【Flyer杀G作文组】07月12日Argument81-By 潇

红绡UID: 2839171

ARGUMENT 81
81. Allergies are an overreaction of the immune system to certain stimuli. One view is that allergies can develop as the result of childhood exposure to certain irritants, such as dust or animal dander, while the immune system is not yet mature. Another view is that exposure to particular bacteria early in childhood actually triggers the proper development of the immune system, and that limiting exposure to these bacteria through excessive hygiene can cause children's immune systems to overreact to certain irritants later on. A new study supports the second view: children who are washed especially frequently and whose parents clean their homes especially frequently are more likely to develop allergies than are other children. So in order to reduce the incidence of allergies in children and adults, parents should not limit children's exposure to irritants or bacteria.
难度：★★★★




The editorial proposes two views about the reason leading to allergies, one of which sustains that allergies can develop as the result of exposure to certain irritants when one was a child with immature immune system, while the other is that children’s immune system under excessive hygiene would overreact to some particular irritants subsequently based on the point that ones can develop the immune system properly when they exposed to particular bacteria in childhood. After that, the author cites one new study supporting the second view to provide a recommendation that parents should not limit children’s exposure to irritants or bacteria to reduce the incidence of allergies in children and adults. However, the statement exposes several flaws that cannot support the editorial’s conclusion.

Firstly, the premise of the conclusion cannot be guaranteed believable, which is that children’s exposure to some irritants or bacteria would definitely decrease the incidence of allergies to the same irritants or bacteria later on. However, we cannot learn any data or study proving this point. Thus, the conclusion will not convince me with a feeble presupposition/precondition.

Secondly, the author provides some unreliable evidences without persuasive. At the beginning, the study has not certify that children developing allergies exposed to fewer bacteria than ones without allergies, because it has no necessary relation with how frequently children are washed or parents clean house that the children contact less bacteria. There are lots of bacteria that cannot be cleaned up just by washing or cleaning house. Moreover, when children go to school or take part in outdoor activities, there can be no doubt that the protection would be ineffective, while close contact with bacteria is ineluctable. So the editorial has to provide more authority study to prove that allergic children touch with fewer bacteria than others.

Thirdly, other study has not verify the immune system of allergic children develops weaker that others’, because it is probable that excessive exposure to certain irritants causes allergies occurring. Thus, the editorial should prevent this possible from disturbing argument’s deducing.

Finally, it is too ridiculous and extreme to sum up this conclusion. Even if the premise comes into existence, it is impossible to expose children to sorts of bacteria or irritants completely. Excessive exposure would make children develop allergies in the early period, moreover, actually children are in the period at which the body attains immaturity, exposing too much to bacteria or irritants would be bound to affect children’s healthy. Based on this perspective, the editorial must modify the conclusion reasonable.

In sum, the editorial has revealed several ungrounded evidences, if the author wants to enhance the conclusion, it is inevitable to offer more study to support precondition that children who are sensitive must contact fewer bacteria than others; meanwhile the author should provide an example with effective measures against bacteria or irritants by contrast; also in the study, the situation of immune system of two groups should be guaranteed to be similar, because based on the same conditions we can distinguish the difference and further analyze the real reason. In addition, the conclusion must be modified reasonable based on effective evidence.

candygegeUID: 2792059

The editorial proposes two views about the reason leading to allergies, one of which sustains that allergies can develop as the result of exposure to certain irritants when one was a child with immature immune system, while the other is that children’s immune system under excessive hygiene would overreact to some particular irritants subsequently based on the point that ones can develop the immune system properly when they exposed to particular bacteria in childhood. After that, the author cites one new study supporting the second view to provide a recommendation that parents should not limit children’s exposure to irritants or bacteria to reduce the incidence of allergies in children and adults. However, the statement exposes several flaws that cannot support the editorial’s conclusion.

Firstly, the premise of the conclusion cannot be guaranteed believable, which is that children’s exposure to some irritants or bacteria would definitely decrease the incidence of allergies to the same irritants or bacteria later on. However, we cannot learn any data or study proving this point. Thus, the conclusion will not convince me with a feeble presupposition/precondition.（我个人觉得TS中的前一部分主要是背景介绍，可以不作为攻击点）

Secondly, the author provides some unreliable evidences without persuasive. At the beginning, the study has not certify that children developing allergies exposed to fewer bacteria than ones without allergies, because it has no necessary relation with how frequently children are washed or parents clean house that the children contact less bacteria. There are lots of bacteria that cannot be cleaned up just by washing or cleaning house. Moreover, when children go to school or take part in outdoor activities, there can be no doubt that the protection would be ineffective, while close contact with bacteria is ineluctable. So the editorial has to provide more authority study to prove that allergic children touch with fewer bacteria than others.攻击研究，感觉还可以展开

Thirdly, other study has not verify the immune system of allergic children develops weaker than others’, because it is probable that excessive exposure to certain irritants causes allergies occurring. Thus, the editorial should prevent this possible from disturbing argument’s deducing.(可以展开)

Finally, it is too ridiculous and extreme to sum up this conclusion. Even if the premise comes into existence, it is impossible to expose children to sorts of bacteria or irritants completely. Excessive exposure would make children develop allergies in the early period, moreover, actually children are in the period at which the body attains immaturity, exposing too much to bacteria or irritants would be bound to affect children’s healthy. Based on this perspective, the editorial must modify the conclusion reasonable.

In sum, the editorial has revealed several ungrounded evidences, if the author wants to enhance the conclusion, it is inevitable to offer more study（studies） to support precondition that children who are sensitive must contact fewer bacteria than others; meanwhile the author should provide an example with effective measures against bacteria or irritants by contrast; also in the study, the situation of immune system of two groups should be guaranteed to be similar, because based on the same conditions we can distinguish the difference and further analyze the real reason. In addition, the conclusion must be modified reasonable based on effective evidence.

总结
开头和结尾的套话较多，中间真正展开驳斥的部分反而成了配角。特别是对“非此即彼”，“研究支持”的驳斥，应该还可以再展开。
另外就是有一些小的语法问题。