4.21开启作文本

missyoucrazyUID: 2745188

我的第一次习作，希望大家能多给些批评和建议。
4.21Agree or disagree Students would receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.2
Nowadays there is a worldwide contention over the topic that whether the students will obtain a better education if they have to attend classed for 11 months of a year. Many teachers and parents hold the viewpoint that the more time a student spend in class, the more he/she can absorb the knowledge from the class. However, I totally disagree with this assertion, for the reason that spending most time in the class will take the edge off the student's craving to receive knowledge and integrated learning approaches will absolutely promote the study efficiency of a student.
As I can see in most high schools in my hometown, students are obliged to show up in the classroom except the time of holidays. As far as I know, the students in that kind of school seem to be so tired all the day and the phenomena that a lot of students sleep in the classroom can be spectacular. As a result, students in these schools have a low rate of entrancing into collage because of their low efficiency in studying. On the contrary, some school in which there are all kinds of courses, such as physical education lessons, internship in the summer and so forth, have a number of high quality students who are more active and creative in learning.

Offering more opportunities for students in these schools to learn outside the classroom can really improve the efficiency of the student's learning. First, outdoor study can inspire the interests of students and enable them to understand the theories more comprehensively. For example, a visit to the Nanjing Massacre museum will show students what happened in 1937. Thus, this experience will give the students more impression about this period of history and inspire their appetites for the knowledge. Second, some project outside the classroom will enhance the students’ health condition and prepare them for the physical challenge in the future. Through sport lessons student can have stronger and healthier body, which will enable them to assume more study task. In contrast, if the students spend all the time in the classes, some illness will always assault them, and the efficiency of the study can not be assured.

In sum, it is more justifiable for students to spend some time outside the classroom, because students can be more interested and more energetic in study. Therefore, I deem that in order to promote the study efficiency and the overall quality of students, the schools should not demand the students to attend classes for 11 months of a year.

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

Nowadays there is a worldwide contention over the topic that可以省去 whether the students will obtain a better education if they have to attend classed for 11 months of a year. Many teachers and parents hold the viewpoint that the more time a student spend in class, the more he/she can absorb the knowledge from the class. However, I totally disagree with this assertion, for the reason that spending most time in the class will take the edge off the student's craving to receive knowledge and integrated learning approaches will absolutely promote the study efficiency of a student.这句话好像语法上有点不合理我不太懂你意思
6 D0 a6 Y& G% `' f: {As I can see in most high schools in my hometown, students are obliged to show up in the classroom except the time of holidays. As far as I know, ( the students in that kind of school seem to be so tired all the day and the phenomena that a lot of students sleep in the classroom can be spectacular.) 这词用在这边不太好 A fact phenomena shows lots of students in that kind of school hardly pay attention on teacher's teaching and fall in sleep during the class. 换成这样会不会更好理解呢？As a result, students in these schools have a low rate of entrancing into collage because of their low efficiency in studying. On the contrary, some schools in which there are all kinds of courses, such as physical education lessons, internship in the summer and so forth, have a number of high quality students who are more active and creative in learning.
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Offering more opportunities for students in these schools to learn outside the classroom can really improve the efficiency of the student's learning. First, outdoor study can inspire the interests of studentsand enable them to understand the theories more comprehensively. For example, a visit to the Nanjing Massacre museum will show students what happened in 1937. Thus, this experience will give the students more impression about this period of history and inspire their appetites for the knowledge. Second, some projects outside the classroom will enhance the students’ health condition and prepare them for the physical challenge in the future. Through sport lessons student can have stronger and healthier body, which will enable them to assume more study task. In contrast, if the students spend all the time in the classes, some illness will always assault them, and the efficiency of the study can not be assured.# M7 J6 y4 r4 v" a7 I4 Y5 H" q
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In sum, it is more justifiable for students to spend some time outside the classroom, because students can be more interested and more energetic in study. Therefore, I deem that in order to promote the study efficiency and the overall quality of students, the schools should not demand on their students to attend classes for 11 months of a year.
  
总体来说挺好的，至少比我好点，我的语法不是太好所以有些地方我不知道如何来改你的句子只是觉得读起来有点不太顺畅，文章里的理由解释都不错

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

Nowadays there is a worldwide contention over the topic that whether the students will obtain a better education if they have to attend (have attended)classed (classes)for 11 months of a year. Many teachers and parents hold the viewpoint that the more time a student spend in class(on classes), the more he/she can absorb the knowledge from the class. However, I totally disagree with this assertion, for the reason that spending most time in the class will take the edge off the student's craving to receive knowledge and integrated learning approaches will absolutely promote the study efficiency of a student.( {  V/ R$ ^% s
As I can see in most high schools in my hometown, students are obliged to show up in the classroom except the time of holidays. As far as I know, the students in that kind of school seem to be so tired all the day and the phenomena that a lot of students sleep in the classroom can be spectacular. As a result, students in these schools have a low rate of entrancing into collage because of their low efficiency in studying. On the contrary, some school in which there are all kinds of courses, such as physical education lessons, internship in the summer and so forth, have a number of high quality students who are more active and creative in learning.
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& {5 D1 E) y$ n/ v# J, n8 lOffering more opportunities for students in these schools to learn outside the classroom can really improve the efficiency of the student's learning.(应该在概括些，你后面不是罗列很多方面的好处) First, outdoor study can inspire the interests of students and enable them to understand the theories more comprehensively. For example, a visit to the Nanjing Massacre museum will show students what happened in 1937. Thus, this experience will give the students more impression about this period of history and inspire their appetites for the knowledge. Second, some project outside the classroom will enhance the students’ health condition and prepare them for the physical challenge in the future. Through sport lessons student can have stronger and healthier body, which will enable them to assume more study task. In contrast, if the students spend all the time in the classes, some illness will always assault them, and the efficiency of the study can not be assured.3 g) Q- y3 z) I% M1 `$ J
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In sum, it is more justifiable for students to spend some time outside the classroom, because students can be more interested and more energetic in study. Therefore, I deem that in order to promote the study efficiency and the overall quality of students, the schools should not demand the students to attend classes for 11 months of a year.
我觉得很不错 没什么错误，逻辑也很好
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missyoucrazyUID: 2745188

Is it really necessary for government to invest more money in the internet rather than public transportation, as most Internet complaints suggest? In a sense, there are still a lot of problems in the Internet, such as slow data transport, the abundance of virus and so on. However, from my perspective, much money needs to be used to improve our transportation, for the reason that, compared with the Internet, there are more problems existing in public transportation which is more concerned with our life.

First and foremost, there is no way around the fact that a number of people possess their own computer and are available to get access to the internet. Therefore, an increasingly number of people is complaining the issues of the internet. Some problem could be very urgent. For example, in some china universities, the speed of download is really slow. Even opening a page needs to take some minutes, which is totally a waste of time. However, nowadays it is rare in our country because we begin to use the fiber to transmit the data. And, most students employ the internet to play internet games which are easy to get addicted and take amount of time. On the hand, the problems in transportation are stringent and everybody is involved in it which will not bring any negative effects. Therefore, the government should take more efforts to overcome the disadvantages of public transportation.

Everyone should be very familiar with the problems in all aspects of transportation. One chief drawback is that it is overcrowded in the transport vehicles. For example, I have been to Beijing once and there are so many people on the bus and in the subway. Sometimes you even cannot crowd on the bus or the subway. How inconvenient it is! Another major negative respect is that the traffic in cities is too busy, and it is common to get caught in a traffic jam. Furthermore, we are so involved in the transportation. If you want to go someplace faraway, you need to take a train; if you plan to travel within the city, bus is very good choice; If, of course, you own a car, you can go anywhere you want. Transportation is to us like water to fish, and thus if the transportation is better, we will live a more comfortable life.

In conclusion, although internet has certain loopholes that bring us some inconvenience, the government should spare no efforts to better our transportation condition which has such a great significance for us.

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

Is it really necessary for government to invest more moneyin the internet rather than public transportation, as most Internet complaintssuggest? In a sense, there are still a lot of problems in the Internet, such asslow data transport, the abundance of virus and so on. However, from myperspective, much money needs to be used to improve our transportation, for thereason that, compared with the Internet, there are more problems existing inpublic transportation which is more concerned with our life.
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* ?' n4 D2 @$ u% A: `1 e" ?Firstand foremost, there is no way around the fact that a number of people possesstheir own computer and are available to get access to the internet. Therefore,an increasingly number of people is complaining the issues of the internet.Some problems could be very urgent. For example,in some Chinese universities, the speed of downloadis really slow. Even opening a page needs to take some minutes, which istotally a waste of time. However, nowadays it is rare in our country because webegin to use the fiber
to transmit the data. And,most students employ the internet to play internet games which are easy to getaddicted and take amount of time. On the hand, the problems in transportationare stringent and everybody is involved in it which will not bring any negativeeffects. Therefore, the government should take more efforts to overcome thedisadvantages of public transportation.0 {( G6 f3 |( a

+ O% E- j( V6 U8 d9 Everyoneshould be very familiar with the problems in all aspects of transportation. Onechief drawback is that it is overcrowded in the transport vehicles. Forexample, I have been to Beijing once and there are so many people on the busand in the subway. Sometimes you even cannot crowd on the bus or the subway.How inconvenient it is! Another major negative respect is that the traffic incities is too busy, and it is common to get caught in a traffic jam.Furthermore, we are so involved in the transportation. If you want to gosomeplace faraway, you need to take a train; if you plan to travel within thecity, bus is very good choice; If, of course, you own a car, you can goanywhere you want. Transportation is to us like water to fish, 很不错的比喻 and thus if the transportation is better, we will live ina much more comfortable life.
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" |; t+ ^9 ?& G4 y: P% H' ~Inconclusion, although internet has certain loopholes that bring us someinconvenience, the government should spare no efforts to better ourtransportation condition which has such a great significance for us.



很不错的一篇作文，加油加油！

missyoucrazyUID: 2745188

4 .26 All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.

Is it necessary for all students to take basic science classed even if they are not this major? Some teachers and students might argue that students should attend the classes of their major. Admittedly, other basic science classed will not have direct connections with your major. However, from my perspective, the students should take some basic classes, for the reason that the students who only take the class of their major will lose their appetite for knowledge and the students who also take basic science class, in contrast, will be more willing to receive knowledge，which will be more helpful in the future after they graduate from school.

First and foremost, there is no way around the fact that we have to spare no efforts to study our major classes. After all, in our major classes, we can learn the basic theory and skills which will be used in our future work. Nevertheless, spending all the time to study the major will take the edge of the students' craving to accept new things,in respect that everyone will get bored if they only learn one thing all the time. Thus in that case, students may find other solution to spare part of their time. For example, some will become addicted to the internet games, which will definitely obstruct their study.

On the contrary, providing basic science classes will exploit the students' interests in other aspects. For example, a student whose major is applied chemistry will find some interests in mathematics. If he/she gets boring of study chemistry or doing experiments, he/she will look for some math books and seek pleasure of solving a difficult problem. Furthermore, the study of other science will precipitate the learning of one's own major. The student will have a more comprehensive understanding of the science, which will boost his passion to explore the field of science.

Having basic science class will also help the students in their future work. Now, the unprecedented development of science and technology leads to the need of integrated experts. Some knowledge in other respect will absolutely make you more competent in your area. For instance, as a Petroleum engineer, you need to know some knowledge of computer skills--because you may need to employ the computer to operate some facilities in the oilfield.

In sum, in virtue of the interests and career prospect of a student, I strongly hold the viewpoint that it is justifiable for the student to take other basic science classes besides their major classes. And I believe that this comprehensive education will cultivate more and more experts in different areas for our country.

missyoucrazyUID: 2745188

恩，你说的很对啊！我的论证还不全面。自己怎么没注意到呢，谢谢你的建议~~~:lol

canoe03UID: 2786666

Is it necessary for all students to take basic science classed even if they are not this major? Some teachers and students might argue that students should attend the classes of their major. Admittedly, other basic science classed will not have direct connections with your major. However, from my perspective, the students should take some basic classes, for the reason that the students who only take the class(classes) of their major will lose their appetite for knowledge and the students who also take basic science class(classes), in contrast, will be more willing to receive(个人意见这个词貌似用在这里有点不合适，可能acquire或者gain会好点儿？) knowledge，which will be more helpful in the future after they graduate from school.


First and foremost, there is no way around the fact that we have to spare no efforts to study our major classes. After all, in our major classes(这里和前面的major classes有些重复，建议改变下这个句子的结构), we can learn the basic theory(theories) and skills which will be used in our future work. Nevertheless, spending all the time to study the major will take the edge of the students' craving to accept new things, in respect that everyone will get bored if they only learn one thing(one thing有些不大合适，毕竟学习专业课不是一个东西) all the time. Thus in that case, students may find other solution to spare part of their time. For example, some will become addicted to the internet games, which will definitely obstruct their study.

On the contrary, providing basic science classes will exploit the students' interests in other aspects. For example, a student whose major is applied chemistry will find some interests in mathematics. If he/she gets boring(bored前面用过get bored了，此处可否一换？) of study(studying) chemistry or doing experiments, he/she will look for some math books and seek pleasure of solving a difficult problem(我不知道楼主是不是学习应用化学的，但是这个例子不大合适，因为所有的工科和理科学生都必须学习数学，除非文科的，也许楼主举个文科的例子比较合适). Furthermore, the study of other science will precipitate the learning of one's own major. The student will have a more comprehensive understanding of the science, which will boost his passion to explore the field of science.

Having basic science class will also help the students in their future work. Now, the unprecedented development of science and technology leads to the need(demand) of integrated experts. Some knowledge in other respect(呵呵，楼主又用了这个词，换一个词比如说on other speciality) will absolutely make you more competent in your area. For instance, as a Petroleum engineer, you need to know some knowledge of computer skills--because you may need to employ the computer to operate some facilities in the oilfield.

In sum, in virtue of the interests and career prospect of a student, I strongly hold the viewpoint that it is justifiable for the student to take other basic science classes besides their major classes(两个classes，重叠了，改成courses或者curriculum会不会好点儿？). And I believe that this comprehensive education will cultivate more and more experts in different areas for our country.
(楼主的文章结构还好，三个主要的方面支持论点也比较合适，就是论据弱了些。还有，楼主文章里面用词比较苍白，建议多用些词表述同一个意思。再者，虽然在评判作文的时候，表述地道不地道不是很重要，建议楼主还是尽量地道些。以上都是本人拙见，楼主不要介意哈，赶紧闪人，免遭拍。。。。)

missyoucrazyUID: 2745188

5.5  09.12.4北美
do you think peole should buy things made in their own country, even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else" o
Should people purchase the things made in their own country, as many people argue? In a sense, buying the things of their country's company is a symbol of patriotism. However, supporting your country's company will aggravate your economic load and pose inconvenient for your daily life, and buying things according to its price and quality, in contrast, will precipitate the development of your country's firm.
There is no way around the fact that we should do our best support our own company, because it will promote the development of our country and improve the quality of our lives .For example, if
the companies in your hometown gain more profit ,there will be more people in your community who can find their jobs. Nevertheless, supporting our own company doesn't amount to buying their things. In some cases, excess using their products can be productive. Some products of our company will be more expensive than the products of others. If we continue to buy their things regardless of price, we will find our life will get worse and worse. Even if the price is not high, the quality of our products cannot be guaranteed. We can often see from the newspaper that some people get sick after have the products of our own country. Therefore, our life condition will not become better if we exorbitantly employ the products of our companies.
On the contrary, irrespective of where they are made of, using the products that is cheap and have high quality will stimulate the competition between the companies, which will eventually foster the advancement of our own companies. After the age of getting into WTO, our companies need to survive in the more and more competitive world market. Instead of encouraging our consumers to buy our products, we should invigorate our own company to reform our management and technology. Only in this way can we give an impetus to the development of our own companies and thus boost the level of our lives. Thus, we should not only buy the products of our own country.
In a nutshell, in respect of the quality of our lives and the boom of our companies, we should not buy things made in our own country. Moreover, it will prompt the prosperity and development of the world.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

5.5 修改 by 暧暧

见附件。

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2010-5-6 13:01:25 上传

下载次数: 7

竹雯兰钧UID: 2808439

挺好的，继续进步

tonyyoucanUID: 2806157

Should people purchase the things made in their own country, as many people argue? In a sense, buying the things of their country's company is a symbol of patriotism. However, supporting your country's company will aggravate your economic load and pose inconvenient for your daily life, and buying things according to its price and quality, in contrast, （却缺少主语，前面句子不能做主语）will precipitate the development of your country's firm.)

（第二段中 开始用we 指代，后面换为you ，your country 这样指代易混淆 ）There is no way around the fact that we should do our best support our own company, because it will promote the development of our country and improve the quality of our lives .For example, if the companies in your hometown gain more profit ,there will be more people in your community who can find their jobs. Nevertheless, supporting our own company doesn't amount to buying their things. In some cases, excess using their（指代不清） products can be productive. Some products of our company will be more expensive than the products of others. If we continue to buy their things regardless of price, we will find our life will get worse and worse. Even if the price is not high, the quality of our products cannot be guaranteed. We can often see from the newspaper that some people get sick after have the products of our own country. Therefore, our life condition will not become better if we exorbitantly employ the products of our companies.

On the contrary, irrespective of where they are made of, using the products that is cheap and have（having 与前面using并列） high quality will stimulate the competition between the companies, which will eventually foster the advancement of our own companies. After the age of getting into WTO, our companies need to survive in the more and more ?competitive world market. Instead of encouraging our consumers to buy our products, we should invigorate our own company to reform our management and technology. Only in this way can we give an impetus to the development of our own companies ，加个逗号and thus boost the level of our lives. Thus（换为therefore 吧， 前面刚用过thus）, we should not only buy the products of our own country.

In a nutshell, in respect of the quality of our lives and the boom of our companies, we should not buy things made in our own country. Moreover, it will prompt the prosperity and development of the world.

missyoucrazyUID: 2745188

5.6
Should the children make their own choices, as many parents suggests? In a sense, the children have their right to choose their life. However, in my perspective, the children are not supposed to make their own decisions, for the reason that the children are lacking of enough experience and knowledge to make choices, and their parents should make the decisions for them, which will foster the development of the children.

First and foremost, there is no denying the fact that the children have so many choices to make. For example, in our childhood, we need to face the problems of what kind of clothes are suitable, which school should I go, etc. Of course we can decide what we should do. However, the decision we made by ourselves can cause many issues. It can be illustrated by my own experience when I was young. After graduate from the primary school, I have to make a choice between two middle schools. The first one had the best education circumstance in our city. The second one had many good friends of mine studying there. Regardless of my parents’ opinion of studying in the best school, I insisted on getting into the school where there are many friends. At last, I successfully got into the school I like but I didn't not have good performance there. Finally, I was transmitted to the best school and I studied well there. Also, I had a significant number of new friends there. This example of mine shows that the choices that the children make are often wrong.

On the contrary, the choices that the parents make for their children are often sound. First, their parents have a better understanding of the society. They know what it right thing to do. For instance, when a child has to select the university to attend, he/she often has no idea which one to choose. But his/her parents know which one is much better for the child-because the parents have some knowledge of choosing colleges. Second, the parents know the need of their children. They care the most interest of their children, so they can make the right choice for the children.

In a nutshell, in respect of the rightness of the choice the parents make and the future of the children, it is more justifiable for the parents to make choices for their children.

Natalie蝶UID: 2806232

14# missyoucrazy

Should the children make their own choices, as many parents suggests? In a sense, the children have their right to choose their life. However, in my perspective, the children are not supposed to make their own decisions, for the reason that the children are lacking of enough experience and knowledge to make choices, and their parents should make the decisions for them, which will foster the development of the children.- L3 {, Z" ^# j6 r# A) c/ M) h9 t" s

First and foremost, there is no denying the fact that the children have so many choices to make. 第一句LL是不是想提出本段主要观点？但是这句话应该不是重点，重点应该是children mostly make the wrong decision.For example, in our childhood, we need to face the problems of what kind of clothes are suitable, which school should I go, etc. Of course we can decide what we should do. However, the decision we made by ourselves与前面的we made语义重复 can cause many issues. It can be illustrated by my own experience when I was young. After graduate from the primary school, I have to make a choice between two middle schools. The first one had the best education circumstance in our city. The second one had many good friends of mine studying there. Regardless of my parents’ opinion of studying in the best school, I insisted on getting into the school where there are many friends. At last, I successfully got into the school I like but I didn't not have good performance there. Finally, I was transmitted to the best school and I studied well there. Also, I had a significant number of new friends there. This example of mine shows that the choices that the children make are often wrong.) I# O* q6 D, V' a
On the contrary, the choices that the parents make for their children are often sound. First, their parents have a better understanding of the society. They know what is the right thing to do. For instance, when a child has to select the university to attend, he/she often has no idea which one to choose. But his/her parents know which one is much better for the child-because the parents have some knowledge of choosing colleges. Second, the parents know the need of their children. They care the most interest of their children, so they can make the right choice for the children.
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In a nutshell, in respect of the rightness of the choice the parents make and the future of the children, it is more justifiable for the parents to make choices for their children.
LL这篇文章的结构比较清楚，但是我觉得论点有点太绝对——孩子做的决定都是错的，父母做的都是对的~~我的一点拙见哈~