issue130~~孩子社会化，写了好长时间~~有拍必回

ella_dylUID: 2595060

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 570       TIME: 01:42:39       DATE: 2010-3-21 下午 04:11:29

The statement suggests that children's socialization determines the destiny of society and we have few ideas to equip children with abilities to bring about a better society. I agree with the statement insofar as children’s socialization is of great significance to their growth and nowadays they are not well-socialized due to limitation of education. However, the speaker’s assertion is too arbitrary in that he/she overstates the importance of socializing children.

First and foremost, there is no doubt that socialization of children is crucial and necessary to children's development. So is to the society since children are the dominant group in the future. To be socialized is often defined as to communicate with others effectively and to comply with the moral standards and laws. In a modern society, we can hardly accomplish a goal without cooperation. Even if everyone seems to do separate parts, they have to keep in touch with each other to ensure quality of the whole project. Report shows that globalization, which is the further step of socialization, is very likely to be a dominant trend of future society. In order to better contribute to the future society, children should be aware of the importance of information and ideas as well as the necessity of learning from each other.

Just as the speaker states, unfortunately, educators, parents and the general public have made little effort to improve children's social skills. Education focuses too much on theoretical knowledge and mastery of techniques. Due to the high competence of modern society, children nowadays are becoming selfish and are less inclined to share their ideas. They lack basic sense of responsibilities, no matter to their parents and the whole society. What's worse, they show no respect to others' interests, even their lives. A recent study among adolescent criminals reveals that more then 90% of them committed crime due to being more self-concentrated. Thus, where there is an absence of socialization, there will probably be an absence of a sense of belonging, which is very likely to cause children's psychological problems.

Despite socialization bears great significance, we should not overrate it and oversimplify the destiny of society. There's no denying that socialization of children is essential, but it doesn't mean it is the only and the most important factor influencing the growth of children. One apt illustration of this point involves story about James Ma, a successful businessman in China. James was born in a remote and undeveloped small town. After going to university in Beijing, his accent was regarded as extremely strange, which made him too shy to communicate with others. Thus, he was not socialized that time. However, he always clung to his ideal that he wanted to make breakthrough in China's training service. He immerged himself with great efforts and finally achieved his dream. Therefore, there are many factors to have great impact on children's future other than socialization, such as strong conviction and the will of persistence. Furthermore, the growth of children is neither the only one nor the most important one determining the destiny of society. Justice of laws, development of scientific strategies, economics situations and so on, are also vital to influence the destiny of society.

From the analysis above, socializing children is crucial but not decisive to the destiny of our society. However, since children are the host of future, the whole society should make efforts to help them become contributing citizens in the future.

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

我来学习了一下，下面我说些我的分析。希望共同进步！！


The statement suggests that children's socialization determines the destiny of society and we have few ideas to equip children with abilities to bring about a better society. I agree with the statement insofar as children’s socialization is of great significance to their growth （重点还是应该放到社会化对社会命运的影响，对孩子成长的影响不能占主角吧？）and nowadays they are not well-socialized due to limitation of education（不懂这个什么意思，你后面的论述是强调我们太注重理论和技能教育，这是教育的有限性？）. However, the speaker’s assertion is too arbitrary in that he/she overstates the importance of socializing children.（首段复述题目再加自己观点，立场是部分承认。但是，你是否没有回应题目的第二句话，我们到底有没有方法去培养能够建设美好社会的孩子。对题目回应不全，很严重的）

First and foremost, there is no doubt that socialization of children is crucial and necessary to children's development. So is to the society since children are the dominant group in the future.（这个主题句还是不错的，推到了社会上面） To be socialized is often defined as to communicate with others effectively and to comply with the moral standards and laws（这个定义权威吗？其实社会化在一个很成熟的名词了，有其固定的定义的，不妨查查）. In a modern society, we can hardly accomplish a goal without cooperation. Even if everyone seems to do separate parts, they have to keep in touch with each other to ensure quality of the whole project. Report shows that globalization, which is the further step of socialization（这个论断~~~让人惊讶）, is very likely to be a dominant trend of future society. In order to better contribute to the future society, children should be aware of the importance of information and ideas as well as the necessity of learning from each other. （我说说这段的推理吧。 因为合作很重要，而社会化合以带给孩子们合作精神，所以，社会化对孩子们很重要，而孩子们是未来社会的主宰者，所以社会化对社会很重要。   这个推理过程，我觉得首先，要论证一下社会化是怎样带来合作精神的，当然你说了，社会化就是交流，交流有合作的影子了；然后还要把这个“很重要”上升到决定社会命运的高度来）

Just as the speaker states, unfortunately, educators, parents and the general public have made little effort to improve children's social skills. Education focuses too much on theoretical knowledge and mastery of techniques. Due to the high competence of modern society, children nowadays are becoming selfish and are less inclined to share their ideas. They lack basic sense of responsibilities, no matter to their parents and the whole society. What's worse, they show no respect to others' interests, even their lives. A recent study among adolescent criminals reveals that more then 90% of them committed crime due to being more self-concentrated. Thus, where there is an absence of socialization, there will probably be an absence of a sense of belonging, which is very likely to cause children's psychological problems.

Despite socialization bears great significance, we should not overrate it and oversimplify the destiny of society. There's no denying that socialization of children is essential, but it doesn't mean it is the only and the most important factor influencing the growth of children. One apt illustration of this point involves story about James Ma, a successful businessman in China. James was born in a remote and undeveloped small town. After going to university in Beijing, his accent was regarded as extremely strange, which made him too shy to communicate with others. Thus, he was not socialized that time（还是一个社会化定义的问题，社会化不只是口头交流吧，说他在那段时间没社会化多少有些不合适吧？）. However, he always clung to his ideal that he wanted to make breakthrough in China's training service. He immerged himself with great efforts and finally achieved his dream. （我觉得有必要点一下到底是什么品质或什么重要的教育促使他成功，然后再转入下一句的推理。）Therefore, there are many factors to have（改成havingk吧？) great impact on children's future other than socialization, such as strong conviction and the will of persistence. Furthermore, the growth of children is neither the only one nor the most important one determining the destiny of society. Justice of laws, development of scientific strategies, economics situations and so on, are also vital to influence the destiny of society.（这段结构很清晰，只是我总觉得那个决定孩子的成长和决定社会的命运之间有点脱节）

From the analysis above, socializing children is crucial but not decisive to the destiny of our society. However（这个转折，让我有点迷惑）, since children are the host of future, the whole society should make efforts to help them become contributing citizens in the future.


整篇看来，语言用词都很不错。 挺精干的，结构很明了， 看得出来思路很清晰。
谢谢你呀！！