AW习作修改铺

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

如题
请版友们注意以下事项：
1. 保证每天至少修改3篇习作， ISSUE，ARGUMENT不限.
2. 每天习作我都尽全力修改， 虽然都不一定对， 但是我会尽力而为.
3. 请版友们在贴出习作之后也附加一个WORD文档附件， 修改回复也以附件的形式贴出.
4. 二楼我会更新我最新修改的习作，格式： 日期+ID号+附件楼数.
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AW习作修改铺意在通过交流共同提高大家的写作水平， 如果我有修改的不对的地方， 请大家提出来。（寒假的时候开过一个类似的帖子，可惜没有坚持， 不过杀G日期临近， 这次说什么都要坚持啦！）

与君共勉！

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

FINN----- ISSUE207-------- 10楼
heisenberg0000-----ARGUMENT50-----13楼

yogurt4UID: 198389

支持～
互改的同志要多从论点跟结构上互相提出意见。表达靠的是长时间的积累，就看个人造化了，最基本的来说句子不要有语法错误，言之有物。好作文也许不是人人都能写得出来的，幸运的是挑错大家都会。抱着认真的态度互相鞭促，肯定能共同进步。

Rose@MayUID: 2797727

强烈支持！~

BobbieZZUID: 2756583

占座

yogurt4UID: 198389

up  up

lisa_116UID: 2817118

支持~

hyacinthUID: 2184492

how come no one shows up...

lz is really good at writing & critique...

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

我们组最近都没人写文了，麻烦楼主了~

Issue207 "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

The issue is a complex and controversial one that whether without rituals and ceremonies, people have a diminished sense of who they are. Different people have their respective ways of looking at this issue. In my point of view, I agree that rituals and ceremonies help us to preserve the cultural identity. Rather, I hold that rituals and ceremonies may change their original propose as the time flies, and there are alternative ways to accomplish the same purpose. My view will be greatly strengthened by the following discussion.

Admittedly, rituals and ceremonies, to some extent, are indeed served as a mission to help people with preserving the cultural identity. Take the Chinese Spring Festival, which is a ceremony of a coming new year, for example. This festival is undoubtedly considered as the most important national festival which has passed down for generations. Two of the most popular customs are cracking fireworks and eating dumplings. Children will always be curious and could not help asking their parents why we do that and people in other countries do not. The parents of course tell their children many ancient Chinese legends vividly to interpretation about our customs that cracking fireworks is aiming at scaring a monster named “Xi” and eating dumplings is suggesting  best wishes to the coming new year. Rituals and ceremonies therefore are used for people to preserve their own cultures.

However, with the development of modern society, rituals and ceremonies are losing their original meaning and truing out tools for the businessman to make money. For instances, the Valentine’s Day is not a western holiday any more but popular all around the world. Today, we Chinese people celebrate the holiday with their lovers and even gradually lose enthusiasm of “Qi Xi”， which is the lovers’ day in our own culture. Businessmen are all busy preparing innumerable plans for their coming costumers, which is a golden opportunity that will bring them considerable profits because people are required and willing to buy chocolates, flowerers, or delicate gifts for their lovers to express their love even if these things cost them too much money. People going to celebrate holidays may not know any cultures behind these ceremonies, and just find a reason to relax themselves and enjoy their lives.

In addition, rituals and ceremonies are not the only ways of preserving the culture identity. For example, we can tell the unique culture of the dress and the dietary habits from people in the Middle East. They dress strictly to show their different social classes: the government offices and intelligentsia wear formal suites and women are required to wear a veil when they are going out. As most people in Middle East are the Muslimism, their dietary habits involve some taboos, and the most important one is that requiring the Muslim people are not to eat the pork. People still have their own ways to demonstrate their distinguished cultures and remind them who they are.

To sum up, basing my conclusion on the illustrations and exposition mentioned above, accordingly, I hold that the rituals and ceremonies do help people to remind them who they are thought the cultures that are passing down for generations. Yet, some rituals and ceremonies are now losing the original purposes. What is more, there are other means of preserving cultural identity.

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

ISSUE207已修改， 请查收。

heisenberg0000UID: 2755324

麻烦楼主了，抱歉还不能上传附件
TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appearedin a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected thatsecondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severemuscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of astudy of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treatedfor muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sportsmedicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Theirrecuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected.Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a generalphysician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they weretaking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantlyreduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would bewell advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."

The author claims that all patientsdiagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics. To support this claim,the author cites that secondary infections may keep some patients from healingquickly after severe muscle strain. The author also cites the study that thosepatients who take antibiotics heal more quickly than those who do not. However,close scrutiny reveals several flaws of the argument.

First of all, the information about the twogroups of patients is insufficient. The author fails to give the number of thepatients, thus, whether the patients are statistically significant in number isunknown. Besides, no detailed information about the severity of muscle strainis provided. Perhaps the patients suffered slight muscle strain, therefore theauthor cannot justify that secondary infections may hinder recovery of severemuscle strain. In addition, the author fails to provide information about thepatients' physical conditions, since the difference of physical conditionsbetween the two groups might affect the result.

Secondly, the experiment is not performedin a controlled environment. Since the two groups of patients were treated bytwo different doctors, it is difficult to ensure that the two groups weretreated in the same way. However, the very difference might affect thesecondary infections and lead to inaccurate comparison of the two groups.Furthermore, not all the patients would inevitably suffer secondary infections.Lacking evidence that all the patients were infected secondarily, it is equallypossible that none of the patients was infected, rendering the experimentmeaningless. What is more, sugar pills might have negative effects on thetreating. Without ruling out the possibility that sugar pills would hindermuscle strain recovering, the author cannot convince me that taking antibioticswould shorten the recuperation time.

Thirdly, not all patients are suitable totake antibiotics. Perhaps some patients are diagnosed with slight musclestrain, which is unlikely to cause secondary infections. In addition, the authorprovides no information about the price of antibiotics, perhaps antibiotics istoo expensive for most patients to afford. Also, the author fails to point outwhether taking antibiotics causes negative effects. Perhaps some patients areallergic to antibiotics, and taking antibiotics causes other more severeillness.

In sum, the conclusion reached in thisargument is unconvincing. To support the conclusion, the author must provideclear evidence that the physical conditions of the two groups are similarenough to make a comparison. The author should improve the experiment toperform it in a controlled environment. To convince me that the experiment isprecise, the author should also provide information about the proportion ofpatients who suffer secondary infections and who do not. To better access theargument, the author should point out the price and negative effects ofantibiotics.

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

再麻烦楼主一下，这篇A，谢谢~~辛苦~~


237 The following appeared as part of an article in a local Beauville newspaper.

"According to a government report, last year the city of Dillton reduced its corporate tax rate by 15 percent; at the same time, it began offering relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities to any company that would relocate to Dillton. Within 18 months, two manufacturing companies moved to Dillton, where they employ a total of 300 people. Therefore, the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate here."


In this newspaper, the editor recommends that the Beauville (B) should provide tax incentives and other financial inducements to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment. To strengthen his suggestion the author points out that the two manufacturing companies, which employ a total of 300 people, move to Dillton (D) because these measures have been taken in D. This argument suffers some critical flaws that seriously undermine the author’s conclusion and accordingly is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The main flaws of the article will be discussed respectively.

To begin with, the author fails to provide sufficient evidence to support that the two manufacturing companies moving to D is because of the new incentives provided by D. It is highly possible that mangers of the two manufacturing companies just want to intensify the efforts on market exploitation since there is no such kind of companies in the D. Maybe, the supplies of raw materials needed by the two companies are sufficient and much cheaper than other areas. And the manpower cost may even low in the local area. Therefore, instead of the incentives such as relocation grants and favorable rates provided by D, the two companies moving to D is because they can provide a small investment and yield a big payoff.

Moreover, even assuming that it is the incentives provided by D that attracts the two manufacturing companies, the editor cannot substantiate the two companies have a beneficial impact on the city’s economy. For the one thing, the mere fact that the tow companies have employed 300 people cannot indicate it will help to reduce unemployment in D. Maybe, the most employees in the two companies are elites, not from the local citizens, but from all around the country. For another thing, the common sense tells us that to stimulate the economic development of one city needs cooperation of local government and many giant companies. Maybe the two companies are too small and to help city reducing the rate of unemployment and their contributions to stimulate economic development are also can be entirely ignored.

Finally, even if the incentives can attract such kind two companies to help the economic blooming of D, the arguer fails to assume the same measures will bring about the success in B. Maybe the B is a poor and remote city where such measures cannot attract any companies moving there. In addition, there are many alternative actions that may contribute to the economic development and to reduction of unemployment in B. For example, the B can suggest the congress to allow other cities to help them with economic development. Maybe the government can ask the country to provide much more investment to the B, which will absorb good human resources to work there and bring many giant corporations to establish new factories there.

To sum up, the conclusion, which made by the editor who has disregarded or chosen to ignore  several aspects of his conclusion, is on the basis of scant of credibility. To better bolster to the reliability of the arguer’s recommendation, the author should provide more information about the two companies and deliver the confirmed evidence to prove these actions do help D with economic development. I also want to know whether the same measures taken in D will also bring about the success in B. Only with further information provided by the editor can I reconsider the author’s suggestion better.

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

已修改， 请查收

heisenberg0000UID: 2755324

多谢楼主，你什么时候考？我7.26

cynthiasmileUID: 2735173

thx in advance~~~


TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist,not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, suchas novels, films, music, paintings, etc.


When asked about who gives societysomething of lasting value, many people believe that it is the artist`scontribution not the critic`s, because the artist creates art itself and giveit new meanings. But through further discussion we can see that the work of artistand critic are the two indispensable parts in creating the lasting value tosociety.
To begin with, the artists are the ones whovoice their emotion of their lives and society out by creating art work. Art,as the most vivid and infectious form for people to express their values ofsociety and life, often not only shows us how the society is like at the moment,also plays an pioneering role of leading the new thoughts for the social groups.When reading the poems of Li Bai, who was a famous poet in ancient China, wecould imagine the sufferings of the people under the exploitation of thegoverning class also the undiminished struggles trying to change the situation.Obviously, we cannot enjoy so many masterpieces and understand the society
through them without these artists.
However, the critic also plays very importantrole in helping society understand and approve the value of the artwork .As Imentioned above, art often creates new ideas and voices out the things that noone used to say. So the artists often have to break the old rules and explorethe new areas when they are putting the new ideas into artwork. When thesociety sees the new artwork, definitely everyone can have his or her ownfeelings about it, no matter the feeling is strong or weak, like or dislike.But whether the artwork have value or not and to which extent the value is,can`t be judged by the common people who have no specific knowledge of artsbut only the critic who can explain and judge the artwork. A well-known examplecomes about John Keats, one of the three key figures in the second generationof the Romantic Movement. During his life, his poems were not generally wellreceived by the society; however, years later when the critics reread his workand introduced his poems to the society with explanations and notions of theirvalue , his reputation grew and he held significant posthumous influence onmany later poets. In short, the chance that new artwork can be viewed, acceptedand even praised by the society actually comes from the introduction made bythe critic who helps the society better understands the values of the newartwork.
In addition, when both the society andartist find it`s hard to judge the value of coming ideas of new arts, the criticcan help making a decision by telling them some similar examples may have withthe new art at all times and in all countries from his scientific knowledge system,or by explaining the potential meanings or functions the new art will have fromthe perspective of art development. This may explain why many world famous artcollege masters and museum curators are all critics. They are no more the outsidersbut the main force in art creation, helping the artists revising their newideas of art development.
In conclusion, in the attempt to give societysomething of lasting value, what we need is the both of our hands that are theartist who creates the new artwork and critic who helps introduce the artworkto the public and help artist choose the right path, rather than any of them.