argument14

费话先生UID: 2788924

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.
"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 578
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-7-9 9:17:58

The author predicts than Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked for gardeners. To demonstrate his prediction, the author cites a national survey and good sales of a local gardening magazine. However, either the national survey or the good sales of magazine can lead little support to his prediction.

To begin with, it's unreliable to deduce that local consumers are becoming more interested in growing vegetables themselves from the national survey. First, the definition of”many” is too vague to be meaningful. Without any indication of the percentage of consumers who complain about the vegetables, it’s possible that those who are dissatisfied may be only a small part of consumers and therefore their comments are negligible to draw any conclusion. Second, even if more and more consumers are really dissatisfied with the vegetables national wide. It is not safe to say that the consumers are interested in growing their own vegetables. The purpose of crying out may be attracting the managers' attention, so they can improve their services. It’s like that consumers aren't satisfied with some services doesn't mean they want serve themselves. Third, the author's assumption that the results of national survey can also manifest the trend of local residents is unwarranted. Perhaps the local residents are very satisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets because the supermarket's supplier is quality guaranteed. Thus the national survey cannot demonstrate the author’s assertion that local residents are more and more interested in grow vegetables themselves.
The author further assumes that the good sales of gardening magazine can indicate the popularity of residents’ self-growing vegetables. However, this may be not the case. It's possible that those who buy the magazine are interested in growing flowers rather than vegetables. Anyway, there is no evidence that the magazine is mainly about vegetables growing. The assumption will be poor-reasoned if there is a little information about how to grow vegetables. Besides, the author doesn't provide any statistics on the specific circulation of the magazine. If the circulation is rather small, the magazine is also possible to be sold out even if there are only a few people who like it. Again, three mouths data may be not sufficient to draw any conclusions from it. Perhaps during the three mouths there appears an influx of tourists who buy the magazine to kill time and hence increase the sales of the magazine. Without ruling out other possible factors which may influence the sales of magazine, the author cannot draw the conclusion that local residents are more likely to buy the magazine, let alone grow vegetables themselves.
Suppose that the above evidence can convincingly prove that local people do much prefer to grow vegetables than before, the suggestion that Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked may turn out to be ineffective. The climate in the town may be only suitable for a few certain sorts of vegetables. So if the owner doesn’t take the viability into account, the decision to expand the variety of seeds may lead nobody to buy.

In conclusion, the argument is not cogent enough to give the prediction. If the author want to demonstrate the future market of his company are really with wide prospect, he should provide evidence that the local people are clearly more desirable to grow vegetables and the suggestion to expand the variety of seeds are effective in attracting the consumers.

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

让自己的作文被改主要有以下几种途径：

1、参与/组建互助小组；

2、主动出击，到别人的习作中改别人的文章，然后留下连接请求回拍，绝大部分情况下版友都会很负责的回拍的；

3、版主会开习作修改铺，满足要求之后版主就会修改你的习作；

4、同主题写作时会规定参与的版友按照一定的回贴顺序进行互改；

5、参加零散版友作文互改
ISSUE https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1118991-1-1.html
ARGUMENT https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1118994-1-1.html

6、坐等别人来拍，由于习作量很大，这种概率很小，所以效率也很低，建议不要采用。

江雪UID: 2790520

请使用正确发帖格式 否则习作贴将会被锁 至于为什么要按照规定的格式发帖,原因有两个.首先大家在论坛里面找习作可以比较方便,但更重要的一点是大家可以使用搜索功能 Issuexx和Argumentxx方便地找到同样主题的习作,这一点是非常重要的.比如这个就是靠论坛的搜索功能给整理出来的. 以前的标题要求在这里发帖格式扫盲 其中有两个要求 1,标题必须以issue/argument开头; 2,数字之后要有一个空格. 这两个要求是为了当时论坛的排序功能而设定的,现在已经没有必要再保留了.格式只需要满足帖子开头提到的两个条件,即显眼而可以搜索到,那就可以.所以最新的标题格式要求只有这么一个:只需要在标题中出现完整的Issuexx或者Argumentxx. 举几个正确的标题格式例子: Issue185 我的第一篇 Issue185我的第一篇 Issue185,我的第一篇 (185之后有没有空格都可以) 我的第一篇Issue185 我的第一篇Issue185,留链不忘返 (Issue185可以出现在标题的任何位置,而不一定必须出现在标题开头) 下面是几个错误的标题格式 Issue_185我的第一篇 (错误原因:Issue和185中间不能有除空格外的符号) I185我的第一篇 Argu224我的第一篇 (错误原因:Issue和Argument不能缩写) 大家看出来了么?只要想想自己是怎么按照标题搜索习作的,就知道自己的习作标题应该用怎么样的格式了:在标题中出现完整的Issue185或者Argument242(完整的2个条件:1,Issue和Argument未被缩写; 2,Issue/Argument和后面的185或242必须连续.数字是我随便选的).

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

先占个楼吧，怎么我决定改的文章都是发帖格式不正确呢？？？这群小朋友啊~
这个是和我预约好让我改的，呵呵。

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.
"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 578
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-7-9 9:17:58
两个证据是并列的，之间无联系à共同支持首句猜想à得出末句措施。
攻击方式/顺序：1.各个击破——每个论据分别不能支持猜想。2.拆解猜想与措施的联系。

The author predicts than Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked for gardeners. To demonstrate his prediction, the author cites a national survey and good sales of a local gardening magazine. [逻辑链没把握好，看我上面的题目分析，你忽略了猜想那一步]However, either the national survey or the good sales of magazine can lead little support to his prediction.
[开头你用了最普遍最最没有效果的模板，还是推荐这个关于开头的（https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=920961&highlight=），或许达不到他讲的那样复杂的开头，但是要向那个靠拢，知道开头应该写什么。]

To begin with, it's unreliable to deduce that local consumers are becoming more interested in growing vegetables themselves from the national survey.[恩，这里把握得挺到位。] First, the definition of”many” is too vague to be meaningful. [这样的句子太空洞，没有任何实质的内容，不建议！]Without any indication of the percentage of consumers who complain about the vegetables, it’s possible that those who are dissatisfied may be only a small part of consumers and therefore their comments are negligible to draw any conclusion.[这个驳斥点抓的不好，many其实属于数据型的驳斥，但是这里驳好像在钻牛角尖。具体看awintro中关于数据的说明，什么地方的数据该驳，什么地方不应该。] Second, even if more and more consumers are really dissatisfied with the vegetables national wide. It is not safe to say that the consumers are interested in growing their own vegetables. [这两句之间衔接的不好，你可以加一句过度性的，比如other ways may work better on solving this problem.]The purpose of crying out may be attracting the managers' attention, so they can improve their services. It’s like that consumers aren't satisfied with some services doesn't mean they want serve themselves.[这句和second后面那句表达了同一个意思，算是无效语句。] Third,[这三个序数词最好用副词形式，firstly/ secondly/ thirdly] the author's assumption that the results of national survey can also manifest the trend of local residents is unwarranted. Perhaps the local residents are very satisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets because the supermarket's supplier is quality guaranteed. [这纯粹是在强词夺理嘛，人家都说了不满意，你非要说可能满意。即便你这么说，也应该给出合理的理由来支持吧。比如，你还记得当年学过的《两小儿辨日》吧，一个说早上太阳离我们近而中午远，他给出了理由说早上的太阳大而中午的小；另一个反驳，理由是早上冷而中午热。你看这就是一个很好的驳斥，如果另一个小孩之间来了句：我就认为说早上远中午近。然后什么话都不说了，你觉得能说服人么？是不是强词夺理呢？呵呵]Thus the national survey cannot demonstrate the author’s assertion that local residents are more and more interested in grow vegetables themselves.
[总体来看，这段的攻击方向把握到了。但是具体给出的理由就很没有说服力了。多想想合理的alternative explans，你想到后结合自己的生活经验，这是你要反驳一个人的观点啊，你要合情合理的嘛。还有就是举反例也可以。这些东西多看范文，你看人家是怎么说的，怎么就让你觉得很有道理，看范文就是看人家的逻辑方式呢~]

The author further assumes that the good sales of gardening magazine can indicate the popularity of residents’ self-growing vegetables. [很好，也把握到了。]However, this may be not the case. It's possible that those who buy the magazine are interested in growing flowers rather than vegetables. Anyway, there is no evidence that the magazine is mainly about vegetables growing. The assumption will be poor-reasoned if there is a little information about how to grow vegetables. Besides, the author doesn't provide any statistics on the specific circulation of the magazine. If the circulation is rather small, the magazine is also possible to be sold out even if there are only a few people who like it. Again, three mouths data may be not sufficient to draw any conclusions from it. Perhaps during the three mouths there appears an influx of tourists who buy the magazine to kill time and hence increase the sales of the magazine. Without ruling out other possible factors which may influence the sales of magazine, the author cannot draw the conclusion that local residents are more likely to buy the magazine, let alone grow vegetables themselves.[这段写的很不错！论述也比较全面，上面的就应该这么来写。]

Suppose that the above evidence can convincingly prove that local people do much prefer to grow vegetables than before, the suggestion that Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked may turn out to be ineffective. The climate in the town may be only suitable for a few certain sorts of vegetables. [这里再展开说说，还可以补充些其他的原因。]So if the owner doesn’t take the viability into account, the decision to expand the variety of seeds may lead nobody to buy.
[这段攻击的关键也把握得不错，只是在展开论述的时候还有待充实。你可以看看你这段的内容，一共三句话，关键的部分只有中间那句The climate…才占那么点儿篇幅，而首尾则不能体现你是说服力。]

In conclusion, the argument is not cogent enough to give the prediction. If the author want to demonstrate the future market of his company are really with wide prospect, he should provide evidence that the local people are clearly more desirable to grow vegetables and the suggestion to expand the variety of seeds are effective in attracting the consumers.[结尾原则上不看]

从整体来看，LZ对文章逻辑结构的把握很到位。要多在论述方面下功夫，毕竟这才是体现你逻辑的地方。语言还比较流畅，注意行文时的表达方式转化，对题目的表达换个方式来说，体现语言的灵活性。再看布局，第二、三段即是我开头分析的“各个击破”，这应该是重点，而且这两个点应该是同等重要的。而第四段可以略微写少点儿，但是要展开充分，不能一语带过。要详略得当，到时候限时练习时就能很快进入状态了。

恩，就是这些，有什么问题再联系我。加油！

费话先生UID: 2788924

抱歉抱歉，我无意犯规，马上改~ 3# 江雪