[66's]同题 Issue24 de Sean

liberta.seanUID: 2700223

TOPIC: ISSUE24 - "People in positions of power are most effective when they exercise caution and restraint in the use of that power."
WORDS: 524          TIME: 00:56:37          DATE: 2010/3/21 20:04:12
In this era of fast-developed and complicated modren world ,more and more people are in positions of power with the numerous institutions established day by day .This also gives rise to some instances such as corruption and remission,which causes us to spend some time meditating how can such leaders are most effective .In my point of view ,they should use their power prudently under some restrictrictions

Using power with caution and consideration ,people with power can keep them from future danger.Human are society animals ,who interacts with other people .When carrying out what he or she wants to do ,people cannot harm other people's benefits too much .If so ,some people may try to protect them ,which sometimes bring bad effect back.This only can lead to mess in the society and in the end threaten his power in hand .Besides ,people cannot run against the trend of history with his power .Puyi ,the last empir of Qing ,became an empir agian after the brokendown of monarchy.His behavior against the development of world finally resulted in his failure.Thus ,people with power had better use the power properly to make sure the longer usage of power.

Power entitled to the leader is not by themselves but by the populace .Therefore leaders should use the power to do things in behalf of the mass ,not  serving themself firstly.In another words,when leader begin to use the power ,they should keep the interest of populace in mind and make sure what they will do is for the populace .Only in this way ,they can improve the lives of people and creat harmony in the society and get more support from the people.On the contrary ,people who abuse the power and bring harmness to the society only get reprochment and finally is deposed from the positoin by the populace.Hitler is a good example of this .He betrayed the populace ,abusing his power to make the masscare on Jews and to intrude other European countries ,which caused the disaffection of Germany and peoples form other coutries and leaded to his attestment .Leaders should refer to history a lot ,which is the mirrow of the past ,so that they can be the most effective by using the power appropositely.

Apparently ,every country has made many regulations in order to prevent leaders from using the power without limitations .Through this way ,people are more assured that leaders will have less chance to abuse the power endowed by the civilians.Leaders will risk their reputation to implement unfair deed,which may bring them into the prison finally .Without this regulations,people are afraid the society will be in mess and everything will be out of control .The fact that the prince can kill people without punishment but the civilian have to spend his whole life in jail will be unbelievable,at least in a  society with high civilization.No one will go to court to seek fairness .Obviously the highly developed civilization will be totally damanged in this way .

In sum,an effective people with power can be most effective only throught using power with limitation and consideration.To make them performance better ,regulations has been made through the world.

soilinkinUID: 2163892

In this era of fast-developed and complicated modren world ,more and more people are in positions of power with the numerous institutions established day by day .This also gives rise to some instances such as corruption and remission,which causes us to spend some time meditating(直接which makes us meditate是不是更好...感觉刻意加成分进句子里很别扭...) how can such leaders are(be) most effective .In my point of view ,they should use their power prudently under some restrictrictions

Using power with caution and consideration ,people with power can keep them(这里的them指什么...如果是people with power应该用themselves) from future danger.Human are society animals(social animals) ,who interacts with other people .When carrying out what he or she wants to do ,people cannot harm other people's benefits(harm benefit是不是太中国式了) too much .(这里没太理解...如果是当人实现了自己的愿望就不会损害他人利益的话就应该用will not而不是cannot)If so ,some people may try to protect them(这里指代什么,benefit?) ,which sometimes bring bad effect back.This only can lead to mess in the society and in the end threaten his(their?) power in hand .Besides ,people cannot run against the trend of history with his power .Puyi ,the last empir(empire?emperor?) of Qing ,became an empir agian after the brokendown of monarchy.His behavior against the development of world finally resulted in his failure.(例子没有举好...没有说明如何违背了历史趋势...更与如何use power 无关)Thus ,people with power had better use the power properly to make sure the longer usage of power.(这段的reasoning不太紧凑...感觉没有涉及实质问题...还没有谈到using power就没了...)

Power entitled to the leader is not by themselves(注意单复数对应问题) but by the populace .Therefore leaders should use the power to do things in behalf of the mass ,not(这种not改成rather than 效果会不会好些)  serving themself firstly(in the first place).In another words(in other words),when leader begin(begins) to use the power ,they should keep the interest of populace in mind and make sure what they will do is for the populace .Only in this way ,they can improve the lives(living condition) of people and creat(create) harmony in the society and get more support from the people.On the contrary ,people who abuse the power and bring harmness to the society only get reprochment and finally is deposed from the positoin by the populace.Hitler is a good example of this .He betrayed the populace ,abusing his power to make the masscare on Jews and to intrude other European countries ,which caused the disaffection of Germany and peoples form other coutries(countries) and leaded to his attestment .Leaders should refer to history a lot(regularly) ,which is the mirrow of the past ,so that they can be the most effective by using the power appropositely.(总结句和本段主题不符...应该改成refer to history to see if he/she has taken people's interest into account)

Apparently ,every country has made many regulations in order to prevent leaders from using the power without limitations .Through this way ,people are more assured that leaders will have less chance to abuse the power endowed by the civilians.Leaders will risk their reputation to implement unfair deed,which may bring them into the prison finally .(这里应该具体展开一点...regulations是如何prevent abusing power的)Without this regulations,people are afraid the society will be in mess and everything will be out of control .The fact that the prince can kill people without punishment but the civilian have to spend his whole life in jail will be unbelievable,at least in a  society with high civilization.No one will go to court to seek fairness .Obviously the highly developed civilization will be totally damanged in this way .

In sum,an effective people with power can be most effective only throught using power with limitation and consideration.To make them performance better ,regulations has been made through the world.

LZ的三个论点相互隔离开来...没有很好的联系...使得文章没有形成很好的整体...即是逻辑关系部明确...仅仅把题目涉及的三个论点排列出来了而已...如果能事先把文章的结构组织好...形成一个相互联系的推进...效果会好很多...
另外...LZ对句子尤其是长句的运用熟练程度还不够...需要加强改进...建议把句子结构明确...在不造成歧义的前提下使用长句...组长的功底很深厚...建议多学习学习...

zoeyczUID: 2621425

n this era of fast-developed and complicated modren（请至少在word中修改过再发上来，谢谢！） world ,more and more people are in positions of power with the numerous institutions established day by day .This also gives rise to some instances such as corruption and remission,which causes us to spend some time meditating how can such leaders are most effective .In my point of view ,they should use their power prudently under some restrictrictions

Using power with caution and consideration ,people with power can keep them from future danger.Human are society animals ,who interacts with other people .When carrying out what he or she wants to do ,people cannot harm other people's benefits too much .If so ,some people may try to protect them ,which sometimes bring bad effect back.This only can lead to mess in the society and in the end threaten his power in hand .Besides ,people cannot run against the trend of history with his power .Puyi ,the last empir of Qing ,became an empir agian （这个例子的关联性完全没有看出来，你还强调again...）after the brokendown of monarchy.His behavior against the development of world finally resulted in his failure.Thus ,people with power had better use the power properly to make sure the longer usage of power.
Power entitled to the leader is not by themselves but by the populace .Therefore leaders should use the power to do things in (on 这个也应该word里查得出来的) behalf of the mass ,not  serving themself firstly.In another words,when leader begin to use the power ,they should keep the interest of populace in mind and make sure what they will do is for the populace .Only in this way ,they can improve the lives of people and creat（！） harmony in the society and get more support from the people.On the contrary ,people who abuse the power and bring harmness（！） to the society only get reprochment （！）and finally is deposed from the positoin by the populace.Hitler is a good example of this .He betrayed the populace ,abusing his power to make the masscare on Jews and to intrude other European countries ,which caused the disaffection of Germany and peoples form other coutries and leaded to his attestment .(跟effective有什么关系阿，跑题了)Leaders should refer to history a lot ,which is the mirrow （！）of the past ,so that they can be the most effective by using the power appropositely.

Apparently ,every country has made many regulations in order to prevent leaders from using the power without limitations .Through this way ,people are more assured that leaders will have less chance to abuse the power endowed by the civilians.Leaders will risk their reputation to implement unfair deed,which may bring them into the prison
finally .Without this regulations,people are afraid the society will be in (a) mess and everything will be out of control .The fact that the prince can kill people without punishment but the civilian have to spend his whole life in jail will be unbelievable,at least in a  society with high civilization.No one will go to court to seek fairness .Obviously the highly developed civilization will be totally damanged in this way .

In sum,an effective people with power can be most effective only throught using power with limitation and consideration. (没看懂)To make them performance better ,regulations has been made through the world.

Note:标点符号前无空格，后有空格

改完你的文章，我有点生气，我可以理解固有语感导致语法错误但自己改不出来
我也可以理解你拼错，但是你不加修改的贴上来我就完全无法理解了
我们建小组不是为了修改低级错误的，如果word都能改的错误你还拿上来浪费大家时间，我觉得你有必要检讨下自己为什么要写这么多练习，为什么要花时间精力来参加小组，如果你连自己的问题都不愿意检查就贴上来了，我怎么相信你会对其他组员负责？！！
我不愿意失去每一位组员，但是我更不愿意勉强你来参加小组，真正的进步说到底还是靠自己的，别人可以帮一把，但是没有办法取代你的努力！
如果你真心想要提高，还愿意在这个小组中贡献一份力，其他的文章请自行修改拼写错误后通知我，谢谢！