argument10，求改，万分感谢，就要考了

zhangx125UID: 2352430

题目：
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.
"The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers."

内容：
    The letter above is well-presented, but not really reasoned. The author argues that the Batavia government should cut retail milk prices down to prevent the dairy farmers from getting more and more profits, due to the increment of milk prices and milk supply. The author's recommendation to low the prices and ensure an adequate supply of milk seems logical.

    However, the arguer fails to provide enough evidence to convince me that there is an apparently increased supply of milk. There is no evidence to illustrate the supply of milk is proportional to the number of dairy farms. Although the number is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago, it is possible that the average productivity of each farm is reduced intensely, caused by the decrement of the number of milk cow or the quantity of milk each cow produces. This possibility can lead to a gross dwindlement of the milk supply in Batavia. The change of population in the country is also important. Perhaps, a lot of people influxed into Batavia during that 10 years, causing the demand of milk to increase highly. From this point, the supply of milk ought to increase to satisfy the demand, and the supply-demand ratio may not get high.  

    Even affirming the increased supply of milk, we still can not assert farmers are receiving excessive profits. Unless the arguer proves that the price of milk at local Excello Food Market is representative of that throughout the country, I don't believe the average price increased so much. On the other hand, the author also chooses to ignore the competition among the farms and the costs of production. It's possible that, during that 10 years,  more and more costs need to be put into the operation of dairy farms. With the development of the economy, people's lives are getting better and better, and workers there are asking for higher salary than they did 10 years ago, now maybe 3 or 4 times of that. Perhaps, the increment of the prices of cow forage also contributes to the more and more costs. Generally speaking, the greater the number of dairy farms gets, the sharper the competition among them becomes. The competition sometimes means less profits were brought about to each farm, as they want to cut their own price down to occupy the most parts of the market. In one word, all these possibilities lead the profits in milk not to inflat but to decrease.

     Last but not least, the price of milk is a function of supply and demand, the government should not interfere too much. Even the hike of price and the increment of supply are all caused by high demand of milk. Once the government regulates the retail prices, followed by that the profits which are already small get smaller, many farms will move to other countries where they can earn morn money. If this happens, the supply of milk will drop drastically in Batavia. Furthermore, due to the function of supply and demand, the prices will get higher and higher instead. At that time, if someone makes some misleading, the condition of milk market is going sto be worse.

    This letter looks convincing before considering some more details. The arguer may be misled by some media, but our government should not be misled by this letter. Before taking measures, officials in government ought to make some investigation to ensure whether the reality is as bad as the letter tells us, or, at least, to rule out the possibilities mentioned above. Or, the result may go out of control.

xiaoyaozi5566UID: 2510336

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1087779-1-1.html
互改

zhangx125UID: 2352430

收到 2# xiaoyaozi5566

zhangx125UID: 2352430

我已帮hailid(haili) 修改完毕，请检阅:lol 2# xiaoyaozi5566

hailidUID: 2744864

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper."The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers."The letter above is well-presented, but not really reasoned. The author argues that the Batavia government should cut retail milk prices down to prevent the dairy farmers from getting more and more profits, due to the increment of milk prices and milk supply. The author's recommendation to low the prices and ensure an adequate supply of milk seems logical.
作者的建议是regulate milk prices，达到的目的是low prices and an adequate supply. 你第一段好像是把建议直接写成low the price. 虽然按理说就是low了，我觉得还是不要改的好。你得开头跟我的模板开头很不一样， 呵呵。值得学习

However, the arguer fails to provide enough evidence to convince me that there is an apparently increased supply of milk. There is no evidence to illustrate the supply of milk is proportional to the number of dairy farms. Although the number is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago, it is possible that the average productivity of each farm is reduced intensely, caused by the decrement of the number of milk cows or the quantity of milk each cow produces. This possibility can lead to a gross dwindlement of the milk supply in Batavia. The change of population in the country is also important. Perhaps, a lot of people influxed into Batavia during that 10 years, causing the demand of milk to increase highly. From this point, the supply of milk ought to increase to satisfy the demand, and the supply-demand ratio may not get high.      Even affirming the increased supply of milk, we still can not assert farmers are receiving excessive profits. Unless the arguer proves that the price of milk at local Excello Food Market is representative of that throughout the country(我又抠你字眼了哈，他说的是Batavia，不一定是country), I don't believe the average price increased so much. （On the other hand,)我觉得这个的出现前面要有on one hand对应的，用in addition吧 the author also chooses to ignore the competition among the farms and the costs of production. (It's possible that, during that 10 years,  more and more costs need to be put into the operation of dairy farms. With the development of the economy, people's lives are getting better and better, and workers there are asking for higher salary than they did 10 years ago, now maybe 3 or 4 times of that.) 语言不够精炼，显得很罗索。 Perhaps, the increment of the prices of cow forage also contributes to the more and more costs. Generally speaking, the greater the number of dairy farms gets, the sharper the competition among them becomes. The competition sometimes means less profits were brought about to each farm, as they want to cut their own price down to occupy the most parts of the market. In one word, all these possibilities lead the profits in milk not to inflat but to decrease. 不知道怎么改了，我就是觉得理由讲的有点太罗索了。     

Last but not least, the price of milk is a function of supply and demand, the government should not interfere too much. Even the hike of price and the increment of supply are all caused by high demand of milk. Once the government regulates the retail prices, followed by that the profits which are already small get smaller, many farms will move to other countries where they can earn morn money. If this happens, the supply of milk will drop drastically in Batavia. Furthermore, due to the function of supply and demand, the prices will get higher and higher instead. At that time, if someone makes some misleading, the condition of milk market is going sto be worse.
为了获得利润，卖家可能不择手段。往牛奶里掺水。   

This letter looks convincing（是想说unconvincing 吧） before considering some more details. The arguer may be misled by some media, but our government should not be misled by this letter. Before taking measures, officials in government ought to make some investigation to ensure whether the reality is as bad as the letter tells us, or, at least, to rule out the possibilities mentioned above. Or, the result may go out of control.
风格跟我很不一样，我可能比较习惯了模板了。但是我觉得这篇文章写的有点不够简练。改了将近一个半小时。

zhangx125UID: 2352430

3X,谢谢的修改。
1、regulate milk prices这个我也觉得保留的比较好，low有点偷换概念的感觉
2、Batavia好像是一部分，那我就忘记论述“以面推点”的错误了；那有没有可能，Batavia就是一个小国家呢？
3、恩，忘牛奶里掺水那招我还真没有想到，倒是很有可能。
4、我是想说“在、、、、之前，、、、看上去是令人信服的”

再次感谢你 在我这篇文章上花的时间，谢谢！

zhangx125UID: 2352430

3X,谢谢的修改。
1、regulate milk prices这个我也觉得保留的比较好，low有点偷换概念的感觉
2、Batavia好像是一部分，那我就忘记论述“以面推点”的错误了；那有没有可能，Batavia就是一个小国家呢？
3、恩，忘牛奶里掺水那招我还真没有想到，倒是很有可能。
4、我是想说“在、、、、之前，、、、看上去是令人信服的”

再次感谢你 在我这篇文章上花的时间，谢谢！ 5# hailid