ARGUE238 生平第一篇ARGU啊 还有7天考 请大家帮忙！

cathyvsUSAUID: 2794822

各位牛人好我是新加入的小朋友 过几天就考作文了 前天开始准备的作文 只前没上过新东方也没写过作文，诶，全靠寄托和你们的资料了。今天第一天写了ARGU 希望能有好心的同志帮我看看自己大概是几分的水平？有无明显错误？我这种水平现在的备考建议？
谢谢大家了！！！都是考G路上的战友还请走过路过的牛人大侠或者和我一样准备不是很充分的平凡同学有力出力啊！


下面是作文
Argument 238
The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more(1) job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers(4) from prospective employers(5). But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment(2) had found full-time jobs(4) within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study(3). To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment(8), we must offer more courses in business and computer technology(6) and hire additional job counselors(7) to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

The president recommended that more courses in business and computer technology be set in the course scheduel and more job counselors be offered for sennior students. His advises were based mainly on the reasons that, Last year, senior students in he nearby Creen Mountain College got much better performance due to more business courses and more job counselors their college offered. The president also gave several evidences to support his claim. These evidences, however, in my mind, were suspected to some extent.

To begin with, the president failed to demostrate enough statistics to prove that their students had lower employment rate than Green Mountain College last year. That is because of the vague data used as his evidence. We were not told that all the graduating seniors reported their situation to the placement office, so the 70 percent of seniors cannot represent the overall graduating students. There would be posibility that a large group of students who found good jobs haven’t informed the placement office. In that case, we cannot got the real number of the employed students in Mira Vista College.

Another fallacious of the president’s claim is that, we did not know how long did the Green Mountain students took to find a job and how many of them got a job related to their major. He failed to rule out the possibility that the students in Green College took longer time in finding jobs than three mouths the students of Mira Vista College did .And much of them got a different major’s job too. Without accurate stastics, we can not draw any conclusion about the level of the two colleges’ graduating senior. Actually, neither of the two factors were very significant to evaluate the level of colleges’ graduating students.

Thirdly, he failed to take other differences into account when making the comparison between the two colleges. More business courses and counselors may not be responsible for Green Mountain College’s high emplolyment rate. Even this is the case, the same adjustment may not have the same effect on Mira Vista College. For example, their students were mostly talented in science or art, but not business. And they have already had enough counselors for their graduating seniors.

There are other messures that may be more effective for the College of Mira Vista College to improve their level of employment., but the president failed to take into consideration. For instances, set up more practical courses for the students to train their handskills. To invite enterprises to come to the campus to introduce the situation of the job market. Anyway, a good solution for a problem is always based on the most important reason that caused the problem. The president may make clear the reasons responsible for the unsatisfied employment rate firstly.

To sum up, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. The argument could be improved by providing more evidence that the correlation is indeed a causal relationship –that offering more business courses and hiring more cunselors contributes to the employment of Mira Vista College. The argument will be better assessed by finding a proper solution that based on the Mira Vista College itself, not just compared to the Grenn unproperly.

cathyvsUSAUID: 2794822

明天来收菜 看有没有好心人帮帮我~~55 祈祷祈祷

cathyvsUSAUID: 2794822

555LZ很焦急啊。。能不能碰上某个好心的童鞋呢

海王泪UID: 2673613

让自己的作文被改主要有以下几种途径：
1、参与/组建互助小组；
2、主动出击，到别人的习作中改别人的文章，然后留下连接请求回拍，绝大部分情况下版友都会很负责的回拍的；
3、斑竹定期会开习作修改铺，在里面占位置就可以让斑竹修改你的习作；
4、同主题写作时会规定参与的版友按照一定的回贴顺序进行互改；
5、坐等别人来拍，由于习作量很大，这种概率很小，所以效率也很低，建议不要采用。

评分标准参见附件P27的Scoring Guides
（无论多急也好，作为官方材料的AW INTRO一定要看一看）