【1010G精英组】ARGUMENT35 Ambition组回收站

lvruochenUID: 2792806

35The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.

"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."

改作文指南 by 最後の使徒
【heaven in flowers汇总贴】by irvine666

5.2   17:00之前上交
注意修改
20:30BS
题目还是上次没有完成的那几个

（有两个人请假了除外）

lvruochenUID: 2792806

题目

35The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.

"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."


逻辑链

Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin（Fact 1）
Aspirin is used to treat headaches (F2)
F1+F2---->Salicylates treat headaches (Deduction1)
Rise in the commercial use of salicylates (F3)
a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study(F4)
F3+F4---->D1
New use for salicylates as flavor additives for foods (F5)
F5+D1----->a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia (Conclusion)

攻击这三个有------>的地方

The statement suggests that salicylates added in foods as preservatives can treat headaches. The statement draw that deduction mainly because of two reasons, being members of the same family as aspirin, a broadly used medicine to treat headache, and a 20-year study in Mentia showing connections between a decline in the average number of headaches and the use of salicylates.
Thus far, the statement believe to see a continued decline in the number of headaches suffered by average citizens there, since there is a new wider use of salicylates as flavor additives. At first glance, it may be reasonable. However, the deduction is not as sound as it seems to be.

In the first place, we cannot say it for sure that the salicylates' similar form with aspirin leads to a similar function. We know aspirin is a common medicine for headaches. Yet similar forms do not work the same way in human bodies at all cases. What we know is that they are similar but still have something different, though we cannot tell firmly whether parts they have in common or distinctively count for the treatment. The secrets of human bodies are still not exact to us, neither are the functions caused by different constructions of distinctive materials. We cannot use that as a reason unless we find how those things really have the same effect.

Secondly, the vague survey can neither show the effect of salicylates as a matter to treat headaches. Not informed of the detailed statistics, we could not find this connection as a reasonable one. More tellingly, the statement fails to tell us any information about the participants. The only thing we know about the experiment is that it is conducted in Mentia. Merely that can be misleading. We must know how many people are conveyed to make sure it is not just a coincidence brought about because of the small number of participants. What's more, we cannot ascertain that the use of salicylates is the only thing changed in the 20 years. Such greatly changing societies we live in today have so many differences from those 20 years ago. People lead a totally diverse life nowadays from the old styles. The result the arguer concluded from the survey makes sense only in conditions that nothing changed in lives of participants except for the use of salicylates in foods as preservatives. That sounds rather ridiculous.

Even if we conceded that salicylates can really relieve headaches, we are not able to be convinced that the wider use of salicylates can continue to make the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia steadily decline. Putting aside the side-effects the abuse of salicylates might come about, which are still a matter worth serious consideration, we do not know if the more we use the salicylates, the better effect we can get. We must figure out if there is a certain amount of salicylates we take in from foods the best amount to have the best effect. In light of solving headaches, more salicylates in food may be a waste, if not harming. There is still way to go to certificate what happens when taking in more salicylates in foods.

All above remains to be solved by further exploration. We cannot be so careless about things concerning our own health.

554 words
90 Minutes

whiteoutUID: 2699068

TOPIC: ARGUMENT35 - The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.

"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
WORDS: 417          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010/5/1 19:09:10

The author of this argument holds an expectation that the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia would continue a steady decline with the broader use of Salicylates. However, as the following discussion shows, the author's argument is not well supported by the evidence.

First of all, the author unfairly assumes that Salicylates could treat headaches just because it belongs to the same chemical family with aspirin. While aspirin is an anti-biotic medicine used for relief of pain and fever, we cannot get to know what medical mechanism Salicylates have. The author fails to inform us what the precise definition of Salicylates is as a headache killer. Thus, any further study based on that Salicylates could used to treat headaches cannot get a meaningful conclusion.

Second, the study that the argument cites is potentially problematic in some aspects. Nothing could prove that there must be a correlation between the use of Salicylates and the decline of the average number of headaches. There are great possibilities that these participants usually use some other medicines or eat some therapeutic food that could reduce both the extent and the frequency of headaches. In addition, the author ignores some basic factors that a reliable study should have. We are not informed that how many participants there are and whether the participants are from the same place as Mentia. Without accounting for these necessary factors, the author cannot convince me that it is Salicylates that contributes to the decline of the number of headaches.

A third problem with the argument is that it unfairly infers that the citizens of Mentia would take the food with Salicylates as flavor additives.   Assuming that Salicylates indeed could treat headaches, without guaranteeing the intake of food with Salicylates as flavor additives, we have no idea whether there will be a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. Thus, that the new use of Salicylates will work or not is still hanging in the air.

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author must provide clear evidence that Salicylates could treat headaches in faith and the study showing the correlation between the use of Salicylates and the decline of the average number of headaches is reliable. To better assess the argument, I would need better evidence that people in Mentia will enjoy the food with Salicylates as flavor additives so that Salicylates could make contribution to the headaches the suffered.

lvruochenUID: 2792806

这个不会又要延期吧

whiteoutUID: 2699068

To lrc


Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin（Fact 1）
Aspirin is used to treat headaches (F2)
F1+F2---->Salicylates treat headaches (Deduction1)
Rise in the commercial use of salicylates (F3)
a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study(F4)
F3+F4---->D1
New use for salicylates as flavor additives for foods (F5)
F5+D1----->a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia (Conclusion)
<逻辑链很清晰，这种方式果然很好~>
攻击这三个有------>的地方
The statement suggests that salicylates added in foods as preservatives can treat headaches. The statement draw that deduction mainly because of two reasons, being members of the same family as aspirin, <感觉加上which is 比较好，不然看起来像是并列的三个> a broadly used medicine to treat headache, and a 20-year study in Mentia showing connections between a decline in the average number of headaches and the use of salicylates.
Thus far, the statement<author/arguer> believe<s> to see a continued decline in the number of headaches suffered by average citizens there, since there is a new wider use of salicylates as flavor additives. At first glance, it may be reasonable. However, the deduction is not as sound as it seems to be.
In the first place, we cannot say it for sure that the salicylates' similar form with aspirin leads to a similar function. We know aspirin is a common medicine for headaches. Yet similar forms do not work <in/through> the same way in human bodies at<in> all cases. What we know is that they are similar but still have something different, though we cannot tell firmly whether <the> parts they have in common or distinctively<这个是与in common并列吧?感觉有些别扭> count for the treatment. The secrets of human bodies are still not exact<clear更合适一些> to us, neither are the functions caused by different constructions of distinctive materials. We cannot use that as a reason unless we find how those things really have the same effect.<从句how？表达什么？>
Secondly, the vague survey can neither<?> show the effect of salicylates as a matter to treat headaches. Not informed of the detailed statistics, we could not find this connection as a reasonable one. More tellingly, the statement fails to tell us any information about the participants. The only thing we know about the experiment is that it is conducted in Mentia. Merely that can be misleading.<这句想表达什么呢？> We must know how many people are conveyed to make sure it is not just a coincidence brought about<brought about作什么成分？> because of the small number of participants. What's more, we cannot ascertain that the use of salicylates is the only thing changed<changing> in the 20 years. Such greatly changing societies<单数是不是比较好> we live in today have so many differences from those 20 years ago. People lead a totally diverse life nowadays from the old styles. The result the arguer concluded from the survey makes sense only in conditions that nothing changed in lives of participants except for the use of salicylates in foods as preservatives. That sounds rather ridiculous.
Even if we conceded<d去掉> that salicylates can really relieve headaches, we are not able to be convinced that the wider use of salicylates can continue to make the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia steadily decline. Putting aside the side-effects the abuse of salicylates might come about, which are still a matter worth serious consideration, we do not know if the more we use the salicylates, the better effect we can get. We must figure out if there is a certain amount of salicylates we take in from foods {the best amount} to have the best effect.<这句话后半部分结构？{}部分可以去掉> In light of solving headaches, more salicylates in food may be a waste, if not harming<? harmful>. There is still <a long> way to go to certificate what happens<will happen> when taking in more salicylates in foods.<when这句没有隐含主语，前面也没有可在这里省略的主语，试试more salicylates in foods are taken in>

All above remains to be solved by further exploration. We cannot be so careless about things concerning <with>our own health.

汉字全都掉色了~~囧

xiaohaixxxUID: 2317561

2:02-3:10
In this summary the author asserts that the raising amount of salicylates, a medicine of same family as aspirin used to treat headaches which can be found in many foods, in foods has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches. Meanwhile the salicylates also found can be added into foods as a kind of flavor additives. So the author makes a prediction that the new use of the salicylates can lead to the food-processing companies add more salicylates in foods and therefore cause a steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of mentia, however, there are several logic flaw in the summary as fellows.
First of all, salicylates may not have the same effect as aspirin in treating headaches although they are of the same chemical family. As we all know, a little difference between two kinds of molecule can cause these two kinds of molecules have great different characters. So salicylates and aspirin are of a same chemical family cannot illustrate that salicyates can treat headache.
Secondly, other factors may also lead to the decline in the number of headaches in the study mentioned above. Such as the improvement of environmental, the more healthy live way or the less working load and so on. All these factors mentioned above can improve the situation of the headache.

Moreover, Granted that salicylates are effective in treating headaches, we cannot hastily infer that the increasing of salicuylates as a kind of flavor-additive in foods can lead decrease of headache. For many medicines, the dose is not the more the better. Get too much salicuylate may lead to side-effect or make people no longer sensitive to the salicuylate.
In conclusion, the summary has several illogical points make the author’s assertion less convincible and reliable.

lvruochenUID: 2792806

赶紧改作文

lvruochenUID: 2792806

In this summary the author asserts that the raising amount of salicylates, a medicine of（the） same family as aspirin used to treat headaches which can be found in many foods, in foods has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches. （好长的句子，最后一个逗号的句子似乎错了，另起一句怎么样）Meanwhile the salicylates also found（错，想用被动吧） can be added into foods as a kind of flavor additives. So the author makes a prediction that the new use of the salicylates can lead to the food-processing companies add more salicylates in foods and therefore cause a steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of mentia这个词有意思，有点大，不大好, however, there are several logic flaw 貌似可数in the summary as fellows.
好长的第一段，和后面几段比起来似乎太长了，你认为呢？


First of all, salicylates may not have the same effect as aspirin in treating headaches although they are of the same chemical family. As we all know, a little difference between two kinds of molecule can cause these two kinds of molecules have great different characters. So salicylates and aspirin are of a same chemical family cannot illustrate that salicyates can treat headache.
您这个是提纲耶。。。。。加一两句就更好了

Secondly, other factors may also lead to the decline in the number of headaches in the study mentioned above. Such as the improvement of environmental, the more healthy live way or the less working load and so on. All these factors mentioned above can improve the situation of the headache.
这个也是提纲，观点很好，要展开吧

Moreover, Granted that salicylates are effective in treating headaches, we cannot hastily infer that the increasing of salicuylates as a kind of flavor-additive in foods can lead decrease of headache. For many medicines, the dose is not the more the better. Get too much salicuylate may lead to side-effect or make people no longer sensitive to the salicuylate.
这个观点好，不过字数。。。。。。


In conclusion, the summary has several illogical points make the author’s assertion less convincible and reliable.
总结段

讨论一下
我觉得这个文章的内容比较少，形势比较多，呵呵
是不是限时的太厉害了？
另外
赞时间

掉色了，只好用括号了

lvruochenUID: 2792806

多学习一个人的

The author of this argument holds an expectation that the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia would continue a steady decline with the broader use of Salicylates. However, as the following discussion shows, the author's argument is not well supported by the evidence.
简洁
First of all, the author unfairly assumes that Salicylates could treat headaches just because it belongs to the same chemical family with aspirin. While aspirin is an anti-biotic medicine used for relief of pain and fever, we cannot get to know what medical mechanism Salicylates have. The author fails to inform us what the precise definition of Salicylates is as a headache killer. Thus, any further study based on that Salicylates could used to treat headaches cannot get a meaningful conclusion.
语句好流畅。。。。。。。惭愧

Second, the study that the argument cites is potentially problematic in some aspects. Nothing could prove that there must be a correlation between the use of Salicylates and the decline of the average number of headaches. There are great possibilities that these participants usually use some other medicines or eat some therapeutic好词 food that could reduce both the extent and the frequency 好词of headaches. In addition, the author ignores some basic factors that a reliable study should have. We are not informed that how many participants there are and whether the participants are from the same place as Mentia. 这个好常见Without accounting for these necessary factors, the author cannot convince me用us吧 that it is Salicylates that contributes to the decline of the number of headaches.

A third problem with the argument is that it unfairly infers that the citizens of Mentia would take the food with Salicylates as flavor additives.   Assuming that Salicylates indeed could treat headaches, without guaranteeing the intake of food with Salicylates as flavor additives, we have no idea whether there will be a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. Thus, that the new use of Salicylates will work or not is still hanging in the air.有意思的词语

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands什么意思。。。。. To strengthen it, the author must provide clear evidence that Salicylates could treat headaches in faith and the study showing the correlation between the use of Salicylates and the decline of the average number of headaches is reliable. To better assess the argument, I换成we would need better evidence that people in Mentia will enjoy the food with Salicylates as flavor additives so that Salicylates could make contribution to the headaches the suffered.

lvruochenUID: 2792806

A组改作文来了

xiaohaixxxUID: 2317561

5# soonyu


In this passage, the author asserts that the number of people who suffers from headaches in Mentia will decline because of the extending application of salicylates which are members of aspirin-a medicine used to tread headaches. To support the conclusion, the author claims that adding salicylates to foods as preservatives result in the declining number of headaches of people who participated in a twenty-year study. Though the conclusion seems to be right, however, it is not logical（it is illogical）. The assertion cannot be accepted because it bases on a series of unconvincing studies and unjustifiable assumptions.(开头概括的不错)
First, the declining number of headaches reported by participants cannot persuade us that it result from the application of salicylates in food. Though some companies used salicylates as preservatives, we cannot assert that the majority of resident in Mentia bought these foods. Without the evidence that most people ate these foods which were added with preservatives, we cannot find the relevance between declining number of headaches and salicylates. Moreover, the declining number probably dues to many other reasons such as decreasing number of residents, better environment and health care system, or even poor health awareness which may leaded people deny to report their headaches.（论证很深入啊） In addition, the study lacked （of ）many important information of participants like age, sex, and living environment, so that the situation of them about the headaches （may not）be the case on behalf of the majority of residents of Mentia. In summary, the relevance between declining number of headaches reported and salicylates is unsubstantiated.
（salicylates 导致头痛减少是事实，背景里没有study 而是直接给的结论）
Even （if ）it is actually that using salicylates as preservatives leaded to declining number of people who suffered from headache, we cannot predict that using salicylates as additives for food can also work as same efficient. People would accept preservatives which are necessary to some perishable food. However, it is doubt that whether residents will deny（refuse） to eat food with other additives which may affect their health(啥意思). Without adequate market research, we cannot accept that using salicylates as additives for food will decline the number of people who suffer from headaches in Mentia.（这个观点论证的不充分）
In sum, the conclusion is unsubstantiated because the study lacks of evidence. Without the evidence about using salicylates as preservative leaded to the declining number of people who suffered from headaches and the prospect of using salicylates as additives, we cannot accept the conclusion.