shufesc的独立作文贴~~欢迎各位拍砖

shufescUID: 2616499

15# missyoucrazy
谢谢你的修改，我不是学石油的

shufescUID: 2616499

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more important for students to understand ideas and concept than to learn facts.

What should students learn from schools? Some people claim that ideas and concepts are of great value for students while others hold the view that teachers have the obligation to tell the facts to students. In my opinion, students should be informed of the facts and create their own ideas rather than accept the ideas of others.

To begin with, facts are objective truth with no subjective covering. As we all know, humans frequently arrive at their conclusions and ideas from facts including words of people, relics of ancients, and behavior of animals. When it comes to ideas and concepts, it means the raw facts have been wrapped with feeling and judgment of scholars or someone who interprets it. William, one of my classmates, questions my teacher's idea about lion's behavior when they are searching small animals for food, and finally prove the idea is a misinterpretation of the behavior. What can be concluded from this example is that if the ideas and concept are regarded as truth without specific consideration, we are prone to misunderstand the facts behind them.

Moreover, facts are easier to understand than abstract ideas and concepts. The theories and ideas in textbook are always illustrated by some pictures and examples, which can be interpreted without much effort for every student. On the contrary, abstract ideas require strict logic and generalization. In the subject of mathematics, large amounts of theorems and proof confuse most of students and thus mathematics is regarded as one of the most difficult subjects. Therefore, for the purpose of better absorption, facts should be included in the content of study.

Some people may argue that ideas and concepts are of greater use than facts because they give instruction to everyone throughout the life. However, I am fully convinced that all these useful ideas and concept come from facts. It is the result of the famous pea experiment that helped Mendel to discover the theory of genetics. So for students who just begin learning, the ability of independent thinking is more crucial than formed ideas and concept. Therefore, pure facts can produce more ideas and concepts, just as raw material can be made into varieties of models.

From the analysis made above, facts are more helpful for students because they reflect the original face of truth. Also they are easier to understand compared with abstract ideas and concept. In order to cultivate the creativity of students facts are an indispensible part of learning.

Q:
The first and last sentences in the second paragraph seem naïve; may someone change it into a beautiful sentence?
Can someone give my some words to replace “should”, which I feel disgusted?

m4mischaUID: 2740466

···

Lee.YUID: 2749003

哇~~先赞一个~~没有错~~~~是当场写的么~~~
1.


楼主的思路很独特，虽然我也能用中文表达思路，但是绝对不会再考场上写出来~~~~既不是一边倒也不是两边倒~~
2.


例子也很好~~~论证流畅~~~几乎找不出错~~~~不用改了~~~
3.



Should=ought to 呵呵呵~~~

shufescUID: 2616499

18# m4mischa
谢谢你的修改，第二段我再改改。
PS： 我不是学生物的。

shufescUID: 2616499

19# Lee.Y
谢谢，没有啦，大部分是现场写的，红色部分是修改过的。

shufescUID: 2616499

0517 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Advertisements are a waste of company's money and energy because consumers know what they want to buy.

Should companies pay large amount of money on advertisement? Some people hold the view that it is a waste of money and energy for companies to make advertisements on media while some disagree. In my opinion, advertising is an indispensible part of companies' strategy rather than a waste of money. The reasons are as follows.

To begin with, in the statement, the author claims that the reason for companies not to advertise is that consumers know what they want to buy. From my point of view, this reason is unsubstantiated because it fails to take all consumers into consideration. Without doubt there are some consumers who make decision before they step out of the house to supermarket. However, some consumers do not have any ideas about what to buy or which brand to buy. In such circumstance, advertisements of companies will attract consumers’ attention and have a great chance to make a deal. In light of this, companies should make advertisements in many places including sales department.

Moreover, even if the reason is proved to be true, we can hardly arrive at the conclusion that advertisements are of no use for companies. Obviously, successful advertisements can change the decisions of consumers before they pay the bill. A few weeks ago, when I was waiting in a line to pay my bill, a young woman in front of me was attracted by a large advertisement on the side. To my surprise, after a discussion with her husband, she dropped one of the goods she had put in her basket and pick up the other one. This example illustrates the power of advertisement in sales market.

Some people may argue that for those companies who have constant consumers, there is no need to make more advertisements. I disagree with this opinion because nobody knows when their consumers will be draw away by other companies. William, one of my neighbors, was a constant consumer of Nike before. But after watching the advertisement made by Adidas in the 2006 Germany World Cup, he became a fan of Adidas. The power of advertisement is so large that nobody can wholly reject a perfect advertisement. Therefore, even for those companies who have constant consumers, advertising is also regarded as an ideal method to keep your consumers.

From the analysis above, advertising is a market strategy of great significance for any company. Not only advertisement can attract those consumers who have not made their decision, but also those who have made decision can be attracted from the competitors by successful advertisements.

if-onlyUID: 2583115

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Advertisements are a waste of company's money and energy because consumers know what they want to buy.

Should companies pay large amount of money on advertisement（advertisements）? Some people hold the view that it is a waste of money and energy for companies to make advertisements on media while some disagree(很好，很简练). In my opinion, advertising is an indispensible（或者indispensable，二者的区别还是没弄明白） part of companies' strategy rather than a waste of money. The reasons are as follows.

To begin with, in the statement, the author claims that the reason for companies not to advertise is that consumers know what they want to buy. From my point of view, this reason is unsubstantiated（很好） because it fails to take all consumers into consideration. Without doubt there are some consumers who make decision before they step out of the house to supermarket. However, some consumers do not have any ideas about what to buy or which brand to buy. In such circumstance, advertisements of companies(‘s products 或者 把companies换成products) will attract consumers’ attention and have a great chance to make a deal. In light of this（view）, companies should make advertisements in many places including sales department.

Moreover, even if the reason is proved to be true, we can hardly arrive at the conclusion that （很地道的句型）advertisements are of no use for companies. Obviously, successful advertisements can change the decisions of consumers before they pay the bill. A few weeks ago, when I was waiting in a line to pay my bill, a young woman in front of me was attracted by a large advertisement on the side. To my surprise, after a discussion with her husband, she dropped one of the goods she had put in her basket and pick up the other one. This example illustrates the power of advertisement in sales market.

Some people may argue that for those companies who have constant consumers, there is no need to make more advertisements. I disagree with this opinion because nobody knows when their consumers will be draw（drawn） away by other companies. William, one of my neighbors, was a constant (建议改为loyal,在谷歌上输入a constant consumer没有找到相应的句子)consumer of Nike before. But after watching the advertisement made by Adidas in the 2006 Germany World Cup, he became a fan of Adidas. The power of advertisement is so large that nobody can wholly reject a perfect advertisement. Therefore, even for those companies who have constant consumers, advertising is also regarded as an ideal method to keep your （their）consumers.
From the analysis above, advertising is a market strategy of great significance for any company. Not only advertisement can attract those consumers who have not made their decision, but also those who have made decision can be attracted from the competitors by successful advertisements.

写的很好，从遣词造句到立论，三个论点层层递进，很好的论述了观点。所以只能改一下字词方面的问题，因为是第一次写和第一次改，经验不足，希望和大家一起进步！

shufescUID: 2616499

23# if-only
非常感谢你的修改， 看的出你看的很认真，谢谢！
indispensable是对的，indispensible是错的。

shufescUID: 2616499

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

What is more attractive when choosing a job, more vacation time or high salary? Some people hold the view that high salary is charming because a large amount of money makes it possible to travel all over the world. While others argue that they can accompany their families more and relax themselves if the job provides more vacation time. From my point of view, vacation time is of more value than high salary in the prosperous time. The reasons are as follows.

To begin with, more vacation time can be spent on accompanying parents and caring children. Everyone has the responsibility to take care of their parents and thus vacation time is a ideal chance to fulfill the duty. During vacation people can help their parents clean the house, mow the lawn, clean the roof and so on. On the other hand, people should spend some time taking care of their children. To bring children to travel in the vacation benefits the development of children and help them acknowledge the world. From the discussion above, vacation brings various merits for people who are busy working in most time.

As well as their families, vacation brings advantages for themselves since they need to relax themselves after breathing-taking work every day. The fierce competition in the job market gives rise to the huge pressure put on people who have to work harder to meet the requirement of the position. In such a environment, health is sometimes neglected by people. Vacation time is a great opportunity to relax and adjust themselves in order to have a better performance in later work. According to a recent survey conducted by Stanford University, in recent years there are 20% more people get high pressure and heart disease due to the overload in working than before. So vacation is indispensible for people working in a competitive environment in order to keep the physical fitness.

Some people may argue that vacation time exerts some negative influence on the consistent good performance of people and also may consume too much energy, which results in difficulty in focusing on the job. However, in most circumstances vacation bring a better performance for people. William, one of my best friends working for a manufacture corporation, took a vacation last year. After he returned from a trip to America, he successfully finished a report within three days, which is impossible before his trip. Hence it is substantiated that the merits brought by vacation overweighs the shortcomings.

To sum up, for most people a job with more vacation time is more precious because it provides time to accompany their families and relax themselves, which is put more emphasis on by people in recent world. Also relaxing in vacation promotes the performance in later work.

FatalerrorUID: 2798581

25# shufesc
8.28 Commented by Fatalerror
Development: 观点明确 逻辑清晰 从两个角度阐明了vacation的益处 之后通过貌似让步实则强调的论述加强了观点 每个观点都有详实的例证 很不错
Organization: 结构标准 前后衔接连贯紧密
Language use: 看得出shufesc花了很大心思在语言表达上
力求每个词表达精确
一点小小的建议
如果有拿不定的词
不妨加以解释
以正确传达观点
避免歧义
详见附件

chikako.kUID: 2853696

25# shufesc 能力有限，如有不当，请谅解～

shufescUID: 2616499

0831~~

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

能力有限，个人意见，莫怪莫怪。

cqx83UID: 2671579

改好了~~