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[i习作temp] Issue41 求拍,这篇写的很吃力 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-4-17 15:05:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 Bela1229 于 2010-4-17 20:39 编辑

41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

The speaker tends to assert that nonmainstream areas play an important role in our society which could satisfy the need that is far beyond provided by mainstream science. Albeit the future telling, astrology could cater followers’ need that provide console in certain extent and assist government to stabilize society, the functionalities of those fields are overstated by speaker. Furthermore, many side effects even disasters could also be brought in, if we wallow in the superstition.



Firstly, natural phenomenon has been baffled human being as long as history of ourselves, of which still cannot find proper explanations that could placate the fears and anxieties of the mass. At same time, though the advanced science and technology already give us many answers about the complex world, we need concede that the limitations are still obvious. Thus people always want to rely on nonmainstream areas to acquire short term relieve. History records show us, most of the ancient Chinese governors asked for astrology to predict the agriculture output in the coming year, because they believed that stars could tell them future precipitation information in specific regions. By using similar means, officials could fabricate policies and rules to enhance the power. Even in current times, when people feel frustrated and have to make critical decision for the life, many of them still ask help from fortune telling, because such activity could produce comfort. Thus, we can conclude nonmainstream fields indeed have certain functions for both individual and social group.



Nevertheless, if the nonmainstream areas dominant people’s belief, bad results are almost certain, due to all those areas cannot be proved as correct. Additionally the destiny is decided by many different aspects, in other words, only several specific numbers, such as birth date, could not generalize a summary for the whole life. Moreover, if the one who is only depend on the fortune telling but not oneself, I do believe the final result must go against the original expectation, due to nothing could supplant hard working. All we should focus on make great efforts instead of letting unknown world decide our own direction.




结尾段没写
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沙发
发表于 2010-4-17 18:12:59 |只看该作者
中间写的还是不错。不过第一段有点奇怪,issue是让你自己立意,不是像argument一样让你去点评对方的观点。所以你一上来就说the speaker bla bla,感觉有点怪。可以换成你自己的口吻直接抛观点。
第三段需要更翔实的例子来支撑。

总体语感不错。最后一段没写是因为时间不够?

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板凳
发表于 2010-4-17 19:16:40 |只看该作者
thanks!发了7篇终于有人评论了一下。因为我看很多范文就在批作者观点。我现在练习阶段都没写最后那段,因为觉得比较好编。我觉得写作文语言的多样性太重要了。否则别人看着都累. 第三段是需要加强。thanks!!!

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地板
发表于 2010-4-17 19:39:32 |只看该作者
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RE: Issue41 求拍,这篇写的很吃力 [修改]

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Issue41 求拍,这篇写的很吃力
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1087424-1-1.html
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