ISSUE130 超级菜鸟求狂拍。。。别留情。。

ihotdogUID: 2774452

ISSUE130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.


words:508
Do the destiny of society hinges upon how children are socialized? Do we really don't know how to raise children to bring us a better society? I tend to not agree with the arguer. I concede that socialization is of course can help a n individual do better in society, however I don't think it is the most important thing for people to build better society. Even it is I still think that our education system knows how to socialize our children.

I commit that a well socialized child will often make more contribution to our society than a child who not be socialized so well. Children who are socialized will know how to communicate with others, how to work with others. So that when they have some ideas, they will know how to let others know what they are thinking about .People would like to work with them. People always call them 'nice guy' because people who work with them, talk with them, live with them will feel happy and comfortable. So if the 'nice guy' can do something to improve the society everyone would like to help him/her.

However, in my view, socialization is not the most important thing of an individual to determine the destiny of society. Normally a 'nice guy' with normal intelligence can only make several people feel happy, it’s hard for them to change the situation of society .Obviously, so many great academic physical scientists such as Einstein, Sheldon and Stephen Hawking are socialized not very well. Einstein always did something very stupid which every normal person will hard to understand. Sheldon have so many unbelievable customs in live which make him looked like a freak. Hawking even lose the ability of speaking. But indeed they are the greatest scientists and all improve the development of our society. So in my point of view, individual with high intelligence, good skills, knowledge, optimistic attitude will do more to help bring about a better society.

What’s more, it’s not fair for the arguer to claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. After hundreds of years’ developing, contemporary education system certainly know about how to raise children as individuals who are needed to make the society better. As children study in school, teachers not only teach them about the most important knowledge but also many other important ability or character in school life. Such as the ability of communicate with others, the skill of treat people, the character of be honest and to differentiate between good things and bad things. Children are socialized during the school life gradually.

In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the key determinant is not socialization but rather some other factor----such as raw intelligence, character or personal conviction. And I am apt to said that we know how to raise children and how to socialize them. Then I fundamentally disagree with both aspects of the speaker's dual claim.

ihotdogUID: 2774452

来个大神帮忙改改吧。。谢了

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

‘I tend to not agree with the arguer’，不是argument,是issue.
Einstein always did something very stupid which every normal person will hard to understand. Sheldon have so many unbelievable customs in live which make him looked like a freak. ,请举例子具体说明。
倒数第二段还可以，论据不错
句子间的逻辑关系和语言的准确性还需改进，观点的表达和论据一定要明确和具体

ihotdogUID: 2774452

4# 任教女孩
QQ 33387511

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

加我？其实我文章写得也一般，可能看英文的东西比较多，对别人的文章比较挑剔

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

ISSUE130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
Do the destiny of society hinges upon how children are socialized? Do we really don't know how to raise children to bring us a better society? I tend to not agree with the arguer. I concede (In my view)that socialization is of course can help an individual do(live)
better in society, however I don't think it is( it is not) the most important thing(decisive element) for people to build (a) better society. Even it is (,) I still think that our education system knows how to socialize our children.I commit that a well socialized child will often make more contribution to our society than a child who not be socialized so well(删除). Children who are socialized will know how to communicate with others, how to work with others. So that when they have some ideas, they will know how to let others know what they are thinking about（communicate with others and express their ideas）.
(then)People would like to work with them（删除）. People always call them 'nice guy' because people who work with them, talk with them, live with them will feel happy and comfortable. So if the 'nice guy' can do something to improve the society everyone would like to help him/her.
However, in my view, socialization is not the most important thing of an individual to determine the destiny of society. Normally a 'nice guy' with normal intelligence can only make several people feel happy, it’s hard for them to change the situation of society .Obviously, so many great academic （and） physical scientists such as Einstein, Sheldon and Stephen Hawking are socialized not very well. Einstein always did something very stupid which every normal person will hard to understand. Sheldon have so many unbelievable customs in live（life） which make him looked like a freak. Hawking even lose the ability of speaking.（霍金的例子缺乏说服性） But indeed they are the greatest scientists and all improve the development of our society（science）. So in my point of view, individual with high intelligence, good skills, knowledge, optimistic attitude will do more to help bring about a better society.
(感觉这一段的叙述陷入另一种绝对判断， 要改一下，不能太绝对。)
What’s more, it’s not fair for the arguer to claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. After hundreds of years’ developing, contemporary education system certainly know about how to raise children as individuals who are needed（ready）
to make the society better. As children study in school, teachers not only teach them about the most important knowledge but also many other important ability or character in school life（删除）. Such as the ability of communicate with others, the skill of treat people, the character of be honest and to differentiate between good things and bad things. Children are socialized during the school life gradually.（感觉再写一点关于学习与社会建设的会更好）
In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the key determinant is not socialization but rather some other factor----such as raw intelligence, character or personal conviction. And I am apt to say that we know how to raise children and how to socialize them. Then I fundamentally disagree with both aspects of the speaker's dual claim.（总结写的不太好，有些小矛盾，前面说社会化不很重要，我们教育的时候就没必要在强调社会化了，可以强调培养学生的学习能力，解决问题的能力，创新能力， logical and reasoning ability）
1# ihotdog