Argument238

短发mmUID: 2840480

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 389
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/7/16 20:49:28

This argument is well-presented but poor-logical. With some logical flaws, the argument can not make me convince.
To begin with, the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) thought that it is the lack of business and computer technology courses plus the lack of job counselors that the employment chances became less. That is to say, the president illustrated the relationship between the lack of those factors and unsatisfied rate of employment is a cause-and-effect bonding which seems to be ridiculous. There is no evidence to show that hiring more additional job counselors and offering more courses in business and computer technology can help students in Mira Vista College find employment. Maybe the cost of those factors is too big to hold and with considering the pay and the repay, it is unnecessary. Or maybe offering courses cause the bad feeling of their students and let them raise the fear of seeking employment.
In addition, the president of Mira Vista College said 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers at nearby Green Mountain College (GMC), due to more business courses and more job counselors. But it is presumptuous to judge the reason of high rate of employment according to the mere fact. Many factors can promote the rate of employment such as the personality of the students themselves or the relationship between college and company. Maybe the students in GMC are with higher morality than the students in MVC who are more popular for the employers. Or perhaps GMC is more famous than MVC, so many companies prefer to hunting for their stuff in it.
What's more, 90 percent of graduating seniors finding jobs in one year versus 70 percent of the seniors finding jobs within 3 months, we also can say that the later is much better than the former. So it is unreasonable to ignore the time. In other words, that is to say: This argument is a false analogy between one year and three months which can lead the wrong data. And even it is like what was described by the arguer, the form of informing data is doubtable. Maybe using wrong statistic methods misled us. That’s all possible.
In the end, without much more convincing researches and facts I can not agree with the advice of the president of MVC.

neverjustUID: 2848024

1# 短发mm


This argument is well-presented but poor-logical. With some logical flaws, the argument can not make me convince（个人觉得convince me比较好）.

To begin with, the president of Mira Vista College (MVC) thought that it is the lack of business and computer technology courses plus the lack of（感觉有点重复，直接把它变成and，就可以，如果你想换种说法，就不要再用lack。） job counselors that the employment chances became less. That is to say, the president illustrated the relationship between the lack of those factors and unsatisfied rate of employment is a cause-and-effect bonding which seems to be ridiculous（看到这句，我觉得你前面那句可以完全删掉了，因为两句重复了，有点来回画圈的感觉。。。直接说，the president thought that ……blabla ……which is ridiculous就可以了）. There is no evidence to show that hiring more additional job counselors and offering more courses in business and computer technology can help students in Mira Vista College find employment（展开的不够）. Maybe the cost of those factors is too big to hold and with considering the pay and the repay, it is unnecessary（无关条件，从校长的语气看，学校不在乎多花钱。如果多花钱能使就业率上去，他们愿意。）. Or maybe offering courses cause the bad feeling of their students and let them raise the fear of seeking employment.

In addition, the president of Mira Vista College said 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers at nearby Green Mountain College (GMC), due to more business courses and more job counselors. But it is presumptuous to judge the reason of high rate of employment according to the mere fact. Many factors can promote the rate of employment such as the personality of the students themselves or（个人认为用and比较好，such as。。。and是常用用法，such as 好像很少和or连用，也不是不可以，就是有点奇怪。） the relationship between college and company. Maybe the students in GMC are with higher morality than the students in MVC who are more popular for the employers. Or perhaps GMC is more famous than MVC, so many companies prefer to hunting for their stuff in it.（很关键的论点！前一句说morality的可以作为这个论点的论据）

What's more, 90 percent of graduating seniors finding jobs in one year versus 70 percent of the seniors finding jobs within 3 months, we also can say that the later is much better than the former. So it is unreasonable to ignore the time. In other words, that is to say: This argument is a false analogy between one year and three months which can lead the wrong data. And even it is like what was described by the arguer, the form of informing data is doubtable. Maybe using wrong statistic methods misled us. That’s all possible. （可以攻击时间问题，但是时间问题不是最主要的，你可以说那90百仙的人也不一定是全职，也一定是本专业啊，工作满意度不一定好啊，待遇不一定好啊等等可以说的很多）

In the end, without much more convincing researches and facts I can not agree with the advice of the president of MVC.

个人认为你还应该多写一点提纲，多斟酌一下论点的展开

短发mmUID: 2840480

2# neverjust
提供一份牛人提纲:
238.
1比较不完全。不能说明M比G差。
2没有证据证明G的商业课程和顾问与就业率的联系。
3没有指出M就业面临的问题，不能盲目模仿。

然后针对你提出的问题,我想做个辩解:
首先关于缺少动词问题,请注意我的句型是it is ...... that不存在你所说的缺少动词问题。
其次关于你说的我第二段的论点问题，我想说我的论点是很多因素可以导致这个结果，我把famous college 作为因素的一部分不作为主要论点提及，我觉得原因很多，或者名校效应或者高素质人才，都是用人单位选人的因素，如果只拿名校效应作为论点感觉有点狭隘。
关于提纲问题，我觉得既是列得再多考场还是没有时间打完，那还不如列出主要问题。
谢谢建议

neverjustUID: 2848024

哦，你用的是强调句。没问题。是我眼花了。。已经把那个删掉了。
我的观点仅作参考。言之成理即可
另：我昨天看错顺序。。。应该是我帮小y修改。。。小y帮你修改，你可以继续联系小y

短发mmUID: 2840480

4# neverjust
没事,我感觉给别人改收获比较大