1010G【FISH】Agnes的备考日志

agnes2010UID: 2794922

:D 加入了【FISH】团队了，感觉这个作文互改小组非常有意义，队长也很负责。
只是自己出了备考上课之外还要去做志愿者，所以时间上面比较紧张，希望自己能好好安排好，不影响团队中其他同学的进度~
希望大家一起进步咯~

今天做了第一篇Comment 感觉很有意义，不过发现自己不懂得还有很多很多~要加油，【FISH】加油！

agnes2010UID: 2794922

几天没有更新了 Agens的备考日志不知道沉到了第几页了...
昨天按时交了自己的第一篇issue，逼着自己花时间写了下来，之前坐立不安了好几天，老是觉得写不出名堂来，可是到了要交差的时候还是硬生生地写了出来。发现自己的语言太贫乏了，例证也不充分，需要好好努力啊~
今天talent帮我改了issue，还鼓励了这篇文章，不过我看了其他组员的文章，发现自己还有很大的差距，需要继续好好学习怎么将思路理清，逻辑分明...
一会继续comment。
还有明天要交的argument。明天要去做一天的志愿者，只能今天把argument搞定了，现在对argu还是完全不知...感觉要让我这个逻辑混乱的人去argu真的太难了...
加油~

azure9UID: 2789030

加油，别忘了今天晚上还要交自己修改好的文章哦~

agnes2010UID: 2794922

刚写好明天要交了ARGU 长舒一口气~
上海的天气真是多变，又感冒了~今天早点睡~

把今天的argu和issue都贴上来 做个汇总 如果有人经过愿意帮我改改那就更好啦~

53.Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

Argument 53
Written by Agnes
2010-5-18

忽略了13年间受各种因素影响, 没有足够的证据像是melatonin刻意导致shyness，更不能妄断shyness会一直延续
25个样本数量不足以说明问题
Mild distress不代表shy

The argument assumes that infants, given birth to by mothers in early autumn, absorbing lager amount of melatonin than other babies, will suffer from shyness during their life. To prove it, the speaker describes a research on 25 infants and a follow-up study based on them recently. Yet, I find the argument is problematic in several critical respects.

To begin with, the speaker’s assertion is based on the two researches which seem to be complementary to each other, however, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusions from they because despite they the same object of research, it does not mean the results gained from each study are relevant or reliable. When time fades away, everything changes. So it can not be overlooked that thirteen years can witness one’s life from infancy to adolescence and also every change occur in this period cause by both inner and outer factors, that is to say, when a child grows up with genetic genes inherited from birth parents, he or she will inevitably influenced by external factors during communication and socialization. Given such circumstance, it is ex parte to allege the increased levels of melatonin before birth are the root cause to shyness.

Secondly, the small sample size of the cited research can not convince the reader of the speaker’s allegation. Compared with a huge number of infants born in autumn, the number of infants chosen to be research samples is so small that the conclusion concerning the seemingly universal phenomenon happens during infancy is skeptical. What’s more, whether the chosen babies are random samples or not also matters. For example, if the entire 25 babies are from the same poverty-stricken district, what happens in their life can not represent those from a well-to-do family. Despite the growing environment, there are other crucial factors such as parental influence, school education and so forth. However, the speaker has not mentioned any background of the samples, which will leave the reader at sea wondering the reliability of his assertion.

Thirdly, the speaker concludes that both infancy and later life witness shyness of those children born in fall because the high level of melatonin gained from their mothers. Yet, I believe the conclusion is groundless as the speaker takes it for granted that “mild distress” can be considered as “shyness”. According to the example listed by the speaker, it is clear that when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli, those little infants are psychological suffering instead of being shy. As a result, what the speaker asserts is arbitrary to a certain extent.

In sum, the argument relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the argument, the speaker must provide clear evidence---perhaps by way of a more accurate research. It is recommended to set up another follow-up research studying the samples during every growing period and catch every key factor which may leads to their shyness in their adolescent.

agnes2010UID: 2794922

Issue 130
Written by Agnes

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

I found that the speaker’s dual claim is ex parte to a certain extent. The claim emphasis that the destiny of society is contingent on how children are socialized today, while I believe this may not be the case. However, I concede that we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can better our society, especially in their integration into society.

Socialization, defined as the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture, makes it possible that every member in it can meet the social need and work as an effective part of it. So socialization is an essential prerequisite to the brightness of our society’s future prospects. Labeled as the mainstay of our society in the future, children will inevitably undergo the process of socialization in spite of the fact that the approach to socialization can not be easily got in class.

Nevertheless, considering the speaker’s assertion that the destiny of society hinges on how children are socialized, I believe that it is so unilateral that other crucial factors are neglected by the speaker. In my observation, socialization is the most important but not the only factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to better the society. For example, a large number of scientists or artists, leaving the world great masterpieces and achievement, are always found to be unsociable. Baron Cohen, a British scientist, recently found that Newton suffered from melancholia when he was alive. Baron pointed out that although making stunning achievements, Newton was a selfish, narrow and bellicose person who hardly communicated with others and even treated his friends with indifference. So it seems that whether an individual are socialized well or not can not determine his or her contribution to the society while other key factors such as one’s innovation and imagination should also be taken into consideration.

Education, as a way for us to cultivate children, becomes more modular today in China, and both schools and families fail to teach children in accordance with their aptitude.
Not only teachers but also parents lay more attention to exam-oriented education,
while quality-oriented education such as encouraging children to take part in practical social activities is often neglected or even turned a blind eye to. For instance, since most parents in China hold high hopes for their children’s future, they will impose their wish on their children and send them to different training classes. Some school boys and girls in grade three may never have Sundays because all of their leisure time has been filled with endless lessons and homework, and little time is left for them to play and communicate with others, not to mention other meaningful practical social activities. As a result, socialization can hardly be achieved during their early development, which may leads to a lot of problems such as the lack in spirit of teamwork and sense of responsibility. What’s more, under such circumstances, the ability of putting things into practice and blazing new trails can never be showed.

In sum, the destiny of the whole society is held in the hand of the rising generation. Whether they will contribute to better the society depends on several crucial factors including socialization, school education, parental influence, surrounding environment and so forth. When educating children, parents and teachers should attach more importance to the process of their learning other than the result-scores. When less pressure and more leisure time is given to children, they will be more likely to have the opportunities to learn how to integrate into a group and how to communicate with others, which may be useful for them when they step into the society one day in the future.

agnes2010UID: 2794922

今天一口气读了3篇comments 加上昨天的~凑齐一周的量啦~