3.10 by annke

annkeUID: 2605122

3.10: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country.

When talking about how to successfully develop a country, people always have a heated discussion and provide a lot of various suggestions. Some oppose to the statement that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country, arguing that there are much more factors overwhelm education. Nevertheless, I agree with this statement, reasons are as following.

First of all, improving schools will definitely cultivate more and more qualified workers, which play a crucial role in economy development and the construction of a modern nation. History abounds with such examples. After the World War two, the fascist Germany had been totally destroyed, whose industry had been seriously weakened. In 1946, people scarcely found a selling car at the market because of the short supply. Nevertheless, nowadays Germany has become the biggest economical power in Europe Union, whose car manufacturing not only meets the demands of Germans themselves, but also supply for hundred of foreign countries, even the cars of my family members are all the German cars! As we all know, since 1945, the government of Germany focused on the domestic issues and paid lots of attentions on education, the government not only allocate a great deal money on building colleges and universities, but also improve the average salary of teachers in elementary school. Thus there are sufficient qualified workers support the urgent postwar construction, as along as well-educated children contribute to the development of advanced scientific technology. Hence, the German has revitalized after the depression and it achieves success.

Secondly, the improvement of schools does benefit anyone in the country. Since a high-quality education is not focused on students’ grade, but pay attention to promote students’ ability. Students can gradually explore about themselves, what are they interested? How can they make it? Their creativity and imagination are developed by this way, which will fulfill their inner world. To be specific, with a certificate, students have more chance to find a good job and realize the life style they are longing for. Then, how come all the citizen of a country are happy about themselves and their life? In my opinion, that kind of country is inevitably successful country.

In summary, the improvement of education is a matter of both economy progress and personal satisfaction, and both of them are contribute to successful development of a country. Therefore, government should put enough emphasis on education and take measures to improve the education all the time. Only in this way, not only the foreigners regard the country successful, but also the citizens feel proud of the success of their motherland.

annkeUID: 2605122

我写第三段时相当难受。。感觉赌得慌。
2# elvis_ma

mpromanusUID: 2565872

When talking about how to successfully develop a country, people always have a heated discussions and provide a lot of various suggestions. Some oppose to the statement that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of a/the country, arguing that there are much many more factors that overwhelm education ('Education' is definitely not the same as 'improving schools'. Be careful that you don't twist the question when trying to rephrase, or you should explain why you think 'improving schools' means 'education'.). Nevertheless, I agree with this statement, reasons are as following.

First of all, improving schools will definitely cultivate more and more qualified workers, which play a crucial role in economy development and the construction of a modern nation. History abounds with such examples. After the Second World War two, the fascist Germany had been totally destroyed, whose industries had been seriously weakened. In 1946, people scarcely found a selling car at the any market because of the short supply shortage. Nevertheless, nowadays Germany has become the biggest economical power in the European Union, whose car manufacturing not only meets the demands of Germans themselves, but also supplies for to hundreds of foreign countries. Even the cars of my family members are all the German cars! As we all know, since 1945, the government of Germany focused on the domestic issues and paid lots of attentions on education. The government not only allocated a great deal of money on building colleges and universities, but also improved the average salary of teachers (This could be viewed as an indirect improvement to schools, or not, depending on your definition of 'improving schools'. This is exactly the issue that I talked about at the end of the first paragraph: by swapping 'education' into 'improving schools', you've unconciously created a larger topic. But I'm not saying this is wrong. You can talk about 'education' in general, but you need to DEFINE this in relation to the scope of 'improving schools', in the first paragraph. That is, you must establish the validity of talking about 'education' in place of 'improving schools'.)  in elementary schools. Thus there are sufficient qualified workers to support the urgent postwar construction, as along as well-educated children to contribute to the development of advanced scientific technologies. Hence, the Germany has revitalized after the depression and it achieves success. (Very good example.)

Secondly, the improvement of schools does benefit anyone in the country. Since a high-quality education is not focused on students’ grades, but pays attention to promote students’ abilities. (This seems to be an incomplete sentence.) Students can gradually explore about themselves: what are they interested in? How can they make it (What?)? Their creativity and imagination are developed by this way, which will fulfill their inner worlds. To be specific, with a certificate (Of what? School attendance of more than 80%?), students have more chances to find a good jobs and realize the lifestyles they are longing for. Then, how come (If you use 'how come', you're actually questioning that why all the citizens are happy, in the sense that they shouldn't be.) all the citizens of a country are happy about themselves and their lives? In my opinion, that kind of country is inevitably a successful country. (The question is about 'successful development' of a country through school improvements. You've addressed the 'successful' part very nicely but not adequately on the 'development' part.

In summary, the improvement of education is a matter of both economy progress and personal satisfaction, and both of them are contribute to successful development of a country. Therefore, a government should put enough emphasis on education and take measures to improve the education all the time. Only in this way, not only the foreigners regard the country successful, but also the citizens feel proud of the success of their motherland (Not all people refer to their native countries as 'motherlands'. German-speaking countries, for instance, use 'fatherland'.).

总结：

你的说理和例子都很好，但是语法问题真的需要注意一下。。虽然大部分不影响意思的表达但是实在太多了。。另外就是要注意讨论题目的时候不要没有理由地偷换概念。你当然可以说improve school是improve education，这是很合理的推论，但是这必须在第一段给出，就是说你要设定好你讨论的概念是什么，边界在哪里，这样你后面包括结论都在说education才算没有跑题。