issue3

peachboyUID: 111946

"It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations."

While I have to admit that long-term exploration dealing with the future problems should never be neglected at every stage of the development of human civilization, immediate existing social problems may more critical that need us to allocate a larger amount of energy to address.

Compared with the issues which concern the future of our society, urgent now-existing social problems seem more compelling and essential, for they are generally related with the basic foundation and further development of our society. High rate of unemployment thrusts great many of people into the situation that they lack the basic necessities of life, pollution of our living environment are threatening our existence, desertification are eroding our habitat, wars fighting for resources kill a large number of lives every day. All this are shaking the foundation of our society, causing a lot of factors of instability. Simply put, if all the immediate existing social problems are not solved or controlled, it is impossible for our society to be normally operating, not to mention further development. While the fundamental quality of life of all people are not provided, launching such kind of project as "Star Wars"  defense initiative equal to wasting taxpayers’ money. Recently, SARS broke out in China. In order to control the epidemic situation and at last eradicate this new disease which is first reported, Chinese people leaded as a whole made effort to fight with it by the government, spending a huge amount of money and energy on the fighting. All Chinese people sensibly know that their society can not come to normal routine of construction and development without put it under control.

On the other hand, smoothly running of long-term research need a stable and wealthy society to support. In other words, properly and timely solving the existing and urgent social issues offers necessary conditions for the consideration of future problems. If a nation are struggling for food and houses, it will absolutely impossible for the nation to allocate money to do a research which will not do immediate good for the nation. In some African counties, for example, their people are still at the verge of starvation, can they launch a plan for a explore to Mars which may benefit their future generations. That is impossible because not only they have no necessary material and scientific support, but also they have got too many imperative things on their hands which seems, at least presently, more important. For a nation, only when the urgent problems are under control will it spare more energy to handle other non-imperative tasks that are subject to urgent ones.

Obviously, it is also not sagacious to only focus on immediate existing social problems, neglecting designing for our future. We should consider what our home will become, if our next generations can live well on the earth. Yet, spending too much such money we may use in providing a secure and comfort dwelling for our people, in reinforcing the foundation of our society, on other fields from where we may gain nothing will not benefit for now and for next generations.

In sum, I agree that we should pay enough attention to solving future issues, but it may more need us to pay much energy to handling the immediate, existing social problems, which influence or even determine the foundation of our society, and at the same time, solving which provides premise for dealing with the issues we should consider for our future generations.

闲情UID: 111016

讨厌这种什么“哭寻”的 标题。这里的人都很务实的，不见得你用了这样煽情的东西就会被你吸引。

你不妨看一看以前的帖子，最会被斑竹修改和提建议的，都是那些最热心参与到讨论中来的人，也是最热心帮助别人的人。先帮助别人，在请求别人的帮助吧。

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

请你以后别这样吓唬人了。还以为出什么事了呢？
大家都会帮你的。

peachboyUID: 111946

呵呵，收到！
谢谢各位的建议。

gteryyUID: 114434

While I have to admit that long-term exploration dealing with the future problems should never be neglected at every stage of the development of human civilization, immediate existing social problems may（be） more critical that need us to allocate（need to be allocated这样说好一点） a larger amount of energy（前面是money,这里怎么又成了energy了？两者还是有区别的） to address.

Compared with the issues which concern（concerning就可以了，简单可以表达的句子不要故意用从句复杂化。比如I have a beautiful dress不要说成I have a dress which is beautiful，明白我的意思吗？） the future of our society, urgent now-existing（present/extant其实我觉得后面这个“存在”是多余的） social problems seem more compelling and essential（essential用在这里感觉不是太好）, for they are generally related with the basic foundation and further development of our society. High rate of unemployment thrusts great many of （great many of这个说法没听过，其实many就可以了）people into the situation that（这个关系词应该是where/in which） they lack the basic necessities of（for） life, pollution of our living environment are threatening our existence, desertification are eroding our habitat, wars fighting for resources kill a large number of lives every day. All this（these） are shaking the foundation of our society, causing（cause这个词好象不能用分词做状语，改成bringing about） a lot of factors of instability. Simply put, if all the immediate existing social problems are not solved or controlled, it is impossible for our society to be normally operating, not to mention further development. While the fundamental quality of life of all people are not provided, launching such kind of project as "Star Wars" defense initiative equal（S） to wasting taxpayers’ money. Recently, SARS broke out in China. In order to control the epidemic situation and at last eradicate this new disease which is first（newly或者在后面加for the first time） reported, Chinese people leaded as a whole made effort to fight with（against） it by the government, spending（consuming） a huge amount of money and energy on the fighting. All Chinese people sensibly know that their society can not come to normal routine of construction and development without put（ting） it under control.
这段主要举了些例子说明近期事物的重要性。有一点点冗长，还不错。

On the other hand, smoothly running of long-term research need（S） a stable and wealthy society to support. In other words, properly and timely solving the existing（我还是觉得这个词多余） and urgent social issues offers necessary conditions for the consideration of future problems. If a nation are struggling for food and houses, it will absolutely（be） impossible for the nation to allocate money to do a research which will not do immediate good for the nation（这句话有点别扭which may not bring immediate benefits）. In some African counties, for example, （while）their people are still at（on） the verge of starvation, can they launch a plan for a explore（词性不对） to Mars which may benefit their future generations. That is impossible because not only （do，或者have提前，这是not only的用法）they have no necessary material and scientific support, but also they have got too many imperative things on（in） their hands which seems（不要S）, at least presently, more important. For a nation, only when the urgent problems are under control will it spare more energy to handle other non-imperative tasks that are subject to urgent ones.
这段说了不解决紧急的问题，就无法长远发展。

Obviously, it is also not sagacious to only focus on immediate existing social problems, neglecting designing for our future. We should consider what our home will become（be）, if our next generations（不要S） can live well on the earth. Yet, spending too much such money we may use in providing a secure and comfort dwelling for our people, in reinforcing the foundation of our society, on other fields from where we may gain nothing will not benefit for now and for next generations.

In sum, I agree that we should pay enough attention to solving future issues, but it may more need us to pay much energy to handling the immediate, existing social problems, which influence or even determine the foundation of our society, and at the same time, solving which provides premise for dealing with the issues we should consider for our future generations.
总结就总结你论述的，没必要又做一次让步。

总的来说还不错，象一篇GRE作文。但是：
1.        太罗嗦。你千万不要刻意去追求复杂用上很多形容词修饰，生搬硬造一些复杂的句子，往往适得其反。意思表达到位就行了。
2.        你的例子大多是范范的，是你自己假设的情况。这个也挺好，但不要太多，多了就觉得很弱，很没说服力。如果你人文知识多积累一些可以举一些实际的例子，如此会更有说服力，也使文章更精彩。当然，想不到的时候举自己假设的例子也好的。
3.        单数、复数的谓语变换，还有介词的搭配运用，自己多留心多积累，我就不多说了。还有标点符号。
4.        自己多读反复读自己的句子，发现错误，找语感。

加油

peachboyUID: 111946

感动啊！感谢gteryy网友如此细心全面的点评和建议！