issue 48 历史话题的 还有9天 有拍一定回

nieyongUID: 2742661

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 550+53
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/3/8 10:22:52
请各位高手帮忙修改下  谢谢了 留链便于回拍哈~~

In today's study of history, prominent individuals are emphasized much. But were the most significant events and trends largely attributed to the famous few rather than the unknown groups of people, as the speaker asserts? In my opinion, I agree with the speaker insofar that the famous few do play important roles in the events and trends in history. However, what we shouldn't ignore is that the ordinary people are the foundation of the society throughout the history. The function of the famous few cannot be manifested.



Thinking in retrospect, we could find numerous events that are of great significance. Here come the famous ancient constructions that have profoundly influenced the world. The Great Wall, which lie in the north of China and was constructed by the first emperor in ancient China, is considered as the longest construction in the world and attracts innumerable tourists to China to witness the miracle which is considered as the legacy of the great emperor. The pyramids, which was used to memorize the Kings of ancient Egypt and keep their bodies dry, is as well astonishing and admired by people across the world every year. Although the construction was to memorize and respect the brilliant kings of the history, we should never forget that, without the diligent and ambidextrous workers, their greatness cannot be possible but simply the ordinary wall or tomb.


However, the celebrities are the representative of a certain period of the history, the study of the famous could have more value to our society. For example, we study the paintings of Da Vinci to know about the achievements of painting in Renaissance; Plato, the great philosopher in ancient Greece, is being studied to have a better understanding of the developing process of ancient Philosophy then. As to other relative ordinary ones, we have less time on them. Because, the value of studying on them cannot offset the time consumed, therefore in such cases, studies emphasized on famous few are appropriate.


Simultaneously, the trends in most cases are also led by the prominent celebrities. Via studying shining stars in the galaxy of history of different periods, we are moved and motivated by the trends of freedom and tenacity in exploration of the unknown world set by them. One apt illustration involves Columbus, the greatest explorer in history, clang tenaciously to his ambition of finding new land even though all the sailors were on the edge of desperation. Dr. King, the prominent activist for freedom and the leader in African-American civil rights movement, whose intrepidity incurred the extremists’ bullets. Though certain aspects of the value in society have changed as time passed, the spirit of pursuing freedom and exploration are immortal. They were initially established the famous few. Rooted in our deep mind, they have done much good to the significant trends in history.



Admittedly, synthesizing the fact cited, the trends in history are led by the prominent celebrities, but without the support of the ordinary people, the effect of the trends could be short or even impossible as trend is to manifest the inner need for the public. Similarly, the most significant events were created by the groups of people, the fame of them are owing to the famous few, since without them, insufficient attention can be paid to the study.


In conclusion, more comprehensive analysis should be thrown on this issue. As what have shown above, combined functions of the famous few and the groups of people can ultimately result in the most significant events and trends, thus the study of history should emphasize on individuals as well as the unknown groups of people.

nieyongUID: 2742661

自己顶一下~

nieyongUID: 2742661

自己顶一下~~

starshaneUID: 2616355

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 550+53
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/3/8 10:22:52
请各位高手帮忙修改下  谢谢了 留链便于回拍哈~~

In today's study of history, prominent individuals are emphasized much. But were the most significant events and trends largely attributed to the famous few rather than the unknown groups of people, as the speaker asserts? In my opinion, I agree with the speaker insofar that the famous few do play important roles in the events and trends in history. However, what we shouldn't ignore is that the ordinary people are the foundation of the society throughout the history. The function of the famous few cannot be manifested.
开头好像不够精简啊，尤其是只摆出了自己一个要点“the ordinary people are the foundation of the society throughout the history.”，第二个点The function of the famous few cannot be manifested.貌似跟第一个点没区别

Thinking in retrospect, we could find numerous events that are of great significance. Here come the famous ancient constructions that have profoundly influenced the world. The Great Wall, which lie in the north of China and was constructed by the first emperor in ancient China, is considered as the longest construction in the world and attracts innumerable tourists to China to witness the miracle which is considered as the legacy of the great emperor. The pyramids, which was used to memorize the Kings of ancient Egypt and keep their bodies dry, is as well astonishing and admired by people across the world every year. Although the construction was to memorize and respect the brilliant kings of the history, we should never forget that, without the diligent and ambidextrous workers, their greatness cannot be possible but simply the ordinary wall or tomb.
我觉得长城和金字塔例子不是很适当，因为他们只是construction不是events or historic trends, 记得北美范文拿泰姬陵当例子，是想说明虽然泰姬陵是工人造的，但来源于帝王的whim，它是想突出individual的作用，再审题吧……


However, the celebrities are the representative of a certain period of the history, the study of the famous could have more value to our society. For example, we study the paintings of Da Vinci to know about the achievements of painting in Renaissance; Plato, the great philosopher in ancient Greece, is being studied to have a better understanding of the developing process of ancient Philosophy then. As to other relative ordinary ones, we have less time on them. Because, the value of studying on them cannot offset the time consumed, therefore in such cases, studies emphasized on famous few are appropriate.
我被搞昏了……看了第一段以however为标志突出主题，以为你主要是想说people的作用，那么individual就只能作为让步。而people只说了一段，只摆了一个点，又来一个however（强烈转折）说起了individual……再接着看吧

Simultaneously, the trends in most cases are also led by the prominent celebrities. Via studying shining stars in the galaxy of history of different periods, we are moved and motivated by the trends of freedom and tenacity in exploration of the unknown world set by them. One apt illustration involves Columbus, the greatest explorer in history, clang tenaciously to his ambition of finding new land even though all the sailors were on the edge of desperation. Dr. King, the prominent activist for freedom and the leader in African-American civil rights movement, whose intrepidity incurred the extremists’ bullets. Though certain aspects of the value in society have changed as time passed, the spirit of pursuing freedom and exploration are immortal. They were initially established the famous few. Rooted in our deep mind, they have done much good to the significant trends in history.
看到这里我总算明白了，你是要说individual的作用，那就只能说你第一段里however用的不对了……可以用although句型，把自己的观点放在although句型的后半句，免得引起误会

Admittedly, synthesizing the fact cited, the trends in history are led by the prominent celebrities, but without the support of the ordinary people, the effect of the trends could be short or even impossible as trend is to manifest the inner need for the public. Similarly, the most significant events were created by the groups of people, the fame of them are owing to the famous few, since without them, insufficient attention can be paid to the study.（这是个病句吧……没看懂，since应该换成because）

Admittedly又是个让步的标志啊……我觉得你观点不是很明确呃，想顾及两面但两面都没有写深刻

In conclusion, more comprehensive analysis should be thrown on this issue. As what have shown above, combined functions of the famous few and the groups of people can ultimately result in the most significant events and trends, thus the study of history should emphasize on individuals as well as the unknown groups of people.
最后一段就不说什么了，论证不是很有力，总结也等于空话。


拍重了您多担待……

starshaneUID: 2616355

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