[a习作temp] 后天就考AW了，没人帮改过。。哪个G神能帮我看下能得多少分！谢谢！ [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-4-11 20:20:37 |显示全部楼层

我的第3篇。。

完全不明白自己的缺点求大神帮忙啊~ 只用说大概多少分都行`` 谢谢啊谢谢啊

题目：ARGUMENT174 - The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially."
字数：276       用时：00:30:00       日期：2010-4-11 16:44:42
In terms of the content of arguer's expatiation, I have perceived  the standpoint he recommended that keeping the college all-female and thus will obtain the morale among students meanwhile let alumni to go on supporting the college finacially. He cites the survey conducted by the student government to surppot his viewpoint. While in my opinion, it is groundless and the elaboration of it will follow in this argument.
Initially, the author doesn't give a creditable evidence to show students' attitude to the decision by the two surveys. Unless we recognize how many people participate in the surveys and whether they are all the female students , and otherwise he can't harness the statistics to point out the best choice seem to be reflected apparently.
Subsequently, assumping that the survey is accuracy,  when we choose coeducation, the morale among students can't be decreasing so easily,maybe they keep a disinterested attitude to the event and therefore the author can't say so.
Moreover, the thought of arguer that keeping the college all-female will lead to alumni continue donating money to the college. As I see it, nevertheless, it is neither objective nor wise seeing that some other conditions such as the purposes of donating of alumni, those we don't know what it is, haven't be counted in discreetly. Almost alumni maybe keep surpporting their college financially because of the only gratitude. They don't care  how the college is nowadays.
In sum, the statement presented by the author is inconvincible and I have figured out the defects in his presentation all the above as well. To consolidate his viewpoint, he should cogitate and consummate his conclusion  with additional cogent data.