issues147 tradition and modernization 好痛苦啊

starshaneUID: 2616355

TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
WORDS: 268
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/3/22 20:42:57
感觉题目好大……大家都从四面八方定义……

第一段：总起在有些情况下需要选择，但大多数时候二者是互益并能共处的

Traditions are forged by long period of accumulation and wild acceptance thus is the fruit of the human civilization. While in recent centuries, with the rapid development of technology and the progress of modernization, contemporary people are breaking free from traditions. It seems that tradition and modernization are incompatible in some aspects and we have to choose between them, but in most cases, both elements can be mutually conducive and be successfully combined.

有的传统被抛弃了，因为1，现代社会环境变了，节奏快 2，现代科技使一些旧发明不再实用了（这个点的例子举得极烂……）
Admittedly some traditional concepts and rituals do not fit in the modern world which features efficiency and convenience. Modern people are busier, more practical and more utilitarian. They also bear more pressure than before so that they wish to make life easier. That sentiment explains the abandon of some traditional customs and rituals. For instance, Chinese people used to write and read standard Mandarin which is very complicated, somehow after the beginning of the modernization process around 1950s, simplified Mandarin took place and prevailed until today because people want to save some time from reading and writing for other important things. Furthermore, some traditions were rendered obsolete by modernization as labor work is replaced by automatic machines. People do have to choose from telephone and writing letters, from automobile and carriage, from highway to rustic country road, and they have chosen the former ones. Those are the inevitable progress from tradition to the fast and efficient modernization.

在其他方面，传统是现代化的基础，给现代化灵感
In other dimensions, however, we can always find harmonious co-existence of tradition and modernization. In the first instance, people can find way to combine the two together with their imagination and creativity. In the fields of art, we see a lot traditional elements in modern art work because some traditional rules and principals are of lasting charm and give inspirations to modernization. For example, the avant-garde contemporary Pecking Opera artists still stick to the traditional feats of “chang, nian, zuo, da” (singing, reading lines, doing martial actions) while adding some modern expressions into those lines and wearing modern costumes. Another example comes from architecture. The Chinese hall of 2010 World Expo in Shanghai resembles traditional Chinese chapeau while possessing some modern elements like simple and concise. Established traditional principals and concepts provide modernization with framework and inspiration, without tradition, modernization will get nowhere.

现代化也赋予传统更好的呈现方式
Moreover, modernization has instilled new vitality to traditions and presented them in a whole new manner. This function is particularly obvious in the movie industry where new technologies ushered a new epoch for directors. Thanks to computers and 3D techniques, film makers are able to present objects and scenes that never exist thus offering better audience experience and making the story more believable. For modern audience, the 1933’ film “King Kong” is rather coarse and funny. So Peter Jackson reproduced it in 2005 with computer-generated special effects. Although the story stayed generally the same, new shooting techniques rejuvenated the “King Kong” and made it the biggest blockbuster of the year. The benefits brought by modernization help us to better carry forward traditions that are of eternal value.

总结……
In sum, although sometimes people have to choose from modernization and tradition, in most cases the two can gain inspiration from each other and peacefully cohabite. Thus I fundamentally disagree with the perception that modernization and tradition are incompatible.

weaselUID: 2739489

1

starshaneUID: 2616355

2# weasel

Traditions are forged by long period of accumulation and wild acceptance thus is the fruit of the human civilization. While in recent centuries, with the rapid development of technology and the progress of modernization, contemporary people are breaking free from
traditions. It seems that tradition and modernization are incompatible in some aspects and we have to choose between them, but in most cases, both elements（sides好一点）
can be mutually conducive（to each other） and be successfully combined.
有的传统被抛弃了，因为1，现代社会环境变了，节奏快 2，现代科技使一些旧发明不再实用了（这个点的例子举得极烂……）
Admittedly some traditional concepts and rituals do not fit in the modern world which features efficiency and convenience. Modern people are busier, more practical and more utilitarian. They also bear more pressure than before
so that they wish to make life easier. （这种中间加一句，modernization 提供了使得他们生活轻松的。。。。这样衔接好一点）（opinion taken，写的时候总是怕啰嗦）

That sentiment explains the abandon（abandon用作名词没有了放弃的意思，详见韦氏，

（确实，abandon做名词只有放任的意思，改正）

还有这句子改一下可能好一点，你想表达的是：这种态度解释了现代放弃了传统的习俗和仪式，，是吧）（“人们”放弃……） of some traditional customs and rituals. For instance, Chinese people used to write and read standard Mandarin which is very complicated, somehow after the beginning of the modernization process around 1950s, simplified Mandarin took place and prevailed until today because people want to save some time from reading and writing for other important things. Furthermore, some traditions （that）？ were rendered obsolete by modernization as labor work is replaced by automatic machines. People do have to choose from telephone and writing letters, from automobile and carriage, from highway to（？？） rustic country road, and they have chosen（absolutely chose）（past participle form chosen吧，have chosen啊）
the former ones. Those are the inevitable progress from tradition to the fast and efficient modernization.
在其他方面，传统是现代化的基础，给现代化灵感
In other dimensions, however, we can always find harmonious co-existence of tradition and modernization. In the first instance,
people can find way to combine the two together with their imagination and creativity. In the fields of art, we see a lot traditional elements in modern art work because some traditional rules and principals are of lasting charm and give inspirations to modernization. For example, the avant-garde contemporary Pecking Opera artists still stick to the traditional feats of “chang, nian, zuo, da” (singing, reading lines, doing martial actions) while adding some modern expressions into those lines and wearing modern costumes. Another example comes from architecture. The Chinese hall of 2010 World Expo in Shanghai resembles traditional Chinese chapeau while possessing some modern elements like simple and concise. Established traditional principals and concepts provide modernization with framework and inspiration, without tradition, modernization will get nowhere.
总体是有话可说的，但是你看红色的词都是举例的意思，这样就看起来句语句之间逻辑有些混乱，而绿色的那句话看似是传统现代结合总论点的一个分论点，但是下面却体现不出来用想象和创造结合了二者，

啊，新京剧和世博馆，艺术与建筑不都是创造性的工作么，不是用创造与想象结合二者么？

这段最后一句倒是很适合当这个分论点

我也考虑过的，当时写混掉了，舍不得删前面的句子

还有，第二个分论点在哪里？貌似是下面这段，但是却没有联系起来，你可以把这一段第一句去掉，直接分论点作为这段论点

第二个分论点确实是下面这段……

现代化也赋予传统更好的呈现方式
Moreover, modernization has instilled new vitality to traditions and presented them in a whole（totally） new manner（and casing them presenting a totally new manner）原句错了吗？口译例句啊……你造那句我倒是很少用……

.This function is particularly obvious in the movie industry where new technologies ushered a new epoch for directors. Thanks to computers and 3D techniques, film makers are able to present objects and scenes that never exist thus offering better audience experience and making the story more believable. For modern audience, the 1933’ film “King Kong” is rather coarse and funny. So Peter Jackson reproduced it in 2005 with computer-generated special effects. Although the story stayed generally the same, new shooting techniques rejuvenated the “King Kong” and made it the biggest blockbuster of the year. The benefits brought by modernization help us to better carry forward traditions that are of eternal value.
总结……
In sum, although sometimes people have to choose from modernization and tradition, in most cases the two can gain inspiration from each other and peacefully cohabite. Thus I fundamentally disagree with the perception that modernization and tradition are incompatible.

三段的内容是一正两反，有些词用得值得学习，蓝色标出

问题是：1.开头和结尾都不是很好地把全文各段统领起来

2.段落内分论点的展开，逻辑词的使用，还需要多琢磨一下

3.有些语句表达欠妥，这个自己多读读就会发现表达的不是太清楚

本着负责任的态度，言辞不善之处，包涵！  ：）

的确很负责任！THX！论点没有被驳我很开心呢，这样就不用伤筋动骨地大改了~

1，我开头最大的问题就是往往喜欢先扯点做铺垫的背景，而不是直接列点一二三，对GRE写作不适用吧。

2，语句方面我会琢磨的，长期写作习惯了……