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3.22
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.

There is a general discussion in modern society about the relationship between health and environment, especially for those involving government’s investigation. As far as I am concerned, environment plays a more important role in government’s system, because good environment benefits not only for a better life of citizen but also for harmonize connection between human and other species.

First and foremost, it is clear that the quality of life is as important as or even more important than life itself. No matter the health care or the environmental protection, they both want to improve people’s lives to a new level, provide opportunities for people to enjoy the result of modern technique and lead people to live a better life. These wishes, however, cannot come true without a better environment. Here is an example, when I was still in primary school; a tragedy came to my neighbor. The father of that family was suffered from cancer, because the water in the place where he worked was serious polluted. The young life left the world due to the bad environment, which brought misfortune to the mother and boy. Therefore, government should pay more attention to the environment to make a high-quality place for people to live.

Admittedly, if the health care system was well organized, that young father could have chance to live longer or be survived. We, however, cannot ignore the fact that the disease afflicted the father was caused by terrible environment. Suppose, if the water was clean and pure enough, the young life could have opportunities to enjoy the family happiness, and then maybe the health care. What’s more, if people all live in a place where the air is fresh, the mountain is green, the sky is pure blue and the whole community is peaceful, it is not doubt that people could seldom get chance to be threatened by diseases, which means the investigation on health care can be cut down greatly.

In addition, we all know that thousands of endangered species live in a vulnerable environment, if the ecology system continues to be damaged or changed; all of these species are going to die out in the coming short period of time. Under such kind of circumstance, our children can only acquire the knowledge of those species by pictures or video. Meanwhile our ecology can be severely affected by the disappearing of these species, the balance of the stable ecology system could be broken down, and this is going cause disaster. Therefore, any government, which is blind to this point, may pay a heavy price.

According to the above statements, we can safely draw a conclusion that the importance of environment issues nowadays is far outweigh that of health care issues, which means government should pay more attention on environment issues than to health care issues.

ly8768UID: 2452066

34# zhisnoopy

修改在附件

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

There is a general discussion in modern society about the relationship between health and environment, especially for those involving government’s investigation. As far as I am concerned, environment plays a more important role in government’s system环境怎么能play important role在gover--呢？？跟政府有啥关系？？最好是gover--在环境管理上有important role, because good environment benefits not only for a better life of citizen but also for harmonize connection between human and other species
开头挺好简洁点题不过health care没说

First and foremost, it is clear that the quality of life is as important as or even more important than life itself. No matter the health care or the environmental protection, they both want to-->both fuctions are to improve people’s lives to a new-->advanced level, ??provide opportunities for people to enjoy the result of modern technique and lead people to live a better life.这句长了而且不是复杂句，主语不明确 These wishes, however, cannot come true without a better environment. Here is an example, when I was still in primary school; a tragedy came to-->happened to my neighbor. The father of that family-->the man in family就行吧... was suffered from cancer, because the water in the place where he worked was serious用副词 polluted. The young life left the-->he passed away as a young man world due to the bad environment, which brought misfortune to the mother and boy.-->his wife and his son.说mother会让人误会是他的mother还是？？ Therefore, government should pay more attention to the environment to make a high-quality place for people to live
例子比较悲哀悲惨
Admittedly, if the health care system was well organized, that young father could have chance to live longer or be survived. We, however, cannot ignore the fact that the disease afflicted the father was caused by terrible environment. Suppose, if the water was clean and pure enough, the young life-->that young man could have opportunities to enjoy the family happiness, and then maybe the health care这个在这说明啥？. What’s more, if people all live in a place where the air is fresh, the mountain is green, the sky is pure blue and the whole community is peaceful, it is not doubt that people could seldom get chance to be threatened by diseases, which means the investigation on health care can be cut down greatly.这段跟上一段意思基本一致而且采用的例子也是，内容很思想上最好换一下。而且主题句选的不太合适

In addition, we all know that thousands of endangered species live in a vulnerable environment, if the ecology system continues to be damaged or changed; all of these species are going to die out in the coming short period of time. Under such kind of circumstance, our children can only acquire the knowledge of those species by pictures or video嗯好. Meanwhile our ecology can be severely affected by the disappearing of these species, the balance of the stable ecology system could be broken down, and this is going cause disaster. Therefore, any government, which is blind to this point, may pay a heavy price

According to the above statements, we can safely draw a conclusion that the importance of environment issues nowadays is far outweigh that of health care issues, which means government should pay more attention on environment issues than to health care issues. 最后2段不错语法问题比较少，前面的多些。内容需要丰富。个别句子表达加强。PS没看到跟你一组，改晚了不好意思

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3.24 （09.01.10）
Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country.

As for a country, one of the most important constituents is people. Therefore, to a certain extent, well-educated people have more opportunities to improve the country to a high level. And for most of us, school is the most common place to get education. From this point of view, improving school helps the country to develop successfully. This perspective, however, cannot account for the statement above that improving school is the most important factor for a successful country. From my point of view, improving school is just one of the most factors, and there are still other factors that existence, and only by improving school seldom achieves the target above.

To begin with, as I mentioned above, school provides opportunity for people to get education, and well-educated people are more likely to be hard working, politeness and less violent, which accounts for a well-organized country. However, this is not the whole case, and there are hundreds of examples show that well-educated people have limited contribution to the whole society, conversely, some others who may not finish their college study have significant actions to the country or human society. The strongest example to support this point of view is Bill Gates, who is not the normal graduates of university, but creates a new era of human history. What’s more, he and his kingdom become the dream of thousands of young man nowadays. It is no doubt that he directly contributes significances not only to his country but also to the whole world.

What’s more, there are still others factors have important influences on the country, such as family. According to a research published from Chinese social and science institution, nearly thirty percent children from divorced families have some tiny affective disturbance, especially when they cooperated with others. For these children, they have less possibilities to contribute to the country or even a group than children who grown up in normal families. Adversely, for those children who grown up in a harmonious environment, they know more about how to take care of others, how to communicate with others and how to trust others. For these people, they are more likely to be a leader of a group or a corporation, which provides them more opportunity to serve for the country.

To sum up, there are lots of important factors in successful development of country, and improving school is only one of them. The statement above falsely assures that improving school is the only factor for the result, which is not sufficient for the statement.

ly8768UID: 2452066

37# zhisnoopy
修改的在word文档里

caoxuemeiUID: 2629828

3.24 （09.01.10）
Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country.
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EAs for a country, one of the most important constituents(+part;换成critical components,或者干脆important parts )is people. Therefore, to a certain extent, well-educated people have more opportunities to improve the country to a high level. And for most of us, school is the most common place to get education (be educated ). From this point of view, improving school helps the country to develop successfully. This perspective, however, cannot account for the statement above that improving school is the most important factor for a successful country. From my point of view, improving school is just one of the most factors, and there are still other factors that existence ( 存在？能不换个语序？),and（好多and 哦，能断个句子吗）only by improving school seldom achieves the target above（这个词用了这么多次，可意思真的不是很准）.To begin with, as（what）I mentioned above, school provides opportunity for people to get education (这个用法很奇怪，能换个说法吗？), and well-educated people are more likely to be hard working（hard work 是非常费劲的工作，是不是work hard）, politeness and less violent, which accounts for(表原因？作出贡献？不清楚) a well-organized country. However, this is not the whole case, and there are hundreds of examples show（语序有问题there are ,show ,两个主干在一层上，取其一或者分层） that well-educated people have limited contribution（貌似很少这样用）to the whole society, conversely, some others who may not finish their college study have significant actions to the country or human（去掉，只用society 就好了）society. The strongest example to（用which,用to的话support 和is 谁是动词啊？） support this point of view（可用viewpoint） is Bill Gates, who is not the normal graduates(是要说从大学毕业的学生吗？) of university, but creates
（这个词最好能换一个，是创造新颖的东西，不是建造的意思）a new era of human history（句意重复，不用history ,或者a new ear in human history）. What’s more, he and his kingdom become (became) the dream of thousands of young man (young people 或者youths, young man一般有特指性，你这里想说广泛的青年人吧？) nowadays. It is no doubt that he directly contributes significances（这不明白，是向国家和世界提供意义，还是为国家提供很大帮助？前者貌似是这个句子的意思，后者的话significances 换副词significantly）not only to his country but also to the whole world
What’s more, there are still others factors (+that，同上，一层两个主干) have important influences on the country, such as family. According to a research published from Chinese social and science institution, nearly thirty percent children from divorced families have some tiny(用一个就好了，最好用程度词来形容，这些是数量词) affective disturbance (disturbance of emotion 情感障碍？还是表达障碍？), especially when they cooperated with others. For these children, they have less possibilities（这个一般指事情的发生概率） to contribute to the country or even (+to,这样清楚些吧) a group than children who grown up in normal families. Adversely（这个词表示逆转的,on contrary） for those children who grown up in a harmonious environment, they know more about how to take care of
others, how to communicate with others and how to trust others. (我觉得communicate with each other ,take care each other 比较好，是互相的，不是单个人的)For these people, they are more likely to be a leader of a group or a corporation, which provides (-them) more opportunities( for them) to serve for the country.
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To sum up, there are lots of important factors in successful development of country, and improving school is only one of them. The statement above falsely assures(这个用法没见过，一般都是保证讲是想说proclaim吗？) that improving school is the only（是most,不是only,审题） factor for the result, which is not sufficient for the statement（这个词是不是改成topic, subject或者issue什么的？）
句子虽然长，可层次却只有一层，多是简单句，很容易搞混的。再加油把句型搞一下吧

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

3.31 （07.11.11）

Advertisements make products seem better than they are.

Advertisement is a kind of media which including graphic ads, TV ads, newspaper ads and so forth, which aims at persuading us to believe the products or service it presents is worth to buy, which is full of every corners of our lives no matter where we are. In order to convince us, most of the advertisements do really make products seem better than they actually are. I am going to present my statements as follows.

First and foremost, as I mentioned before, the aims of advertisement is try to convince us to consume the product or the service it advertised, to prompt the profits of the product and to increase the influence of that brand. In order to finish these purposes, the advertisement agency is definitely going to improve the image, function and the quality of the product. Here is an example, several years ago, I had difficulties in dealing with my mobile phone, camera and MP3 all together, because they took large space in my bag, and it is hard to take care all of them. Then one day, I saw an advertisement about a new cell phone which contained all functions of phone, camera and MP3. Meanwhile, the advertisement presented beautiful pictures drawn by this phone. What’s more, this product hired a famous female singer to show the wonderful audio effects of that phone. All of these made me believe the high quality of that product. Therefore, I was so glad, and I thought I can leave the days with bringing all of these three with me together. When I finally bought this phone, it was really a nightmare, because it lacked the audio equipment of professional MP3, and could not even take a clear picture. Finally, I thought is away, and back to the days with my three equipments. And the advertisement totally magnified the product which did mislead the consumers.

On the other hand, large quantities of advertisements nowadays mislead the consumers to neglect some important information. For instance, when we gain some discount information about a famous super market from a local newspaper, it is easy for us to ignore some tiny letters on the bottom of the poster, and these tiny letters usually contain some important information, such as what kind of products or goods are not contained in this discount, and this kind of products are usually the exact ones that we want.

According to the above statements, we can safely get a conclusion that advertisements make products seem better than they are. Most of consumers are usually misled by these advertisements, and spend their money on some unnecessary or wasteful things.

glly7UID: 2675646

3.31修改

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

4.2
Playing sports teaches people lessons about life.

Playing sports is a process of communicating or dealing with others, including cooperation, competition, tactics and so forth. While for most people, life is also about getting along with others.
Therefore, I cannot agree with the topic any more that playing sports does really teach people lessons about life. Playing sports is just like a modeling of real human society, lots of things about lives are contained in it, just waiting for you to gain.

First and foremost, playing sports teaches people lessons about cooperation. In some sports, such as basketball or football, several members gather together as a team to defeat another one. Under such circumstance, players are taught about how to cooperate with teammates to seize the best location, to figure out better playing formation and to counterwork the opposite members. All of these look like working with people in offices or companies or like overwhelming a huge trouble with your family members together. People can gain a lot from playing sport about working with other members to deal with their real works of lives.

What’s more, playing sports teaches people lessons about competition. As I mentioned before, for most of sports, people gather together to defeat another team and this process can also be called competition. During this process, people aim to win the other team and they all try their best to prevent opposite members to get the scores. From my point of view, this can also be applied to real life. No one can deny the fact that there are so many people living in this planet while the good hazards are so limited. Therefore, when an opportunity comes out, lots of people run after it. At this special moment, how to compete with others is the key factor. Playing sports provides people opportunities to practice this, which helps them a lot when the real situation comes.

Finally, playing sports also teaches people lessons about tactics. According to what I have presented in the last paragraph, a large number of people go after a good opportunity has become a common situation in modern society. So how to be the best one in all the competitors is another important question. Let’s go back to sports first. In order to win the game, team members and their coach have to figure out their tactics to make sure that they have the ability to hold up opposite team and to get scores. These tactics can also be used when compete with other rivals for a superior opportunity and the tactics gained from playing sports is more valuable because it has already been testified to be useful.

To sum up, playing sports teaches people lesson about life. Admittedly, there are lots of lessons gained from sports far beyond the three points that I presented on the three paragraphs above; all these points, to some degree, persuade us to believe the topic and convince us the importance and benefits of playing sports.

cyscyscys1UID: 2771489

4.2
Playing sports teaches people lessons about life.

Playing sports is a process of communicating or dealing with others, including cooperation, competition, tactics and so forth. While for most people, life is also about getting along with others.
Therefore, I cannot agree with the topic any more that playing sports does really teach people lessons about life. Playing sports is just like a modeling of real human society, lots of things about lives are contained in it(总觉得这句话看着有点奇怪
改一下这段会更完美的), just waiting for you to gain.
First and foremost, playing sport teaches people lessons about cooperation. In some sports, such as basketball or football, several members gather together as a team to defeat another one. Under such circumstance, players are taught about how to cooperate with teammates to seize the best location, to figure out better playing formation and to counterwork the opposite members. All of these look like working with people in offices or companies or like（删除like） overwhelming a huge trouble with your family members together.(个人认为这句改成All of these look like working with your colleagues or with your family members to overwhelm a huge trouble更合适一点
原句or前后两个是不并列的) People can gain a lot from playing sport about working with other members to deal with their real works of lives.
What’s more, playing sport teaches people lessons about competition. As I mentioned before, for most of sports, people gather together to defeat another team and this process can also be called competition. During this process, people aim to win the other team and they all try their best to prevent opposite members to get（改成from getting）
the scores. From my point of view, this can also be applied to real life. No one can deny the fact that there are so many people living in this planet while the good hazards are so limited. Therefore, when an opportunity comes out, lots of people run after it. At this special moment, how to compete with others is the key factor. Playing sports provides people opportunities to practice this, which helps them a lot when the real situation comes.
Finally, playing sport also teaches people lessons about tactics. According to what I have presented in the last paragraph, a large number of people go after a good opportunity has become a common situation in modern society.（个人觉得改成 the situation that a large number of people go after a good opportunity become common in modern society 看起来更舒服） So how to be the best one in all the competitors is another important question. Let’s go back to sports first. In order to win the game, team members and their coach have to figure out their tactics to make sure that they have the ability to hold up opposite team and to get scores. These tactics can also be used when compete with other rivals for a superior opportunity and the tactics gained from playing sports is more valuable because it has already been testified to be useful.
To sum up, playing sports teaches people lesson about life. Admittedly, there are lots of lessons gained from sports far beyond the three points that I presented on the three paragraphs above;（这句话其实可以不用
在最后一段再强调一下你的三个TS即可）
all these points, to some degree, persuade us to believe the topic and convince us the importance and benefits of playing sports.

整体上句式语言都还蛮好的
逻辑也蛮清晰
加油！
ps 我的积分不够发附件 麻烦你自己复制粘贴到word文档里 应该没有乱码的