大眼睛的作文贴

fd笑笑UID：2791669

15# fd笑笑
Nowadays more and more people like watching movies that could amuse and entertain people, for they think that these movies can make people laugh and feel happy(我觉feel happy 和laugh 重复，可以是relax 。“使”有多种表达enable, allow,lead sb to do ,老是用make 就没有多样性了。). While others disagree and they claim that it's better to watch serious movies because these movies can help people think. As for me, I prefer to the former for the following reasons.# d/ p. C1 i( |+ g) U

First, watching movies that could amuse and entertain people is a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work. We all agree that happy time is the most precious time and we all want to live a happy life with much laugh. But it's a big pity that in our daily life with so much pressure and hard work to find funny things to laugh becomes much more difficult for us.
（这句读着好别扭，从句里的主语太长了。。。。。。是不是可以拆开来写？或者，这是我自己想的，不晓得好不好It's a big pity that with so much pressure from daily work we are difficult to find funny things to laugh. Take the one who is on work for example, in the day time, he must deal with many things and troubles in his work, after a whole day work he might feel tired and have a bad feeling. Then a funny movie is a good choice for him to relax himself from hard work and refresh himself for tomorrow. Therefore the funny movies are the easiest and most important way for one to find happiness.

Second, the funny movies also can make us think and get something that is good for us. No one can deny that every movie even the funny movie tries to tell us something that help us think. Take a famous movie kung Fu Panda as an example, it always makes us laugh from the beginning to the ending, because the panda is big, fat （and）smelling but dreaming to be a panda（warrior） with great Kung Fu. He is strong and optimistic and with the help of Master Shifu and his hard work he finally accomplished the most difficult task and rescued the whole village（'s people 多余）. Then we can find it's a funny movie but can help people think a lot from it.（例子举得挺好的，我觉得要再扣紧一点论点，可以写kungfu panda 怎么使你think a lot ,think 了些什么。你貌似只是在陈述电影的故事。）
: k' |& y2 K- I) f1 d* S
In summary, from what have been mentioned above, we can easily draw the conclusion that funny movie can not only be a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work but also can tell us many things and help us think a lot.
用词过于重复，读起来有点乏味，比如说表达严肃电影和喜剧电影不要老用题目中给的表的，试着换一换。我觉得你可以先不管时间限制，尽量多锤炼一下用词用句，等写的熟一点了再计时。
不好意思，点错了，回复了两个一样的帖子，忽略其一。。。。。。

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

不好意思 现在才发 希望没影响到你
大眼睛
Nowadays more and more people like watching movies that could amuse and entertain people, for they think（thinking） that these movies can make people laugh and feel happy. While others disagree it(你句子却成分啊) and they claim that it's better to watch serious movies because these movies can help people think. As for me, I prefer to the former for the following reasons.
开头简洁 表明自己观点 不错First, watching movies that could amuse and entertain people is a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work. We all agree that happy time is the most precious time and we all want to live a happy life with much laugh.（这几句话怎么感觉绕来绕去都是说一个意思 可以尝试简化成一个长句，用插入语 定语从句等） But it's a big pity that in our daily life with so much pressure and hard work to find funny things to laugh becomes much more difficult for us. （直接用TOO TO 结构就行了 ）Take the one who is on work for example, in the day time, he must deal with many things and troubles in his work, after a whole day work he might feel tired and have a bad feeling. Then a funny movie is a good choice for him to relax himself from hard work and refresh(最好换个词 recovery, come back to life) himself for tomorrow. Therefore the funny movies are the easiest and most important way for one to find happiness例子太空了缺乏说服力
Secondly, the funny movies also can make us think and get something that is good for us. No one can deny that every (注意用词不要绝对)movie even the funny movie tries to tell us something that help us think. Take a famous movie kung Fu Panda as an example, it always makes us laugh from the beginning to the ending, because the panda is big, fat smelling but dreaming to be a panda with great Kung Fu. He is strong and optimistic and with the help of Master Shifu and his hard work（却动词） he finally accomplished the most difficult task and rescued the whole village's people. Then we can find it's a funny movie but can help people think a lot from it. 你都有secondly一般来应该还有个理由 很说用这种形式的只说2个理由这个例子就叫具体 有说服力In summary, from what have been mentioned above, we can easily draw the conclusion that funny movie can not only be a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work but also can tell us many things and help us think a lot. 注意你的断句 整句没有一个标点 not only 在句首才倒
总的来说结构清晰 不足的是词汇装换和句子的多样性（跟我一样） 还有我建议你多用点介词全篇都是and ,and 逻辑性要加强

leiqin1521UID：2735936

谢谢笑笑和小X，俺句子重复性是太高了，因为没有单词量也不会说什么好的句型，有时候找个连接词都困难，基础啊基础，基础不好。。。请两位给点意见啊，要看什么书，怎么能让自己的句子丰富一些，感谢！！
另外我不是很明白笑笑说的例子很空，怎样的例子会让人觉得不空，我总是不会举例子。。。

leiqin1521UID：2735936

7.15作业
moving to another place maybe a better choice

Nowadays there is heated debate that if people should live in a city or country all life instead of moving to another place. Different people have different opinions about it. As for me, I agree that moving from one place to another is better than stay in a city or country all life for the following reasons.

First, moving to another place may give people what they want--better living conditions, nice work environment and more opportunities to develop themselves. It's very pity that they will lose these choices if they just stay in a place. This reminds me one of my friends who is a talent in art and find a job in the city where she was born. She could get a better job and have more opportunity in another city, but she had given up just because she thought she should live in one place in her life. What a pity! Another example is my grandma who had a bad health. She really needs a good care with us in another city. But she refused to leave the hometown where the living condition there is so poor that she even can't get a basic fulfillment of various food supplies. It certainly limits her body recovering.

Second, to some extent, people can get a second life with moving to another place. As we all know, different place has different culture, climate and accent. I always feel that I enter into another world with so much difference from my city when I went to another place for business, not to mention I would stay there, it must be amazing. My sister is a good example. After stayed at a southern city for three years, she changed a lot. She will take a shower every day which is not prevalent for a northern people. She begins to eat the sweat food every meal which is unacceptable with northern people. She even learns to speak in the southern accent to live a better and comfortable life in south. These all give her a different life experience.

In summary, although living in a place all life can give one a steady and familiar life, moving to another place can give more to one--- a life that he/she is dreaming about and more chance.

aladdin.ivyUID：2596664

moving to another place maybe a better choice

Nowadays there is heated debate that if people should live in a city or country all life instead of moving to another place. Different people have different opinions about it. As for me, I agree that moving from one place to another is better than stay in a city or country all life for the following reasons.

开头简洁明了，直接表明自己立场。我喜欢这种开头。

First, moving to another place may give people what they want--better living conditions, nice work（working）environment and more opportunities to develop themselves. It's very pity that they will lose these choices if they just stay in a place. (这句改成虚拟语气是不是更好一点，用they would) This reminds me one of my friends who is a talent in art and find a job in the city where she was born. She could get a better job and have more opportunity in another city, but she had given up just because she thought she should live in one place in her life. What a pity! Another example is my grandma who had a bad health. She really needs a good care with us in another city. But she refused to leave the hometown where the living condition there is so poor that she even can't get a basic fulfillment of various food supplies. It certainly limits her body recovering.

Second, to some extent, people can get a second life with moving to another place. As we all know, different place has different culture, climate and accent. I always feel that I enter into another world with so much difference from my city when I went to another place for business, not to mention (if) I would stay there, it must be amazing. My sister is a good example. After stayed at a southern city for three years, she changed a lot. She will (时态是不是应该改一下) take a shower every day which is not prevalent for a northern people. She begins to eat the sweat food every meal which is unacceptable with northern people. She even learns to speak in the southern accent to live a better and comfortable life in south. These all give her a different life experience.

In summary, although living in a place all life can give one a steady and familiar life, moving to another place can give more to one (to one省掉读着比较顺)--- a life that he/she is dreaming about and more chance.

说一下几个小问题吧

1、 两段的例子都是身边人的，会让读着觉得说服力不够。可以尝试准备一些名人又不俗的例子，比如电影里的人物，历史人物等。

2、 动词的使用和句式的变化可以再丰富一点, 比如用点倒装之类。这些可以在写完草稿后改，慢慢练一定会提高的。加油~

以上是我个人的意见，有什么说错了的地方还请多担待。也欢迎指正。

leiqin1521UID：2735936

感谢阿拉丁！！！
你的意见很中肯，有操作性，我会留心准备一些名人的例子，句子的变化还是个长期的过程，也不敢期望一步登天。
总之很谢谢你！！

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

18# leiqin1521    哎 大眼睛同学 我现在也面临跟你一样的问题  关于句子多样性 我现在规定自己一天看一篇time的文章 别说我还是学到了不少东西 很地道的一些用法 一般看他们评论性文章比较好  
例子那个就是准备一些 具体事件 比如讲环保你就可以说墨西哥漏油事件   其实这个也是我的弱点我不知道怎么准备  急急急