峰峰的作文铺子

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

Most people prefer others making decision for them than making a decision for themselves.

Over the recent decades, there is a growing tendency that people prefer making decision by their parents, friends and classmates, etc. On the contrary, a large majority of people still make decision by themselves according to their own knowledge, experience and judgment. As far as I am concerned, I insist the latter opinion for the following reasons as rendered below.

It is indisputable that we can achieve success rapidly if someone more professional help us make decision like our parents, for they have lived in this world longer than us and they have a deep and wide understanding on certain things according their own experience and knowledge. For instance, my parents help me choose the university and major in which I involved after high school graduation. It has been proved by my own experience and thought that their decision is absolute right and definitely suitable for my professional development in the future. Due to lacking of life experience on certain events, we do not have such deep understanding as our parents do. Consequently, sometimes decision made by other people for us may be a better choice.

However, those people, who prefer to making a decision by others, may seem to fail to take into account the fact that what is the most important aspect in our daily life is the independent thinking, which is of great importance in our whole life. There are a large number of things need to deal with by ourselves in life. Take the graduate study for example, whether pursuing a further graduate study or not is totally based on our own decision, not anybody else. If one likes to do research, then he or she can follow his or her own passion and desire to pursue further graduate, after graduation he or she can choose to be a professor at university to continue his or her research. As a matter of fact, this process needs a relative long period, confidence and passion in research area, persistence and sacrifice and so on. In a word, independent thinking and making decision by ourselves are the extremely significant aspects in our life.

Furthermore, another primary reason that we should make decision by ourselves is that we will contribute more energy and time and efforts to our own decision. It is only us who are responsible for our own decision and there is nothing to do with other person even our parents. Bill Gates, the wealthiest people in the world, who place much attention and effort to computers due to his drop up from the university, which is his own decision. His experience indicates that we will spare no effort to realize our own dreams, which is decided by ourselves.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that independent thinking and making decision by ourselves play a vital role in our whole life. Although decision from others may enjoy some obvious merits, the problem it may cause should not be ignored and far outweigh the advantage.

WINNIE678UID: 2556716

20# FFFMZJB


Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well.
Over the recent decades, there is much controversy over the issue that whether successful people take new things and risks or things they have done well in the past times. Some insist the opinion that successful people should continue to do those things all the time which they have already done well before. On the contrary, others claim that our people should always challenge ourselves and try to do things which seem like new and risky for them in order to get a much more better success. In my perspective of view, I prefer to the second opinion with the following three reasons as rendered below. (要么去掉following,要么去掉as rendered below)

begin with, living in a so dramatically changing world, we should adjust ourselves to accept those new things and ways because new things or ideas in the past may turn out to be wrong today with the accelerating steps of improvement and development of modern science and technology. As we know, things are always changing, which indicated that experience and ideas may be inaccurate or unsuitable under current situation, so we should follow the latest trend in order to continuing making things successful.4 j+ k/ |0 a, ]# c( O& D: H7 R- V& g$ ~
Furthermore, curiosity is one of the best stimulations which plays an extremely vital role for a person to achieve success.(我喜欢这一句！) Take the famous and greatest inventor in the world Edison for instance， he made a huge success due to the invention of light bulb which exerts conspicuous and unbelievable influence on people's daily lives. In fact, he had invented a large number of objects before the light bulb. It is the curiosity that inspired him to invent more valuable things, the light bulb as well as a bigger success不懂~. M) N" G$ M1 l7 J$ ~
In addition, people ，even successful man， may have to face some disastrous positions or even failures if they just do the things without creation and improvements which are successful in the past times. Our competitors definitely spare no efforts to make improvements on the things which we also do at the same time. If we do not make any adjustments or development about them, then our competitors may defeat us and get the chance to success.


Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that we should always try out new ideas and ways in order to get a favorable and beneficial position in the future competition, no matter how successful we are right now.
结尾很棒,结构好，点也写的不错，注意。句子多加油，少用点may 吧~
纯属个人意见，水平有限，多多包涵！

远远在笑UID: 2742022

见附件~

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

谢谢楼上两位的修改，一起进步。

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

It is more important to reserve land for human beings than for endangered animals.

Over the recent decades, people have made extraordinary progress in modern science and technology. However, it is commonly accepted that our environment condition is becoming much more dangerous than in the past, especially the animals' habitat. Under current situation, a large majority of people advocate that retaining land for people is more important than for endangered animals. As far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with this opinion with the following reasons as rendered below.

It is indisputable that human also need a large amount of suitable space to live due to the rapid growth of world population. Recently there are a majority of people have to face the danger of exposure and starvation because of limited resources. That means exploiting and remaining more and more land and resource is becoming an indispensable aspect of world’s continuing development

However, those people who advocate that reserving more land for human seems to fail to take into account the fact that animal also plays an extremely significant role to make ecology stay balance on our planet. According to a recent survey, four million animals die each year due to destruction of their habitats. Then the fact we have to face is that the environment is going to become much worse due to the lacking of so many animals which help to maintain the diversity of biology in the past years.

Furthermore, endangered animals, which we would never see again if they disappear on our planet, need more protection due to the harmful impact of environment caused by human activities. Take the dinosaur for example, an increasing number of experts are beginning to realize that the death of dinosaur has something to do with the dramatically change of the environment thousands of years ago. Now we can only try to understand dinosaur by their fossils. In a word, The dinosaur’s experience indicates that more and more animals will disappear in the future due to the severe life condition if we still do not place considerable emphasis on environment protection.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that animas' environment as well as humans’ is becoming more and more serious with the excess exploitation of environment. In view of such serious problems, human should take strong measures to improve environment condition which will benefit endangered animal and human. Nobody can survive if all the animals on the earth die. This is a matter of death and life, which anyone can not afford to ignore.

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

Students would receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.

Over the recent decades, a large majority of parents advocate that children should take extra education (attending class for 11 months of a year) in order to get a better improvement and development which will be beneficial for them and put them in a favorable position in the future job market. However, as far as I am concerned, I disagree with this opinion with the reasons as rendered below.

There is no denying the fact that attending more classes enjoys some advantages. To begin with, Students can learn more knowledge in a relative longer period. What’s more, children can also develop their independent ability much better by staying at school more time than before if they are required to attend classes for 11 months of a year. Besides, school education play an extremely significant role in people’s whole life, consequently, spending more time on knowledge is sometimes understandable. In a word, taking extra education enjoys some merits and actually produces a beneficial impact on children.

However, what those people advocate that children should take extra education seems to fail to take into account the fact that spending more time on school education dose not mean student can achieve success in knowledge and career. Take Bill Gates for instance, he dropped out from Harvard University and made more efforts in which he really is interested. Then he made a huge success and make the greatly and directly contribution to the advancement of computer science and modern technology all over the world. His experience indicates that interest is the best teacher and encouragement, not the extra school education.

In addition, internship is as essential as school education for a student to achieve success. When taking a major-related part-time job, students can not only practice what they have learned in class and decide their professional goals with the deep understanding of working experience, but develop the ability of co-operation and communication. Students will not have enough time to taking internship if they are required to spend almost 11 months of a yare staying at school, which will exert a disastrous influence on them.

Above all, we may safely draw the conclusion that although taking extra study enjoys some obvious advantages, its disadvantages should not be ignored and far outweigh its advantage. It is absurd to require students to take extra work.

NO.xiaoyuyuUID: 2842596

In(Over我认为用In) the recent decades, a large majority of parents advocate that children should take extra education (attending class for 11 months of a year) in order to get a better improvement and development which will be beneficial for them and put them in a favorable position in the future job market. However, as far as I am concerned, I disagree with this opinion with the reasons as rendered below.

There is no denying the fact that attending more classes enjoys some advantages. To begin with, Students can learn more knowledge in a relative longer period. What’s more, children can also develop their independent ability much better by staying at school more time than before if they are required to attend classes for 11 months of a year. Besides, school education play(s) an extremely significant role in people’s whole lives(life), consequently, spending more time on obtaining knowledge is sometimes understandable. In a word(两个总结性的词有点重复), taking extra education enjoys some merits and actually produces (a去掉) beneficial impact(s)(前面说的很多) on children.

However, what those people advocating（advocate） that children should take extra education seems to fail to take into account the fact that spending more time on school education does(dose) not mean student can achieving（achieve） success in knowledge and career. Take Bill Gates for instance, he dropped out from Harvard University and made more efforts in which he is really (really is) interested. Then he made a huge success and made (make) the greatly and directly contribution to the advancement of computer science and modern technology all over the world. His experience indicates that interest is the best teacher and encouragement, not the extra school education.

In addition, internship is as essential as school education for a student to achieve success. When taking a major-related part-time job, students can not only practice what they have learned in class and decide their professional goals with the deep understanding of working experience, but also develop the ability of co-operation and communication. Students will not have enough time to take (taking) internship if they are required to spend almost 11 months of a year (yare) staying at school, which will exert a disastrous influence on them.

Above all, we may safely draw the conclusion that although taking extra study enjoys some obvious advantages, its disadvantages should not be ignored and far outweigh its advantage. It is absurd to require students to take extra work.
（以上是我认为出现的小错误。不过还有很多值得我学习的地方，强大的词汇量还有让我望尘莫及的长句子！学习学习！）

FFFMZJBUID: 2479141

谢谢楼上的童鞋帮忙修改，共同进步，共同学习，一起加油。

zmselfnatureUID: 2466965

不好意思。7.6号作文改晚了by随风(zmselfnature)，附件里详细
Over the recent decades, people have madeextraordinary progress in (the) modern scienceand technology. However, it is commonly accepted that our environment conditionis becoming much more dangerous (worse?) than in (可以去掉) the past, especially theanimals' habitat. Under current situation, a large majority of people advocatethat retaining land for people is more important than for endangered animals.As far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with this opinion with thefollowing reasons as rendered below.

(Admittedly), it is indisputable that human also need a large amount of suitablespace to live due to the rapid growth of world population. Recently there are amajority of people have to face the danger of exposure and starvation becauseof limited resources. That means exploiting and remaining (reclaiming) more and more land (lands) and resource (resources)is becoming an indispensable aspect of world’s continuing development

However, those people who advocate that reservingmore land for human seems to fail to take into account the fact that animal (animals) also plays an extremely significant role tomake ecology stay (删掉) balance on our planet. According to a recent survey, (about) four million animals die each year due to (the) destruction of their habitats. Then the fact wehave to face is that the environment is going to become much worse due to thelacking of so many animals which help to maintain the diversity of biology inthe past years. (作者这一段可以考虑下阐述endangeredanimal对生物链（food chain）或基因库（gene pool）的贡献，因为最后一句 environment worse due to lose of many animals? 环境 worse更多的是 habitat lost，而animal lost和 environment worse 同是habitatlost 的一个结果)


Furthermore, endangered animals, which wewould never see again if they disappear on our planet, need more protection dueto the harmful impact (impacts) of (the) environment caused by human activities. Take thedinosaur for example, an increasing number of experts are beginning to realizethat the death of dinosaur has something to do with the dramatically change ofthe environment thousands of years ago. Now we can only try to understand dinosaurby their fossils. In a word, The (the)dinosaur’s experience indicates that more and more animals will disappear inthe future due to the severe life condition if we still do not placeconsiderable emphasis on environment protection.

Considering all the factors discussedabove, we may safely draw the conclusion that animas' environment as well ashumans’ is becoming more and more serious with the excess (excessive) exploitation of environment. In (the) view of such serious problems, human should takestrong measures to improve (the) environmentcondition which will benefit endangered animal (animals)and human (beings). (最好改为 notonly endangered animals but our human beings) Nobodycan survive if all the animals on the earth die (out).This is a matter of death and life (这个感觉太中国式英语，记得生存或死亡有句英文讲 to be or not to be？),which anyone can not afford to ignore.
总体上作者词汇运用水平不错，例如exposure and starvation, advocate, indispensable, 恐龙单词都会拼写；其次是已有固定的英文写作句式，如：1. 首段，it is commonly accepted，2 it is indisputable that, seems totake into account, we may safely draw the conclusion that. 其次作者 段落逻辑性不错，总-让步-原因1-原因2-总结。

但是，作者也同样存在一些问题：1.作者的定冠词和单复数好像用法不是很熟练，需要加强。
2. 作者的例证阐述方面也需要提高，more strong和说服力！

加油加油！

nunulongUID: 2172898

楼主，你好，作文已改，请查收！

giserUID: 2844945

Students would receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.

Over the recent decades, a large majority of parents advocate that children should take extra education (attending class for 11 months of a year) in order to get a better improvement and development which will be beneficial for them and put them in a favorable position in the future job market(文章第一段以中短句为佳，一上来就让老外看晕了). However, as far as I am concerned, I disagree with this opinion with the reasons as rendered（这个词慎用，是写给老外看的，不是让中国学生做阅读的，所以不要使用偏僻意思） below.

There is no denying the fact that attending more classes enjoys some advantages. To begin with, Students can learn（learn knowledge这样的表达很chinglish，戴教主说的，别拍我，可以换成acquire， accumulate之类） more knowledge in a relative longer period. What’s more, children can also develop their independent ability（much better删掉） by staying at school more time than before if they are required to attend classes for 11 months of a year. Besides, school education play an extremely significant role in people’s whole life, consequently, spending more time on knowledge is sometimes understandable. In a word, taking extra education enjoys some merits and actually produces a beneficial impact on children.

（主题句不易过长，原因如上，让老外竟可能快的知道你的观点和逻辑，传说中他们两分钟之内改完一篇文章）However, what those people advocate that children should take extra education seems to（seemingly） fail to take into account the fact that spending more time on school education dose not mean student can achieve success in knowledge and career. Take Bill Gates for instance, he dropped out(感谢纠正) from Harvard University and made more efforts in which he really is interested. Then he made a huge success and make the greatly and directly contribution to the advancement of computer science and modern technology all over the world. His experience indicates that interest is the best teacher and encouragement, not the extra school education.

In addition, internship is as essential as school education for a student to achieve success. When taking a major-related part-time job, students can not only practice what they have learned in class and decide their professional goals with the deep understanding of working experience, but develop the ability of co-operation and communication（既然用到not only, but also怎么不变换个句式来个倒装呢）. Students will not have enough time to taking internship if they are required to spend almost 11 months of a yare staying at school, which will exert a disastrous influence on them.

Above all, we may safely draw the conclusion that although taking extra study enjoys some obvious advantages, its disadvantages should not be ignored and far outweigh its advantage. It is absurd to require students to take extra work.

您的作文写得很有条理，而且我发现有很多并列结构。能力有限，不能给作者做一些改动（当然也是作者太牛了，没让我找出拼写和语法之类的错误，呵呵）。如果作者可以在idiomatic这方面下翻功夫，那作文水平可以更上一层楼。虽然我们不能写出让老外一看就知道是native的手笔，但是可以尽量做到让中国人一看觉得可能是出自老外之手。一起加油！

lv1015UID: 2505136

Hello, 我的修改，迟迟才来，不好意思
It is more important to reserve land for human beings than for endangered animals.
]! y, C& p/ W
Over the recent decades, people have made extraordinary progress in modern science and technology. However, it is commonly accepted that our environment condition is becoming much more dangerous than in the past, especially the animals' habitat. Under current situation, a large majority of people advocate that retaining land for people is more important than for endangered animals. As far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with this opinion with the following reasons as rendered below.



It is indisputable that human also need a large amount of suitable space to live due to the rapid growth of world population. Recently there are a majority of people who have to face the danger of exposure and starvation because of limited resources. That means exploiting and remaining more and more land and resource is becoming an indispensable aspect of world’s continuing development.



However, those people who advocate thatreserving more land(more should be reserved) for human seems to fail to take into account the fact that animal also plays an extremely significant role to make ecology stay balanced on our planet. According to a recent survey, four million animals die each year due to destruction of their habitats. Then the fact we have to face is that the environment is going to become much worse due to the lacking of so many animals which help to maintain the diversity of biology in the past years.
e1 p& h( @% `8 t
Furthermore, endangered animals, which we would never see again if they disappear on our planet, need more protection due to the harmful impact of(on) environment caused by human activities. Take the dinosaur for(as an) example, an increasing number of experts are beginning to realize that the death of dinosaur has something to do with the dramatically change of the environment thousands of years ago. Now we can only try to understand dinosaur by their fossils. In a word, The dinosaur’s experience indicates that more and more animals will disappear in the future due to the severe life condition if we still do not place considerable emphasis on environment protection.(恐龙的例子感觉不是很合适，毕竟灭绝原因不确定是它们自我毁坏环境造成的)H( T8 [% }+ }: p* O+ I

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that animas' environment as well as humans’ is becoming more and more serious（environment用serious形容不合适吧 恶化deteriorated会不会好一些） with the excess exploitation of environment. In view of such serious problems, human should take strong measures to improve environment condition which will benefit endangered animal and human. Nobody can survive if all the animals on the earth die. This is a matter of death and life, which anyone can not afford to ignore.!