习作ISSUE41 马上要考试了，还是写得一塌糊涂，求拍，求大概能得几分

给飞的回忆UID: 2793438

Issue41   23:57  0:29
There is no point to deny that such nonmainstream areas of inquiry is of great essence of the
development of human civilization. However, we have to admit that this statement overlooks the
evident fact that nonmainstream areas usually do not provide us any truth. In that case,
an all-round consideration is necessary while deciding whether this statement makes any sense.
First of all, history informs us that such nonmainstream areas provide human beings sense of
security in the development of human history. At the very beginning of human civilization, both
technology and knowledge level did not allow human beings to overcome a myriad of natural
disasters. By combating with a variety of natural disasters, human beings were fighting a losing
battle with natural forces. Moreover, the mortality rate due to natural forces and diseases increased
magnificently. In that case, nonmainstream areas emerges. There is no denying fact that, such
nonmainstream areas including astrlogy, fortune-telling, psychic and so forth, played a vital role
in the improvement of human civilization by helping human beings to overcome anxiety. Furthermore,
those nonmainstream areas are chief means by which human being attempt to satisfy their curiosity
for knowledge and their craving to know the horrible natural forces and unpredictable future. In
short, the magnificent positive effects of nonmainstream areas can never be ingnored.
Furthermore, in the process of the development of nonmainstream area, some of them led to the
emergence of mainstream science. Consider, for example, the nonmainstream alchemy resulted to
the emergence and development of chemistry and refinery industry. Therefore, we can safely conclude
that some nonmainstream science lead to the knowledge promotion of human beings by containing
some basic knowledge about science. According to Wikipedia, science refers to any systematic
knowledge or prescriptive practice that is capable of resulting in a corrct prediction. Accordingly,
the sole purpose of both mainstream science and nonmainstream areas is to solve the challenging
problems facing contemporary human beings. In that case, common ground between nonmainstream
areas and mainstream areas can be easily found in human history. The value of nonmainstream
areas will never pale considering its contribution to the promotion of science development.
Yet, somen fundamental problems can be easily found in this argument. I disagree with this statement
that nonmainstream areas can satisfy the human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science,
by virtue of some striking examples. The apt illustration involve the Chinese emperor Jia Jing, who
was infatuated with Alchemy. His absorption of Alchemy resulted to the decrease of economy in Ming
dynesty. Thereby, over-absorption of nonmainstream areas of notable figures will possibly carry
undesirable consequences to the whole society. In short, mainstream areas do not always have positive
effects on human history, the negative effects of nonmainstream areas are more evident.
As far as I have concerned, in some particular countries like China, nonmainstream areas have
already become part of culture and tradition which is a series of learned core values, beliefs and
criteria shared by individuals and societies that determine how an individual behave, feel and react
under particular circumstance. So sometimes it is those nonmainstream areas make a Chinese Chinese,
a Japanese Japanese and an American American. What's more, to some extent, nonmainstream areas promote the development of
mainstream areas, as the example of Alchemy illustrates. However, there is no doubt that in a society
that develops as quickly as ours, nonmainstream areas do not play an important role as it does in
traditinal societies, instead  true knowledge of mianstream science are much more important. Consequently,
we will never deny the contribution of nonmainstream areas, but we will surely pay more attention
on the research of mainstream areas.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, nonmainstream areas have assist human beings to overcome anxiety and
obtain sense of security. Yet, this statement overlooks the demerits of nonmainstream areas and
overstates the merits of it.

给飞的回忆UID: 2793438

哎~

plukaUID: 2721764

First of all段论点论述不够。铺垫不少（论述原始人类的艰难生活），观点发展却只有一句笼统的There is no denying fact that, such nonmainstream areas including astrlogy, fortune-telling, psychic and so forth, played a vital role in the improvement of human civilization by helping human beings to overcome anxiety。过于抽象概括不详细。

Furthermore段没有发展，仅有观点those nonmainstream areas are chief means by which human being attempt to satisfy their curiosityfor knowledge and their craving to know the horrible natural forces and unpredictable future. In short可不是论证。上论证！

第二个furthermore段相比而言是论述得最完整的。


接下来的一大部分是转折段？我就都算作一段了。

转折段TS与后文不合。TS是I disagree with this statement that nonmainstream areas can satisfy the human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. 后文论述的是 In short, mainstream areas do not always have positive effects on human history, the negative effects of nonmainstream areas are more evident.两个意思不太一样。
费解的是，As far as I have concerned段在转折后又绕回去谈非主流的好处。What's more, to some extent, nonmainstream areas promote the development of mainstream areas。然后再来个转折否定这些好处的影响。However, there is no doubt that in a society that develops as quickly as ours, nonmainstream areas do not play an important role as it does in  traditinal societies。这样，从上面的转折段算起，转了一次、两次、三次，不觉得绕咩。
最后一转总算提出了主流科学：instead  true knowledge of mianstream science are much more important。但到此为止，没有进一步发展论证，不足以支撑TS观点。

结曰：首先，下次发帖注意格式和分段。其次，观点有，论证不够。再次，不要转折太多次，一次就OK，别绕。