【1010G精英组】ARGUMENT45 B组回收站

weaselUID: 2739489

提交时间为4月25日，13点前

橘子汁UID: 2672285

The author has given out a sad fact in this argument that the population of arctic deer is declining. According to reports from local hunters and his own analysis, he concludes that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. The conclusion seems somewhat reasonable as the common view holds that global warming, the 21st century’s biggest killer, may possibly give rise to the tumbling of wild animal’s population. Yet after deeper consideration, we find that some of his expositions are unwarranted and at question.

Firstly, though it’s true that the temperature is creeping up worldwide, there’s no specification on whether the temperature is ascending or descending in Canada’s arctic region where the deer live. Since the habitat of arctic deer is limited to areas both “warm enough” and “cold enough”, which means they demand a modest temperature and are sensible to slight environmental changes, it may be possible that the temperature of these areas is actually going down, thus reducing the amount of plants there and leaving the wretched beer die of hunger.

However, even if the temperature of the beer’s habitat has been proved to be rising and their age-old migration patterns changing, it cannot be judged that this will undoubtedly leads to a fatal disaster to arctic deer. Specifically, a short-run restraint of traveling over the islands may not be strong enough to give the deer a heavy blow and cause easy death among the deer herds. And the author’s saying that the decline in arctic deer populations, resulting from deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea, is due to global warming is largely wrong. Coincidence is just coincidence, and it fails to hold up when facing the facts and science.

Furthermore, it is a little bit sarcastic that the according reports claiming the declining of deer populations are from the local hunters. Maybe they themselves are the real killers who brought about this catastrophe. And even if they aren’t that brutal, it’s also possible that they just miss the deer for some unexpected reason and make a hasty report that the deer are dying out. Moreover, there would presumably be some other changes, both in the environment and the deer themselves, that has spawned the deterioration of the deer’s viability. For instance, a plant that the deer mainly feed on is confronted with a survival challenge, thus making it hard for the deer to live on.

Taken as a whole, the author’s argument is not justifiable enough to be persuasive. Yet it is a subject relating to the common homeland of us living on the earth. So it is necessary to further the investigation and find the real causes, to prevent the worsening of ecological environment and make it better for the sake of our shared future.

hopneyUID: 2626063

In this journal, it writes that the decline in arctic deer population is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration. Just thinking about the facial phenomenon, this deduced conclusion is reasonable and right. But, when considering it from a scientific angel, we will find that the conclusion in the journal cannot stand any serious repeated deliberation. Here are two, may be more, questionable points.

First, according to reports, what is made by local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Does a report from local hunters has any scientific basis? Is there any data show that the deer populations decrease from year to year? Of course, we do not find out that, at least from the article. As we known, a report should convince the reader with a series of data, which are obtained from experience or long-time observations by scientist. But hunter, just living on hunting, isn’t able to undertake this task. His report of deer populations declining maybe is based on the declining number of deer he hunted. So the report from hunters should be questionable.

Second, this article contributes the declining deer population to deer being unable to following their age-old migration. In logic, deer being unable to following their age-old migration is the only, as least the main reason of deer population declining. It is a general knowledge that population is related with many factors, such as living environment, breeding rate, ratio of male/female, and so on. For instance, Chinese population is increasing, while Russia population is decreasing. The main difference is many Russia don’t want to have a baby, while Chinese think more children and grandchild is a fortune, promoting the increasing population. This deduction is too assertive, and has no foundation.

In conclusion, there are two questionable points in the journal. A data from hunters and a unreasonable deduction of result of deer population declining should be doubt. If the article provides more data from experience or long time observation by scientist, and excludes other factors of deer population declining, we may agree with the conclusion.


这次发现的争议不多, 希望向大家学习吧
还有在晚上10前我改不了下一楼的文章,抱歉


为什么我每次都写这么少呢?不能扩展,看来English真的是很衰，（：
给点建议吧

sola-nanaUID: 2744594

Given reports of declining in arctic deerpopulation from local hunters and the fact of globe warming trend, theeditorial concludes that it is arctic deer being unable to follow their age-oldmigration patterns across the frozen sea, as a result of the globe warming, leadsto the declining population. On the surface, then, the conclusion mentionedabove may appear to be reasonable. However, a more nuanced examination of allthe reasoning and conclusion suggests this argument stands on several doubted grounds.

As mentioned above, key evidence putforward by the editorial is the report from local hunters showing the declineof the population of deer. I have to doubt about the exactitude and representativenessof the report. Local hunter is a vague concept. Are the local hunters representingall the hunters in the habitat of arctic deer? Could the hunters’ report reallyshow the changes in the population of arctic deer? Local hunters can only liveon a certain area as a result of limits of our human bodies. What if the deermove to another area to which hunters could not get close? It is necessary toconsider whether the habits, the action scope andtheir hunting time cooperate with deer’s. Perhaps deer have made a significantchange in their living habits comparing with what they were before; meanwhile,those local hunters may not realize it yet.

Another doubtful assertion is that arctic temperaturerises as the trend of global warming. It is a faulty causal relation which reversalsthe consequence and the cause. The global temperature is an average which couldnot stand for the local temperature. Similarly, the global warming trend couldnot illuminate the arctic temperature is rising. Maybe arctic temperature isdeclining while the temperature of other parts of the world is rising and theaverage is climbing up too. It is like the population changes of our humansociety. The population, which is on a rise as a whole, may be on a negativegrowth rate in many developed countries. Reasonable evidence of the risingtemperature should be statistics of melting ice in Arctic Ocean in the habitatsof arctic deer.

Even if the arctic temperature in thehabitats of deer is rising, the editorial concedes assumptions that changes of habitatscould definitely lead to the decline of the population of deer without any certification.Each kind of creatures has its capacity to acclimate itself to the changingworld. Arctic deer is no exception. Arctic deer are gregarious animals with anexcellent ability of adoption as they live in the coldest area on earth forsuch a long time. Gregarious animals mean they are costumed to living and foragingin group. They could increase the number of the groups to decrease the densityof each group, to enlarge the foraging area, moreover, to reduce the destructionof the foraging area in order to decline the recovering period of the foraging area.This kind of adoption will not lead to the decline of deer population or theremay be an increase. The changing habitat of arctic deer in light of the risingtemperature unnecessarily leads to the decline in deer population. Meanwhile, isthe habitat changing the only reason of the decline population of deer? Perhapsnot. There may be a horrible disease bursting in them or other stuff. Whether habitatchanging is the decisive cause of the decline in deer population is not illuminated.

With all the analysis above, it is clearthat the argument is unwarranted as it stands. To strengthen its conclusions, theeditorial should provide more accurate statistics directly showing the declinein deer population and the rising of temperature in arctic deer’s habitats. In addition,whether the habitat changing is the decisive cause of the decline in deerpopulation should be proved more convincing. Besides, other factors which couldhave an effect on the population decline should be considered as well.

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

晚到了，第一次写，可能还没有头绪，觉得很难~但是我会加油的！！
The author of this editorial states that Arctic deer living on islands in Canada's arctic region whose migration patterns depend on the limited areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. In addition, the writer concludes that the reduction of the creature populations, according to the local hunters, is the result of recent global warming trends which have caused the sea ice to melt and leads to the deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

Firstly, even though the recent global warming trends have caused the sea ice to melt, no evidence shows that the deer cannot follow their age-old migration. No professional survey given in this argument indicates the accurate areas in which the sea ice melts caused by the global warming. It is considerably possible that the melted ice does not include their habitat in Canada's arctic region.

Secondly, the decline of the number of the creature may be not caused by the change of the migration patterns, but by the man-made factors. For example, the hunting for the deer around these areas could directly lead to the result. Moreover, such as the diseases among the flock and the reduction of the plants on which they feed could also be the reasons.

Thirdly, there is so sufficient evidence shows that the population of the deer is decreasing in this argument. Only by the observation and experience given by the hunters who don’t have a knowledge of biology can’t we come to the conclusion that number of the deer is surely reducing.

In summary, the writer fails to establish any causal relationship between global warming trends and the decline of Arctic deer. The evidence presented to a large degree lack scientific and solid demonstration and narrowly focuses on not only the tiny reason result in the death of the deer, but the isolated observation by the hunters. The real reason of the decline of the Arctic deer is a complicated issue which calls for a huge amount of scientific observation and investigation.

weaselUID: 2739489

迟交了，自我检讨

besides，限时失败，还是用模板的限时失败！



In this argument, the author concludes that the arctic deer populations are decliningdue to the global warming trends. At first glance, this argument seems to beconvincing, but further reflection reveals that this evidence neitherconstitutes a logical statement in support of its conclusion nor providescompelling support making this argument sound and invulnerable.

Thethreshold question should be presented by any reader is that do the hunters'words really credible? Although it is entirely possible the hunters are honestto offer what they have saw, but this does not means that what they saw isabsolute truth. It is most likely that the hunters contribute the decreasingnumber of deer that are killed by hunters, to deer populations' declining. Sucha situation may happen that huge amounts of deer do their best to escape fromhunters' killing so the hunters can grasp less and less deer. Besides, there isalso a circumstance that the arctic deer have migrated to some other islandswhere hunters cannot step into for hunting. Anyway, without ruling out theseand other possible factors, the evidence is not convincing.

Thesecond flaw that weakens the logic of this argument is that the author assumesthat the weather where deer live is increasing by following the global warmingtrends. It is a typical mistake to say that the global condition adequatelyexplains a small part anywhere. Therefore, it is much more possible that whileglobal weather is going up, the weather where the arctic deer settle is keptinvariant and even degressive. Such possibilities cannot be excluded unless theauthor provides more evidence to eliminate readers' doubts.

Thelast but not the least important, even if the author can substantiate all ofthe foregoing assumptions, the author should not remove other facts that canalso lead to deer populations' decreasing. For instance, because of thehunters' large scale of killing, the deer are in the edge of dying out. Themore they hunt, the faster the speed of deer' dying is. Furthermore, if theenvironment on this island is harmed so that the plants deer feed can notsurvive, the food chain will be destroyed as to the deer populations'declining. All in all, under any scenario, the author's assertion is full offlaws.

To sumup, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysisdoes not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. Therefore, if theauthor had considered the given factors discussed above, the argument wouldhave been more through and logically acceptable.

sola-nanaUID: 2744594

改橘子~


The author has given outa sad fact in this argument that the population of arctic deer is declining.（鹿数量减少是个结论，是editorial推出来的，不能说是fact）According to reports from local hunters and his ownanalysis, he concludes that the decline in arctic deer populations is theresult of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns acrossthe frozen sea. The conclusion seems somewhat reasonable as the common view holds（这里的hold用法能详细解释下吗？想学习..可是不明白...） that global warming, the 21st century’s biggest killer,may possibly give rise to thetumbling赞~ of wild animal’s population. Yet after deeperconsideration, we（用I更好吧..） find that some of his expositions are unwarranted and at question（好像没有这样用的..）.

Firstly, though it’s true that the temperature is creeping up worldwide,there’s no specification on whether thetemperature is ascending or descending in Canada’s arctic region where the deer live. Since thehabitat of arctic deer is limited to areas both “warm enough” and “cold enough”,which means they demand a modest temperatureand are sensible to slight environmental changes, it may be possible that thetemperature of these areas is actually going down, thus reducing the amount ofplants there and leaving the wretched beer（deer吧..）die（应该是leave..doing..） of hunger

However, even if the temperature of the beer’shabitat has been proved to be rising and theirage-old migration patterns changing（以前的习性要是改了的话，即使温度升高导致habitats变化也不会导致数量下降啊..这里既然是让步，就应该是支持题目的观点）, itcannot be judged that this（指的是温度上升？逻辑有点乱喽，应该是温度上升导致habitats变化，而这种变化导致数量下降。你第一段写的也是habitats的改变导致数量下降的嘛..这里怎么变成了温度） willundoubtedly leads to a fatal disaster to arctic deer. Specifically, a short-run restraint of traveling over the islands may not be strong enough to givethe deer a heavy blow and cause easy death（题目中没有说数量突然下降..之类的，只是说下降，并且没有短时间还是长时间内，所以不能这样写吧..） among the deer herds.（句中的分析如果正确的话，这句话就不能做反驳的论据了） And the author’s saying that the decline in arctic deerpopulations, resulting from deer being unable to follow their age-old migrationpatterns across the frozen sea, is due to global warming is largely wrong.Coincidence is just coincidence, and it fails to hold up（韦氏里面只有抢劫、阻碍延迟和引起注意的意思..） when facing the facts and science.

Furthermore, it is a little bit sarcastic that theaccording reports claiming the declining of deer populations are from the localhunters. Maybe they themselves are the realkillers who brought about this catastrophe.恩，有理~ And even if they aren’t that brutal, it’s alsopossible that they just miss the deer for some unexpected reason and make ahasty report that the deer are dyingout（只是数量下降额..说灭绝就有点过了吧..）. Moreover, there would presumably besome other changes, both in the environment and the deer themselves, that has spawned the deterioration of the deer’s viability.For instance, a plant that the deer mainly feed on is confronted with asurvival challenge, thus making it hard for the deer to live on.

Taken as a whole, the author’s argument is notjustifiable enough to be persuasive. Yet it is a subject relating to the commonhomeland of us living on the earth. So it is necessary to further theinvestigation and find the real causes, to prevent the worsening of ecologicalenvironment and make it better for the sake of our shared future.

词汇相当丰富~（本来标出来的..贴过来掉色了...）也有很多优秀的观点
但第二段的逻辑有些问题，不知是不是我的理解有误..请指正

橘子汁UID: 2672285

改hopney

In this journal(journal主要是指期刊杂志吧..不知道用在这里好不好), it writes(Chinglish) that the decline in arctic deer population is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration. Just thinking (think) about the facial(这个词只表示面部的吧，不能表示表面的) phenomenon, this deduced conclusion(这种说法应该避免，有点Chinglish) is reasonable and right(多余). But, when considering it from a scientific angel (Chinglish…), we will find that the conclusion in the journal cannot stand any serious repeated deliberation. Here are two, may be more, questionable points.

First, according to reports, what is(去掉逗号和what is表达起来更连贯) made by local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Does a report from local hunters has(does后面跟have) any scientific basis? Is there any data show (showing) that the deer populations decrease from year to year? Of course, we do not find out that, at least from the article. As we known, a report should convince the reader with a series of data, which are obtained from experience or long-time(我觉得这里用long-term比较好，当然意思差不多) observations by scientist. But (加一个a) hunter, just living on hunting, isn’t able to undertake this task. His report of deer populations declining maybe(这个词要用的话最好放在句首，最好最好别用在be动词前面) is based on the declining number of deer he hunted. So the report from hunters should be questionable.

Second, this article contributes the declining deer population to deer being unable to following (follow) their age-old migration. In logic(logically), deer (改为deer’s) being unable to following(为什么你喜欢在follow后面加ing….) their age-old migration is the only, as least the main reason of deer population declining. It is a general knowledge that population is related with many factors, such as living environment, breeding rate(改为birth rate), ratio of male/female(你自己造的说法吧…这说法感觉不够地道), and so on. For instance, Chinese population(一般只说population of China and that of Russia, Chinese population 有点Chinglish) is increasing, while Russia population is decreasing. The main difference is many Russia don’t want to have a baby, while Chinese think more children and grandchild is a fortune(这句表达方式欠妥….), promoting the increasing population. This deduction is too assertive, and has no foundation.

In conclusion, there are two questionable points in the journal. A data from hunters and a (an) unreasonable deduction of result of deer population declining should be doubt (doubted). If the article provides more data from experience or long time observation by scientist, and excludes other factors of deer population declining, we may agree with the conclusion.

呃，错误找的不是很全，对原文的抨击力度不够，建议在找不到错误的时候看看提纲吧。前期写AW的目的不一定完全是靠自己，可以是在知道写什么怎么写的情况下先练练笔~还有就是感觉你的English表达能力需要提高，很多Chinglish的说法会让考官不舒服，而且句式上比较单调，注意句子本身的结构错误和一些明显的语法错误。建议多读背点好的文章找找语感。 说话直白了点别介意哈~~ 大家都有很长的路要走，加油加油~~

ROse_MaryUID: 2790464

红色：好词好句
蓝色：好词组
绿色：问题
In this argument，the author concludes that the arctic deer populations are declining due to the global warming trends. At first glance, this argument seems to be convincing, but further reflection reveals that this evidence neither constitutes a logical statement in support of its conclusion nor provides compelling support making this argument sound and invulnerable.

The threshold question should be（should不是很合适，用may会更好，或者mostly could be）
presented by any reader is that do the hunters' words really credible（这里要用从句，whether the hunters’ words really credible）? Although it is entirely possible the hunters are honest to offer what they have saw, (他们看见的没办法offer吧，加上offer the information about what。。。) but（不能加but，前面有although 已经是让步状语从句了） this does not means that what they saw is absolute （the） truth. It is most likely that the hunters contribute （contribute to 多用于“有助于”“归功于”的意思，可以用ascribe to ）the decreasing number of deer (number是不能被kill的，可以直接说the death of the deer)
that are killed by hunters, to deer populations' declining.(这句话的意思是什么？猎人把自己猎杀的鹿的减少归咎于鹿的减少？) Such a situation may happen that huge amounts of deer do their best to escape from hunters' killing so the hunters can grasp（grasp不合适，MW的解释是1 : to take or seize eagerly
2 : to clasp or embrace especially with the fingers or arms，感觉用在“用手抓住”更多，这里可以用capture） less and less deer. Besides, there is also a circumstance（这个不是事实，是你的猜测，用probability更好） that the arctic deer have migrated to some other islands where hunters cannot step into for hunting. Anyway, without ruling out these and other possible factors, the evidence is not convincing.

The second flaw that weakens the logic of this argument is that the author assumes that the weather where（weather 是指某天的天气，这里用climate更好）the deer live is increasing （如果你想说气温上升的话前面就应该用temperature） by following the global warming trends. It is a typical mistake to say that the global condition adequately explains a small part anywhere.(改成any small part all around the world 是不是更好，你是想表达这个意思吗？) Therefore, it is much more possible that while global weather is going up（跟开头一样的错误）, the weather where the arctic deer settle is kept invariant and even degressive.（为什么这个情况一定是much more possible的呢？？） Such possibilities cannot be excluded unless the author provides more evidence to eliminate readers' doubts.

The last but not the least important, even if the author can substantiate all of the foregoing assumptions, the author should not remove other facts that can also lead to deer populations' decreasing. For instance, because of the hunters' large scale of killing, the deer are in the edge of dying out. The more they hunt, the faster the speed of deer' dying is. Furthermore, if the environment on this island is harmed so that the plants deer feed（on） can not survive, the food chain will be destroyed as to the deer populations' declining. All in all, under any scenario, the author's assertion is full of flaws.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. Therefore, if the author had considered the given factors discussed above, the argument would have been more through and logically acceptable.

逻辑很通顺，但是细节上的词句不是很到位~加油！~~

weaselUID: 2739489

蓝色：赞
红色：问题
紫色：总结

The author of this editorial states thatArctic deer living on islands in Canada's arctic region whose migrationpatterns depend on the limited areas warm enough to sustain the plants on whichthey feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover thesea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. （句子驾驭能力！赞！学习）In addition, the writer concludes that the reduction of the creaturepopulations, according to the local hunters, is the result of recent globalwarming trends which have caused the sea ice to melt and leads to the deerbeing unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
开头有点太长，我字数统计了一下，开头就117/375字，前面的叙述可以简写

Firstly, even though the recent global warming trends have caused the sea iceto melt, no evidence shows that the deer cannot follow their age-old migration.No professional survey given in this argument indicates the accurate areas inwhich the sea ice melts caused by the global warming. It is considerablypossible that the melted ice does not include their habitat in Canada'sarctic region.

Secondly, the decline of the number of the creature maybe not caused by the change of the migration patterns, but by the man-madefactors. For example, the hunting for the deer around these areas coulddirectly lead to the result. Moreover, such as the diseases among the flock andthe reduction of the plants on which they feed could also be the reasons.

Thirdly, there is so sufficient evidence shows that the population of the deeris decreasing in this argument. Only by the observationand experience（这里不太恰当，说observations还可以，说experience） given by the hunters whodon’t have a （删去）knowledge of biology（这里关系的knowledge我想不光是biology吧） can’t we come to theconclusion that number of the deer is surely reducing（这里reduce在韦氏里只有及物动词的用法）.

这里主题的三段都很简短，逻辑错误找的都没有问题，就是内容不充实，论证深度不够，都是点到即止，第一段还有点重复论证，anyway，先学会充实内容，很多人AW低，很大原因不是在使用模板，而是在光有模板，变成了单纯的找错误游戏

In summary, the writer fails to establish any causal relationship betweenglobal warming trends and the decline of Arctic deer. The evidence presented toa large degree lack scientific and solid demonstration and narrowly focuses onnot only the tiny reason result in the death of the deer, but the isolatedobservation by the hunters. The real reason of the decline of the Arctic deeris a complicated issue which calls for a huge amount of scientific observationand investigation.

开头和结尾都很多，但是开头结尾的作用，说白了，都是概括，多少在考官原理没有太大的区别，所以应该注重的中间的“肉”

句子驾驭能力不错，词汇选择略显单调，这是所有人通病，第一次，不容易，加油！！！

言语如有不当，见谅！有什么问题欢迎讨论：） ……

lvruochenUID: 2792806

过来学习一次。。。。。。。。

weaselUID: 2739489

11# lvruochen
顺便帮我们改改哈

youngstoneUID: 2670818

补作业~~
In this editorial, the author concludes that the deer’ being unable to migrate in their old patterns result in the drastic decline in the number of arctic deer. To substantiate the conclusion, the author provides the evidences that local hunters reported that the number of deer is decreasing. The arguer also reasons that that the sea ice began to melt because of global warming. While clearly examining the evidences, we may find that they are too weak to support the conclusion that arctic deer become less because they cannot live without the old migration patterns.

In the first place, whether the number of deer is decreasing is open to doubt. Since the report from the local hunters may be not accurate, especially concerning the fact that arctic deer live in different islands and these hunters can not guarantee that they have visited all the islands. It is entirely possible that only the number of deer in the islands which local hunters usually visit is decreasing. Then maybe arctic deer move to some other islands that the hunters have never visit. So local hunters think the arctic deer become less by mistake.

In the second place, the fact that the world is becoming warmer and warmer does not necessary indicate that the same weather conditions occur in Canada. Whether the sea ice has melted remains unknown. If the temperature only goes up by 1 to 2 centigrade, the weather is not hot enough to cause the sea ice to melt. Not knowing if the melting of the sea ice is influenced by higher temperature, we cannot hastily conclude that the sea ice melted much.

In the third place, even assuming that the arctic deer became less and the sea ice in arctic deer’s habitats began to melt, we cannot hastily draw the causal relationship between the two occurrences. Other factors rather than the melting of sea ice may contribute to the decline in the number of deer. It is entirely possible that local hunters kill much more arctic deer for benefit. Or there is also a possibility that these arctic deer begin to mutate and the number of each generation changed much. Besides the two reasons, a new species in these islands can also lead to the change in the number of arctic deer. Without ruling out these possible reasons, the author cannot prove that the decline in the number of arctic deer is due to the melting of sea ice.

Last but not least, the assumption that these arctic deer become less because they cannot follow their old migration patterns is ungrounded. Since the arctic deer can develop other methods to find food and they may adapt to new conditions. There is not any information about the migration patterns of arctic deer for the moment and maybe they use new ways to search for food to keep themselves live.

To sum up, the author draws the conclusion that the deer cannot migrate in their old patterns so the number of arctic deer declined drastically. This lacks credibility because the evidences about the actual number, the weather conditions in this argument are too week to support it. To bolster the conclusion, the arguer should tell us the conditions of the sea ice for the moment. Further investigation concerning whether the surrounding environment and the kinds of species, as well as the behaviors of local hunters have changed is also needed to prove if the melting of sea ice leads to the deer decline.