进军美利坚作文作业贴

longxue26UID: 2687755

15# nunulong

临睡觉之前改好了! 请过目 若有问题再商量! 也请同学狠批我的作文 万分感谢!

Mr.404UID: 2675802

也先改了两段。
对楼主的作文大致有这样一个映像
大体还不错，但是词汇和句式的转换还是比较匮乏的
还有句子要写的更地道一些，尽量以美式的思维写句子，不要仅仅是翻译
我的作文也请多多提意见啊啊~~谢谢啦~~
剩下的我今晚之前一定改好哈

In the contemporary society, with the quickening pace of daily life and work, people often rush everywhere in the world. After pondering the assertion of the author in many aspects, incompletely argue against it.(说实话，这句话我看得莫名其妙) In my point of view, different people should make different decisions on whether they live in the city all life or move to otherplaces.3 f# `+ ^4 P% m7 S4 N4 O

It is admittedly claimed that the elders or people who has retired had better live in one place all life. The reasons are as follows. First, physical functions(删了the,一般用the physical function 或者physical functions) of the old people are degrading from year to year. It is a fact in China that one fatal cause among elders is the cerebral hemorrhage（你想说的是脑溢血么?bleeding brain这个说法太恐怖了）which kills thousands of hundreds of people a year. Hence, they should live quietly and steadily in a place where they are accustomed to (adjusted用在这里太奇怪了)and familiar with. Once they have some serious illnesses, the contidion of delay for them to cure or to do the surgery won’t occur. Thus, lives are secured(感觉说生命得到了保障和命被挽回了感觉更好吧..). What’s more, nowadays there is a phenomenon called Empty Nest which triggers serious psychological problems to old people who always live lonely without children. Fortunately, a simple method handling the circumstance is to construct a community for old people where they can talk and share from each other.(不知道是否是这个意思..) In China, we can see an interesting picture that many elders play chess and cards with joy and laughter. If elders move to another place, they have to readapt the new environment and residents around them. Losing old friends makes them upset and depressed. Most of elders will give the definite answer to the question whether they will move or not. There is no doubt that the reply is no.

nunulongUID: 2172898

16# longxue26

谢谢你的修改和意见。加油！

nunulongUID: 2172898

17# Mr.404

谢谢你的修改和意见，确实如你所说，我的文章里中式思维还是很固化，可能需要不断的阅读原版的文章，形成一定的语感，英式思维看来不是短时间可以具备的，只希望能像你一样可以积累一些多边的句型和地道的表达。

longxue26UID: 2687755

nunulong 谢谢你给我的作文批改! 非常受益! 分到一个小组 真是幸运呢!

nunulongUID: 2172898

20# longxue26

你修改得也很认真，谢谢了，大家共同努力！

Mr.404UID: 2675802

However, for young people who have to obey strategies of corporations, it is better for them to move. Currently, the competition is drastic in the job market. Hunting a favorable job becomes more difficult than it does ever before. Once getting a position in a promising company, every graduate will treasure this opportunity so much. However, sometimes the administrators will incessantly modulate the structures of companies accompanying with the changes of the international market or laws so that some employees have to move to other branches which locate other countries or cities. If they do not obey it, we can baldly imagine the aftermath. Maybe they will get fired or fire the bosses. Anyway, they may lose better opportunities for the future life.

In addition, with the accelerating process of globalization and open market, more and more youngsters study abroad and work for the joint ventures and foreign capital. Transportation systems which are well constructed provide an easy access for people to get to everywhere they want. Taking risks and challenge really attracts young people who want to accomplish what they dream. It is more likely that they will follow their ideality travel throughout the world in the lifetime. Take one of my friends John as an example, he finished the undergraduate study in China and then started pursuing the master degree in America since 2007. On May 2010, he graduated and hunted a job in Germany. What an amazing track he walked along. Perhaps next minute, he will fly to Africa and appear in Australia ten hours later. This is why now people say the world is a small village.(这句话跟你的主旨没什么关系，显得多余了) We can also suppose that people will establish the habitats in other planets in the near future. Instead, the blue planet will become the backyard.

In a word, different people have different opinions on the question whether to move or not. I strongly hold the view that elder people should live in the relatively stable surroundings while young people can move if they plan to (in order to删掉 )seek better opportunities in this changeful world. In the future, with the fortifying of science and technology, the space time is not the problem to interfere the communication and connection with others even the outer space.

nunu,你的文章的结构很清晰，我个人觉得是没有什么大问题了。
呃，给几点细节建议。
一点就是我读的时候好像感觉总有很多this出现，会给我种用词重复性的感觉
第二点很多人都弄的不太清楚哈，就是这个定冠词the和复数的问题。
一般来说用了the 就不用复数了，除非在特定称谓的时候。
比如说指一类人的时候，说 the women...

恩，那就是这些啦。大家一起多多注意细节的问题吧~~也谢谢你批改我的~~都是我原来没注意到的地方呢~~

nunulongUID: 2172898

22# Mr.404

谢谢修改和意见！

nunulongUID: 2172898

TOPIC: All students should be required totake basic science classes even if they are not this major.

Stepping into the new century, under theunprecedented development of science and technology, basic science courses areto some extent overstressed, which induces a debate on whether this kind ofclass should be obligatory for any major students. However, from my standpointof view, I assert that it is unnecessary for all students to take.

It is admittedly claimed that theelementary-school students should take the basic science classes because of thelack of fundamental knowledge to get accustomed to the complicated society. Ifthe person can not even identify that one is less than two, how is he able totend himself in the daily life? Unless someone deliberately get away from theearthly world hiding in the pathless place, all of us have to grasp the basiccommon sense in order to cope with the issues happening everyday. Also, thereis no doubt that the basic science courses bring an even-handed environment forelementary-school students to comprehend the notions teachers express in class.Confidence is quite significant in the process of education, thus, the fairatmosphere in class makes students mutually exceed, which promotes the efficiencyof education.

Whereas, it is conspicuous that along withthe division of majors the science classes are somewhat of less meaning for thestudents’ career majoring in other fields. Entering the universities provesthat each student has attained the basic knowledge on solving problems ordifficulties. The key point for students is that they are supposed to researchprofoundly in the major rather than squandering extra energy on some basiccourses. For instance, the students whose major are literature ought tosufficiently read masterpieces of famous writers such as Shakespeare’s dramas,and Mark Twain’s criticism fictions instead of solving the complex questions ofMath or Physics. It is ridiculous that the students specializing in historydiscuss the freak formulas of chemistry. Hence, the basic science coursesshould be selective for students whose major are not science.

Moreover, even for the students majoring inscience, the syllabus of education should be preferably flexible and optional.Nowadays, more and more people support the view that teachers had better grantstudents the self-determination of curriculums, which may change thepredicament that students cram before the exam. In China, some universities haveoperated the curriculum systems that students can choose the courses they love.The bio major students, for example, do not have to take some basic bio coursesif these courses do not match the direction of researches. Therefore, they canspend more time and energy on observing and studying the data and information concentrativelyin their own directions so that making greater efforts in specific professions.A famous idiom in Chinasays good steel should be used for the sword's cutting edge. The energy ofstudents is limited. It is wise that using limited materials gains moreachievements. Besides, interest is the best teacher. With the flexible settingof curriculums, students will swim freely in the ocean of knowledge to seek thetruth and value.

In conclusion, whether students take thebasic science classes depends on the major. It is better that schools shouldmake the more flexible schemes of education to improve the efficiency ofteaching. In this case, students will dedicate themselves to the knowledgewhich they are interested in and make progress in their professions.

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

给nunulong改好了~！

nunulongUID: 2172898

25# aladdin.ivy

谢谢了！

nunulongUID: 2172898

TOPIC: Businessmen are only motivated bydesire of money.

In ancient era of China, thestatus of businessman was usually lower than other occupations such as scholar,politician and warrior. There also spreads a saying in China thatwhere there is commerce, there is a room of fraud, which emphasizes thatbusinessmen are spurred by money or profit. However, in my view, I advocatethat businessmen are seeking more than money.

Admittedly, a probable incentive as amerchant is money. Under certain circumstance, some businessmen just make moneyto sustain their families. Thus, the motive being merchants of this kind issimple. Dating back to ancient times of China, the occupation ofbusinessman emerged in the need of exchanging of diverse commodities. Because ofthe poor condition of transportation, some people found that if amassing somegoods which did not exist in local, they would earn more money in the processof trading or exchanging in the higher price. Also, the thoughts of ancientpeople are not as complicated as that of modern ones and the inferior laws ofcommerce made the business the money-oriented.

Nevertheless, with the development ofideology and ethics as well as the increasing completion of market andbusiness, businessmen not only pursue money but establish a value ofsociety-fair trade. It is universally acknowledged that human are born equal.The idea of fairness is extensively accepted by any ethnic, any country and anylanguage. Especially in the market, the information of good is unsymmetricalbetween sellers and buyers. In this case, some traders might deceive customersor show an unreasonable price so that earning extra money. Yet, the mainstreamof society exposes the mean tricks to public accusation, which encourages mostbusinessmen to be responsible for the more civilized and even-handed trading.

In addition, businessmen nowadays achieve individual-valueand are engaged in the improvement of world. There is no denying that only withthe stable environment of the world, can businessmen operate companiessteadily. It is the fact that, currently, the financial crisis has brought aseries of troubles with which many companies laid off the employees and lessenedrevenues. Hence, businessmen are gradually aware of that how significant the stabilityof the world is. For instance, some of them initiated the international forumswhere they discussed the common problems and overcame the difficulties alltogether. Besides, some celebrated CEO such as Bill Gates and Warren Buffettendowed a large quantity of money to charity in order to improve the poorconditions of society. After the Copenhagen Climate Conference, many executorscome to an agreement that for the better future of earth, they are willing tosacrifice some profits to reduce the pollution. After all, money is noteverything, even though gaining millions of dollars but ruining the blueplanet, what can you do with money?

In a word, businessmen are somewhatmotivated by money or profit, but they are not only longing for money but moreimportant stuffs such as fairness trade, self-worth and stability of the world.It is the unity of individual and social interests that makes the society moreadvanced and promising.Thereby, I firmly convince that businessmen are pursuingmore than money.

lxg198607UID: 2564115

TOPIC: Businessmen are only motivated bydesire of money.# r3 w9 y! G, `. ?" w6 T7 i! H/ a In ancient era of(去掉，更简洁些吧。) China, the status of businessman was usually lower than (those of) other occupations such as scholar,politician and warrior. There also spreads a saying in China thatwhere there is commerce, there is a room of fraud, which emphasizes thatbusinessmen are spurred by money or profit. However, in my view, I advocatethat businessmen are seeking more than money.   t9 A% f" U) E! R Admittedly, a probable incentive as a merchant is money. Under certain circumstance, some businessmen just make money (to) sustain their families. Thus, the motive being merchants of this kind issimple.(这句太复杂了。。such a motive is simple) Dating back to ancient times of China, the occupation of businessman emerged in the need of exchanging of diverse commodities. Because of the poor condition of transportation, some people found that if amassing some goods which did not exist in local, they would earn more money in the process of trading or exchanging in the higher price. Also, the thoughts of ancientpeople are not as complicated as that of modern ones and the inferior laws ofcommerce made the business the money-oriented. Nevertheless, with the development of ideology and ethics as well as the increasing completion of market andbusiness, businessmen not only pursue money but establish a value ofsociety-fair trade. It is universally acknowledged that human are born equal.The idea of fairness is extensively accepted by any ethnic, any country and anylanguage. Especially in the market, the information of good is unsymmetricalbetween sellers and buyers. In this case, some traders might deceive customersor show an unreasonable price so that earning extra money. Yet, the mainstreamof society exposes the mean tricks to public accusation, which encourages mostbusinessmen to be responsible for the more civilized and even-handed trading.(这个好像不是 motive, 是商人被迫的。。)   {6 d! w- Z( l& N- d In addition, businessmen nowadays achieve individual-valueand are engaged in the improvement of world. There is no denying that only withthe stable environment of the world, can businessmen operate companiessteadily. It is the fact that, currently, the financial crisis has brought aseries of troubles with which many companies laid off the employees and lessenedrevenues. Hence, businessmen are gradually aware of that how significant the stabilityof the world is. For instance, some of them initiated the international forumswhere they discussed the common problems and overcame the difficulties alltogether. Besides, some celebrated CEO such as Bill Gates and Warren Buffettendowed a large quantity of money to charity in order to improve the poorconditions of society. After the Copenhagen Climate Conference, many executorscome to an agreement that for the better future of earth, they are willing tosacrifice some profits to reduce the pollution. After all, money is noteverything, even though gaining millions of dollars but ruining the blueplanet, what can you do with money?（作者准备的素材好多啊。） In a word, businessmen are somewhat(这个貌似是口语的)motivated by money or profit, but they are not only longing for money but moreimportant stuffs such as fairness trade, self-worth and stability of the world.It is the unity of individual and social interests that makes the society moreadvanced and promising.Thereby, I firmly convince that businessmen are pursuingmore than money. 作者思路不错，词汇丰富，in particular, impressed by your examples.

pantheon123UID: 2661231

修改  TOPIC: Businessmen are only motivated bydesire of money.

In ancient era of China, thestatus of businessman was usually lower than other occupations such as scholar,politician and warrior. There also spreads a saying in China thatwhere there is commerce, there is a room of fraud, which emphasizes thatbusinessmen are spurred by money or profit. However, in my view, I advocatethat businessmen are seeking more than money.

Admittedly, a probable incentive as amerchant is money. Under certain circumstance,some businessmen just make money to sustain their families. Thus, the motivebeing merchants of this kind is simple. Dating back to ancient times of China, theoccupation of businessman emerged in the need of exchanging of diversecommodities. Because of the poor condition of transportation, some people foundthat if amassing some exotic goods（
which did not exist in local）,they would earn more money in the process of trading or exchanging in the（a）higher price. Also, the thoughts of ancient people are not as complicated （sophisticated）asthat of modern ones and the inferior laws of commerce made the business （the） money-oriented.

Nevertheless, with the development ofideology and ethics as well as the increasing completion of market andbusiness, businessmen not only pursue money
but also establisha value of society-fair trade. It is universally acknowledged that human areborn equal. The idea of fairness is extensively accepted by any ethnic（race）,any country and any language. Especially in the market, the information of goods is unsymmetrical（不对称？？貌似有点问题not equal） between sellers and buyers. In this case, sometraders might deceive customers or show an unreasonable price so that earningextra money. Yet, the mainstream of society exposes the mean tricks to publicaccusation, which encourages most businessmen to be responsible for the morecivilized and even-handed trading.

In addition, businessmen nowadays achieve individual-valueand are engaged in（？？有点不明白。。） the improvementof world. There is no denying that only with the stable environment of theworld, can businessmen operate companies steadily. It is the fact that, currently,the financial crisis has brought a series of trouble（s ）with which manycompanies laid off the employees and lessened revenues. Hence, businessmen aregradually aware of that how significant the stability of the world is. Forinstance, some of them initiated the international forums where they discussedthe common problems and overcame the difficulties all together. Besides, some celebratedCEO such as Bill Gates and Warren Buffett endowed a large quantity of money tocharity in order to improve the poor conditions of society. After theCopenhagen Climate Conference, many executors come to an agreement that for thebetter future of earth, they are willing to sacrifice some profits to reducethe pollution.（这句为啥不用过去时呢？） After all, money is not everything, eventhough gaining millions of dollars but ruining the blue planet, what can you dowith money?（这句话有点看不明白。。。）

In a word, businessmen are somewhatmotivated by money or profit, but they are not only longing for money but moreimportant stuffs such as fairness trade, self-worth and stability of the world.It is the unity of individual and social interests that makes the society moreadvanced and promising. Thereby, I firmly convince（believe，貌似convince后只接人，使确信，你再查查）thatbusinessmen are pursuing more than money.

个人认为，作者对语言驾驭能力还是很高的，用了各种句式和词汇。但是有些词的用法需要注意一下，还有些词我看着别扭但不能确定用得对不对，希望作者用词之前先确认一下词的用法，不要为了换词而换词。还有有些长句子真没有必要写那么长 长短结合啊。。。。

要是改错了不要介意啊，本人水平毕竟有限。。

nunulongUID: 2172898

28# lxg198607

谢谢你的修改，意见很中肯，继续修改。