大眼睛的作文贴

leiqin1521UID：2735936

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leiqin1521UID：2735936

7.8作文
                   Less time for vacation？
Recently some people suggest to shorten the vacation to 1 months instead of 2 months a year now for students. They claim that 11 months can prolong the study time for student and make them a better, effective education. While others disagree with this opinion, for they think less time for relaxation can lead to inefficiency for students. As for me, I prefer to the later for the following reasons.
Firstly, a longer vacation will let the students feel happy and happiness can certainly improve the study efficiency. As we all know there are less time left for students to relax themselves, and it's difficult for them to adjust their feeling to release pressure from hard study. Therefore，more and more students have stress that may lead to a serious psychological problem. And a happy and relaxed time will give them an opportunity to recover from the hard study time. Moreover, they can use the vacation time to play with their friends, build their bodies or stay with their families. These actions which can't be done often in school where the main purpose are study at classroom for students will all help they feel happy.
Secondly, students may gain knowledge that helps them in their study from the vacation time. How it works? They can go out to stay close to the natural world. For example, they can live a long time in rural areas where there are many animals and plants to visit and study. I think it 's good for students to learn biology course. They can learn to ride a bike which is helpful for study the physics in the vacation. And they travelled to some new place to visit and gain more information of other's life, it will provide them a great advance for their geography class and their essay and politics. With these experiences, it's easy for students in their study.
From what been mentioned about, we may safely draw the conclusion that 2 months vacation is better for students to study effectively than the one month vacation.

lxg198607UID：2564115

Recently some people suggest to shorten the vacation to 1 months instead of 2 months a year now for students. They claim that 11 months can prolong the study time for student and make them a better, effective education. While others disagree with this opinion, for they think less time for relaxation can lead to inefficiency for students. As for me, I prefer to the later(latter) for the following reasons.( Z( }' M3 k:

U% I
Firstly, a longer vacation will let the students feel happy and happiness can certainly improve the study efficiency. As we all know there are less time left for students to relax themselves, and it's difficult for them to adjust their feelings to release pressure from hard study. Therefore，more and more students have stress that may lead to a serious psychological problem. And a happy and relaxed time will give them an opportunity to recover from the hard study time. Moreover, they can use the vacation time to play with their friends, build their bodies or stay with their families. These actions which can't be done often（is rarely seen） in school where the main purpose(感觉改common goal好点) are study at classroom for students will all help they feel happy.

Secondly, students may gain knowledge that helps them in their study from the vacation time. How it works? They can go out to stay close to the natural world(nature就行了吧). For example, they can live a long time in rural areas where there are many animals and plants to visit and study. I think it 's good for students to learn biology course. They can learn to ride a bike which is helpful for study the physics in the vacation. And they travelled to some new place to visit and gain more information of other's life, it will provide them a great advance for their geography class and their essay and politics. With these experiences, it's easy for students in their study.

From what been mentioned about, we may safely draw the conclusion that 2 months vacation is better for students to study effectively than the one month vacation.

leiqin1521UID：2735936

谢谢刘小钢炮！！
看了你和rose101的作文就觉得自己写的都很重复，没逻辑。
第二段moreover之后的和前面的东西好像意思差不多，当时不知道怎么想的，还觉得是两个内容呢。
发现自己逻辑很混乱。
写的时候一时找不到理由。
另外中心句之后要写什么？举例子吗？之前看过一个关于写作文的一个套路，觉得挺好，后来就找不到了，语言不好的人只好求助于套路，可能会好一些儿。
第三段觉得举得例子也没有太大说服力，呜呜。。。
不比不知道，比了受不了。。。
继续加油，多多摸索吧

101roseUID：2546525

Recently some people suggest to shorten the vacation to 1 months instead of 2 months a year now for students. They claim that 11 months can prolong the study time for student and make(provide) them a better, effective education. While others disagree with this opinion, for they think less time for relaxation can lead to inefficiency for students. As for me, I prefer to the later for the following reasons.

Firstly, a longer vacation will let the students feel happy and happiness can certainly improve the study efficiency. As we all know there are less time left for students to relax themselves, and it's difficult for them to adjust their feeling to release pressure from hard study. 可以换一个句型，突出下因果关系Therefore，more and more students have stress that may lead to a serious psychological problem. And a happy and relaxed time will give them an opportunity to recover from the hard study time.这里建议举个例子，凑字数嘛~Moreover, they can use the vacation time to play with their friends, build their bodies or stay with their families. These actions which can't be done often in school where the main purpose are study at classroom for students will all help they feel happy.

Secondly, students may gain knowledge that helps them in their study from the vacation time. How it works? They can go out to stay close to the natural world. For example, they can live a long time in rural areas where there are many animals and plants to visit and study. I think it 's good for students to learn biology course. They can learn to ride a bike which is helpful for study the physics in the vacation. And they travelled to some new place to visit and gain more information of other's life, it will provide them a great advance for their geography class and their essay and politics. 这里可以用下排比句With these experiences, it's easy for students in their study.

From what been mentioned about, we may safely draw the conclusion that 2 months vacation is better for students to study effectively than the one month vacation.

其实你的语言你不差啊，没有什么语法错误，我刚开始写的时候更糟糕呢~
最后回答下你的问题，我觉得第一段一般来说不能太长，原因什么的在中间段写出来比较好吧，可以加上些例子撑版面，看上去结构也比较合理~

lxg198607UID：2564115

感觉你的语言不是问题啦， 也不是论据没说服力，问题好像出在论证 不focused ， 看你的文章, 内容比较跳跃，一段里可能有几个论据，
集中写某一，两个论据的话是否会好点。。个人意见，仅供参考哦。。。

leiqin1521UID：2735936

7.10作文

Daily homework is necessary

Many teachers will assign homework to students every day and they think it's necessary to remind the students to review their knowledge for today. As for me, I agree with such opinion for the following reasons.

First, daily homework is good for today's knowledge. If the student has accepted the knowledge of today's course, the homework can confirm his/her knowledge in mind. While if the student can't follow today’s course, the homework is a good way to stimulate him/her to understand the missing part and catch up the teacher's step. Without daily homework, the student may forget his/her missing part in class. Then it's more difficult for him/her to understand the next day's course. Otherwise, the homework usually is the most important part of today's course, it can let the students know what he/she must have got for today's knowledge. So it is necessary to students to do daily homework.

Secondly, daily homework is good for the next day's knowledge learning. As we all known, the knowledge is always connect with each other and will be from easy to difficult step by step. So the former knowledge will play an important part in the next day's course. If the student didn't understand today's knowledge, it will cause him/her feel more difficult to understand the next day's knowledge. Take the physical course as an example, if today's course is the power, the next day's course maybe the energy. The two parts are connected with each other and it is essential to have got the knowledge of the energy before understand the knowledge of power.

In summary, although daily homework should be not too much for the students and should differ from students to students according to the level in the class, it is very necessary for teachers to assign daily homework for every student.

leiqin1521UID：2735936

这是另一篇文章，不同的风格，这个选改——如果大家有兴趣的话！

Do you have been a student when you are young? Do you remember how much homework you had? I am sure you had a lot of homework when you were student in school especially high school. Recently, some people trigger the query about necessary of homework. Personally, I believe that the homework is necessary for student to improve their skill and knowledge.
First, daily homework is the review of the knowledge what you learned today. According to my teacher, homework is the best way to check the problems of your knowledge. I believe that you must had the experience forgetting the knowledge you learned one minute ago. As a result, you need homework to help you to review your knowledge. Bases no some scientists, people usually can’t remember a lot of information when they want to use them everyday. Information and knowledge, like baby, would sleep, if you don’t use them in daily life. That is why you need homework to help you to wake them up, and you can use them smoothly. Anyway, home work is very useful to you to remember your knowledge and information.
Daily homework is also very good for you to improve your skill. As we know, sometimes some work is very easy when you just see them. However, practicing is very difficult for you when you do them. For example, if you want to have a good tying, you would spend a lot of time on practicing. In sum, homework is a good tool for student to practice.
In conclusion, students need homework to help them review knowledge and practice skill. In addition, homework is also good for teacher to learn the learning level of students ,and make their teaching more suitable to students.

fd笑笑UID：2791669

homework

Secondly, daily homework is good for the next day's knowledge learning. As we all known, the knowledge is always connect（connected） with each other and will be from easy to difficult step by step. So the former knowledge will play an important part in the next day's course. If the student didn't understand today's knowledge, it will cause him/her feel more difficult to understand the next day's knowledge. Take the physical course as an example, if today's course is the power, the next day's course maybe the energy. The two parts are connected with each other and it is essential to have got the knowledge of the energy(power) before understand the knowledge of power.(energy)这里逻辑是不是出了点小错？
个人认为文章结构挺清晰的，就是觉得论据有点苍白，不要老是if........，最好多样一点吧，比如编个数据什么的，according to ...survey...,79.3 percent of students who do homework everyday have a better comprehension and learn quickly than the students who do homework every other day.
第一次改作文，有什么不对的还请包涵，并严厉指出。

zmselfnatureUID：2466965

7.10日作文修改by随风，见附件

leiqin1521UID：2735936

那个otherwise用错了，应该是besides。不然整个就解释不通顺。
另外小X和随风都批的很好啊，正是我要改进的地方，词汇句型很单一，逻辑也不严密。词语的重复现象严重。谢谢二位！！

leiqin1521UID：2735936

总结：
1.第一段，需要一个hook，需要一个connected sentence，最后需要一个论点句。

2.论据苍白，主要是没有example，可以说证据就是例子。可以用编的例子也没有关系，真实性不是最重要的。例子包括，某个人说的话，based on。。。， according to a text，a survey.举例子中可以用as a result of, ...because of ...就如小X说的，非常感谢！

3.一些小的注意点：first，second，不要用firstly和secondly。少用very，用extrimely等代替

leiqin1521UID：2735936

Nowadays more and more people like watching movies that could amuse and entertain people, for they think that these movies can make people laugh and feel happy. While others disagree and they claim that it's better to watch serious movies because these movies can help people think. As for me, I prefer to the former for the following reasons.

First, watching movies that could amuse and entertain people is a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work. We all agree that happy time is the most precious time and we all want to live a happy life with much laugh. But it's a big pity that in our daily life with so much pressure and hard work to find funny things to laugh becomes much more difficult for us. Take the one who is on work for example, in the day time, he must deal with many things and troubles in his work, after a whole day work he might feel tired and have a bad feeling. Then a funny movie is a good choice for him to relax himself from hard work and refresh himself for tomorrow. Therefore the funny movies are the easiest and most important way for one to find happiness.

Second, the funny movies also can make us think and get something that is good for us. No one can deny that every movie even the funny movie tries to tell us something that help us think. Take a famous movie kung Fu Panda as an example, it always makes us laugh from the beginning to the ending, because the panda is big, fat smelling but dreaming to be a panda with great Kung Fu. He is strong and optimistic and with the help of Master Shifu and his hard work he finally accomplished the most difficult task and rescued the whole village's people. Then we can find it's a funny movie but can help people think a lot from it.

In summary, from what have been mentioned above, we can easily draw the conclusion that funny movie can not only be a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work but also can tell us many things and help us think a lot.

fd笑笑UID：2791669

Nowadays more and more people like watching movies that could amuse and entertain people, for they think that these movies can make people laugh and feel happy(我觉feel happy 和laugh 重复，可以是relax 。“使”有多种表达enable, allow,lead sb to do ,老是用make 就没有多样性了。). While others disagree and they claim that it's better to watch serious movies because these movies can help people think. As for me, I prefer to the former for the following reasons.# d/ p. C1 i( |+ g) UFirst, watching movies that could amuse and entertain people is a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work. We all agree that happy time is the most precious time and we all want to live a happy life with much laugh. But it's a big pity that in our daily life with so much pressure and hard work to find funny things to laugh becomes much more difficult for us. （这句读着好别扭，从句里的主语太长了。。。。。。是不是可以拆开来写？或者，这是我自己想的：it's a big pity that with so much pressure from daily work we are difficult to find funny things to laugh. ）Take the one who is on work for example, in the day time, he must deal with many things and troubles in his work, after a whole day work he might feel tired and have a bad feeling. Then a funny movie is a good choice for him to relax himself from hard work and refresh himself for tomorrow. Therefore the funny movies are the easiest and most important way for one to find happiness.Second, the funny movies also can make us think and get something that is good for us. No one can deny that every movie even the funny movie tries to tell us something that help us think. Take a famous movie kung Fu Panda as an example, it always makes us laugh from the beginning to the ending, because the panda is big, fat （and）smelling but dreaming to be a panda（warrior） with great Kung Fu. He is strong and optimistic and with the help of Master Shifu and his hard work he finally accomplished the most difficult task and rescued the whole village（'s people 多余）. Then we can find it's a funny movie but can help people think a lot from it.（例子举得挺好的，我觉得要再扣紧一点论点，可以写kungfu panda 怎么使你think a lot ,think 了些什么。你貌似只是在陈述电影的故事。）: k' |& y2 K- I) f1 d* SIn summary, from what have been mentioned above, we can easily draw the conclusion that funny movie can not only be a good way to let ourselves laugh and relieve pressure from hard work but also can tell us many things and help us think a lot.
用词过于重复，读起来有点乏味。我觉得你可以先不管时间限制，尽量多锤炼一下用词用句，等写的熟一点了再计时。