argument238——欢迎拍文作文修改小组7.16作业

neverjustUID: 2848024

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 425
TIME: 00:40:00
DATE: 2010-7-16 18:58:59

In this argument, through a comparison about employment situation with Green Mountain College (GMC),the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) concluded that to helping graduates find employment, college have to offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire more job counselors to help students got jobs. But the conclusion was based on some unfairly analyzes.

To begin with, the author ignored the differences between MVC and GMC. Maybe GMC is a more famous college
with mountains of outstanding graduates, and for that reason, they are more likely to be hired by companies. And MVC is a relatively common college, so its students were a little hard to find jobs. Except that, we don't know how many students were graduated from these two colleges individually. It's possible that the quantity of GMC's graduates were much less than MVC's, so though the fraction of who have got jobs from GMC is bigger than that in MVC, but it don't mean MVC's students needs more help on hunting jobs.

Even if the two colleges are neck to neck, and there are more graduates have got jobs in GMC, It doesn't mean that was contributed by more courses and helps from job counselors. The author fails to considered many alternative explanations. Such as, GMC's students may grasp some other skills, or GMC have provided more chances to their students for practicing at actual workplace. Maybe GMC has done more effect on propagating their students to the public. What's more, maybe GMC's students required less for treatment. So the president of MVC should take account more other reason.

Last but not the least. We don't know what kind of jobs those 90 present graduates from GMC get. The fraction of students who got full-time jobs was not showed. And how many of them were employed in their field of study? Without these information, we could not evaluate whether the employment situation of GMC is better than MVC. What's more, there are only 70 percent of MVC seniors informed their work seeking situation. The rest students may all have got satisfied jobs already. So, maybe MVC's graduates' jobs are better than GMC's.

To sum up, this argument suffered from several flaws. To strengthen it, the author should provide more information of the two colleges. And consider the real reasons that played important roles on helping GMC’s students got jobs. In addition, the author should also count all the job graduates got of 2 colleges. After analyze all these things, make a wise decision to help students on employment then.

短发mmUID: 2840480

1# neverjust
In this argument, through a comparison about employment situation with Green Mountain College (GMC),the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) concluded that to helping graduates find employment, college have to offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire more job counselors to help students got jobs. But the conclusion was based on some unfairly analyzes. (Head is too tedious.)

To begin with, the author ignored the differences between MVC and GMC. Maybe GMC is a more famous college with mountains(large mounts) of outstanding graduates, and for that reason, they are more likely to be hired by companies. And MVC is a relatively common college, so its students were a little hard to find jobs. Except that, we don't know how many students were graduated from these two colleges individually. It's possible that the quantity of GMC's graduates were much less than MVC's, so though the fraction of who have got jobs from GMC is bigger than that in MVC, but it don't(does not) mean (that) MVC's students needs more help on hunting jobs.

Even if the two colleges are neck to neck(这个用法我没有查到,similar?), and there are more graduates have(这个应该不是做宾语就是做修饰成分,注意用法) got jobs in GMC, It doesn't mean that (+it) was contributed by more courses and helps from job counselors. The author fails to considered many alternative explanations. Such as, GMC's students may grasp some other skills, or GMC have provided more chances to their students for practicing at actual workplace. Maybe GMC has done more effect on propagating their students to the public. What's more, maybe GMC's students required less for treatment. So the president of MVC should take account more other reason.

Last but not the least. We don't know what kind of jobs those 90 present graduates from GMC get. The fraction of students who got full-time jobs was not showed. And how many of them were employed in their field of study? Without these information, we could not evaluate whether the employment situation of GMC is better than MVC. What's more, there are only 70 percent of MVC seniors informed their work seeking situation. The rest students may all have got satisfied jobs already. So, maybe MVC's graduates' jobs are better than GMC's.(这点我没有想到啊,我想到不同时间的类比没有想到好坏程度的类比,但是我有个疑问,他的conclusion不是说help seek the job没有说hunt for the type of employment,不解.)

To sum up, this argument suffered from several flaws. To strengthen it, the author should provide more information of the two colleges. And consider the real reasons that played important roles on helping GMC’s students got jobs. In addition, the author should also count all the job graduates got of 2 colleges. After analyze all these things, make a wise decision to help students on employment then.(套话了没什么可改的)

neverjustUID: 2848024

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