Flyer 杀G Issue 88 by Selinashen

selinashenUID: 2736030

TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
WORDS: 561
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-7-1 下午 07:34:35

Taking a time turner to go to your childhood, you would surprisingly find out that life without Internet was not notorious bad, but with the cutting edge technology, your life now would be better. What previously would cost days to receive a letter now could be done by just clicking the mouse, what used to be impossible to track down the president's daily lives now is achievable e if you add him in your facebook. Indeed, technology has influenced our social customs.


The information age, armed with Internet, computer, WiFi, I-pad, has shapened our ways of gathering information, communicating with others and even dating. In this much more fragmented world, what has to become our best companion would be sifted to only few things, and computer would be an indispensable part of it. We have to rely on computer to finish the job, pay the bill, buy the food, and meet my man. If I were in the beginning of 19 century, the time before the first revolution, I had to finish my job by hand, walking to the office to pay the bill, dating my future husband in a ball.

However, in the 21 century, our lives have been subverted by the technology. Previous isolated countries could be connected by airplanes, trades and people. Goods move, people move, idea change. With the help of technology, previously labor work such as cutting trees could be done by machines, and human nowadays can only control the machine with clicks of buttons, which is a much easier job. Consequently, women may no longer stay at home as the housewives but go out and compete with man. After the Second World War, the feminist movement swamped the whole globe. Had women not worked in manufacturing, government, education areas, this movement would have never happened. In this sense, technology indeed influenced social custom, and to some extent, it had a profound influence on social ethics. Every new technology brings new hope to change the world, steam engines helped human to understand the effectiveness and efficiency of manufacturing, as well as the benefits of labor distribution. Internet has made the world much flat, in a way that information is not only shared nationally, but globally. The much more globalized society produced an international more sense, the kind of sense respect every nation’s culture and diversified civilization. Technology has more or less influenced the contemporary ethics.

Nevertheless, the notion that technology actually determines social customs and ethics seems ill-conceived and too generalized. When debating on TV, most of us would familiar with one argument that TV always provide us with the pornography programs, which is very unhealthy to children who are in the informative age. When placing fame and blame to technological devices, there could an veneer image that people wielding those devices have been neglected.

The same logic can apply to this argument. Technology can never determine us, but people who are using those technological devices can,
and to some extent, they can shaped the social customs and ethics to a certain path. During the cultural revolution in China in 1970s, Chinese people had to memorize and apply the theory in the red book, can we blame the book itself. Or could be irrationally criticize that the red books has determine social customs and ethics. Of course, we can not.

Made by human, technology can only be the increment to our lives and social customs. And even social custom itself, can never determined by single factor. Just like culture, one can never determine the culture.

红绡UID: 2839171

1# selinashen
修改------by潇

Taking a time turner(在句酷查到的是：时间转换器Time Turner) to go to your childhood, you would surprisingly find out that life without Internet was not notorious bad, but with the cutting-edge technology, your life now would be better. What previously would cost days to receive a letter now could be done by just clicking the mouse, what used to be impossible to track down the president's daily lives now is achievable if you add him in your Facebook. Indeed, technology has influenced our social customs.


The information age, armed with (including) Internet, computer, WiFi, I-pad, has sharpened (expanded) our ways of gathering information, communicating with others and even dating. In this much more fragmented world, what has to become (has become) our best companion would be sifted to only few things(seems only few things), and computer would be an indispensable part of it(them). We have to rely on computer to finish the job, pay the bill, buy the food, and meet my man(牛！). If I were in the beginning of 19 century, the time before the first revolution, I had to finish my job by hand, walking to the office to pay the bill, dating my future husband in a ball（这个理由缺少支撑力度，外出约会，在舞会上约会是追求不来的浪漫啊……信息时代用这个例子来证明优越性不合适）.

However, in the 21 century, our lives have been subverted (reformed) by the technology. Previous isolated countries (countries far apart from each other) could be connected by airplanes, trades and people. Goods move, people move, idea change. With the help of technology, previously（用形容词） labor work (体力劳动-physical labor/manual work)such as cutting trees could be done by machines, and human nowadays can only control the machine with clicks of buttons(by clicking buttons), which is a much easier job. Consequently, women may no longer stay at home as the housewives but go out and compete with man. After the Second World War, the feminist movement swamped (swept席卷全球更合适) the whole globe. Had women not worked in manufacturing, government, education areas, this movement would have never happened. In this sense, technology indeed influenced social custom, and to some extent, it had a profound influence on social ethics. Every new technology brings new hope to change the world, steam engines helped human to understand the effectiveness and efficiency of manufacturing, as well as the benefits of labor distribution (pronounced division of labor, 与manufacturing并列). Internet has made the world much flat, in a way that information is not only shared nationally, but globally.
The much more globalized society produced an international more sense, the kind of sense respect every nation’s culture and diversified civilization. (With development of globalization, international influences have been much more prominent. Meanwhile, people all over the world advocate an international idea which calls for respect of every nation’s culture and diversified civilization. ) Technology has more or less influenced the contemporary ethics.

Nevertheless, the notion that technology actually determines social customs and ethics seems ill-conceived and too generalized. When debating on TV, most of us would be familiar with one argument that TV always provide us with the pornography programs,(这一特点形容网络还差不多，电视只能说很偶尔才有，用always显然不太合常理) which is very unhealthy to children who are in the informative age.(which is harmful for children’s health when they are so young that they need to gulp down knowledge eagerly.) When placing fame and blame to technological devices, there could a veneer image that people wielding those devices have been neglected.
（when引导时间状语从句，后面怎么跟现在分词形式？？There be 句型错误…并且这句话没理解）

The same logic can apply to this argument. Technology can never determine us, but people who are using those technological devices can, and to some extent, they can shaped（can后用动词原形） the social customs and ethics to a certain path（along a certain path, 同时，人们塑造社会传统和伦理道德？social customs and ethics是时代历史不断积累更迭，顺应社会发展而形成的东西，不能说人类塑造的吧。是否换种准确的表达方式）. During the cultural revolution（首字母大写） in China in 1970s, Chinese people had to memorize and apply（comply with）

the theory in the red book(the Sayings of Chairman Mao), can we blame the book itself. Or could be irrationally criticize that the red books has determine social customs and ethics.(主语呢？) Of course, we cannot.

Made by human, technology can only be the increment to our lives and social customs.(表达有点别扭，) And even social custom itself, can never determined by single factor. Just like culture, one can never determine the culture(最后总结段才提出影响social custom的因素，最好在论述正文段中就加入并深入论证下。).

整体结构基本符合要求，有一些语法错误和用词不准的现象，建议以后用词的时候多方查证再使用，有些句式表达不是很通，建议多看看范文（我也有这个毛病，然后被瓦格纳批的够呛:( ）。

再有就是正文段论证举例，感觉更像是在论述科技给人类工作生活带来的巨大影响，这里就要深究一下你是怎么理解社会传统和伦理道德的了，你的论述给我的感觉就是对于社会传统和伦理道德的理解很模糊。

论点：3.5

论证：3

语言：3

===========平均：3分