第一篇完整修改的issue， 限时失败，哪位好心人可以帮忙看一下，KJ感激不尽

kejanUID: 2606891

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children aresocialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have notyet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better
society."

The statement actually consists of two claims. First, the destiny of society is determined by how children aresocialized today. Second, we have not yet learned how to raise
childrento be competent to help bring about a better society. As far as I am concerned,I concede that how children are socialized plays certain role on the destiny ofthe society to some extent and we need to improve our ways to raise ourchildren. However, the statement is too extreme, and I disagree with both ofthe two claims.

Admittedly, socialization is indeed veryimportant to the future of children.Children who take part in social activities will develop theirinterpersonal skills, which will contribute greatly to their future life. If childrencould not obtain such skills well, it is difficult for him/her to live letalone to build society when he/she grows up. Our jobs need us to communicate with others, and when we go shoppingwe also have to exchange ideas with others. Besides, there are many other occasionswhere we have to express our standpoints with our interpersonal skills. So, howchildren are socializedtoday will determine our children's future, and to a certain extent it willproduce certain impacts in society for the reason that these children will bethe builders of society in the future.

However, although how children are socializedtoday actually produce certain effects in society in a way, the destiny of society depends on various factors, such as thescience technology,the environment,the source of energy and so on. Consider, for instance, the changes in societybrought about by the usageof computer are a good example to prove that the science technology playsan important role in society. So, many factors except how children are socialized determine the destiny ofsociety

In addition, if we consider the item--“bettersociety”--as more efficient work and more comfortable life, we would havealready learned how to raise children. The usage of computer made our dreamworking at home cametrue, which provided us with a more efficient mode of work. Besides, variousmachines at our home make our lives more comfortable. All these changes havebeen brought about by those people who once were children. Hence, we havelearned how to raise children in a sense. Meanwhile, parents in growing numbers are beginningto pay more emphases on their children’s growth.They devote to raise children in health, notonly in physical but also in mental such as honesty, responsibility, persistence,kindness, and so on. So we could not hastily conclude that we have not learnedhow to raise children. Admittedly,we have to improve the way to raise children for the reason that a few childrenare also without a good guidance.

In conclusion, how children are socialized today isvery important. But we could not neglect other various important factors which are essential to thedestiny of the society. In addition, though we have learned how to raise childrenin part, we should not stop to improve the methods to raise children who can helpbring about a better society.

mynovmbrUID: 2639958

(1) 在开头对待这个题目的时候我认为不必完全将这个Issue一分为二去理解，而有些忽略的作者隐含的假设和判断，即孩子是未来的建设者，孩子需要社会化，孩子社会化好了社会也就好了，至于教育问题我觉得依照个人的情况，有能力就多写些，没时间了简单谈谈就好。毕竟这个题的核心，就我理解，不是教育的问题。
(2) 正文论证第一部分(Admittedly那段)，TS是不是考虑再往题目上靠一下，看过第一反应是要谈个人发展了，但这里我觉得个人发展都是建立在为整个社会的基础上来说的，所以TS再调整下我觉得会更切题，尤其这是正文论证的开始。另外在这段最后，“So, howchildren are socializedtoday will determine our children's future”，我觉得可以把后面的程度副词往前放放，不然感觉这里说的就太绝对了，也和后面的论证矛盾。
(3) 第三部分(In addition那段)，我觉得是说到了这个Issue的一个点子上，那就是什么是better society，socialize好了社会也就好了吗。。。但后面好像不是特别清楚，最后又回到了说我们知道该怎么去教育的问题上，感觉跳跃的有些远了。

个人愚见。

kejanUID: 2606891

2# mynovmbr
谢谢你的评论，我上午对照着你的点评又修改了一下。

我先贴一下我的提纲：
观点：孩子的社会化对社会发展有影响，我们的教育还需改进，但是社会的希望取决于多方面得因素。在如何培养孩子方面，现实也不是像作者所说的那么糟糕。
1、社会化可以让孩子学会与人交流，合作，这些是社会取得进步的重要因素。
2、社会的进步还会受到的很多其他因素影响。人们的道德，人们的创新能力，人们的知识。
3、我们已经掌握了一些培养孩子的方法




TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children aresocialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have notyet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS:612
TIME: 超时（已修改两遍）
DATE: 2010/3/23 23:07:37


The speaker asserts that the destiny of societyis determined by how children are socialized today and we have not yet learnedhow to raise
children to be competent to help bring about abetter society. As far as I am concerned, I concede that how children aresocialized today plays certain roles on the destiny of the society to someextent and we need to improve our ways to raise our children. However, thestatement is too extreme, because the destiny of society is determined byvarious factors, in addition, the reality is not as pretty bad as the speakerclaims that we have not learned how to raise children who can help bring abouta better society.



Admittedly, socialization can providechildren with the ability of how to communicate and cooperate with others,which is indeed very important to the future of society. Children who take part in socialactivities will have to communicate with his/her partners and cooperate witheach other to deal with some problems, the progress of which will enhancechildren’s interpersonal skills and team spirits. Without such skills we, it isdifficult for children to solve the most problems they have to face in theprogress of the development of society when he/she grows up. Consider, for instance,Microsoft, an international corporation, has branch offices all over the world,so staffs in different countries need to exchange their ideas and cooperatewith each other very often in order to achieve some breakthroughs which willbenefit the society. Thus, to a certain extent how children are socialized today willdetermine the destiny of society.

However, although how children are socializedtoday actually produce certain effects in society in a way, the destiny of society depends on various factors, such as children’smorality, children’s knowledge, children’s creative ability and so on.Consider, for instance, Hitler who was outstanding in social skills but was extremelypoor in moral has led the society into war and impede the advancement of socialcivilization. Besides, without enough knowledge and innovation capacity, howthose great inventions which improved the society, including steam engine, electricity,compute and so on, could be achieved? These examples illustrate that theimportance of morality, knowledge, and creative ability. And all these factorswill start to be cultivated when we are born. So, many factors except how children are socialized determine thedestiny of society.

In addition, from what has been discussedover the opinion that what determine the destiny of society above, we maysafely draw a conclusion that we have already found certain ways to raisechildren, because we have sent our children to schools where they can not only developtheir interpersonal skills and cooperate spirits by playing and working withtheir peers but also learn knowledge from the textbooks and cultivate moralityand creative ability through their teachers’ guidance. Meanwhile, parents ingrowing numbers are beginning to pay more emphases on their children’s growth.
They devote to raisechildren in health, not only in physical but also in mental such as honesty,responsibility, persistence, kindness, and so on. So we could not hastilyconclude that we have not learned how to raise children. Admittedly, we have toimprove the way to raise children for the reason that a few children are stillwithout a good guidance.


In conclusion, how children are socialized today isvery important. But we could not neglect other various important factors which are essential to thedestiny of the society. In addition, though we have learned how to raise childrenin part, we should not stop to improve the methods to raise children who canhelp bring about a better society.