帮忙看一下习作，谢谢！

captainlchUID: 2591903

所有的作文全都让别人看是没有用的，但是偶尔找一篇作为代表可以让别人帮忙找一找比较明显的问题。
在下已经三战了，主要是为了verbal才重新来的，其实现在看来除了那些native writer,AW再怎么写都是那么回事，无非就是3.5和3罢了。
前一阵子考托福时让人看了作文，感觉很有启发，现在把一篇能代表普遍水平的文章发上来，诸位看看如何？谢谢！（由于AW现在是软件瞬间评分，希望读文章的人给出一个overall impression就行了，至于什么观点不用过分细雕琢）
issue:很多lesser-known language 都陷于了danger, 政府应该采取政策针对
Well, though I am not student study philology, so deeply I know the hard situation for survival of language belonging uniquely to specific region, since I was brought up in a dialect remote from the standard official language in our country, Mandarin. I love my own country thus embrace command from the central government, while it does not conflict with my preference on my dialect, my mother tongue in sincerity. Therefore, I agree with the statement that certain measures and policies are required in urgency for the survival and further development of the culture, for the good of corresponding residents, and harmony in which essence of good society lies.

Then, I want to put my argument forward, first and foremost, the following discussion are mainly around the cultural functions fulfilled by language.

Language, with its unique glamour, is generally believed as mean of significance, benefits for the transformation of certain culture. On one hand, to be more accurately, language itself bears as one essential factor determining the unique existence of culture. German culture are conveyed German language, says, the poems of great fame by prestigious German writers went out of the mouth of German in the form of German language rather than Chinese or English. Well, to verify my statement, another question might be useful to mention here-why did Webster dictated the new rule of American language quite apart from obey to the rule of originality of English from England? The answer lies obviously in the will of American people to distinguish American culture with that of Britain, for different language dictated the unique culture. The moment could be known as tragedy for Chinese people at which barbarian Japanese invaders tried to eradicated Chinese language by enforcing laws aiming at the eternal inhibition of the existence of Chinese in captured places, the only reason enable this performance to be reasonable goes the great power of language that can determine the independence of culture. Other examples abound in lives of now and past, matters and facts sound boring, yet they did point the potency of language on the importance in terms of the independence of culture.

Thus, thinking of the facts state above, the fate of lesser-known language must be critical. The small language lacking popularity is bound to fade, along with the culture. Things might be extremely tough for countries in which multi-nations coexists together. Think of my homeland, china, for Han Chinese people, there exists at least 7 separate dialects, with each of them represented a unique branch of Han culture, yet the extension of Mandarin, which has been set as the standard language but actually only proved to be dialect of one specific region shared by certain minority of Chinese people, did hamper the development and survival of local culture of other regions, with its implementation in schools under the command of the government, particularly in primary and middle schools of various regions ,only to leave local small fraction of land for survival. Concerning the diversity and successful Russianalization during the post-war era, Russians spread all remote corner of the huge empire, descendents of Muslims-represented by Turkish whose family located at central Asia, and of Mongols-the former enemy of Russians, both fell into tragedy in terms of development of their culture-their heroism, their patriotism and their inheritance of culture vanished completely when the words and sentences out of their mouth are no longer Turkish and Mongolian but language of their rulers. Thus discontent emerges in the inmost part of the Red empire of U.S.S.R, leading toward its collapse after 72 years' rule.

With the proper treatment toward the small language, and respect toward certain culture, where can we find reasons for subordinates of small language to overthrow the institution as a whole? The way to the harmonies society might be long, yet it does bear relationship with language.

In short, as modern responsible governments from which harmony along with balanced development are advocated, matters of language requires efforts to enable the good patterns to come into effect, of that we have ever envisaged in our mind, of the establishment of a harmonious society.