issue207--欢迎拍文作文修改小组

fchenyanUID: 2804020

TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
WORDS: 476
TIME: 00:50:00
DATE: 2010-07-11 19:52:35

The speaker asserts that without rituals and ceremonies societies or groups of people cannot have a diminished sense of who they are. While I agree that they form a important part of culture, however, nor are rituals and ceremonies the only to preserve cultural identify, nor are the best ways, and sometimes not necessary at all.

I agree with the speaker that rituals and ceremonies help define a culture and preserve the cultural identity. Since a culture is a set of distinctive material, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual features of a social group while rituals and ceremonies are something of culture also the most distinctive parts. Some people suggest that people should pay more attention to them so that people have a diminished sense of who they are, but I do not think that's crucial, may be helpful sometimes.

To some extent, rituals and ceremonies are just symbolical and have not concrete constructive promoting effect to the preservation of cultural identity. To most of us, before we start to travel to some place, we may be interest about rituals and ceremonies there and that is one way to contact distinctive national features. However, some of them are just designed to attract tourists and capitals. I have specially visited the famous Yang's Kite Cultural Village
, what made me sad, I found that there were almost no locals at all and foreigners everywhere while most local people know little about kite culture.

Furthermore, rituals and ceremonies are not needed at all in some particular cases, may become burdens sometimes. Mostly, rituals and ceremonies are ways of celebration and commemoration, will cost a lot of money and energy. There are local lords care little about people's livelihood but are full of enthusiasm about rituals and ceremonies since they take them as achievements of their official career, while culture is not inside their limit of consideration. So when rituals and ceremonies become some people's instrument for private profits, they means nothing but evil.

Meanwhile, rituals and ceremonies are not best ways to preserve the cultural identity. Since culture is everywhere inside a group of people's everyday lives, so several times of rituals and ceremonies cannot take effect to help people learn culture completely. There are several levels of culture,
the material level which means they way people to feed, shelter, and clothes themselves, the social level which gives people a way to organize themselves, the spiritual level
which is the unique way of thinking about beliefs, values and ideals. However, the external preservation of culture can tell little to people. The best ways are inside moments of daily life and every word and action.

In summary, rituals and ceremonies help to preserve cultural identity, but they are not best ways, used improperly, would become a burden of people. They best way is to teach people in moments of daily life.

yaniiUID: 2807225

The speaker asserts that without rituals and ceremonies societies or groups of people cannot have a diminished sense of who they are. While I agree that they form a（an） important part of culture, however,nor（neither） are rituals and ceremonies the only（means） to preserve（provide） cultural identify（用名词结构）, nor are the best ways, and sometimes not necessary at all.（neither rituals and ceremonies are the only means to provide cultural identity, nor are they the best ways to accomplish this, sometimes even unnecessary）.
I agree with the speaker that rituals and ceremonies help define a culture and preserve the cultural identity. Since a culture is a set of distinctive material, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual features of a social group while rituals and ceremonies are something of culture also the most distinctive parts (of that). Some people suggest that people should pay more attention to them so that people have a diminished sense（好像把题意理解反了） of who they are, but I do not think that's crucial, may be helpful（helpless）
sometimes.
To some extent, rituals and ceremonies are just symbolical（symbol） and have not concretely constructive promoting effect to（on） the preservation of cultural identity. To most of us, before we start to travel（at the start of travelling）
to some place, we may be interest about(in) rituals and ceremonies there and that(this) is one(a) way to contact distinctive national features. However, some of them are just designed to attract tourists and capitals. I have specially visited the famous Yang's Kite Cultural Village, what made me sad, （is that） I found that there were almost no locals at all and foreigners everywhere while most local people know little about kite culture.
Furthermore, rituals and ceremonies are not needed at all in some particular cases, (and) may become burdens sometimes. Mostly, rituals and ceremonies are ways of celebration and commemoration, (which) will cost a lot of money and energy. There are local lords (who) care little about people's livelihood but are full of enthusiasm about rituals and ceremonies since they take them as achievements of their official career, while culture is not inside their limit of consideration. So when rituals and ceremonies become some people's instrument for private profits, they means nothing but evil.
Meanwhile, rituals and ceremonies are not (the) best ways to preserve the cultural identity. Since culture is everywhere inside a group of people's everyday lives, so several times of rituals and ceremonies cannot take effect to(不及物动词，have effects on) help people learn culture completely. There are several levels of culture, the material level which means they way people to feed, shelter, and clothes themselves, the social level which gives people a way to organize themselves, the spiritual level which is the unique way of thinking about beliefs, values and ideals. However, the external preservation of culture can tell little to people. The best ways are inside moments of daily life and every word and action.
In summary, rituals and ceremonies help to preserve cultural identity, but they are not best ways, used improperly, would become a burden of people. They best way is to teach people in moments of daily life.
(文化类的题呀，感觉不知怎么破题。。。）
能明白你的意思，rituals and ceremonies 能在一定程度上增强人的集体归属感，但它们毕竟仅仅是文化的表层，而且如果被过分强调的话，会被某些人所利用。

感觉整篇文章对文化只是泛泛而谈，没有抓到核心问题而展开论证，很多时候说理也只游离于表象，没有深入分析。另外论证方法只有说理，适当加一下例证啦，反证啦。。
语言方面，Chinglish有些严重，也有不少语法错误，还需要对自己的语言加强训练。
时间不多了，加油！

fchenyanUID: 2804020

The speaker asserts that without rituals and ceremonies societies or groups of people cannot have a diminished sense of who they are. While I agree that they form a（an） important part of culture, ho ...
yanii 发表于 2010-7-12 06:55

看了你的评论挺不爽的，我的意见用蓝色的字体,你说我Chinglish我很介意，我很不同意你的一些话

本帖最后由 yanii 于 2010-7-12 06:59 编辑 The speaker asserts that without rituals and ceremonies societies or groups of people cannot （have a diminished sense of who they are. While I agree that they form a（an） important part of culture, however,nor（neither）*（这个地方无可厚非吧） are rituals and ceremonies the only（means） to preserve（provide）（你给的这个此很糟糕，我就不说啥了） cultural identify（用名词结构）（这里没有问题，这个结构更没问题，你没见过而已）, nor are the best ways, and sometimes not necessary at all.（neither rituals and ceremonies are the only means to provide cultural identity, nor are they the best ways to accomplish this, sometimes even unnecessary）. I agree with the speaker that rituals and ceremonies help define a culture and preserve the cultural identity. Since a culture is a set of distinctive material, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual features of a social group while rituals and ceremonies are something of culture also the most distinctive parts (of that)（你说的是我省略的，不知道谁的Chin-thinking）. Some people suggest that people should pay more attention to them so that people have a diminished sense（好像把题意理解反了）（我用的很慎重，是你没领会） of who they are, but I do not think that's crucial, may be helpful（helpless）（I mean I do not think that's helpful） sometimes. To some extent, rituals and ceremonies are just symbolical（symbol）（我用形容词有什么不可以？主系表的结构你不会不能理解吧） and have not concretely constructive promoting effect to（on） the preservation of cultural identity. To most of us, before we start to travel（at the start of travelling）（我就不说啥了，只说我的没问题，只当是你的建议） to some place, we may be interest about(in) rituals and ceremonies there and that(this) is one(a) way to contact distinctive national features. However, some of them are just designed to attract tourists and capitals. I have specially visited the famous Yang's Kite Cultural Village, what made me sad, （is that） I found that there were almost no locals at all and foreigners everywhere while most local people know little about kite culture. Furthermore, rituals and ceremonies are not needed at all in some particular cases, (and) may become burdens sometimes. Mostly, rituals and ceremonies are ways of celebration and commemoration, (which) will cost a lot of money and energy. There are local lords (who) care little about people's livelihood but are full of enthusiasm about rituals and ceremonies since they take them as achievements of their official career, while culture is not inside their limit of consideration. So when rituals and ceremonies become some people's instrument for private profits, they means nothing but evil. Meanwhile, rituals and ceremonies are not (the) best ways to preserve the cultural identity. Since culture is everywhere inside a group of people's everyday lives, so several times of rituals and ceremonies cannot take effect to(不及物动词，have effects on) help people learn culture completely. There are several levels of culture, the material level which means they way people to feed, shelter, and clothes themselves, the social level which gives people a way to organize themselves, the spiritual level which is the unique way of thinking about beliefs, values and ideals. However, the external preservation of culture can tell little to people. The best ways are inside moments of daily life and every word and action. In summary, rituals and ceremonies help to preserve cultural identity, but they are not best ways, used improperly, would become a burden of people. They best way is to teach people in moments of daily life. (文化类的题呀，感觉不知怎么破题。。。） 能明白你的意思，rituals and ceremonies 能在一定程度上增强人的集体归属感，但它们毕竟仅仅是文化的表层，而且如果被过分强调的话，会被某些人所利用。 感觉整篇文章对文化只是泛泛而谈，没有抓到核心问题而展开论证，很多时候说理也只游离于表象，没有深入分析。另外论证方法只有说理，适当加一下例证啦，反证啦。。 语言方面，Chinglish有些严重，也有不少语法错误，还需要对自己的语言加强训练。 时间不多了，加油！