Argument45，小女第一篇习作，请各位高手不吝指教

maria624UID: 2312372

45、The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.
"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."

In view of the reports from local hunters, speculating death rate of arctic deer is rising, and then combining this supposition with recent global warming to form another hypothesis that the sea ice in Canada’s arctic region is melting, hastily claims the author that deer being unable to migrate among islands in the sea by their original methods contributes to the declining deer populations. However, careful and thorough examination of this argument exposes several distinctly illogical aspects.

The statistical evidence that the hunters who are used to settle down in Canada’s arctic region notify the drop of deer population is too vague to be informative. We do not have any data about the amount of hunters that participated in forming these reports; the smaller this amount, the less reliable and scientific the result of the reports. Besides, the arguer implies that local hunters might not see or hunt as many deer as before, which naturally indicates that the species has a mass casualty. Nevertheless, it is possible that the time when hunters in a certain island are hunting, deer had moved to another island for food, or even the group of deer had just found a large and warm island which is full of their favorite plants and far from human residence so that they located there without migrating anymore. More objective study is necessary to identify the actual number of deer. The editor draws a conclusion that is broader in scope than is warranted by the information advanced. When it comes to recent global warming, does it absolutely mean the temperature of any place on the earth is getting higher? Greatly probable not! Since the editorial provides no evidence to substantiate this, it is equally possible that temperature of Canada’s arctic region is keeping stable, or becoming lower. If the temperature there were getting lower, ice covering the sea among islands would not melt, and deer could still migrate from one island to another to seek for food, therefore, the increasing mortality might be owing to lack of warm habitats and subsisting plants.

Common sense and experience tells us that a variety of other factors, such as environmental pollution, mass killing, and over hunting, can also play major roles to descent of deer amount. For the arguer gained reports from local hunters, we can safely arrive at a conclusion that arctic deer hunting is quite popular in that area. At the even worse, deer’s habitat is limited and censorious as the writer’s mention, so any pollution will exert a profound influence towards their lives. Consequently, to find the exact causes of decreasing deer population, examination should be applied to all the factors that have significant impact on deer’s lives.

In conclusion, any legitimate final submission should be supported by objective and scientific reports and studies; nonetheless the editorial’s result fails do that. While most of the entire earth is getting warmer, we should not lose sight of the possibility that temperature of Canada’s arctic area is still standing at its previous position. Since the editorial fails to rule out these and other possible explanations for changing of deer population, I cannot accept any conclusion in this argument.

记了时间第一遍30分钟没写完，之后又不计时间的自己修改润色了几遍，求各位好心人帮忙指出语言和逻辑等各类错误，不胜感激～～

NevilleWangUID: 2725154

1.play major roles to (in) 比较好
2.Since the editorial provides no evidence to substantiate this: 这个this 不好
3.In conclusion, any legitimate final submission should be supported : submission不恰当
  nonetheless the editorial’s result fails do that :fail to do
结构上觉得开头先说HUNTER有点不是重点 后头的argument力量强很多 应该先说
楼主干的不错：）