峰峰的作文铺子

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峰峰加入了进军美利坚IBT特训营——写作小组

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1109907-1-1.html

坚持按着小组计划完成自己的作业，并且尽量多的修改其他组员的作文，为自己的IBT之路努力。

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[6.15] Teachers should not make their social or political view known to students, do you agree or not, explain why.（09.03.27）

Over the recent decades, there is a growing public concern over the issue that whether teachers should make their social or political view known to students or not. Some claim that teachers' political view has nothing to do with students, on the other hand, others state that teachers' political view play an extremely important role in students' school life and teachers' political view is necessary for students. Both of these two views are right in some ways and biased in others, they deserved some in-depth examination. As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that teachers' political view has nothing to do with students. The reasons are rendered as below.

To begin with, with the accelerating steps of development and improvement in science and technology, most of students should place emphasis on these subjects not politics. Frankly speaking, politics are served for some certain people, large organization, or some economic purpose. However, students are supposed to study science and technology at school. Taking the president selection for example, this kind of politics is just served certain people and almost has nothing to do with students.

Furthermore, independent thinking is become more and more important in the past few years, teachers should encourage students to form their own independent thinking which has beneficial effect on their further graduate study and job, even their life as a whole. Teachers should not tell everything to students, on the contrary, leaving a space to let them deal with by themselves. A good teacher should be open-minded all the time and respect students’ different ideas and thinking.

Moreover, the latest investigation shows that 90% students do not like politics. Most of them choose other subjects as their major at university. In a word, a majority of students do not care about politics, teachers should not place their politics view on students, ether.

From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that teachers do not need make their political view known to students. Science and technology are becoming more and more important than politics over the past few years, developing independent thinking are much more important than being taught everything for students, most of students choose other subjects as their major at university and make professional goals after graduation rather than politics.

sunersunUID: 2734987

[6.15] Teachers should not make their social or political view known to students, do you agree or not, explain why.（09.03.27）

Over the recent decades, there is a growing public concern over the issue that whether teachers should make their social or political view known to students or not. Some claim that teachers' political view has nothing to do with students, on the other hand（换成on the contrary更好点吧，on the other hand更多时候是表示递进关系，不是对比）, others state that teachers' political view play（plays，个人觉得view更应该是复数） an extremely important role in students' school life and teachers' political view（换成it） is necessary for students. Both of these（the） two views are right in some ways and biased in others, they deserved（这里用过去分词没道理的，deserve） some in-depth examination. As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that teachers' political view has nothing to do with students. The reasons are rendered as below.

To begin with, with the accelerating steps of development and improvement in science and technology, most of（加of没必要，删去） students should place emphasis on these subjects not politics（这句没有看懂，作者是不是想说non-political）. Frankly speaking, politics are served（服务时主动，比如cars serve our life） for some（some没有必要，删去）certain people, large organization（s）, or（and）some economic purpose. However, students are supposed to study science and technology at school. Taking the president（presidential） selection for example, this kind of politics is just served certain people and almost has nothing to do with students.（感觉本段说理很是没有逻辑，学生在校也有政治课，而且题目中还有social，这个应该是students的必修，而且说总统选举与学生无关显然是不成立的）

Furthermore（结构连接词用的很好）, independent thinking is（has，时态错误） become more and more important in the past few years, teachers should encourage students to form their own independent thinking which has beneficial effect on their further graduate study and job, even（加上on） their life as a whole.（这里加上Therefore或Thus会更好） Teachers should not tell everything to students, on the contrary, leaving（they should leave）a space to let them deal with（这个短语一定要有宾语） by themselves. A good teacher should be open-minded all the time and respect students’ different ideas and thinking.

Moreover, the latest investigation shows that 90% students do not like politics. Most of them choose other subjects as their major at university. In a word, a majority of students do not care about politics, teachers should not place their politics view on students, ether（拼写错误either）.

From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that teachers do not need（need前加上do后表明其做实义动词，那么后面要加to，用不定式） make their political view known to students. Science and technology are becoming more and more important than politics over the past few years,（并列分句之间要加连词，或者把逗号换成分号） developing independent thinking are much more important than being taught everything for students（for students放在分句句首最好）, most of students choose other subjects as their major at university and make professional goals after graduation rather than politics.
作者可能是限时写的，语法和用词错误都比较多，而且用词上变化性过少。但是我觉得本文最大的问题在于对题目理解不全，题目中的social没有涉及。而且在说politics的时候逻辑主线也不明确，第二段应该放在最后会比较好。
但是本文行文结构是很清楚的。

以上修改仅供参考，楼主加油，一起加油！

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回sunersun
谢谢你帮忙修改啊，一下帮我看出那么多需要改进的地方，很感谢你。
1、我一直觉得政治相关类话题太难写了，我也疏忽了把政治和社会观点融合为一个点了。这点我应该好好改进，尽量读懂题目最直接的意思，不避开话题。比如说这篇，本来我是要写一个让步段落呢，但是无奈当时想不起来让步的理由，只能作罢，所以文章的理由看起来都比较牵强。总之这种政治社会学的文章我还得多看一些，多熟悉一些。

2、看过你们的文章以后，我感觉我写作文好像已经陷入到一种模板模式里面了。希望在这个上面我可以做出一个改进，不能破罐子破摔的感觉。

3、感觉有些时候我的用词比较随便，其实对这个词的用法是模模糊糊，但是还是直接用，导致有表达错误。还有就是句子与句子直接的连接不是很紧密，有一种想当然的感觉。

希望在考试之前可以尽可能多的练习和改进自己的水平。

一起加油哦

junedreamjuneUID: 2700743

Over the recent decades, there is a growing public concern over the issue that whether teachers should make their social or political view known to students or not. Some claim that teachers' political view has nothing to do with students, on the other hand, others state that teachers' political view play an extremely important role in students' school life and teachers' political view is necessary for students (teachers' political view plays an extremely important and necessary role in students' school life). Both of these two views are right in some ways and biased in others, they deserved some in-depth examination. As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that teachers' political view has nothing to do with students. The reasons are rendered as below.

To begin with, with the accelerating steps of development and improvement in science and technology, most of students should place emphasis on these subjects not politics. Frankly speaking, politics are served for (prepared for) some certain people (social groups), large organizations, or some economic purpose. However, students are supposed to study science and technology at school. Taking the president selection (election) for example, this kind of politics is just served (serves)
certain people and almost has nothing to do with students.

Moreover, the latest investigation shows that 90% students do not like politics. Most of them choose other subjects as their major at university. In a word, a majority of students do not care about politics, teachers should not place their politics view on students, either.

Furthermore, as independent thinking is become more and more important in the past few years, teachers should encourage students to form their own independent thinking which will lead to has beneficial effect on their further graduate study and job seeking, even their life as a whole. Teachers should not tell everything to students; on the contrary, (it is of great importance to leave) leaving a space to let them deal with it by themselves. A good teacher should be open-minded all the time and respect students’ different ideas and thinking.


From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that teachers do not need to make their political view known to students. Science and technology are becoming more and more important than politics over the past few years, developing independent thinking are much more important than being taught everything for students, most of students choose other subjects as their major at university and make professional goals after graduation rather than politics.

文章结构很清晰完整，thesis & passage topic很明确，看上去有一目了然的感觉。不过是否将第三个论点放在第一个下面较好？而且二者似乎有些重合？而且，感觉论点似乎有些不足不够全面，最后，如果用词、句式更精确更有变化，总结段落稍微不那么repetitive的话就更好了。
能力有限，希望这些建议有帮助:)

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Over the recent decades, there is a growing public concern over the issue that whether teachers should make their social or political view known to students or not. Some claim that teachers' political ...
junedreamjune 发表于 2010-6-16 12:53

恩，谢谢你的修改。

我的词汇和语句确实需要很大的提高。还是写得少，练得少，加紧练习吧。

题目结尾的话我认为应该把前面的观点做个简短的总结，你觉得呢？

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Do you think success in important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?

As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that it is more important to remain happy and optimistic after failure then success. No one could deny the essential fact that success is very paramount for all of us. However, life is not sweet all the time and success can not always accompany with you in the whole life. What we should take into account is keeping confident, never giving up and correcting the mistake after failure.

It is commonly acknowledged and accepted that success is important for our life, study, research, etc. If we accomplish our goals, we can get rewards and confidence, and then we can continue to make more efforts and realize our dreams step and step. After success, we can get lots of supports and encourage from families, teachers and even some institutions as a whole.

There is no denying the fact that failure is inevitable in the process of success and most people can not success directly and easily. Take Li xiang for instance, he is one of the most famous athletes in China. He won the Gold medal in the Athen Olympic Game in 2004. However, he always failed in several competitions before the Athen Olympic Game but he never gave up. His experience indicates that hard working and persistence make perfect and success. He sets a good example to all Chinese athletes, even the whole society as a whole.

In addition, we can gain lots of relative useful experience from failure. As an old saying goes: failure is the mother of success. Failure does not mean that you can not success, it just indicates that you need correct mistakes, make adjustments and keep going on it. The wealthiest person in the world, Bill Gates, we know that he did not do well in his university courses. But he did not give up and finally found what is he really wanted to study in his whole life, the computer. Through his failure experience, he made adjustments and improved his ability in computer. At last, he got huge success. Future is always sweet, but process is tough and difficult. That means those failure experience will lead you to success.

In conclusion, success is important for all of us and we should spare no effort to make our own success. On the other hand, we should take into account the point that failure is always exist in the process of success. Keeping doing what you really want to do and never give up, then you will definitely make success.

远远在笑UID: 2742022

Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?（09.03.21）


有颜色的改正在文档里面~

As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that it is more important to remain happy and optimistic after failure then(不解释...)
success. No one could deny the essential fact that success is very paramount（paramount用得好，但是我觉得paramount就够了，没必要加very，感情色彩过重了，往上面似乎也没有用very paramount的...） for all of us. However, life is not sweet all the time（有感觉~） and success can not always accompany with(accompany是及物动词...) you in the whole life. What we should take into account is
（is？我也拿不准，这么多动名词诶）keeping confident, never giving up（换成holding on是不是好一点？）
and correcting the mistakes after failure.

It is commonly acknowledged and accepted that success is important for our life,（和上文重复了吧哥哥） study, research, etc. If we accomplish our goals, we can get rewards and confidence, and then we can continue to make more efforts and realize our dreams（赞） step and（by） step. After success, we can get lots of supports（un） and encourage from families, teachers and even some institutions as a whole. （似乎这一段时讲成功的好处，但是让人觉得最后应该加一句however什么的连接下面一段，不然转换的太过突兀，而且这段太平铺直叙，感觉没有意义，不如放在倒数第二段，作为追加段）

There is no denying （to）the fact that failure is inevitable in the process of success and most people can not success directly and easily. Take Li xiang（名字打错了就会直接杯具，明白？） for instance, he is one of the most famous athletes in China，（and all across the world）. He won the Gold medal in the Athen Olympic Game in 2004.（2004Olympic Games in Athens
这样说好一点，我也是查的）
However, he always failed in several competitions before the Athen Olympic Game but he never gave up. His experience indicates that hard working and persistence make perfect and success. He sets a good example to（for） all Chinese athletes, even the whole society as a whole.（主旨句啊！）

In addition, we can gain lots of relative useful experience from failure. As an old saying goes: （personally赞一个）failure is the mother of success. Failure does not mean that you can not success, it just indicates that you need （to） correct mistakes, make adjustments and keep going on it. The wealthiest person in the world, Bill Gates, we know that he did not do well in his university courses.
（你自己觉得通吗...这样写可能会好一些：....,once wasn't doing very well in his collage courses而且我觉得他不是学不好吧...）But he did not give up and finally found what is（删掉）
he really wanted to study in his whole life, the computer. Through his failure experience, he made adjustments and improved his ability in computer. At last, he got huge success. Future is always sweet, but process is tough and difficult. That means those failure experience will lead you to success.

In conclusion, success is important for all of us and we should spare no effort（好词，但是要加s吧？）
to make our own success. On the other hand,（这里这样用不好，用However） we should take into account the point that failure is always exist（ing）
in the process of success.（灵感一现，用along the way会不会好一些？） Keeping doing what you really want to do and never give（giving） up, then you will definitely make success.



这么说吧，直接点，每段开始之前最好能有鲜明的主旨句，让人一目了然，而且第一第二这些词都是要用的，这样才能是文章结构清晰。你想啊，ets考官会揪着你的文章看上10分钟吗?
人名千万别打错！

hjhjhj1984UID: 160270

我的作业已交，烦请帮忙修改一下，谢谢
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewth ... 89055&page=1&extra=

3楼

你的作业我会今天下午或晚上修改

hjhjhj1984UID: 160270

已改，见附件
7# FFFMZJB

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10# hjhjhj1984

谢谢你那么仔细的帮我修改作文，从中可以看出你的文字功底，强悍。

除了文字句型表达以外，对文章的结构以及文章内容也想听听你的意见，谢谢你。

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Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?（09.03.21）


有颜色的改正在文档里面~

As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that it is  ...
远远在笑 发表于 2010-6-18 07:07

谢谢你那么仔细的修改。有几处非常弱智的错误，以后一定要减少，还有一个比尔盖茨的例子用得不是特别好，希望以后可以多充实一下英文例子方面的内容。

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future?

With the accelerating steps of improvement and development of modern society, increasing investigations show that people have become much wealthier in the past few decades. When it comes to how to use the extra money, some claim that it should be used for relaxation such as traveling, vocation and other kinds of entertainment. While others states that the extra money should be saved in the bank to make preparations for the future use like university tuition fees and other kinds of financial investments. As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that extra money should be spent on vocation and some other entertainment. My reasons are rendered as below.

To begin with, none of people become rich by getting interests from the bank. Living in a so dramatically changing world, we should adjust to new investment ways in order to get a better pay back. Interests from the back is pretty low, although some people still save money in the back, it is not a better choice under current situations. Some other investments, like securities and stock, can also make more money rather than interests in the bank.

Furthermore, people's daily consumption plays an extremely important role in nation economy system. If the majority of people save money in the bank and do not buy stuff, the nation economy will endure a significant decrease which may cause consequent decline in our income. Definitely we do not want to see this happen. Everyone has responsibility to maintain the equivalent of the nation economy.

In addition, I hope to enjoy life when I am still young. For many kinds of entertainment are only suitable for young people. Youth is a valuable but short period of life and I hope to travel to many places when I am young. Time is the most significant aspect in our daily life, in my opinion, so we should make good use of money to enjoy different and new life as much as possible within a relative short period.

In conclusion, spending the extra money on vocation and entertainment is a better choice than saving it in the bank, especially for those young people because youth is the most paramount period in life. Also we need to make adjustments to the current economic situation and invest money on other new area for getting a better pay back.

hjhjhj1984UID: 160270

已改
见附件

13# FFFMZJB

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Sometimes, if you can not say anything nice to someone, you should say nothing at all.

It is generally accepted that saying something nice and well to someone is a better choice as well as saying nothing at all. However, as far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with this opinion with the following three reasons as rendered below.

To begin with, people should always be candid and sincere, which are the most significant aspects that define us as civilized human, play an extremely important role in communication activities. If someone lose his or her candidness and sincereness, then no one would like to believe him or her any more. One can lose money, house, job, even family, but he/she can not lose these two important qualities because he/she would be very difficult to live in this world without candidness and sincereness.

Furthermore, you can offer others a great help and support no matter what you have said, as long as it is correct and valid, even though it sounds very unacceptable. Definitely you hope your parents, classmates and friends always point out your drawbacks and mistakes which may influence your whole life if you do not put much emphasis on them. Sometimes you can not find these defects on your own, so your parents, classmates and friends are the best choice although their judgment and evaluation may be hard to accept for you, to some degree.

Last but not least, saying something nice to someone or saying nothing all exert unfavorable effects and produce disastrous impacts for the whole projects in the business as well as other area. For instance, suggestions of your leader or other colleagues are proved to be wrong based on your own knowledge and experience, then if you just say yes or nothing and do not point out the mistake bravely and responsibly, the whole project have to face a setback even fail thoroughly. Everyone has a responsibility to make things do in the right direction.

Considering all the factors discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is unwise to say anything nice to some or say nothing at all. As civilized human, we should always be candid and sincere to point out the drawbacks and mistake of our friends and family members which are of great importance for their own development and improvement.