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Decisionmaking is a common (step or) process that every one goes through. Otherpeople, such as parents and teachers made decision for children who arenot old enough to distinguish right from wrong. I believe that somepeople remembered that parents decided what kind of clothes they neededto be indress for specific situations or which elementary schools theyshould take in, public or private one(?). Since children grow up to youngmen who have their own thoughts, make(没有主语,making) decisions by themselves is a (sigh) signof being independence (independent) in my point of view, (as) no one could know oneself morethan (him or herself) others.(观点陈述的不够明确,直接说我认为自己做决定更好)(我觉得这个这个题目观点有点儿问题。还需待讨论,不知道你这么写有没有问题 ) v" i9 F8 C2 V8 {
$ ?) \4 \4 Z* E* ZYoungpeople should make up(编造的意思) their minds for future and dreams +by themselves. Althoughfriends and teachers could provide proper suggestions +that people need when facingdilemma, it is him or her who that?强调句用that 否则就变成定语从句了 understand what they will do in theirfuture (life). For instance, I put myself in a difficult position beforegraduating from high school while chose a program to get involved infor my college. At that time, I received a couple of advices from myparents and teacher. Due to being good at math, my teacher(这里有个严重的问题,时刻注意主语和谓语要一致) suggested meto choose finance or accounting major, which will equip me financialknowledge for working in a favorable job position such as in bank. Itmay be an admirable profession (occupation怎样?) for female staff///a girl from my teacher’sopinion. My parents, however, preferred me to study in medical schoolsince I could be a doctor after graduation. It seems that most parents /ingreat number/ believe doctor can benefit one family from differentaspects, /especially when parents get older.删// Both finance and medicineare attractive majors and students with such knowledge will not facedifficulties to find jobs. However, I have to follow my heart and mydream to choose what I should study. People in this world including myparents and teachers will not spend whole life with me, consequently,an appropriate work is significant because it is hard for me to have agood mood if work in a position I do not have favor to. Therefore, Ichose business management as the field I study for in my university. Imade a plan to run my own company in several years after graduation asmaking money for/by? myself could satisfy my heart.* ?2 o2 F' `' Q! N: G
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Onthe contrary, no one could deny the suggestions from people around us.Sometimes, they take into account seriously with more experiences.Parents or friends who are older than us have mature ideas whenconsider practical issues, and they probably have insight solutions.What people need to do is to adopt essencial part and analysis theirsuggestions, which could provide valuable condition to make a gooddecision. Learning something from others’ advices instead of rejectingtotally also produces better decision for oneself. Even if they mightnot understand our minds or plans, various views can be differentinformation that helps us to make decision after consideration(体贴,细心).(吸取建议并不妨碍自己做决定啊,即便是所有建议都采纳,也不代表不能自己做决定,所以论证角度有偏差,也不够清晰)3 q, i: _2 Z& H/ p& E% x" y
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Fromwhat have been discussed above, decision making by oneself should beencouraged since no one could deeply understand him or herself inners.Suggestions from others, nevertheless, can be used in beneficial wayrather than turning a blind eye completely. And I still believe that itis person oneself who should make decision for life.
对题目的理解有问题。。。Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves。题目的关键字是 making decision 。。而不是adopting suggestion。。也不是following one's heart。。。。即便我做了一个不符合我心意的决定,让我不开心的决定,也是我所做的决定。而不是别人给我做的。。。。。。第二个建议是,对于词汇的意思一定要把握准确,不能乱用。例如consideration,make up 否则老外会看不懂你说什么。就说这么多吧,加油。。多背背单词,列列提纲会对你有很大帮助的,不一定要每篇文章都写全。试着先练习写一小段论述,之阐述一个角度,但一定要清晰准确。
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