求AW 高手点评下鄙人习作 多批评 多给意见 ~~

linda1234UID: 2752453

Issue test1
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

正文

I partly agree with the speaker's assertion that modern civilization made of technologies have brought humanity to a much more lonely lifestyle,however ,technology is a double sided sword,and it's not just loneliness that the advancement brings.A lot more beneficial is in store for us in a scientifically developed world.

It would sound arbitrary and naiive to blame the development
of technology for the uprising lonliness perceptions humanity is suffering from.In fact ,thriving technology has impeded our society into a rather highly efficient and harmonious new era.The advent of Internet can be best cited as an example.Communication orvercame the barrier of time and space via internet with astonishing quick service,which ostensibly facilitated
inter-continental businesses and long distance family communications.Imagine a world without the internet,and more precisely internet chatting software,would you call your beloved twice a day through phone when studying master's degree in Europe while your parents are in the US. Some might argue they wouldn't care how much it cost but the case is just a rarity and the majority would reconsider on the phonebill and put it aside for something more critical at the moment.Now ,thanks to the software designers and edging internet service,we can liaise with our friends ,family and lover in no time anywhere,anytime.

The definition of mordern civilization is of rather great significance in this notion ,where the speaker fails to point out,thus leaving
an equivoqal void of understanding of the technological context of the assertion. It is widely acknowledged that civilizaton at various stages are labeled by its edging scientific advances and the the derivative industries that came along and thives during the peak period of the time.By the speaker's view,the civilization that can introduce or force loneliness
into one's daily emotional ambience has not come yet---in retrospect,the invention of steam engine threw veihcles on a much quicker track,thus stimulating the development of commercial communications nationwide,yielding more products and benefits which laid the foudation stone of the advent of cars---the lethal tool of human society nowadays.Cars shortened the time of traveling and saved mailing costs and more importantly frequenfied people's interaction with each other.Moving on ,we are in the age of information,where internet plays the bridge between cultures and ethnics,stimulating and solving conflicts ,thus I wonder,where does that forlorn feeling come from in an increasingly noisy world surrounded by enumerous information ?

Fairly speaking,for certain sorts of individuals ,technology do bring loneliness and pain. As robots influxed
production lines, laid off workers raised their voices complaining the aching void of losing their jobs ,however in my opinion,such complaints are antedilluvian and actualy revealed a solicit request of the time that a new industry need to breed on and thrive,thus to keep those people fed.Prospering bio-pharmaceutical companies are providing more choices of sedatives,which accumulated the risk of overdosing thereby introducing feelings of depression and other side effects dabbling in loneliness perceptions.In a word,loneliness is not precisely brought by the civilization or its impetus force --technology ,but by the inability of individuals to accept ,learn and adapt to the new born matters.

To wrap up,the speaker gave a rather arbitrary and pessimistic assertion of the imposed loneliness advancing technology and civilization had brought with a rather equivocal technological context,which made the statement unconvincing and urging for more profound reflection upon the issue.And I would hold a more positive attitude toward the matter ,that the benefits coming along with new technology will always weigh out its disadvantage and it is reasonable to look forward to a bright future with higher levels of technology.

linda1234UID: 2752453

实在不好意思，排版没弄好，重发一个
正文
I partly agree with the speaker's assertion that modern civilization made of technologies have brought humanity to a much more lonely lifestyle,however ,technology is a double sided sword,and it's not just loneliness that the advancement brings.A lot more beneficial is in store for us in a scientifically developed world.

It would sound arbitrary and naiive to blame the development  of technology for the uprising lonliness perceptions humanity is suffering from.In fact ,thriving technology has impeded our society into a rather highly efficient and harmonious new era.The advent of Internet can be best cited as an example.Communication orvercame the barrier of time and space via internet with astonishing quick service,which ostensibly facilitated  inter-continental businesses and long distance family communications.Imagine a world without the internet,and more precisely internet chatting software,would you call your beloved twice a day through phone when studying master's degree in Europe while your parents are in the US. Some might argue they wouldn't care how much it cost but the case is just a rarity and the majority would reconsider on the phonebill and put it aside for something more critical at the moment.Now ,thanks to the software designers and edging internet service,we can liaise with our friends ,family and lover in no time anywhere,anytime.

The definition of mordern civilization is of rather great significance in this notion ,where the speaker fails to point out,thus leaving  an equivoqal void of understanding of the technological context of the assertion. It is widely acknowledged that civilizaton at various stages are labeled by its edging scientific advances and the the derivative industries that came along and thives during the peak period of the time.By the speaker's view,the civilization that can introduce or force loneliness  into one's daily emotional ambience has not come yet---in retrospect,the invention of steam engine threw veihcles on a much quicker track,thus stimulating the development of commercial communications nationwide,yielding more products and benefits which laid the foudation stone of the advent of cars---the lethal tool of human society nowadays.Cars shortened the time of traveling and saved mailing costs and more importantly frequenfied people's interaction with each other.Moving on ,we are in the age of information,where internet plays the bridge between cultures and ethnics,stimulating and solving conflicts ,thus I wonder,where does that forlorn feeling come from in an increasingly noisy world surrounded by enumerous information ?

Fairly speaking,for certain sorts of individuals ,technology do bring loneliness and pain. As robots influxed  production lines, laid off workers raised their voices complaining the aching void of losing their jobs ,however in my opinion,such complaints are antedilluvian and actualy revealed a solicit request of the time that a new industry need to breed on and thrive,thus to keep those people fed.Prospering bio-pharmaceutical companies are providing more choices of sedatives,which accumulated the risk of overdosing thereby introducing feelings of depression and other side effects dabbling in loneliness perceptions.In a word,loneliness is not precisely brought by the civilization or its impetus force --technology ,but by the inability of individuals to accept ,learn and adapt to the new born matters.

To wrap up,the speaker gave a rather arbitrary and pessimistic assertion of the imposed loneliness advancing technology and civilization had brought with a rather equivocal technological context,which made the statement unconvincing and urging for more profound reflection upon the issue.And I would hold a more positive attitude toward the matter ,that the benefits coming along with new technology will always weigh out its disadvantage and it is reasonable to look forward to a bright future with higher levels of technology.