ISSUE-124：个人习作请教各位兄弟姐妹

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

TOPIC: ISSUE124 - "Instant foods, instant communication, faster transportation-all of these recent developments are designed to save time. Ironically, though, instead of making more leisure time available, these developments have contributed to a pace of human affairs that is more rushed and more frantic than ever before."
WORDS: 543
TIME: 00:50:29
DATE: 2010-7-19 19:14:12

The statement asserts that the development of the science and technology don't make our lives more leisure time, on the contrary it leads the pace of society more rushed and more frantic. However, in my view, it is not the science and technology that hasten the pace of society, it it the people themselves do that.

Admittedly, faced the ruthless and relentless competition, if you want to earn money and live better than others, you need to catch up the pace of the society. As the development of science and technology, people need to keep pace with the times, and then we need to learn more new knowledge and work more to satisfy by the leaders. In the same time, there are more educated people enter the job market, while, in the advanced companies, they need less forces. And this aggravates the press on the employers. In my observation, the instant foods, instant communication, faster transportation- all of these are convenient the employers to work more, not to relax more.

However, we should know that, it is not the development of the society that impel you to live more rushed, it is yourself want to live better than other and get more do this. Think that, is you just satisfy with you now life and learn what you like and do what you want to do, may be the life is not so bright as others' ones, yet you can have more time to live. For example, a rich man bask on the beach, he find a
fisherman basking after catch one net of fish, and then suggests the fisherman to get more and earn more money, the fisher ask: after earn enough money what should I do? The rich man said: then you can bask on the beach like this. The fisher said: I still can bask on the beach after get one net of fish. The lust makes us feel tired, not the science.

Moreover, today people are want to get more and make our society fulfilled tension atmosphere, and most of us live very tired. In China, now, if you want to live in a big city, you must work from day to night to buy a house and foster children and old parents. And in the real world, after have a house, you may want to buy a personal automobile, and then may be big house and more deposit. Especially in China, people like to save money for their next generation. Then there is no end for this event. For these reason, some people believe that the development of society make us more tired and more burdens. Yet, we can change our sight to look our lives, why there are many people that live in very poor situation and still can dance every night to celebrate the good life. We should remember that the total live level is better than any time before. We need to enjoy it.

In sum, I believe that we need to change our mind about life and enjoy life, for the lust is an abyss and it will never content. Then we will find the development of society is not the beast that hastens us to catch up with the pace of times.

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

占楼，晚些来改
The statement asserts that the development of the science and technology don't(fails to) make our lives more leisure time, on the contrary it leads to the pace of society more rushed and more frantic. However, in my view, it is not the science and technology that hasten the pace of society, it is the people themselves do that. 太口语化。这句用强调句式比较好
Admittedly, faced with the ruthless and relentless competition, if you want to earn money and live better than others, you need to catch up with the pace of the society. As the development of science and technology, people need to keep pace with the times, and then we need to learn more new knowledge and work more to satisfy by the leaders.
不懂。中间那个MORE是啥意思？In the same time, there are more educated people enter the job market, while, in the advanced companies, they need less forces.（劳动力用labor） And this aggravates the press on the employers. In my observation, the instant foods, instant communication, faster transportation- all of these are convenient to the employers to work more, not to relax more.
However, we should know that, it is not the development of the society that impel you to live more rushed, it is yourself who want to live better than others and get more to do this.口语化 Think that, is you just satisfy with you now life and learn what you like and do what you want to do, may be the life is not so bright as others' ones, yet you can have more time to live. For example, a rich man bask on the beach, he find a
fisherman basking after catch one net of fish, and then suggests the fisherman to get more and earn more money, the fisher ask: after earn enough money what should I do? The rich man said: then you can bask on the beach like this. The fisher said: I still can bask on the beach after get one net of fish. The lust makes us feel tired, not the science.
Moreover, today people are want to get more and make our society fulfilled tension atmosphere, and most of us live very tired. In China, now, if you want to live in a big city, you must work from day to night to buy a house and foster children and old parents. And in the real world, after have a house, you may want to buy a personal automobile, and then may be big house and more deposit. Especially in China, people like to save money for their next generation. Then there is no end for this event. For these reason, some people believe that the development of society make us more tired and more burdens. Yet, we can change our sight to look our lives, why there are many people that live in very poor situation and still can dance every night to celebrate the good life. We should remember that the total live level is better than any time before. We need to enjoy it.
这段到底想表达什么意思？？欲望太多还是生活太好了？？
In sum, I believe that we need to change our mind about life and enjoy life, for the lust is an abyss and it will never content. Then we will find the development of society is not the beast that hastens us to catch up with the pace of times.

语言有点简单和口语化了，缺少长句。语法错误比较多，后面就没有细看。建议多背一些范文，模仿一下他们的表达方法。
总的来说，这篇文章写的太过随兴，没有逻辑性。结构也比较混乱，想到哪里说到哪里，还没有达到issue的要求。可能楼主刚开始练习，还没有完全入门。建议多看看版里的关于怎样写issue的贴子，希望对你的写作有所帮助。