峰峰的作文铺子

kaolaliangUID: 2758807

0 x5 J+ C9 W* R
      It is generally accepted that saying something nice and well to someone is a better choice as well as（出彩短语，但是我对as well as 认识不足，不知道连接后面的内容，是否合理。上次听远远在笑  说 as well as 有强调成分， 所以有兴趣的话可以短他研究研究~） saying nothing at all. However, as far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with this opinion with the following three reasons as rendered below(主题明显~).

      To begin with, people should always be candid and sincere, which are the most significant aspects that define us as civilized human, play an extremely important role in communication （activities 可以不要）. If someone lose his or her candidness and sincereness, then no one would like to believe him or her any more. One（people？ the one？ or  who） can lose money, house, job, even family, but he/she can not lose these two important qualities because he/she would be very difficult to live in this world without candidness and sincereness.$ V4 N" c) s) A+ ^+ P6 [

      Furthermore, you can offer others a great help and support no matter what you have said, as long as it is correct and valid, even though it  sounds very unacceptable. Definitely you hope your parents, classmates and friends always point out your drawbacks and mistakes which may influence your whole life if you do not put much emphasis on them. Sometimes you can not find these defects on your own, so your parents, classmates and friends(直接 they？) are the best choice although their judgment and evaluation may be hard to accept for you, to some degree.

     Last but not least, saying something nice to someone or saying nothing all exert unfavorable effects and produce disastrous impacts for the whole projects in the business as well as other area. For instance, suggestions of your leader or other colleagues are proved to be wrong based on your own knowledge and experience, then if you just say yes or nothing and do not point out the mistake bravely and responsibly, the whole project have to face a setback even fail thoroughly. Everyone has a responsibility to make things do（ 有这样的用法？） in the right direction.

     Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is unwise to say anything nice to some or say nothing at all. As civilized human, we should always be candid and sincere to point out the drawbacks and mistake of our friends and family members which are of great importance for their own development and improvement.

conclusion: 论证明了， 用词准确。细节上偶的水平不足以帮助楼主修改，做了些建议。

这篇文章我写不出来，你的文章给我了很多启发。~
ps： 我在公司， 不给用office、、、 晚上回家再上传

peggy890UID: 2812709

It is generally accepted that saying something nice to someone is a better choice as well as saying nothing at all. However, as far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with this opinion with the following three reasons .

To begin with, people should always be candid and sincere when communicating with others, which are the most significant aspects that define us as civilized human(有点扯不上关系的感觉)and play an extremely important role in communication. If someone lose his or her candidness and sincereness, then no one would like to believe him or her any more. One can lose money, house, job, even family, but he/she can not lose these two important qualities because he/she would be very difficult to live in this world without candidness and sincereness.(论证略显空泛，加点例子可能更具体些)

Furthermore, you can offer others warm assistance and support no matter whether it sounds great or not.as long as it is correct and valid.(as long as 和even though用在一起不是很舒服)Definitely you expect your parents, classmates and friends always point out your drawbacks and mistakes which may influence your whole life if you do not put much emphasis on them. Sometimes you can not find these defects on your own, so your parents, classmates and friends are the best choice although their judgment and evaluation may be hard to accept for you, to some degree.

Last but not least, always saying something nice to someone or saying nothing all exert unfavorable effects and produce disastrous impacts for the whole projects in the business as well as other area. For instance, suggestions of your leader or other colleagues are proved to be（用词有误，prove to就跟你后面的based on your own…搭不上了） wrong based on your own knowledge and experience, then if you just say yes or nothing and do not point out the mistake bravely and responsibly, the whole project have to face a setback even fail thoroughly. Everyone has a responsibility to make things do in the right direction.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may clearly draw the conclusion that it is unwise to say anything nice to some or say nothing at all. As civilized human, we should always be candid and sincere to point out the drawbacks and mistake of our friends and family members which are of great importance for their own development and improvement.
结构和论证都不错，但是用词过于简单，而且理由还不是特别具体
个人意见，仅供参考
加油哦

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.

Over the recent decades, there is much controversy over the issue that a job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time. Some insist the opinion that a job with high salary is a better choice because money is the most important aspect in our daily lives. However, others claim that our people should not pay too much attention to money, other things like vacation, entertainment also play an extremely significant role in our short period of life. As far as I am concerned, I prefer to the second opinion for the following reasons as rendered below.

To begin with, money could not be the source of happiness and the goal of our daily lives. As an old saying goes, money could not replace love and friendship. Lacking of these qualities that define us as civilized human, you can not be regarded as a successful man even though you have a large mount of money. On the contrary, if you have a lot of reliable friends, and you can spend part of you time on vacation with your family members and friends. At the same time, you have a good job. In my point of view, a man with all these experiences can be a successful man.

In addition, time, another important factor that we should take maximum measure to make good use of it. It is not wise to spend all of your time on work in a relative short period of life. As a proverb goes, all work and no play make Jack a dull boy. There are also some other factors as well as time which we should pay more attention to rather than money.

There is no denying the fact that money is also paramount for our daily consumption such as paying for the tuition fees and live expenses of future graduate study as education is also one of the important factor in our whole life which indicated by a series of investigation in the recent time, buying modern devices like mobile phones and computers along with the accelerating steps of development and improvement of modern science and technology. On the other hand, money can not replace other things in our lives.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that a job with more vacation is a better choice especially for our young people. Living in a dramatically changing world, we should adjust to the new ways of life rather than focus on money and salary.

ilnlhUID: 2641884

第二段后面讨论到了成功，建议在主题句中也提一下；第四段开头加个转折词吧

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well.

Over the recent decades, there is much controversy over the issue that whether successful people take new things and risks or things they have done well in the past times. Some insist the opinion that successful people should continue to do those things all the time which they have done well before. On the contrary, other claim that our people should always challenge ourselves and try to do things which seem like new and risky for them in order to get a much more better success. In my perspective of view, I prefer to the second opinion with the following three reasons as rendered below.

To begin with, living in a so dramatically changing world, we should adjust ourselves to accept those new things and ways because things or ideas in the past may turn out to be wrong today with the accelerating steps of improvement and development of modern science and technology. As we know, things are always changed, which indicated that experience and idea may be inaccurate or unsuitable under current situation, so we should follow the latest trend in order to continuing making things successful.

Furthermore, curiosity is one of the best stimulations which play extremely vital role for a person to achieve success. Take the famous and greatest inventor in the world Edison for instance, he made a huge success due to the invention of light bulb which exerts conspicuous and unbelievable influence on people's daily lives. However, he had invented a large number of objects before the light bulb. It is the curiosity that inspiring him to invent more valuable thing, the light bulb as well as a bigger success.

In addition, people even successful man may have to face some disastrous effect or even failure if they just do the things without creation and improvement which are successful in the past times. Our competitors definitely spare no efforts to make improvement on the things which we also do at the same time. If we do not make any adjustment or development about them, then our competitors may defeat us and get the chance to success.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that we should always try out new ideas and ways in order to get a favorable and beneficial position in the future competition, no matter how successful we are right now.

KeeeeenWUID: 2592937

6.24作文修改（Vacation 那个）我用的修改模式，如果有问题找我

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.

Over the recent decades, there is much controversy over the issue that a job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time. Some insist the opinion that a job with high salary is a better choice because money is the most important aspect in our daily lives. However, others claim that our people should not pay too much attention to money, other things like vacation, entertainment also play an extremely significant role in our short period of life. As far as I am concerned, I prefer to the second opinion for the following reasons as rendered below.

To begin with, money could not be the source of happiness and the goal of our daily lives. As an old saying goes, money could not replace love and friendship. Lacking of these qualities that define us as civilized human, you can not be regarded as a successful man even though you have a large mount of money. On the contrary, if you have a lot of reliable friends, and you can spend part of you time on vacation with your family members and friends. At the same time, you have a good job. In my point of view, a man with all these experiences can be a successful man. (1、我觉得把you换成we应该会更好一点，you感觉有点在说教。 2、最好一句总结有点没有和第一句互相照应。)

In addition, time, another important factor that we should take maximum measure to make good use of it. It is not wise to spend all of your time on work in a relative short period of life. As a proverb goes, all work and no play make Jack a dull boy. There are also some other factors as well as time which we should pay more attention to rather than money. （若能展开论述会更好）

There is no denying the fact that money is also paramount for our daily consumption such as paying for the tuition fees and live expenses of future graduate study as education is also one of the important factor in our whole life which indicated by a series of investigation in the recent time, buying modern devices like mobile phones and computers along with the accelerating steps of development and improvement of modern science and technology. On the other hand, money can not replace other things in our lives.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that a job with more vacation is a better choice especially for our young people. Living in a dramatically changing world, we should adjust to the new ways of life rather than focus on money and salary.

语法错误我没有看出来，句子也不做多评价了，因为我的语法和语言也不好。所以我就在结构上提一提建议吧.

Lz每一段的结构都写得很清晰，但是纵览全文的时候，每个论点缺乏一定的联系，或者说联系得不是很深。
Lz的框架是这样的 1、钱不能买到许多东西。 2、我们要善于利用时间，时间更重要。3、钱能买到许多东西，但是还是有很多东西是钱不能买到的。
这样的论证方式，存在着两个缺点，1、第一点和第三点显得有些重复。2、只是论证了钱未必有用，却没有足够的笔墨去论证vacation time 的重要性。当然，其实lz你在第一段中也加入了对vacation time 重要性的论述，但是从全篇文章来看却会显得结构会比较混乱

所以，我的建议是，第一段和第三段合并。论证钱能买到许多东西，但是并非是重要的。
第二段作为独立的一段应该加以扩展。
同时，建议lz论证的时候尽量与题目靠拢。貌似全篇文章很难看到 vacation time，salary，这几个关键词。

canoe03UID: 2786666

楼主真有意思，不管三七二十一就先给我改了，但是斑竹没有把我们分在一组，既然你帮我改了，我也应该帮你改的。 谢谢你噢！
修改见附件
F.doc (28 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2010-6-25 19:26:48 上传

下载次数: 8

ilnlhUID: 2641884

用第二人称不是很明智的说法

stimulations => stimuli (incentives)

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

楼主真有意思，不管三七二十一就先给我改了，但是斑竹没有把我们分在一组，既然你帮我改了，我也应该帮你改的。 谢谢你噢！
修改见附件
146696
canoe03 发表于 2010-6-25 19:26

我跟你写的题目一样，所以就直接改了哦，跟你学习哦。

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

The best way to learn about a foreign country is by reading newspaper or magazines.

What is the best way to understand a foreign country? Some person support the opinion that the best way to understand a foreign country is by reading newspaper and magazines. While, as for me, I disagree with this statement due to several reasons. I will illustrate my opinions in the following paragraphs.

As a matter of fact, it is indisputable that we can learn about a foreign country by reading newspaper and magazines. With the development and improvement of communication technology, a large number of media like newspaper and magazines could supply us with plenty of latest information in which we want to involve. People could learn about a foreign country with deep understanding of information and materials provided by newspaper and magazines. However, to some certain point, these media are just served for some special organizations or commercial and political purpose, which may have an unbeneficial effect on you judgment and understanding on certain things involved in a foreign country.

Apparently, visiting the local museums to learn about a foreign country enjoys more merits than just reading newspaper and magazines. The local museums always have a long history and they also represent the people and culture of the country. Taking the Summer Palace in China for instance, which is the independent museum you should visit in order to learn more about this country who has almost 5000 years long history. When visiting the Summer Palace, visitors can know more about how the old Chinese survived in the past times, how they developed various kinds of entertainment and culture,
how they passed and improved a large amount of science and technology from generation and generation, etc. In a word, visiting the local museums may be the most popular and well-know way to understand a foreign country.

Furthermore, we can learn more about a foreign country through communication with our parents, relatives, friends and classmates, who can give us much more directly and effective information. These people are all very close to us and we definitely believe them, at the same time they could also give us specific and professional information about a country which is much reliable than that provided by other media.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is wise to understand a foreign country by visiting the local museums and getting directly information and comments provided by our parents, friends and classmates.

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

恩，我一直在避免这个问题，汗。