A81

CynthiaMomoLeeUID: 2587828

掐时间了~~~时间不够啊~~而且错误找的也不是很准确~~~~~上火中~泪奔啊~~


In this argument, the author recommends that in order to decline the incidence of allergies in children and adults, parents should not limit children's exposure to bacteria or irritants. To support the conclusion, the speaker cites a study of the more chance of the children who are washed especially frequently and living the homes which are cleaned frequently, showing the view that exposure to particular bacteria early in childhood actually triggers the proper development of immune system and because of excessive hygiene, limiting to access to the bacteria could cause children's allergies later on. However, the argument is based on the unsubstantiated assumption and should be rejected.

In the first place, the study fail to provide more adequate and specific information to show that the children washed more frequently and whose homes are always cleaned are away from the bacteria truly and become the trend to excessive hygiene. Some bacteria cannot be away from the body trough washing. Additionally, we cannot guarantee that the children do not access to bacteria for example they always play in the outside yard or sit on the grass reading, all of which would be the source of bacteria.

Secondly, there is no support of the ides of the exposure some certain bacteria or irritant would accumulate the right advancement of children' immune system. We are failing to understand what the real reason of making the immune system mature. Without meaningful and considerable proof to validate the relationship between the exposure and the improvement of immune system, we cannot say the second view is convincing.

Finally, even assuming that the survey reflect that excessive clean would bring about the bad influence of overact to certain irritants and the second would be true, we cannot mention that there is no limit to guide children to have opportunity of exposuring the bacteria. It is entirely possible that more exposure would be the fault of the bacteria and irritants leading the overacted allergies which damage the children’s immune system and bodies.

To sum up, the author should find more deep information around the second viewpoint and other consideration should be taken in the survey.

SansouciUID: 2755036

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to decline the incidence of allergies in children and adults, parents should not limit children's exposure to bacteria or irritants. To support the conclusion, the speaker cites a study of the more chance of the children who are washed especially frequently and living the homes which are cleaned frequently, showing the view that exposure to particular bacteria early in childhood actually triggers the proper development of immune system and because of excessive hygiene, limiting to access to the bacteria could cause children's allergies later on. However, the argument is based on the unsubstantiated assumption and should be rejected.

In the first place, the study fails to provide more adequate and specific information to show that the children washed more frequently and whose homes are always cleaned are away from the bacteria truly and become the trend to excessive hygiene. Some bacteria cannot be away from the body trough washing. Additionally, we cannot guarantee that the children do not access to bacteria for example they always play in the outside yard or sit on the grass reading, all of which would be the source of bacteria.再多句总结会更好

Secondly, there is no support of the ides of the exposure some certain bacteria or irritant would accumulate the right advancement of children' immune system. We are failing to understand what the real reason of making the immune system mature. 解释谬误部分很重要，不能省略！Without meaningful and considerable proof to validate the relationship between the exposure and the improvement of immune system, we cannot say the second view is convincing.

Finally, even assuming that the survey reflect that excessive clean would bring about the bad influence of overact to certain irritants and the second would be true, we cannot mention that there is no limit to guide children to have opportunity of espousing the bacteria. It is entirely possible that more exposure would be the fault of the bacteria and irritants leading the overacted allergies which damage the children’s immune system and bodies.

To sum up, the author should find more deep information ？？around the second viewpoint and other consideration should be taken in the survey.最后一个自然段要总结谬误，但不是重复，前后照应显得逻辑严密。

文章总体层次还是不错，只是句型缺乏变化，一眼看上去感觉很重复（虽然我也常犯这样的错误，但还是要很注意的）。
我自己写的也不好，只能给你这些建议了。大家一起进步哈